Chapter 14
14
I’m not sure what wakes me up, the noise from the boys who are already having a laugh outside or the knocking on my bedroom door.
‘Come in,’ I call out groggily.
‘Rise and shine,’ Nita sings as she walks into the room.
‘Morning,’ I reply.
Nita looks as bright as the sun outside as she plonks herself down on my bed next to me.
‘Someone’s in a good mood,’ I point out – sounding like someone who’s in a bad mood.
‘I woke up like this,’ she replies, resting her head on my shoulder. ‘Something about scheming together, putting the boys in their place – I don’t know, it’s given me a real spring in my step.’
I laugh.
‘I’m excited to see if our late-night mission pays off,’ I reply, smiling to myself.
Last night, after the boys went to sleep, we snuck downstairs to put the first step of our master plan into action.
I don’t know if we looked as badass as we felt, but truly, I felt like Catwoman in pyjamas, slinking down there, with my little bag of tricks, to put the first pieces of the puzzle in place.
‘Do you think they’ve noticed anything yet?’ Nita wonders out loud.
‘There’s only one way to find out,’ I reply. ‘Grab the others, I’ll throw on something, and we’ll go see.’
‘We could go have our breakfast by the pool,’ she says in a la-di-da voice.
‘Yay, our breakfast of biscuits and iced coffees that we hopefully kept cool in a cold bath overnight,’ I reply sarcastically.
‘We really are living it up,’ she says with a cheeky smile as she hops out of bed. ‘Don’t be long, and don’t forget to top your body glitter up.’
I laugh. I won’t forget, it’s a key part of the plan.
It was funny, creeping down there, with our swag bag, looking like burglars except instead of taking things, we only left things behind. I really can’t wait to see if any of the things we left have worked their magic yet so I practically jump from my bed and spring to action.
‘It will be nice, to have a day by the pool – relax, scheme, repeat,’ Nita jokes. ‘Although I suppose we’ll need to go buy more food, so that we have stuff we can actually store in our rooms, and we can sneak in a hot meal while we’re there.’
‘Good idea,’ I reply, although I absolutely will have to find a way to get some work done at some point. I’ve got the product developer of Iwan’s dreams to find, lest I find myself stuck in a nightmare.
Nita dashes off to grab the others – and the breakfast – so I start getting ready. I rummage around in my suitcase (because who actually unpacks and hangs up their things in a wardrobe on holiday?).
For a day by the pool and a trip to the (not all that) local shop, all I really need is a bikini and a sundress but – and I’m embarrassed to admit this – something about the boys being here makes me overthink my appearance. Like, if it were just the girls here, I wouldn’t even bother with make-up on a day like today, but because the boys are here I feel this pressure to make an effort. It’s like it’s ingrained in me to ‘doll-up’ for the men, like it’s a reflex, like I want to say fuck it but I can’t. I swear, society has done this to me, but I really don’t feel like I’ll have the confidence I need if I don’t do it. It’s my war paint and my armour and I won’t win without those things. Honestly though, if you have senses, and exist, there’s no denying that lots of men (and some women) do treat women differently based on how they look. It’s the thing that will make a man hold the door open for one woman, but refuse to give another a refund in a shop. You can be worshipped or dismissed, and I know it’s just make-up, it’s not a miracle, but the world I live in has me convinced that I will have a nicer time if I conform, and I’ll do anything for an easy life.
Of course, the silliest thing in all of this is that I don’t under any circumstances want the boys to think I’ve made any kind of effort for them, which means opting for ‘no-make-up’ make-up, which I think tends to take me even longer than when I just do my normal day-to-day face. Still, I do it, and then I scrape my long hair to one side and fix it into a loose plait, securing it with a band at the bottom. Then it’s just a case of putting on my bikini and grabbing my sundress. Hopefully I look good but casual about it. Effortless, but not without effort, if that makes sense.
Why on earth am I even thinking about this?
I head to Nita’s room, the first one at the top of the stairs, where she and the girls are waiting for me. The first thing I notice is that I’m not alone in my thinking, because all three of them have clearly made an effort too, so at least I know it isn’t just me who has been damaged by growing up on a diet of glossy magazines with things like ‘circles of shame’ pointing out flaws, and the size zero culture we all celebrated for a while. Those years and years of shit in my formative years will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. I’ll be ninety-eight, in a home, being helped to get changed, and I’ll still be needlessly holding my tummy in.
‘Breakfast is served,’ Lou says with a smile, wiggling an armful of biscuits.
Willow has the allegedly iced coffees, which she’s just finished up drying after their cold bath, but it looks like we’re ready to head down.
