Chapter 13
Nathan
Ishouldn’t be here.
I can’t do this. It’s stupid. Risky in all the worst ways because I know it won’t just be me paying the price if I get found out. Despite that, I can’t seem to stop myself. I just… I have to know. I have to see that she’s okay. Once I know she’s fine, then I can let this go.
Shit. It’s an empty promise. I already know she’s fine. According to Dr Hastings, she’s doing as well as can be considering the circumstances. I just need to see it for myself; then I can let this go. Ha, right. The lying thoughts don’t even trick me. They wouldn’t trick anyone.
They didn’t stop me from hacking into the clinic’s system or from using her prescription to find her real name.
Arabella Knight. They didn’t stop me from finding her address and her workplace.
They’re hardly going to start working now that I’m trailing behind her at a distance like some sort of stalker.
Maybe I am a stalker? If it quacks, it’s probably a duck, right?
Whatever I am, I’m not stopping. It feels compulsive at this point, irresistible.
From the second I gave into the first urge, all of my choices felt like an object caught in motion without an external force to slow me down.
It’s as if logic and sense have zero effect when it comes to Arabella.
I just can’t help myself, even if that officially makes me her stalker.
I swear I can smell her honey and jasmine scent as I watch her, despite the distance between us.
It’s forever imprinted in my soul. Fuck, she looks stunning.
She’s in a tight black dress that hugs her in all the most terribly perfect ways.
Her long, dark blonde hair shines in the street lights, and I desperately want to run my fingers through it.
I need to know if it’s as soft as I remember.
She pauses outside a little restaurant, and I wonder if she’s meeting someone there.
That thought makes a growl rumble in my chest like I’m some sort of caveman, some out-of-control alpha who’s letting his instincts get the better of him.
I quickly duck into one of the shops when she looks around, my heart racing when I imagine her catching me.
Can she feel my eyes on her, or is she scanning the street for whoever she’s waiting for?
It doesn’t take long for my curiosity to be answered.
A man approaches her, and my gut twists at the genuine smile that stretches across her face when she spots him. He pulls her into a quick hug, and my feet are moving before the thought to get closer fully forms.
Who the fuck is this guy? He can’t be her alpha—if she’d had one, she wouldn’t have been at the clinic. Unless he left her to suffer? No. She definitely wasn’t bonded, not even the slightest mark on her pretty neck, something I searched for extensively.
Maybe they’ve just met? Maybe he’s only a friendly co-worker, and this isn’t what it looks like at all. The sexy dress she’s wearing isn’t for him. It can’t be for him.
They head into the restaurant, and I find myself following, leaving just enough distance to remain unnoticed. I glance at the name of the place, Thao Garden. The name sounds Vietnamese, and the decor inside reflects that as well.
I grab a menu, duck my head behind it, and make my way to a booth that is angled away from Arabella and her dinner companion. I’m close enough to overhear them, but unless Arabella turns around fully, she won’t see me.
Thank fuck I used scent blockers before I left my house. Of course, that only matters if I assume she would even recognise my scent. I feel like hers is a part of me now, but that doesn’t mean she feels the same. Only one of us is stalking the other, after all.
I can’t help wondering if she washed us off her skin as soon as we were apart or if she waited until the last possible moment, clinging to every breath like it was a lifeline.
Does she have a t-shirt that still smells vaguely like us that she rubbed all over herself in the hope that she could hold onto the memory just a little longer?
Or is that a unique experience, and I just need to get a grip on reality?
Fuck. I need to accept what my eyes are seeing. Accept what my heart refuses to believe and what reality seems determined to remind me of by shoving this irritating alpha she’s having dinner with in my face.
She isn’t really mine.
Alec made sure of that when he stopped my teeth from sinking into her neck.
I shake off the bitter thought. It’s stupid. I should be grateful, not irritated about that. If I’d bitten an omega at the clinic, it would have been a disaster. No matter what my instincts are screaming at me.
They order drinks, and I’m forced to hide another growl when he tells her how beautiful she is.
Again. I miss whatever they say next as the server approaches my table and I order the first thing I see on the menu.
