14. Gwen
GWEN
T his time, Gwen didn’t return straight to her room. She couldn’t bear to be shut up in there for endless more hours, just waiting. But neither did she want to endanger the servants by seeking them out. Which left her once again alone, walking the corridors she had roamed so often.
But these weren’t just halls she had once walked alone. They were also the play spaces where she had run with Easton, and she chose to think of him as she walked instead of dwelling on the painful, solitary years. Without him and Nanny, her life would have been only one long stretch of bleak darkness. The two of them had saved her, and now she was choosing to return to the Gwen they had helped form. The Gwen she wanted to be.
When her steps finally circled back to her room, she slipped inside with a soft sigh. She couldn’t avoid the mess she’d made forever.
The chaos assaulted her vision, distracting her enough that she missed the flash of motion from one side. A hand clamped over her mouth, stifling her scream, and a strong arm circled her shoulders, pulling her firmly back against a solid chest.
She thrashed, trying to maneuver her teeth for a bite until the words in her ear permeated her brain.
“Gwen! Gwen! It’s me. It’s Easton.”
She stilled instantly. Easton? Was it possible? She had spent half the day dreaming of him, so was it possible she was dreaming this too?
But she could feel the solid warmth of him, goosebumps rising where his breath brushed behind her ear. He was real. He was there.
She slumped in the circle of his arm, her eyes welling with tears. Easton immediately dropped his arm, instead taking her shoulders and spinning her so he could see her face.
“Gwen?” His voice was rough and his face drawn. “What is it? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
She managed a tremulous smile, drinking in the sight of him. His face was somehow afraid, angry, and achingly beautiful all at the same time. She had never seen such a welcome sight.
“I’m sorry,” she managed to choke out. “I’m fine. Really. Just glad to see you.”
Easton glanced around the room, his eyes coming back to hers. “I didn’t dare wander the palace looking for you, but when I saw what had happened here…” He shuddered. “I’ve been going out of my mind waiting in this room!” He pointed at one of the walls. “Those are claw marks, Gwen! Don’t try to claim they aren’t.”
Gwen bit her lip guiltily. “That was me. In a fit of…defiance? Rejection of my past? It wasn’t exactly rage, but…” She shrugged.
Easton finally let go of her shoulders, falling back a step and laughing. “It was you? You did this?” He looked at the mess with new eyes, his lips twitching. “I approve. I just wish I’d been here to join in. I always hated this room. I hated the thought of you stuck in here all the time.”
Gwen smiled. “But it brought you to me today. You knew where to find me.” Her smile fell away as reality intruded. “But what are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here!”
Easton swallowed, the light dimming from his eyes. “I had to see you. There’s something I have to tell you.”
Gwen’s heart seized. Was he here to tell her that being king was a burden too heavy for him to accept? Was he going to say he was pulling out of the plan?
He stepped forward and took both her hands in a gentle grip. She wanted to prod him to hurry up and say what he was going to say, while at the same time she wanted to beg him not to say it.
When he hesitated, she nearly pulled her hands away, unable to bear the tension. But he gave her fingers a squeeze, and her heart calmed. Easton of all people wouldn’t desert her. Somehow they would find their way through this—whatever it was.
“Ten years ago, I made a horrible mistake,” he said. “I learned something about the queen—about you—and I went to her to confront her instead of coming to you. I’ve regretted it ever since.”
“You said that back in Ranost,” Gwen said, frowning. “Surely you don’t think I blame you for that?”
He let one of her hands go, raking his fingers through his hair. “When I said that in Ranost I thought—I assumed—you’d discovered the same truth I discovered ten years ago. But I just learned from Charlotte that you probably don’t know it after all.” He swallowed. “I couldn’t leave you here believing a lie. After everything that woman has done to you, I couldn’t leave you even the tiniest bit more vulnerable to her.”
Gwen frowned, utterly lost. “What are you talking about? What did you find out ten years ago?”
“She isn’t your mother.” Easton spat out the bald words. “Celandine is your stepmother, not your birth mother. It’s just another one of the secrets she forced the court to keep from you.”
Gwen’s mouth dropped open. “What are you talking about? Are you saying I’m not really the princess?”
“What? No!” He groaned. “I’m fumbling this. Your parents were king and queen when you were born, but your mother died in childbirth. Celandine was King Isander’s second wife.”
“I…” Gwen’s head spun. “I don’t…”
She staggered and Easton rushed to right a toppled chair for her. Its upholstery was torn, but Gwen sank onto it anyway, raising a hand to her head.
“Celandine is my stepmother.” She said the words slowly, like she was trying to absorb them. “My father’s second wife.” She looked up at Easton, lost. “Why would she lie about something like that?”
He shrugged uneasily. “To ensure your loyalty maybe? She’s obsessed with loyalty.”
“Is that why she didn’t come with us to the lodge?” she muttered. “Did my father leave her back at the castle because she wasn’t my real mother?”
“What?” Easton frowned at her.
It was her turn to shrug. “It’s a little thing, really, but I always wondered. I don’t have any memories of my father before his final illness—I was too young. I don’t remember anything from before that at all. My earliest memories are of that trip to the lodge, so I’ve thought of it often since. I remember his death so clearly. I guess it’s the sort of thing that sticks with you.” She shivered.
