Chapter 35
SAXON
Diego and Leonard sit lifeless in their chairs, blood cascading from the gunshot wounds in their chests.
She doesn’t flinch, not even an inch, as I pull the trigger.
The loud bangs resonate off the walls. Her eyes give away nothing—no emotions, nothing I can use to decipher if this is all a lie or truth.
Her facial features are still frozen, and I worry about what’s going on in her head.
I want her to beg and plead with me, to tell me they’re lying and trying to get under my skin, but she’s giving me absolutely nothing.
Have you ever been to a zoo and seen the lions after they’ve been in captivity for a long time?
After a while, their strength and will to be free disappears.
They accept their fate of being nothing more than an entertainment piece for humanity, and they begin to die inside.
Their fight is gone. They become puppets to those who come to pay and catch a glimpse of nature’s most ferocious beast.
Looking into Sky’s eyes now, I’m reminded of those lions.
There is a deep void that allows me to see right through her.
There is no longer that veil she pulls over herself to protect her from danger.
She’s simply blank, a statue of nothing but bones, muscles, and skin.
Is this who she’s been all along? Have I been so blind to see her as someone I thought I could be with and miss all the warning signs that she is nothing more than my enemy?
My skin is on fire. A volcanic eruption of rage has been awakened in my chest. Lava is pouring out around my soul, encasing hot magma around every structure within me. My heart that was starting to feel something again is now nothing more than a pile of ash.
How could she do this to me?
Why would she?
Most importantly, how could I have let her do this to me?
I’ve been so fucking stupid and blinded by this beautiful siren that I’ve forgotten what I’ve meant to be doing.
I’m the protector of this club, and not only have I let my guard down, I’ve let the fucking enemy walk in freely.
What a rookie mistake. A mistake I will surely never fucking make again.
Maybe she’s been waiting for me to get close to her, dropping my guard, and I missed something on the cameras. Maybe that’s when she struck and the plan all fell into place. Or maybe I’m grasping at straws in hopes of finding a way out of this chaos we’ve created.
“What do you want to do with her?” Finn asks.
I peel my eyes from the depths of her soulless ones and holster my pistol back in my jeans.
What do I want to do with her? I want this all to be a dream.
I want her to never have been born into my enemy’s family, and I want us to be showering together in her apartment while I explore every inch of her body.
I want her.
What a stupid fantasy.
“Call Owen and Brooks. Have them come by and help you dispose of the bodies. I’ll deal with her.
” I grab her bicep and shove her towards the elevator.
Pressing the button, I hear Finn talking with the guys on the phone.
The elevator doors open, and before I can shove her inside, she walks in herself.
She’s not resisting or fighting me in the slightest. When the doors close, I drop my hand from her arm, not wanting any temptation by touching her.
I look over at her. She’s staring straight ahead, her eyes slightly hooded as she continues acting as if she’s a fucking robot with no emotions.
The silence is too much. I can hear the ringing in my ears, which only pisses me off even more.
“So, what was your end game? Get as much useless information for your father and get a good fuck in the meantime?” My words taste bitter on my tongue, and I hate that they could possibly be true.
She closes her eyes for a moment, taking a shallow breath, and it’s the first sign that this whole situation is affecting her that she’s shown.
“Whatever you think is the truth, I guess is the truth.” Her voice is low and so monotone I snap at her lack of interest and lunge for her. I wrap my hand around her throat and push her against the wall, squeezing hard so she understands how fucking pissed I am.
“You think this is a fucking game? I guess you don’t realize where you’re currently standing.
Let me remind you. You’re in my territory, and you’ve been caught.
So, I suggest you open your eyes and see how your life is quite literally dangling in the palm of my hands.
To be honest, I’m not sure your ending is looking very lively right now.
” Our noses are practically touching at this point.
My face is hot with rage, and I’m trying my best not to snap her neck with how hard I want to squeeze her throat.
I can feel her swallow beneath my hand, and I ease up just enough for her to speak.
“You might as well kill me, Saxon. You’ve already started, so you should just finish it already.
I think we’d both be happier if I just disappeared.
I’ll make it easy on you and won’t even fight it.
Just do it, please.” Her voice is pained, not from my clutching her esophagus, but she sounds… different.
Broken.
“Why would you do this to me? To us? Why jeopardize this, what we’ve become?
Tell me this isn’t real, Sky. Please, for the love of everything pure in this world, tell me the truth.
” I rest my forehead against hers, my throat developing a large lump, but I swallow hard, forcing it down.
I close my eyes as the adrenaline from the night rapidly depletes within me.
I want to hate her. I want to suffocate her right now and end it all.
A snitch is a snitch, and they ultimately receive their punishments, eventually.
I want to eliminate her. Why can’t I do it?
“No matter what I say, you’re only going to believe what you want to believe.
There’s no point. If I meant anything to you, you wouldn’t even have to ask me.
