Chapter 26 #2
Meanwhile, Nathan’s body behind me somehow presses closer. He quickly uses one of his hands to shift my hair to one side so he can plant kisses on my neck, making me moan into Alec’s mouth.
Fuck, that feels so good.
It should be illegal for kisses alone to have that effect.
I pull back from Alec, pausing just long enough to take a breath before turning my head to kiss Nathan too. His lips meet mine just as enthusiastically, and I melt into his and Alec’s touch where they’re both wrapped around me.
It’s a good thing the park is practically empty, or we’d be putting on quite the show.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, causing me to startle. I pull back from the kisses and give them both an apologetic look as I pull my phone from my pocket. I look back down, and my heart clenches when I see who is calling.
Reid.
Guilt suddenly drowns me as I stare at the call displayed on my screen without answering it. How could I just completely forget about how he would feel about this? He’s been so good to me. He has clearly treated me better than I deserve, especially considering what I’ve just done.
I was wrong. I don’t deserve any of these alphas.
I move off the bench, feeling both of the alphas’ eyes on me as I step back. They don’t move to follow me, not yet anyway.
“I…I need to go,” I manage to say, turning around and walking away before they can say anything.
I hear them both calling after me, then Alec telling Nathan to give me some time, then nothing but the sound of my heart in my chest and my footsteps on the ground. Just when I think this awful feeling of guilt couldn’t get any worse, my phone vibrates again, still held tightly in my hand.
Fuck. I should—I should deal with this, shouldn’t I? Get it all over with before I hurt him anymore than I already have.
“Hi,” I croak when I answer the phone.
“Hey, beautiful. What’s wrong? You sound upset?” Reid asks, his concern emotionally gutting me.
I don’t deserve it, and I definitely don't deserve him.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt, feeling the tears flooding from my eyes but ignoring them as I continue. “You know I went to a heat clinic once before we met?”
“I think you mentioned it, yeah,” he says unsurely.
“It…it changed my life. The two alphas who helped me there did. I…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” God, this is all coming out so terribly. I’m such a mess. “I didn’t—” I cut off, crying harder.
How could he have ever liked someone like me in the first place?
“Hey, hey. Calm down, just breathe for me, will you?” he asks, sounding even more worried. “Where are you? I can come and get you.”
“No!” I snap, then feel even worse. “You don’t need to do that.”
I don’t deserve it.
“I kissed them. Today, I mean.”
“You kissed…?” he says, trailing off like he doesn’t understand what I’m saying.
“I met up with them today, and we talked, then we kissed. I’m sorry, Reid. I shouldn’t have. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Do you not like me?” he asks, something horribly empty in his voice.
How could he possibly think I don’t like him? He’s perfect. I’m the one who fucked this up.
“No. I like you. Of course I like you. You’re amazing.
It’s not that, I swear. I’ve enjoyed every minute we’ve spent together, but I—we formed a false bond during the heat at the clinic, the three of us.
I’ve thought about them every day, but I didn’t believe I’d ever see them again, apart from running into Alec once, until Ruth told me they’ve been hanging around the building. ”
“Wait, those alphas stalking you are from the clinic?” he asks sharply.
“Yes.”
“And you kissed them anyway?”
God, he must think I’m insane as well as a shitty person…
“I did. I hate that I’ve done this to you.
I can’t help how I feel. I want them and I want you, but I can’t ask for that.
Not from any of you.” I wait for a moment, feeling the weight of my actions and words.
“I really am sorry, Reid. You deserve better than any of this. You deserve better than me. I’m sorry for everything. Goodbye.”
Terrified of his response, I hang up like a coward before he can reply, before he can tell me how shitty I’ve acted and how much he hates me for it.
The world around me returns, and I realise where I am, taking the emptiness of the street as an invitation to slump against a wall and slide down to the ground.
I pull my knees to my chest as I try to wipe away my tears, but they just keep falling.
It’s a useless battle to try and catch them all with my sleeves.
My phone vibrates as Reid tries to call me back, but I can’t do this right now. I can’t hear him hate me, even if I know it’s selfish. It’s not fair, but I switch off my phone and shove it back into my pocket to deal with later.
I slowly wrap my arms around the top of my knees, hugging them close. Everything suddenly hurts. My head, my body…my heart. I sob into my arms and knees, hoping nobody walks by but unable to stop myself even if they did.
Maybe I should’ve just stuck to being alone…