‘Okay, let’s do it,’ I say.
‘Yes,’ Nita replies excitedly. ‘I’ll lead the way.’
As we head down the stairs, the sound of the boys laughing and joking by the pool gets louder and louder, echoing in through the open patio doors, rushing through the house like water, flooding it with chaos.
Nita heads out first, followed by Lou and the biscuits, then Willow and the coffees. I’m about to head outside right behind them when I hear a noise coming from behind me.
I turn around and see Travis, closing the kitchen door behind him with one hand, holding his hot coffee in the other. God, it smells good. What I’d give for a hot flat white right now. I know, it’s hot outside, and a cold drink should appeal more, but you can’t beat a delicious coffee on a morning when you’re on holiday, can you?
He gives me a bit of a smile as he stands there, in his trunks, his hair still wet from (I’m assuming) a dip in the pool. Well, it isn’t from having a shower, is it?
‘Good morning,’ I say, trying to muster up a little politeness.
‘Morning,’ he replies. ‘Sleep well?’
‘Yes, thanks, the beds are lovely,’ I say, not actually intending to rub it in his face, but I don’t suppose it can hurt. ‘Did you?’
‘Surprisingly, yes,’ he says, annoyingly sounding like he genuinely means it. ‘Those sofas are more comfortable than most of the beds I’ve slept in on holidays. I woke up feeling great.’
I smile, trying to hide my irritation. Of course they had a lovely night on the sofas, while we were stuck upstairs thinking about all the things we were missing out on.
‘We all thought we’d hang out by the pool today,’ I tell him, trying to keep the conversation light.
Well, we don’t have anywhere else to hang out here, apart from our bedrooms. I suppose the boys are the same, given that the living room is their bedroom, but at least they have a TV and a pool table to keep them amused.
‘It’s neutral territory,’ he says with a playful smile. ‘We’re doing the same thing.’
As Travis steps closer to me I panic. It’s impossible not to notice how smoking hot he is, way hotter than any guy I’ve ever dated, or known, or double-booked a villa with (although I guess technically this is the first, and hopefully only, time).
He raises a hand, as if he’s going to touch me, and it’s like I’m frozen in time. I don’t know if it’s something scary like fear or something even scarier like the fact that I actually do want him to put his hands on me, but it can’t be a good look on me.
‘Relax,’ he says, amused, clearly picking up on my weird vibe as he brushes something off my shoulder. ‘You just had a bug on you.’
I giggle like a dork, the tension easing. But then, as Travis looks at his hand, he frowns. ‘What the hell is… is that glitter?’ he asks as he examines his sparkly fingers.
‘Hmm,’ I say curiously, like a professor pondering an equation. ‘Yes. Yes, that looks like glitter to me.’
‘Are you wearing body glitter?’ he asks with a surprising level of seriousness.
‘Obviously,’ I reply, laughing like that’s a silly question. ‘You know us girlies – we love glitter. We’re always covered in the stuff.’
It takes everything in me not to laugh as he wipes his other hand on his abs, leaving a faint shimmer behind on his muscles that actually looks kind of sexy. Sort of like Twilight meets Magic Mike .
‘Well, I guess now I’m wearing it too,’ he points out. ‘Oh, and it’s in my coffee. Great stuff.’
I shrug and laugh, all easy breezy.
‘Honestly, that stuff gets everywhere,’ I say with a laugh. ‘And it, like, really never goes. Not, like, ever.’
I’ve got my girly-girl level turned up to ten right now.
I don’t give him a chance to reply, I quit while I’m ahead, heading outside to join the girls.
Stepping out into the warm sun feels like climbing into a warm bath on a cold day (a better point of reference, if you’re from the UK).
Lou is already stretched out on a sun lounger, clearly trying to make the best of her hen week, Willow is on the one next to her, eating biscuits, and Nita is perched on the edge of a chair, looking in my direction, clearly wondering how I got left behind. I notice one of her eyebrows raise as she notices Travis walking out behind me.
The boys are in the pool splashing, throwing things, shouting out what I can only describe as vaguely military terms. I think they’re playing army? The grown men in their thirties, pretending to shoot each other, launching grenades – not what I was expecting at all.
‘So, this is where the Idiot Army trains their troops,’ Nita says under her breath as I sit down next to her. ‘Ready for the next part of the plan?’
‘Ready,’ I say, reaching out for an iced coffee. It might be cold (well, cold-ish) but at least there’s no glitter in it. Yet. This stuff really does get everywhere.
