Chapter Twenty-Four
Chloe
I make it to the Galveston Seawall in record time. Thankfully since it’s the middle of the week, I don’t have to contend with zillions of people. I check into the Seaside Inn and get one of their rooms on the 2 nd floor, room 208. Each room has a set of chairs sitting outside the door so you can sit outside on the front balcony and watch the ocean or should I say, the Gulf of Mexico.
After changing into my swimsuit top and shorts, I sit there on the bed staring at my phone. I want to turn it on so badly, but I’m a coward. I don’t know if I will be able to listen to Madison’s recriminations, Connor cursing me out, and I don’t even what to imagine what Jayson will have to say. Or maybe he won’t say anything at all.
My stomach lurches painfully when I think of the look on his face as I so hurtfully told him he meant nothing to me. A part of me hoped he wouldn’t believe me and would call me out on it. And then to make matters worse, I didn’t just hurt him, I stabbed him in the heart and twisted the knife.
As I was saying it, I was questioning whether I was doing the right thing. I know I talked a big game to Madison and even to myself, but deep down, I wanted to beg for his forgiveness. When I saw his shoulders shaking, I almost gave in, if it hadn’t been for Connor being there, I might have. Speaking of Connor, even if by some miracle Jayson ever thought about forgiving me, I know Connor never will.
Why am I even thinking about whether he will forgive me or not? I just gutted the man in his own home. Right now, he’s probably already gone back to Alyssa. And who could blame him. The more I have these thoughts, the sicker I become. I keep looking at my phone and with a sigh, I turn it on. Before it boots up all the way, text notifications are flying and my voicemail tone is ringing nonstop. I swear I’m a masochist because I open up the first text message and it’s from Madison:
Madison: Where the hell are you?
Madison: Chloe, turn your damn phone on.
Madison: You’re really pissing me off beyond belief and I didn’t think it was possible for
me to be more pissed at you.
Madison: How long are you going to hide?
Madison: I hope you’re ok. You’re scaring me. Please text me back and let me know
you’re ok.
Madison: When did you become so selfish? I would never do this to you.
Madison: I just heard from Connor…in case you care, Jayson is drinking himself into a
stupor.
I am so conflicted. I don’t know whether to contact her or not. Actually, I know I should at least let her know I’m ok.
Chloe: I just now got all of your messages…my phone was off. I’m ok. I just needed to get away for a while.
Madison: Where are you?
Chloe: I would rather not say.
Madison: Why the hell not? If you think it’s because Jayson is going to come and look
for you, you don’t have to worry about that. Even if I know where you are, I wouldn’t
tell him.
Chloe: Thank you. I’m in Galveston.
Madison: No need to thank me…the last thing that he needs to see or hear is from you.
Chloe: You’re right.
Madison: No, Chloe, you don’t get to play the sad card. You have annihilated that man.
All I want to know is that you are in a safe place. I care about you, but I really don’t like
you right now.
Madison: I expect you to keep your phone on. Don’t make me chase your ass to
Galveston; I have an exam to study for.
Chloe: Ok
After that barrage of messages, there isn’t much left to say to each other. I notice my voicemail indicator is blinking. I look through my Visual Voicemail and most of them are from Madison, but one is from Jayson. I don’t know if I can make myself listen to it. But, I do, because even if it’s him telling me how much he hates me, I want to hear his voice one more time.
I click the play button on Jayson’s voicemail and his beautiful voice surrounds me. “So, it’s me. You know, the cheap fuck. I don’t know why I’m calling you. I just want you to know that I still love you, but I hate you even more. I hope you find what you’re looking for in life. Obviously, it isn’t me. Goodbye, Chloe.”
With that message, something in me shatters. I finally realize what I have lost due to my own refusal of dealing with my past issues. What seemed like the right thing to do this morning to protect Jayson now seems so monumentally stupid. If I had only listened to Madison and gotten help, talked to Jayson about my past, or even acknowledged it to myself, I would be somewhere else right now. Maybe in Jayson’s arms. When I think of never being there again, I cry until I have no voice left.