15. Gwen
GWEN
Q ueen Celandine—the usurper—strode into the room and faltered. Her eyes widened as she surveyed the chaos. Gratitude flooded Gwen that she had so effectively destroyed her room. She could never have hidden Easton in time otherwise.
And the physical evidence of her defiance no longer mattered. Given what she had just learned, there was no way she could have faked her old self and called Celandine mother. She could barely even look at her.
“What happened here?” Celandine stared from the mess to Gwen.
Gwen shrugged. “I did some redecorating.”
“ Redecorating ?” Celandine’s eyes narrowed. “Are you trying to tell me something, Gwendolyn?” she hissed.
Gwen met her eyes steadily. “I suppose I am. I’m telling you I don’t want any of this from you. All I want is my throne.”
Celandine’s nostrils flared, but for once she didn’t have a ready quip.
“I’ll go ahead with this wedding you have planned,” Gwen continued, “and then I’ll take the throne that is owed me.” She paused and smiled sweetly. “Unless you think the wedding isn’t such a good idea after all?”
Celandine let out a heavy breath. “Is that what this is about? You think if you throw a tantrum, I’ll cancel the wedding? Do you really have so little ambition? Arcadia could soon be yours, and the rest of the Four Kingdoms after it.”
“Don’t you mean yours?” Gwen asked. “The Four Kingdoms will be yours. Why would I want that?”
Celandine threw her eyes toward the ceiling. “You’ll be the one sitting on the throne with every luxury you can ask for! Don’t talk as if I’m planning to lock you in a dungeon.”
She looked ready to do just that, so Gwen moderated her tone, aware that she was not only walking a fine line, but that Easton was one wrong step away from discovery. She needed to get Celandine out of her room.
“And why should I believe that?” Gwen asked. “I’m twenty-three, and so far you’ve done nothing but talk about me sitting on the throne one day.”
Celandine relaxed the slightest bit, and Gwen felt a surge of satisfaction from knowing she had said the right thing.
“This time is different, my dear,” the queen said. “I held off in the past only because I was waiting for the perfect moment. And that perfect moment has now arrived. You will free our people and then lead them to their glorious future. No one will dare challenge us then.”
Her eyes lit with fervor, and Gwen felt an unfamiliar pang of sympathy for her. Celandine was broken in ways Gwen hadn’t been able to recognize as a child. And although they had lived side by side for twenty years, Gwen would probably never know what pain from her past had broken her.
But that new awareness changed nothing. Celandine had destroyed countless lives, and there was no place for her in the mountain kingdom. A deep weariness gripped Gwen. She wished it could have been different—that Celandine could have broken the cycle of pain instead of inflicting it on Gwen. But all Gwen could do was resolve that she would be the one to forge a different future. If she was blessed with children one day, she would make sure they knew every day that they were loved and valued.
“Fine,” she said, injecting the word with the youthful petulance she had never dared show in her younger years. “But if you’re not true to your word this time, you won’t like the results.”
Celandine looked like she was barely refraining from rolling her eyes as she assured Gwen of the glorious future before her.
“I’m tired,” Gwen muttered, staring pointedly at the door.
Celandine’s eyes narrowed, but she seemed to think better of whatever rebuke hovered on her tongue. Instead, she swept silently out of the room.
Gwen watched her go in astonishment. She had always been the one restraining herself in her mother’s presence. It was surreal to see that reversed.
When the door closed behind the queen, she waited a breath and then two and three. But the door didn’t swing back open, the footsteps retreating away down the corridor.
“You can come out,” she said on a long exhale.
Easton burst up from the floor, sucking in gulps of air. “I was afraid to even breathe in case she saw the curtain moving. I’ve been doing a delightful experiment on just how shallow you can make your breaths without passing out.”
Gwen winced. “Sorry. I’m just glad we managed to hide you in time. That was way too close.”
“Do you have a key for your door?” He eyed the lock dubiously.
“Sadly, no. I used to, but she changed the lock while I was gone.”
Easton surveyed the room as if looking for a more comfortable hiding place. Unfortunately Gwen’s destruction of the room had removed most of the options.
“Wait!” she said. “How could I forget?” Walking across to the wall, she pressed on a spot at hand height, revealing a hidden latch.
Easton’s eyebrows rose. “How did I never notice that door? It’s just like all the storage cupboards around the palace corridors—designed to blend in with the wall but not so well disguised as to classify as a hidden room. But why would the princess have a storage cupboard in her bedchamber?”
