Chapter 29
chapter
twenty-nine
“Everything about us is smoke and mirrors…except the way we burn.” – Haven
CYRUS
I make it through the night, with Haven by my side for the whole rollercoaster. I know she wants to take me to the hospital, but I can’t go back. I just can’t, and I know she doesn’t understand, but she doesn’t press.
By the next morning, I’m feeling a fraction better, and when we reach the stop for the night, I’m almost back to normal.
Whatever that means. The bus is parked behind the stadium.
The Nebraska sky stretches wide above us, swollen with gray clouds and wind that howls.
I’ve played all of these locations before and yet each time they feel new.
Inside, the guys are scattered across the leather couches in the lounge.
Instruments in disarray from our jam session, gaming controllers out, television on, and the remnants of breakfast left abandoned on a nearby table…
cold eggs, an empty bottle of hot sauce, and a tipped-over Red Bull. Breakfast of champions.
Ash is retelling a ridiculous story about a bouncer in Boise who mistook him for a K-pop group member and he not only got free drinks but started signing everything as Felix from Stray Kids. I’m still surprised we didn’t get sued for that stunt.
“Yeah, well at least you didn’t get asked if you were nineteen,” Eren says with mock horror, flipping his two-toned hair off his forehead. “Like what the fuck? Do I really look that young? Not that I want to look old, but come on.”
“Well,” Vex mutters, tuning his guitar. “You do have one of those adorable baby faces.”
“Shut the fuck up. I do not,” Eren grumbles.
Ledger snorts from the corner, hoodie pulled over his head, legs stretched out. Ash smirks but remains silent as he flips through notes I made on the setlist. He is tapping his lip with the pen in a steady rhythm like it’s his drums. Everything looks normal on the surface.
But it isn’t.
I stand near the kitchenette, pretending to scroll through my messages, but whenever Haven is anywhere near me, I feel her. Like a fucking magnetic pull, my brain scrambles, and all I want is her.
She laughs at something Eren says as they stare at his phone.
The light, sweet sound echoes in my brain as they go back and forth with fans.
I don’t look at her, but she is a constant static crawling across my skin.
The craving to touch her, hold her, kiss her, fuck her, make her mine grows stronger every goddamn day.
Giving in to the temptation, I look up, and my gaze drags over to where she is sitting beside Eren.
She has her tablet in hand, and her hair swept to the side with a funky clip, not an ounce of make up and in a band hoodie.
She has no fucking idea how gorgeous she looks, which makes her even sexier.
Eren smiles at her and nudges her with his shoulder. I almost leap across the bus and wrap my hands around his fucking throat.
My fists clench, and I take a deep breath.
“You might want to save the flirting for after the show,” I call out to Eren, voice sharp and laced with more than just jealousy.
Eren looks up and raises a brow. “Relax, man. We were talking about shit the fans are saying. Not orgies.”
I turn away, jaw ticking as I picture grabbing her and dragging her into the bedroom at the back of the bus. Fuck, I want her in the worst way. It doesn’t help that I haven’t gone this long without sex in…God, I can’t even remember.
“I’m going to go check the stage setup,” Vex says, getting up and stretching. “I need to move around.”
“I’ll come with you,” Ash adds.
They both exit the bus, and it feels a little more bearable.
“I need food. Where the hell did Declan go to get lunch?” Ledger grumbles.
“Hell if I know. I think he spends half the time just driving around talking on his phone,” I say.
“Fuck it, vending machine it is. Want anything?”
Haven, Eren, and I all shake our heads no, and he walks off the bus as well.
“Well, I guess I’ll take a shower so I’m out of the way later,” Haven announces, and my cock stirs at the thought of her naked and wet.
She glances at me before averting her eyes and walking past, but it’s enough to send my adrenaline spiking.
Haven slips into the back, while Eren lies down on his bed and picks up a book. I want to toss him out and lock the fucking door.
I wait until the water is running and I hear the door close before heading for the back.
“You sure that’s a good idea,” Eren asks.
I glare at him.
“Nothing with her is a good idea, but I don’t fucking care.”
