Chapter Nineteen
Jaak left on her third day home, citing an emergency at work, and Ilse bid him goodbye cheerfully, telling him not to worry about her.
Her blindness shouldn’t keep him from working, she had told him, and it was essential they started acting like normal.
The billionaire had been swift to agree, and she had been just as swift to pretend she hadn’t noticed the relief in his voice.
While he was away, the billionaire had arranged for Ilse to meet with various specialists, some of whom he had even flown from other parts of the world. And yet the prognosis remained the same from all of them.
There was no guarantee treatments would work, no guarantee her eyes would heal on their own. There was no guarantee they could find a donor who would match her need, no guarantee that even with the perfect match, she could see again.
No guarantee.
And Ilse knew that they were telling her in a roundabout fashion that she could only hope for a miracle.
On the eighth day that the billionaire was away, Jan asked her if Jaak was indeed coming home tomorrow night.
“I’m afraid not,” she answered lightly. “He has a mountain of work to do in Italy.”
Jan frowned. “But he told me he would come home.”
“Did he?”
Silence.
“Jan?”
“Sorry, Ilse.” Jan’s tone was sheepish. “I nodded. I forgot you were blind.”
Ah. “Idiot.” Her voice wobbled, but Ilse’s smile came from her heart. Of course it had to be Jan, she couldn’t help thinking. Of course it had to be Jan who would forget she was now blind because as far as her brother was concerned—-
Blind or not—-
Weak or not—-
Ilse hadn’t changed at all.
She was still his sister.
And he loved her, whatever she may or may not be.
When the billionaire phoned her that night, Ilse was still feeling a little emotional, and for some moments, she only allowed the phone to ring. She couldn’t help comparing her brother to the billionaire, couldn’t help wondering why the billionaire couldn’t love her unconditionally the way Jan did.
Why?
When the billionaire called her for the second time, Ilse forced herself to answer.
“Sorry,” she said right away. “I was in the shower.” The words spilled out naturally.
She had gotten good at lying lately, and really, how could she not when she had lots of practice with every phone call from the billionaire?
“It’s fine. I just wanted to make sure everything’s okay there.”
“Well...” Injecting a pensive note in her voice, she said slowly, “That depends. Right now, I’m still not sure whether to sue you or not.”
“Pardon?” The billionaire’s tone had become stiff, and Ilse laughed despite herself.
“I’m talking about Jan. Since when did you turn my brother into your unpaid PA? I was talking to him over dinner, and he practically has your entire calendar for the month memorized.”
The billionaire chuckled, and the lazy sound made her fingers tighten around her iPhone.
It used to be she would hear that sound every day.
But it was different now.
“Don’t be jealous, babe.”
Her eyes squeezed shut.
The last time he had called her that, she still had her sight, and they were still okay.
“Jaak.” His name came out a choking sound. “Come home.”
COME HOME. Ilse’s words reverberated in his mind, and although the billionaire was alone in his hotel suite, it no longer felt that way. Now, it was as if his past was haunting him from every direction, and wherever he looked—-
All he could see was her—-
Ilse dressed like an army sergeant—-
Ilse under the umbrella with him—-
Ilse as he kissed her the very first time—-
It was Ilse when she was at her kindest, her bravest, her strongest.
It was Ilse when he didn’t yet have the power to hurt her, to fail her because she hadn’t needed him then—-
The way he did now.
Come home.
The words broke him because Ilse shouldn’t have been saying them at all.
WHEN A FULL MINUTE passed, and only silence emerged from the other line, Ilse knew that if she were smart – she would put the phone down and pretend this never happened. If she kept pretending, he would continue pretending, too.
If she were smart—-
But she wasn’t.
Right now, she was just tired.
“I miss you, Jaak.” The words were torn out of her.
It was the first time for Ilse to say such words, and the billionaire’s fists clenched. How many times had he dreamt of her saying these very words? But God, he would rather not hear them at all if it would mean that Ilse could go back the way she was.
Taking a deep breath, he managed to say casually, “You know I miss you, too, babe.”
He was hoping that Ilse would take it from there—-
Let’s keep pretending.
But Ilse only continued to make both of their hearts bleed.
“Don’t you...” Her voice caught. “D-don’t you love me anymore?”
Ah God. “More than my life,” he said fiercely.
A painful laugh escaped her. “Then...what’s wrong?”
Everything. Nothing. But the billionaire knew that whatever he said, it wouldn’t be the truth.
The continued silence hurt, and Ilse couldn’t stop herself pressing one tight fist against her chest. It was hurting so, so much—-
Because she felt too, too much.
“Jaak...” A shuddering breath racked her chest as she prepared herself to take the leap. “Jaak...I love you.”
The billionaire stared numbly at the rain-blurred window of his hotel suite.
God, why now?
Why?
He said tonelessly, “I love you, too.” And he did. There had never been a question about that. He loved her, and he would always love her.
He loved her, but he would rather she never love him back if it would mean she would need him, too.
“Oh, Jaak.” Despair strained Ilse’s voice, and it was all he could do not to succumb to the urge to give her a litany of impossible promises.
Let’s start again.
Maybe this time I won’t fail someone I love.
Maybe this time I won’t fail you.
“You love me...” Ilse was laughing as she said the words, and it was a heartbreaking sound.
“You love me, and I love you. These were supposed to be magic words for the two of us, r-remember? If we s-said these words...everything would be okay. So why isn’t it?
” Her voice shook and rose. “Why isn’t it? ”
The billionaire didn’t answer, knowing that there was no need to.
They both knew love had never been the problem between them.
THE DAYS THAT THE BILLIONAIRE remained away continued to pass, but this time Ilse didn’t let it get to her.
She was done being weak. She was done lying.
She was done pretending. She loved the billionaire, and he loved her.
To leave was to lie about her own feelings, to pretend she no longer cared.
To leave was to succumb to weakness once more, and she didn’t want that.
To leave was to become weak again, and she didn’t want that.
In an effort to keep busy, Ilse started studying Braille, hoping that in time she would become sufficiently skilled at it to find herself some kind of job.
Ever since the accident, she had been living off the billionaire’s money and even though she knew he could more than afford it, she also knew she would lose all self-respect if she allowed herself to be completely dependent on him.
Ilse also started going out, meeting up to have lunch with Gloria and the other girls. Erik and Serenity also frequently visited her at home, and sometimes, even Willem and Jaak’s other siblings would drop by.
All this made her happy, all this helped ease the pain just a little, but even so, Ilse knew she was living in a fragile bubble that could burst any moment.
And it did.
The first crack appeared when Gloria suddenly stopped updating Ilse on every gossip item she read about the billionaire.
When she remarked about it to Erik, her friend had only laughed nervously while saying nothing at all, and more cracks appeared.
The last straw was when she had met up with Serenity and asked her about Jaak.
The younger girl had changed the subject rather abruptly, and the act of rudeness was so unexpected from someone considered as a role model for propriety and good etiquette—-
The last cracks destroyed the bubble she had done her best to survive in for the past weeks, and she knew that something had changed.