Gwen smiled wistfully. “We used to love playing spies in those cupboards. This room isn’t for storage, though. It’s the sleeping space for a servant. When I was a child, Nanny slept in here so I was never alone.” She stepped involuntarily back as she remembered what it had been used for after Nanny’s death.
Easton stepped into the small space, peering around. When Nanny had been alive, Gwen had loved to sneak in there and burrow into Nanny’s bed, insisting she read her stories or brush her hair. But after Nanny died, the queen had used the space for Gwen’s punishments, and she hadn’t voluntarily stepped inside for years. Once she had become so compliant the punishments had stopped, she had managed to push the memory of the room almost completely from her mind.
“It’s not much bigger than those storage cupboards,” Easton noted, and Gwen felt a rush of guilt. “There’s barely room for a cot in here.”
As a child it had merely seemed cozy, and she’d never questioned why she had such an excessively large room while Nanny had a tiny one. It was only after the woman was gone, when Gwen was older, that she started asking questions like that.
Easton smiled and held out a hand to her. “We can talk in here. That way if anyone comes, you only have to dash out and close the door on me.”
Gwen reluctantly stepped inside, waiting for the panic to overtake her. But it didn’t come. With the door open and Easton at her side, the space had transformed back into the cozy haven of her young childhood. She breathed a sigh of relief.
“I still miss Nanny sometimes,” Easton said with a sigh. “She was always as kind to me as she was to you.”
Gwen swallowed against the looming tears. “I miss her all the time. But I’m also glad she wasn’t around to see what happened with my mo—Celandine. She would have been heartbroken at the way she treated me. And if she had spoken up in my defense and Celandine punished her, I would have been beside myself.”
“I always felt that way when she punished you,” Easton said, his voice soft and warm and laced with regret. “I used to dream of racing in to rescue you, but…”
“You did rescue me.” Gwen took his hand, raising it to her cheek. “You were everything to me.”
His cheeks warmed beneath her touch, his eyes riveted on her face. “You were the beautiful princess from a fairy story and also my best friend. It never felt quite real to me,” he whispered. “There isn’t a day that’s gone by since we were parted when I haven’t thought of you.”
“Me either,” she whispered back.
“Gwen.” The word sounded torn from him.
It hit her heart with a shot of pain. For her, being back in his presence was nothing short of beautiful and miraculous. Every moment felt precious.
But he sounded broken and unsure. If he truly didn’t want the life here, she couldn’t tie him to it because of his feelings for her. If she let him do that, he would come to resent her and that would be the worst thing of all.
So how could she be sure of his true feelings? He would never want to hurt her, and neither would he abandon an entire kingdom—his kingdom.
He wouldn’t lie to you , a voice said inside, and she recognized it instantly as the truth. If she wanted to know how he truly felt, she only had to ask. But that required the courage to hear the answer.
She drew a breath, willing herself to say the words, but his eyes were no longer on hers. They had dropped to her lips, and Gwen could no longer remember the sentence she was trying to form in her mind. All she could think about was their close proximity, the warmth of his hand against her cheek, and the way his eyes darkened as they looked at her.
Here in this private, close space, it felt like the rest of the world had disappeared. Like their problems no longer existed, and there was only the two of them and the vast ocean of love and belonging that tied them together.
“Gwen,” he murmured again, his voice even more ragged, although this time it was a different sort of torment in his voice.
“Easton,” she breathed back, angling her face up toward him.
He sucked in a breath and bent to press his lips to hers, his free hand circling her waist while his other one continued to cup her face.
Their first kiss had burned bright and hot, the culmination of years of separation and longing. It had shaken Gwen’s carefully guarded heart apart. This second one filled her, mending the lost and lonely corners inside her. With Easton, she was never alone. With Easton she belonged.
She wanted it to go on forever, but he broke it off, his chest heaving with sharp breaths as he leaned his forehead against hers.
“Gwen,” he whispered for a third time, and this time it was warm and loving. She wanted to hear him say her name like that every day for the rest of her life.
Awareness rushed back in as she remembered the unsettled matters between them, the unspoken topics that needed to be discussed. She had already known Easton felt enduring affection for her and also desire. But she needed to know if that was enough for a future. She didn’t have the luxury of choosing her career, and neither would her husband. They would both be chained to a demanding role that they could never put down, never rest from.
Gwen gently pushed him away, knowing she needed distance if she was going to manage the conversation that had to happen. Easton’s brows drew together, his expression bereft. He reached for her, but she shook her head.
“Easton, I have to know,” she said. “And I’m trusting that you won’t lie to me.”
His jaw flexed. “I would never lie to you,” he replied, and she believed him.
