Chapter 13
13
Hilariously, it feels a bit like a sleepover, all of us crammed into one bedroom, sitting on the bed with seemingly endless snacks spread out between us.
We’re all in our pyjamas, chatting away about boys – as you would expect at a girly sleepover – but instead of chatting about the boys we like, tonight’s conversation revolves around the boys downstairs – the ones we low-key hate right now.
Honestly, everything would be perfect, if they weren’t here. This would be fun, this place would be heaven. Instead, it’s hell.
We’re all in my room – well, with only four identical rooms to hang out in, I guess we’ll just take it in turns, to mix things up – hanging out on my bed, eating our way through the food we bought that needs refrigerating. Yes, it did cross our minds that we could ask the boys if we could share the fridge, but there was a worry that they might ask for something in return. Also, Nita is adamant that we need to prove some kind of point to them, so we’ll have to see how it goes. For now, it means we get to eat a lot of cheese.
I know it would be great to have access to the living room and the kitchen, but it’s hard to feel like we’ve lost, with bedrooms like these. It’s a Mediterranean dream, with rustic décor, crisp white linen, and sheer curtains blowing in the gentle breeze coming in from the balcony doors. Outside the rolling hills are beautifully moonlit and the sky is clear in a way I don’t think I’ve ever seen in England, not even in the depths of the Yorkshire moors.
It’s so frustrating, to be so close to serenity, and yet so far away. All of the beauty and the peace is ruined by one thing – well, four things – the boys. I imagine it’s so quiet outside, maybe a few relaxing sounds courtesy of nature, but instead, coming from outside we can hear laughter, cheering, chanting – and all so, so loud. I really hope they’re going to run out of energy soon.
There might be such a thing as too much cheese, you know, but it’s too good to throw away, or to leave to rot on the dressing table in the hope it will be okay for breakfast. Still, it is delicious, so I’ll take my chances having a little bit more. I pop a tomato in my mouth at the same time, as though that will automatically transform it into a salad.
‘Are we seriously supposed to live off crisps and biscuits for the next two weeks?’ Willow asks, looking thoroughly unimpressed.
Nita points at her with a breadstick.
‘Look, there was a time, when we were kids, when eating nothing but crisps and biscuits would have been a dream come true,’ Nita reminds her. ‘So let’s just make the most of it.’
Willow wrinkles her nose.
‘Not me,’ she insists. ‘I always preferred things like carrots and celery to chocolate and crisps.’
Nita gasps.
‘I don’t actually think kid me would have been friends with a kid that preferred to eat celery,’ Nita replies with a laugh, but I don’t think she’s kidding. ‘I don’t think I would have trusted someone like that.’
Lou laughs.
‘I don’t care if I have to starve for a week,’ she says, smiling widely. ‘I’m staying right here. My wedding is on Sunday, I’m right where I need to be, and I’ll be damned if I let those boys ruin any of it. As long as I’m here for the big day, nothing else matters.’
You can tell she’s trying to stay positive, and that she probably isn’t quite as confident as she’s making out, but I think given the chaos that we can hear downstairs, and all things considered, she’s doing really well to keep it together.
Laughter echoes from the boys gathered by the firepit. Why it is that the sound of other people having fun just pisses you off when you’re in a bad mood? If it were us down there, having fun, laughing and drinking, we’d probably be making even more noise than them. But because it’s the stupid boys, it’s really grating.
‘Okay, no one is having that much fun,’ Nita says, proving my point.
It does seem like a bit much, like they want the entire villa to know how much fun they’re having. I swear I can almost hear the smugness in their laughter.
Willow groans as she throws herself backward onto the bed, covering her eyes with her hands for some reason – I think just to be dramatic.
‘They’ve got to be in their thirties, right?’ she points out. ‘How are they this immature?’
Lou grabs another slice of ham, shaking her head.
‘They do say boys mature slower than girls – it’s a scientific fact,’ Lou points out. ‘I mean come on, the only reason we didn’t see them before we jumped into the pool earlier was because they were having a contest to see who could hold their breath the longest.’
‘Yeah, and then they just started popping up, one at a time, like hippos,’ Nita tells me, seeing as though I missed it.
I can’t help but laugh.
‘So they’re competitive as well as immature,’ Lou adds.
‘Okay, I get it, boys mature slower than girls do, but that’s actual boys,’ I point out. ‘These boys are actually grown men, who should be fully matured by now. And yet they’re not – and someone is actually going to marry one of them!’
It’s hard to imagine anyone tying the knot with any of them. On looks, sure, if that’s all that matters to you. Every last one of them looks like they would feature as ‘man of the month’ on a particular kind of calendar, but if you were judging them on their personalities, then you wouldn’t give any of them a second look.
‘Yeah, Nolan,’ Lou says. ‘But he’s the quiet one. Maybe he’s not so bad?’
‘So, maybe Nolan is the one we need to get to,’ Willow suggests. ‘Maybe we can appeal to his better nature?’
I shake my head.
‘Honestly? I don’t think these boys have better natures to appeal to,’ I say. ‘That’s why I think we only have one option. What we need to do is play dirty.’
Nita sits up straight, her eyes gleaming with excitement.
‘I mean, I’m in. But what exactly are we talking about?’ she asks.
I love that she’s all in, even though she doesn’t know what she’s agreeing to yet. The best kind of friends are the ones who will do whatever you say, whatever crazy scheme you’re cooking up, they are here for it.
‘Okay, well, you know when I was with you-know-who,’ I start, refusing to say his name. ‘Well, there were all of these things that he just hated, most of them irrational, about having a woman or women’s things around. Girl chaos was how he referred to my mess, and some things he just couldn’t tolerate. What I’m thinking is, if we bring a little of that girl chaos to the villa, I don’t know, perhaps we can drive them out? If we’re annoying enough, they might beg us to put our offer back on the table, for them to take the money and find somewhere else. If we won’t negotiate for things like use of the fridge, then they can’t ask for use of the showers – maybe we can break them.’
‘Molly, you evil genius,’ Nita says. ‘This doesn’t just sound like a great plan, it sounds like so much fun.’
‘It’s worth a try,’ Lou says through a giggle. ‘I know everything I do that drives Ellis crazy – I’ll give it a go.’
‘Personally, I think I’m a delight to be around,’ Willow says, without a hint of sarcasm. ‘But sure, I’ll give it a go, for the greater good.’
‘Great,’ I say, letting that one go. ‘Now we just need to come up with some ideas.’
‘I take it you already have some,’ Nita says with a grin.
‘Loads,’ I reply, smiling back at her like a maniac, the evil side of my brain fully engaged.
Honestly, I remember all too well all of the things Dean hated about having a woman about the house. If we do those, to the extreme, plus anything else we can think of, these boys aren’t just going to wish they’d taken our offer to take the money and leave, they’re going to wish they were never born.