‘Honestly, my period is brutal right now,’ Nita says, loudly, so that the boys can hear. She’s styling it out like it’s a private conversation, but she’s definitely making sure everyone is party to it. ‘I’d love to get in the pool but, genuinely, I’d ruin the water for everyone.’
‘Don’t be daft, you’re on holiday,’ Lou tells her, joining in.
‘I get why she’s worried,’ I say, playing my part. ‘Remember when we went to Italy, and she was swimming in that pool, and it looked like she’d died in the water.’
‘It looked like I’d dyed the water,’ Nita jokes. ‘Everyone around me crossing themselves – it was like a scene from Jaws .’
Obviously none of this happened, but if we can put the boys off going in the pool, that’s a win for us.
‘It’s the bullet clots,’ Nita says, casually. ‘You know the big ones, that fire out?’
Again, not a real thing, but the words have definitely subdued the boys.
‘I get the mine clots,’ Willow joins in. ‘The ones that just go off – and I’m due on in a couple of days. But Lou is right, it’s our holiday, we should jump in the pool. Mega clots be damned.’
‘Did you say… mega clots?’ Harry blurts.
We all turn to face him, all trying to hide our smug grins that we might have finally rattled them.
‘Yes,’ Willow says simply.
‘My sister had trouble with something like that,’ he tells us. ‘They gave her some tablets for it. Maybe, when you get back home, you should have a chat with your doctor.’
I think his comfort with the subject and the maturity he’s showing takes us all aback.
‘Oh, okay, thanks,’ Willow says, the wind totally knocked out of her sail.
‘Yesterday I sneezed and it looked like a crime scene,’ Nita informs him, making one last attempt to freak him out. ‘I’ll ruin the pool.’
‘That’s what chlorine is for,’ he tells her with a shrug.
‘No, honestly, it’s really, really bad,’ she insists.
‘If it’s that bad, then why did you leave these out for us to play with?’ he asks. ‘Don’t you need them?’
I lean forward to get a better look. Is that… oh my God.
‘Why are you throwing tampons around like they’re grenades?’ Nita asks, clearly unable to believe her eyes.
‘Why did you leave them with the pool toys?’ Owen replies. ‘We just assumed…’
We left them there to try and make the boys feel weird enough to keep away.
‘Hey, if you need them, the box is there, take the rest back,’ Harry insists.
There’s a seriousness and a sincerity to his words but… I don’t know… something is off.
‘What the hell is going on?’ Willow asks in hushed tones as the boys get back to playing.
‘They’re playing with tampons – that is not normal,’ Nita points out through gritted teeth, her smile hiding how she really feels to anyone who can’t hear what she’s saying.
‘I know we have no other choice but, I don’t know, I feel a bit uncomfortable here,’ Lou adds. ‘I have no plan B but, I don’t know, we can’t stay with them, right? I still haven’t told Ellis. I’m sure he’ll be fine with it, he’ll understand, but…’
‘Wait,’ I say quickly, also keeping my voice quiet enough for only the girls to hear. ‘Something isn’t right here and I think I’ve put my finger on it. Harry mentioned his sister having period problems, and he gave friendly, normal advice. He wasn’t grossed out or awkward talking about it.’
‘Well, yeah, I’m surprised by that too, but so what?’ Nita replies.
‘So, all of this, whatever this is, throwing tampons around – it’s all an act,’ I say.
‘Wait, what?’ Lou chimes in.
‘They’re only doing it to mess with us,’ I say. ‘Think about it. It’s the same idea we had, to try and drive them out. They’re trying to drive us out by being… whatever this is.’
‘Oh, those bastards,’ Nita says, still smiling away.
‘So, what do we do?’ Lou asks.
‘Be better at it,’ Nita says. She turns to face the pool. ‘You know what, boys, you can keep them. I’m just going to let the water take my flow, naturally and peacefully.’
‘It’ll make our war zone seem more realistic,’ Harry jokes.
Oh, okay, they are definitely not only messing with us, but they’re onto us, that we’re messing with them. I mean, of course we’ve all had the same idea.
‘Yeah, that makes sense,’ Willow says, glaring at Harry as he holds a couple of tampons to his ears, like fancy earrings.
‘Mad that these things get so big when they’re wet,’ Owen calls over to us. ‘I have so many questions…’
‘So, they’re trying to mess with us, and we’re trying to mess with them,’ Lou points out quietly.
‘So, this means war,’ Nita says simply.
I really think we might actually be stuck here with them, and if we don’t all acknowledge that and grow up and play nice together, then it’s going to be one hell of a long fortnight.