Easton didn’t say anything, his expression turned soft and compassionate, so she kept talking. “I was so excited to be by myself with him, but at the same time I was terrified because I somehow knew he was going to leave me. I don’t think anyone had told me directly, but I knew. When he died, I cried and cried. I thought I was going to be left all alone in the world. I can still remember the relief when Celandine walked into the room and picked me up.”
She scrubbed a hand over her eyes. “She used to get so angry when I tried to bring up that time and those memories, so I quickly stopped talking about it altogether. But I always thought it was a little strange. I remember the relief of her arrival so vividly, but it wasn’t attached to any feelings of love. I wasn’t glad to see her specifically, I was just glad someone was there.” Her voice dropped. “I thought there must be something broken inside me because what sort of small child doesn’t love their mother? I tried so hard to find memories of her from before the lodge trip, sure I would feel the love in those, but I could never recall anything from before. And all the time, I wondered why she wasn’t on the trip with us. If she had been, I would have remembered her, and that meant so much to me—to remember my mother from before.”
She sighed. “I have this memory of Count Oswin—a much younger version of him—telling me how much my father wanted to spend time just with me. It made me feel so guilty. I was the reason my mother missed out on my father’s final weeks. And I always wondered if maybe I’d been the one to insist she didn’t come—because I didn’t love her the way I loved my father. Maybe that’s why she’s always been so cold toward me ever since.”
“I remember how hard you tried to love her when you were a child.” Easton stared at her. “I couldn’t understand it given the way she treated you. Is that why?”
Gwen nodded. “But this information changes those memories completely. The love wasn’t there because I didn’t even know Celandine. She wasn’t my mother, she was almost a stranger!” Her brow creased. “But when did she marry my father? They must have been newlyweds. How could he have left her behind?”
“Your memories must be mixed up,” Easton said. “Celandine was there at the lodge—that’s where you both met her. They were married at the lodge only a week or so before King Isander’s death.”
Gwen stared at him, fresh shock washing through her. “Are you saying she wasn’t part of the court?”
“Apparently not. My parents said they’d never heard of her before she appeared after the king’s death with you in tow.”
Gwen swallowed, her mind whirring. “She appeared at court and claimed to have married my father on his deathbed and everyone just believed her ?” Her voice rose at the final words, and concern sprang into Easton’s eyes.
Gwen leaped to her feet. She was shaking again, but she no longer felt weak. Instead, she blazed with fury.
“She had their marriage certificate and all the relevant papers,” Easton said uneasily. “And while there were minimal servants and guards at the lodge—that’s its purpose—the ones who were there all backed up her story. The count said…” He trailed off, brows lowering further and further as he watched her face.
“I told you I have no memories of court from before my father’s death,” Gwen said slowly and carefully, “but I clearly remember the weeks at the lodge. I’ve gone over and over those memories a thousand times in the years since. My father was desperate to spend every minute with me. He had a little bed set up by the window of his room so we never had to be parted. I was with him every moment, except when his manservant was helping him wash. And I never saw Celandine until she walked into the room after his death .” She enunciated each word of her final sentence carefully and clearly.
“Are you saying…” Easton began, and Gwen finished for him.
“If Celandine didn’t marry my father before we went to the lodge, she never married him at all.”
Easton fell back several steps, his face paling. “So it’s…all a lie? The whole thing? Not just being your birth mother but being the queen? Everything!”
Fresh fury ripped through Gwen. “No wonder she wouldn’t let me talk about my father’s final weeks and refused to ever take us back to the lodge! And no wonder she had everyone lie to me. She must have been terrified about what I might say. She must have either bought off the servants and guards at the lodge or used an object to enchant them, but I was the one witness she couldn’t buy.”
“So instead she tried to undermine, silence, and manipulate you.” Easton’s fury now matched her own. “If only we’d had this conversation ten years ago. We could have confronted her together in front of the court and—”
Gwen suddenly deflated, the righteous anger draining out of her. “And what? You said she has papers and witnesses and what do I have? I have no proof.”
“But still! How could she—”
Gwen took his hands, silencing him. “Thank you,” she said simply. “Thank you for coming here. Thank you for understanding how important the truth would be to me. You don’t know how much it means to me that you came despite the risks. That woman has never been a nurturer to me, and so I’ve been trying to cut the remaining ties in my mind, trying not to think of her as my mother, but…” She sighed. “It’s been hard. I’m fighting so many years of ingrained habits. But now I know it’s not only her treatment of me that disqualifies her. She’s not my birth mother either, and nor is she even my stepmother. She’s literally just a usurper who has spent twenty years stealing the people, relationships, and position that should have been mine.”
“Gwen…” Easton looked down into her face, his eyes growing warm. “I—”
Gwen’s hand flew to his mouth, silencing him as her eyes grew wide.
“Did you hear that?” she whispered, glancing around frantically for somewhere to hide. “There was a step!”
The door handle rattled, and her heart stopped. Pushing Easton violently to the floor, she scooped up a long, torn curtain and flung it over him. She had just pulled the corner over his left boot when the door was pushed open.
She straightened and spun toward the new arrival, hoping it was Alma or Miriam.
It wasn’t.