“I know. I trust that.” She drew a deep breath. “And that’s why you have to tell me the truth—even if you think it will hurt me. Even if you think others might suffer for it.”
“Gwen, you’re scaring me.” He tried to step toward her again.
She shook her head, and he froze, watching her with concern.
“I know you care about me, Easton.” She hated the wobble in her voice. “But that doesn’t mean you should be forced into marrying me—forced into becoming king—before you’ve even had a chance to properly consider the matter. We hadn’t been reunited for even a full day before you were being asked to commit to me for life. That’s too much! I know it’s too much. And I’m afraid you’ll say yes because you know how much it matters to the kingdom. But I can’t bear to see you tied to me because of that.”
“That’s what’s been bothering you?” He laughed, relief and something less certain in the sound. “Gwen, I knew I wanted to grow up and marry you when we were thirteen. I just didn’t think anyone would let me, given you were the princess. I’ve spent ten years wishing there was a way to come home to my family—home to you. You are home to me, Gwen, and I care about that far more than I care about what I do or what role I fill. If you needed me to build a house for you and bring home wood every day for our fire, I would do it without a second thought. And if you need me to put on a crown for you, I’ll do that with equal gladness. One thing the years in Ranost taught me is that I can find experiences to enjoy and fulfilling tasks anywhere and in any job. But without the people I love, they’ll always feel a little empty.”
He gave a low laugh. “You’re asking me to become royalty, Gwen! It might be a burden, but it’s not a hardship. I love this kingdom, and I would gladly serve it even if it wasn’t you asking it of me.”
A weight lifted off Gwen, and she felt so light she wondered at the fact she didn’t float straight out of the door and bob around on the ceiling of her bedchamber.
“It’s you I’m worried about,” he said in a low voice, bringing her back to the ground. “You answered the count so quickly, so certain of your feelings for me, and I can’t help but wonder…”
He hesitated, and she waited, having no idea what he could be concerned about. Her feelings for Easton had never wavered.
“You loved me when we were children, but you barely know me as a man! The queen kept you so isolated that it’s no wonder you clung to the memory of our friendship. How do you know your feelings aren’t just childish leftovers that will wither and die under the pressure of daily life?”
Gwen wanted to instantly protest, but she forced herself to consider the question. It was a valid one.
“You’re right that we missed a lot of years,” she said softly. “And there are so many things to relearn about each other—things I want to know about your life in those missing years. But even one day was enough to see that you were still you. And I never loved you just because you were the only boy I knew. Back then you were honest and loyal, and you still are. You’re still brave and outspoken—but you won’t hesitate to apologize when you know you’re in the wrong. I’ve watched the court for enough years to know what a rare combination that is. You’re confident without pushing yourself forward, and you’re always thinking of me.” She gave a cheeky smile. “I’m only human. I can’t help but find that attractive.”
Easton laughed, the sound freer than it had been before. “If you keep going with that list, you’re going to make me blush.”
“How about you kiss me instead?” Gwen suggested, her eyes sparkling. “Because as far as I’m concerned, this is the true moment of our engagement.”
Easton wrapped both arms around her waist, but he continued to lean back, gazing down at her face.
“You’re really sure, Gwen? It still feels a little hard to believe. You really want me?”
She nodded, emotions rising up to clog her throat.
“In that case,” he murmured, “will you marry me, most beautiful of princesses?”
“Of course,” she said on a shaky laugh.
“There,” he said with satisfaction. “ Now we’re truly engaged.”
She wrapped her hands around the back of his head, standing on her tiptoes and dragging his lips down to hers. He came without protest, and for a long time they stayed lost in each other.
But when the warm light on the floor of her chamber crept all the way to the door of their hidden room, she reluctantly stepped back from his arms.
“It’s getting late,” she said. “And you need to leave.”
“Gwen,” he sounded dazed and reluctant, and she understood his distaste at the idea of parting. But she wouldn’t put him in danger.
“It’s too dangerous for you to stay here,” she said firmly. “And you can’t travel through the city at night. You need to go now while you can still creep out safely. Once everyone turns into bears, someone might smell you.”
He grimaced but didn’t protest again. And at least she was able to accompany him through the corridors, checking around each corner for him and guiding him to the nearest door. He told her not to come outside, though, pointing out that he could more easily creep unseen through the gardens alone.
She had been the one to insist he leave, but it was still painful to watch him go. Words to call him back kept rising to her tongue, nearly escaping. But she bit down on them and held them inside. They were in a desperate fight for their future and their happiness, and she couldn’t let a moment’s weakness ruin everything.