Chapter 28
chapter
twenty-eight
“I didn’t keep singing because the pain stopped. I kept singing because it didn’t.” – Cyrus
CYRUS
The guys are already on the stage by the time Haven and I arrive. They’re busy testing chords, adjusting mics, and perfecting our sound. I make it out there to meet them like a ghost in my own skin.
“Damn, you look like shit,” Vex mutters, walking over with a bottle of water.
“Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment coming from you.”
My fingers curl around it as I bite back the pain.
“Don’t fucking collapse on stage again. I just got the last PR nightmare to calm down. Everyone is all about Ria’s wardrobe malfunction at the Oscars. Hopefully that will keep them at bay for awhile,” Declan says, strolling in.
I roll my eyes, not expecting anything less from him.
“Let’s not test that theory,” Ledger grumbles, stepping closer. “Seriously, are you good? You look like you’re barely holding yourself upright.”
“No, but I will be.”
It feels weird to have them all concerned rather than looking at me like I’m the bane of their existence.
I stumble to the middle of the stage, and Ash hands me my guitar.
“Are you even going to be able to play this thing? You’re moving like you’re eighty.”
“Of course,” I lie, not really sure.
Eren squeezes my shoulder and walks to the other side of the stage without saying anything.
Haven appears like magic. She sets a stool down and lowers the mic. Our eyes meet for just a moment, and the world stops. Then she walks away.
“Alright, let’s do sound check, and then I need to rest until tonight.”
“You could take tonight off, and cancel the show,” Haven calls from the front row.
I shake my head.
“No. I won’t do that to the fans. They paid a lot of money to come, and there’s nowhere in the schedule to do a makeup show,” I say, slipping the leather strap over my head, while my shoulders scream.
“Being stubborn doesn’t make you tough, Cy,” she grumbles.
I ignore the comment. Haven may be right, but battling through whatever these moments are is all I have to prove that I can continue fighting. I’m not giving that up.
SEVEN HOURS LATER
The crowd roars like wolves starving for blood, and I give it to them.
Every ounce of rage, lust, pain…it all bleeds out of me through the mic. The lyrics aren’t just words. They are my confessions. The stage my altar and my mind the battlefield.
I march across the stage while the crowd sings the chorus back to me. The vibration from their stomping feet and clapping hands flows through me, keeping me vertical.
Haven stands offstage, arms crossed, pretending not to hover or care. And fuck me, I live for it. The way her eyes are still drawn to me, the dark look of passion she works hard to mask.
I raise my arms to the ceiling, soaking in the crowd’s energy, letting it fill me for the last few notes. My hands tremble slightly, just enough to catch my attention.
Shit.
Turning, I focus on the guys. They are on fire. Vex shreds a solo like he is exorcising demons. Eren thumps the bass, and it feels like my heartbeat as it draws everyone together.
Between songs, I take a drink. The bottle is shaking in my hand and spilling water down the front of my t-shirt. Not that anyone will notice with it soaked with sweat. It gives me an idea, and I pour the rest of it over my head, shaking my hair out.
The audience screams as if it’s the sexiest thing they’ve ever seen.
Haven is staring at me, her green eyes like lasers penetrating my soul.
“You good,” she mouths.
I nod and wave it off. But Haven doesn’t believe me. I can tell.
I walk to the mic and growl like an animal.
“Who’s ready for Deadly Under Pressure?”
A wave of cheers hits me. I smirk and wink at the girls in the front row. One faints and is held up by her friend.
The rest of the setlist feels like I’m trudging through mud, despite the energy of the crowd. My feet are heavy as I move across the stage, and my muscles continue to bark at me. I ignore it all.
We finish the last song, and I bow to the audience.
“Wyoming! I love you,” I yell, and the crowd goes insane.
Marching off the stage, I just make it to Haven before I collapse to my knees. She grabs me, holding me tight as the guys rush over.
“Get him on the bus,” Declan orders. “Before anyone sees him. Fuck my life.”
“Declan, something is seriously wrong with Cy. You have to see that.”
Haven is arguing on my behalf, and I can’t help but smirk.
I cling to her, like she is the only thing keeping my head above water. She is the first person to say it, to acknowledge that something else is wrong. I’m not crazy. She believes me, and I’m not alone.
“He’s obviously drunk,” Declan says.
I want to tell him to fuck off while Vex and Eren help me stand.
“No, the fuck he’s not. I’ve been with him all day, and he hasn’t had a drop,” Haven says, her voice fierce.
Fuck I love her.
“You gonna live,” Ledger asks, as he guides me down the tunnel and out to the bus.
“I feel like roadkill,” I joke back.
“You want us to take you to the hospital,” Eren asks.
I shake my head.
“Just overdid it. It was too much today. I should’ve skipped rehearsal.”
The guys get me settled in the kitchen area, and I sigh.
“We’ll be back,” they say and head outside. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but it’s obvious that Declan and Haven are still at odds.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Haven yells as she stomps up the steps, fuming.
Her eyes find mine, and all I see is warmth and concern. I almost burst into tears. Being seen for the first time in years, and not painted into a box…it’s everything.
“Can you make it to the back?”
“Yeah.”
I stumble into the bedroom, and Haven closes the door behind us. At any other time, this would be dangerous, but I couldn’t make a move even if I tried.
She helps me out of my shirt, and suddenly has a cool washcloth pressed to my neck. I let her. I’ll always let her.
She sits beside me. Her hands are efficient as she slowly wipes my body down, cooling my overheated skin.
“You’re the only thing that feels real anymore,” I say, looking into her eyes and the endless green that can capture me again and again. “Thank you for believing me.”
Her eyes shimmer, and a tear rolls down her cheek before she wipes it away.
“I love you,” I tell her, unable to keep it inside.
She freezes, eyes wide.
“I mean it. Always have. Please tell me you believe me.”
Haven licks her lips.
“I don’t know what to believe anymore, Cy. I don’t know if I can believe anything you say to me, or if any of it is true,” she says softly.
There is no anger in her words, and I really shouldn’t expect anything more, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to hear her say it back.
I cup her face and make her look at me.
“I know I’m a fucking prick, and I’m a mess, but I mean every word. I don’t deserve forgiveness, I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I want you. That is the truth.”
Her fingers brush my hair back, just once before she clears her throat.
“You scare the hell out of me,” she whispers.
“On stage or right now?”
“Both.”
“I scare myself.”
I run my thumb over her cheek.
“You need help, Cy.”
“Don’t we all?”
“Don’t. Don’t do that, not with me. I see it, and I believe you. So don’t make jokes and try to wipe it all away.”
My throat tightens with emotion. I can’t speak, so I just grab her hand. We sit in silence as the bus begins to move, and soon the hum of the wheels beneath us is a lullaby for the broken.
Somewhere in that quiet moment, the war between us changes again. It isn’t just love. It’s something darker. Something deeper. Something more possessive.
And it will ruin us both before it’s over.