It’s not like I plan to eat it. I don’t think I could stomach even my favourite food right now.
“How are you feeling? No more dizzy spells?” the alpha asks her, my gut clenching in worry at his question.
Dizzy spells? Is something wrong with Bell?
If she’s sick, why is she out meeting this stupid alpha instead of resting? Is the false bond hurting her? Fuck, did Hastings lie? If the drugs she’s taking to undo the bond are similar to mine, maybe they’re failing her too.
Maybe her instincts are also still telling her she’s ours.
“I told you I was fine, Reid, stop worrying,” she replies. Her words might be dismissive, but there’s a warmth to them, like she’s enjoying his concern. I can’t see her face, but I bet she’s smiling at him.
I hate that her warmth is directed towards this alpha and not me. I’ve never been the jealous type; it’s hard to be when you regularly help at a heat clinic with your bonded mate, but it has to be jealousy twisting my insides. It’s poisoning my damn mind too.
Does he know what she looks like when she cries out in pleasure…?
I need to get a fucking grip. I don’t own this goddess of an omega, and I don’t have the right to feel so possessive over her.
Despite knowing this, I glare at the way his fingers twitch against the white tablecloth.
Their hands are resting too close to each other as they look through the menu.
Close enough to touch. I smother the growl that’s begging to be freed from my throat at the thought of him touching my omega again.
Fuck.
Arabella isn’t mine. She’s not.
Why does every stupid alpha instinct I possess have to argue otherwise? I’m not a violent man, but there’s definitely a sudden and growing appeal to the idea of ripping off this guy’s stupid head.
I don’t realise I’m moving to stand until a familiar hand pushes me back into my seat. My mouth goes dry as I stare down at the table, unable to meet his eyes as he slides into the booth to sit across from me. I can’t bear to see the disappointment in them. The betrayal.
“Nath,” he pleads, his voice softer than he has any right being towards me right now.
It only makes me feel worse. I’m such a piece of shit.
“Look at me.”
My head pulls up, following his demand without my input and forcing me to meet his gaze.
Alec is staring at me with what can only be understanding, implicit forgiveness offered as his hands grab mine and squeeze them.
I can feel the warmth of his grip grounding me, and for a fleeting moment, I wonder if I deserve this kindness, if I deserve someone like him.
I don't, do I?
I never have, and this is just one more thing to prove it.
“Baby, please stop spiralling.”
“I'm not spiralling,” I deny automatically. “I'm just…thinking.”
“Too much.”
“No. Clearly I'm not thinking enough,” I say, eyes flickering pointedly over to Arabella's table.
She’s laughing at something that stupid alpha has said.
I turn back to Alec, the weight of my insecurities pressing down on my chest, and I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever feel worthy of him.
This might be different to my usual kind of fuck-up, but it doesn't matter, does it?
It's always me that causes problems with us.
“It’s okay, Nath. The false bond is doing a number on both of us.” He squeezes my hand again, and I turn back to meet his gaze as he adds, “I'm not mad, okay?”
“You should be. I followed her here like some sort of stalker.” I sigh, pulling my hand free from his to scratch at the stubble on my cheek. “Fuck, it's not even sort of, is it?”
“Remember what Dr Hastings said; this is only temporary,” Alec says reassuringly, like he really believes it, but I can see the way his eyes keep glancing over to her. He's feeling just as pulled towards Arabella as I am. He just has better self-control.
I can't imagine this bond ever going away.
It may be a false bond, but it feels as real as the one connecting me to Alec.
If only she felt the same. It seems she's been able to move on just fine.
I wonder if the partial bond is even affecting her at all or if it's a completely one-sided delusion on our parts.
The thought hangs heavily in the air between us, and I swallow hard, trying to shake off the feeling of inadequacy. “Do you really think I'll ever be able to just…let go?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper, fearing the answer even as I seek it.
“Sure we can.”
His voice is confident, like a promise, but I know Alec better than anyone in the world, and I can see the fear in his eyes, the doubt.
He's just as afraid Arabella will ruin us as I am.