Chapter 13 #2
"Mom?" Mal's voice comes from behind me, startling me so badly I bobble my phone and almost drop it.
"Jesus, Mal," I say, gasping. "Holy hell."
She snickers as I turn to face her. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
I set the phone aside and focus on my daughter. "What's up, buttercup?"
She and I have been ships in the night today—she spent most of the day holed up in her room working on an essay, only coming out to switch her laundry.
I had a few hours' worth of lessons earlier in the day and then my own list of chores to do, which fortunately kept me busy enough I didn't go crazy.
What I haven't done is face my feelings surrounding what Noah wanted to do, something I can't even think about directly without hyperventilating, which just tells me how badly I need to face it. I'm just chicken, I guess.
The point is, this is the first opportunity we've had to talk.
Mallory grins at me. "So. You and Coach Austin?"
I feel myself grinning hopelessly, and blushing. "Yeah, I think so."
She grabs me by the arms and squeals. "Mom! Do you have a boyfriend?"
"I don't know about that, Mal. It's…it's early. We're still sort of figuring things out."
"But you're hanging out?"
"My generation would say that we're seeing each other. But even that is…we've only been on one date."
"But you spent the night with him," she points out. "That's not nothing."
"Mal, I told you, I fell asleep on the couch. That's it." Mostly.
She quirks an eyebrow at me. "Alone?" I don't answer, and she cackles, pushing at me playfully. "See! Mom, you don't have to be all goody-goody for me. I'm seventeen, not seven. You're allowed to have a boyfriend. You're allowed to spend the night with your boyfriend."
"Mal, I just—"
"You deserve it, Mom. And especially with Coach Austin—he's a great guy." She flaps her hands at her face. "Too bad I'm too young for Noel, though. That man is sex on toast."
I gasp. "Mallory Wheeler!"
She shrugs, eyes wide and innocent. "What? He is! Even you have to agree that he's hot A-F."
"Even me? What does that mean?"
"Well, you're dating—sorry, seeing his dad."
I laugh. "Oh. Well, yeah. But…okay, fine, yes, I have eyes. Noel Austin is a very attractive young man."
Mal snorts. "Dear god, Mother. What are you, ninety? A very attractive young man? He’s thirty-two! It's okay to just admit that he's sex on toast."
"I don't know what sex on toast even means, for one thing.
And for another, you have to understand that your tastes change as you age.
Yes, Noel is objectively hot and I can admit that.
But I look at him and I see a young man—not a kid, just…
someone who's younger enough than me that I just don't see him as an object of desire. And not because I’m seeing his father. Or not just because."
"I don't have that problem. I'd climb him like a tree, if I could."
"MALLORY!" I yell.
She shies away, cringing. "Mom, you're shrieking. Dear Jesus. It was a joke, calm down."
"Joke or not, he's twice your age. I've only ever met him in passing and I doubt very strongly he's the type, but you need to stay very far away from him, if that's what's going on in your head."
"Mom—"
"He may be attractive. He may have been one of the great hockey players of all time, or whatever.
He may be a valuable member of this community.
All of that is true. But you are absolutely unequivocally not to flirt with him, or have a moment of witty banter, or anything of the sort.
You're seventeen and he's a grown ass man. That's hard no, Mal."
She rolls her eyes. "I know, Mom. I get it. He's hot, yes, but I wouldn't actually do anything. He's too old."
"So when you said you'd climb him like a tree…"
“I was joking, Mother. If I was going to actually climb anyone like a tree, it'd be Grayson Williams."
"Something to share?"
She shakes her head. "No, just a crush. Grayson has some work to do if he wants my attention, anyway.”
I turn to her, take her hands. "I don't know if I said it when we talked the other day, but I'm proud of you for standing your ground and not letting him pressure you into something you weren't ready for.
And just so it's crystal clear, behavior like Heath's is absolutely unacceptable under any circumstances. "
"Yes, Mom. I know. You said all this already, and I promise, I get it.”
“I repeat myself because I had to figure it out for myself…the hard way. I don't want that for you."
She rolls her eyes. "You can stop she-laborating, now. I understand."
I blink at her. “She-laborating?"
She nods, smirking. "The female version of mansplaining. Where you ask a simple question and get a really long and overly thorough answer."
I arch an eyebrow at her. "I see."
"I'm teasing, Mom. But I'm telling the truth, okay? I understand what you're saying. I get it. If anything happens with Grayson, it'll be on my terms and at my pace. But Grayson is super nice, so I don't think it'd be a problem. I just have to get him to ask me out."
I snort. "That shouldn't be hard."
"You don't know Grayson. He's really, really shy. I'm like ninety-nine-point-nine percent sure he likes me, he's just too shy to approach me."
“So take pity on the poor guy and ask him out. You're kind of intimidating sometimes, Mal. And if he's shy anyway?"
She frowns. "That's not…weird?"
"No it's not weird! Why should we have to wait for men to get their heads out of their butts? They're clueless most of the time.”
"So you think I should ask him out?"
I shrug. "If you're interested in getting to know him and spending time with him, then yes."
She blinks at me. "So, question. You're…you're not gonna bring Coach Austin here, are you?" she asked. "Like, I'm not gonna come home early from school one day because I'm sick and walk in on you guys doing it on the couch or whatever?"
“I'll make sure that doesn't happen, okay?" I hesitate. “But, um, if…if he were to be here when you woke up one morning…some day, possibly…how would you feel?"
She thinks about it for a long time. "I'd be okay with it, as long as he's, like, clothed. To some degree, at least."
I snort. "Well, yeah. And I'm not saying that's gonna happen any time soon. I wouldn't do that unless I'm sure about things, and I am pretty sure about things with Noah, but it's still early days."
"Mom?" she touches my lips. "I get it. I like Coach Austin. I'm good with you and him being together as long as he treats you well."
I think about last night and this morning, and I can't help biting my lip. "Oh, he does."
Mallory screeches and lurches off the couch, shaking her hands in horror. "Aaaaaand that's enough, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!”
I laugh. "Not what I meant, Mallory."
She heads upstairs, not looking at me. "I saw the look on your face. It is so exactly what you meant, and I do not want to know anything else. If you're happy, I'm happy."
"That's my line!" I call after her.
Alone once more, I check my phone—still no answer from Noah.
He's just busy, that's all. He's a fire captain.
I know it's true, but my stupid brain keeps trying to feed me other scenarios all night, preventing sleep until the wee hours of the morning.
The good thing about the lack of a return message is that it gives me plenty of time to really think about my panic surrounding what Noah wanted to do.
And think I do. I just don't come up with any answers to the problem.
Of all the nasty, mean, cruel, horrible things Kevin said to me before the divorce, his comments about that cut the deepest.
Why, I don't know. I'm sure once I get into it with Noah, I'll understand it more—talking to him has that effect.
I just hope I get to talk to him soon, because he's literally all I can think about.
And dream about.
Fantasize about…
Daydream about…
I eventually fall asleep with Noah on the brain.