You’d already believe me.” Her whispered voice chokes on her last word, and I finally hear that she’s feeling something. Something, even sadness, is something.
“Can I believe you?” I ask, needing the answer to be clear as day. I need a sign of the truth.
“You having to ask that question means I have the answer I need.” The elevator doors open for the third time. Her apartment is at our side as she tries to pull away from me. I don’t fight her. I let her walk past me and into her space.
I exit the elevator before the doors close on me.
“So, where do you want to do it?” She’s asking me where she wants me to kill her. So calmly, it’s almost eerie how she’s assuming I’m going to kill her here. As if I’m going to end her life in the place she calls her safe space. As if I’m just some monster.
“Just leave, Sky.”
“Wh-what?”
“I said just leave. This is over, I suppose.”
“Why are we doing this?”
“Because you and I will forever play the roles of enemies, it seems. I can’t trust you, and you’re not giving me anything to show you want to be here.
No pleas, no arguments, just a blank canvas, leaving me to believe Diego and Leonard were right.
You’re leaving my town, my club, and going back to where you came from.
” She pinches her eyebrows together, as if confused by what I’m saying.
“Saxon, please. Just make this easier. I’m not fighting you on this.” She really wants me to kill her instead of letting her go. She wants me to kill her. If I wasn’t already confused, I sure as hell am now.
“Get your bag. Now.” I’m losing my patience with her. The more time I spend around her, the more tempted I am to forgive and forget. She needs to hurry the fuck up and just take my free pass and go already.
“You have ten minutes,” I say to her, leaning against the wall and crossing my arms over my chest that feels like it’s growing tighter with every minute that passes.
She sighs but grabs a small duffle and starts putting in her essentials.
She doesn’t have much to start with, so a duffle is really all she needs to collect the important things she wants to take with her.
I gave her ten minutes, but she only needed five before she’s standing in front of me clutching her bag to shoulder.
Her eyes are glossy, and her cheeks have turned a deep shade of red.
“Done,” she says with a shaky voice, her eyes lowered to the floor as if she can’t look me in the eyes.
I should turn and walk her to her car. I should shove her out and make her promise to never come back again.
But instead, I cup her face with my hand and lift her face towards mine.
Even with her face in front of mine, she doesn’t look at me, her eyes still lowered to the floor.
“You know why I have to do this, right?” I ask, my tone no longer holding anger. Instead, I feel hollow. Stupid for believing the enemy’s daughter could be anything but the enemy herself.
“Because you’re a man like every other I’ve encountered before.
That I need to beg a man to believe me when I’ve never given any indication that I’ve been anything but truthful is what hurts the most. Trust is the power that holds people together, and you not trusting me is the fire that burned the rope tethering us together.
It’s a shame. I was finally starting to understand what family means. ”
Tears have begun filling her eyes, but before they can fall, she pushes past me just as the elevator doors open again, and she steps inside.
I don’t step in beside her, instead we both stare at one another.
As the doors begin to close once again, she says, “I thought you were different from the rest, Saxon. I thought you were real.” Just as the doors close fully, I watch as she completely breaks down.
Tears falling from her eyes as if someone just turned on a faucet.
As if she’s been holding back this whole time.
I’m starting to think she was. I see her drop to the floor, and her head lowers as a sob breaks free. Then she’s gone.
I fold right there, my gut twisting into a pile of chaos. My knees hit the unforgiving hardwood as I stare at the ceiling.
“Dad, what the fuck do I do? How did you make this look so easy for all those years? Every decision I make is in the club’s best interest, but when is it okay for me to worry about me?
Please tell me. Show me a sign on what the fuck to do here.
Please. Please, Dad, say something.” I didn’t even notice I was crying until the tears splash on the floor in front of me.
I’m so tired, so drained, and I fear my brain may explode if I have to make another decision in this lifetime.
How I wish he were still alive. Not only to bear the responsibility of this club, but to advise me like a father does.
I need help. I really fucking need help, and I don’t know who to ask.
I can’t ask the guys. That would seem like I’m not competent enough to be their president.
I can’t show myself crumbling or faltering in my own decisions.
Maybe this is for the best. Maybe I can’t be the leader and share myself with another at the same time.
It’s one or the other, and that’s just how my life is going to go.
I stare down at my hands, looking at the calluses I’ve built up and the rough ridges of the creases.
Saxon Wilder, the president of the Kings’ Aces, on his knees, crying over a woman.
How pathetic my father must think I am. I decide in that moment to get it all out.
Cry these fucking tears once and for all, and once I’m done, I get back to work.
No more pity parties for me. I have people to protect and a club to run. Harden the fuck up, Saxon.
So, I do. I cry for another five minutes, get my ass up, and then head back to the basement to help the guys dispose of more bodies.
My life in a nutshell. This is who I am.
Before I leave the building, a flash of caramelly hazel eyes flashes in my mind.
The pair of eyes that will most likely haunt me for the rest of my life.