“Fair enough, I guess,” he says, smirking, and goes back to reading.
I point at him before leaving.
“If you so much as touch a fucking hair on her head, I’ll kill you with my bare hands.”
He looks over the top of his book and hits me with a smile.
“You mean, if you can lift your arms.”
My teeth grind. “Fuck you.”
He chuckles as I slip into the back as quietly as I can. The bathroom door already has steam curling under the crack like the promise of heat I can’t really touch.
Haven is humming. She always does when she’s in the shower. She has the sweetest voice. I miss hearing her belt out songs. I used to stand outside her bedroom door, listening for hours.
Unable to help myself, I open the bag sitting half-zipped on the bed. I shouldn’t go through it. But Haven is my obsession, and obsession is nothing more than necessity with sharper teeth.
My fingers move fast…makeup pouch, leather notebook with work stuff, and a tablet. I search every corner of that bag like it holds answers. The keys to fixing us. I don’t find anything like that, but I pull out a white lace thong. They match her jeans, laid out on the bed.
Fuck me.
I want to bite them and pull them off her body. Feast on her until everyone knows by her screams that she is mine.
Bringing them to my face, I bury my nose in the soft material. They smell like detergent and just a hint of her blueberry body wash.
She’s driving me crazy.
Unzipping my jeans, I fist my cock and free myself from the tight material. I wrap the skimpy thong around my aching shaft and run it up and down, biting back a groan. Fuck, I want to spread her thighs open wide and stare at her wet pussy as she slowly fingers herself while begging me to fuck her.
I want to bury my face between her legs and lick and suck every inch of her until she is screaming my name and coming on my tongue.
My hand moves faster. The pent-up craving from the moment she stepped back into my orbit is riding me. Precum drips from the tip of my cock. I rub the panties over it and then resume stroking. Faster and faster my hand moves as I imagine being balls-deep inside her.
My muscles flex, and my head falls back as I close my eyes. I can almost feel the heat of her pussy clenching around me as I fuck her hard. I’m practically vibrating at the thought of having her again, of thrusting into her until she comes and her walls tighten around my cock.
She’ll finally admit that we belong together.
I want to fucking unload inside of her, make her mine, and then do it all over again until we pass out from exhaustion.
My hand moves at a blinding pace. My abs clench at the thought of flipping her over and fucking her from behind as I watch myself disappear inside of her body.
“Be my good girl, Butterfly. Scream my name when you come on my cock,” I whisper.
Oh fuck.
I cover the tip with her thong, and the first shot of come that flies out is an explosion. I stumble to the side and lean against the wall. My hips thrust forward into my hand, and each time more floods the inside of her white, lace panties.
Even when there is nothing left, and I’m completely drained, my cock twitches and jerks, staying hard. The needy bastard wants more. I’m debating about whether I have time when I hear the water shut off.
Fuck.
Grabbing some tissue I wipe the majority of the mess away but make sure to leave some and smirk as I smear what’s left of my load inside of her thong.
A last second decision has me rubbing what I can from the tissue inside the crotch of her jeans before tossing it like a basketball into the garbage.
I lay her jeans down on the bed and stuff my dick back into mine. I turn and lean against the wall just as the shower door opens and Haven steps out, rubbing her hair. She is looking down and gasps, stopping in her tracks when she nearly runs into me.
Her towel almost falls off, and that is all it takes for me to be fully hard all over again.
“What the hell are you doing in here?”
I shrug, casually. “Waiting for you.”
Growling under her breath, she tries to walk past me, but I stick out my arm, stopping her. With a quick twist, I pull her against me, then push her up against the wall. Her ass presses into my cock, and every muscle contracts.
“Cy…what are you doing,” Haven asks, voice shaking.
“I’m trying to be a decent guy around you, Butterfly. But you make it impossible,” I whisper in her ear.
She wiggles, trying to free herself, but all it does is turn me on even more.
“Fuck you make me so hard. I’m barely holding it together.”
Haven stops trying to free herself and shoots me a glare over her shoulder. My hands have a mind of their own and slide under the towel. Her skin is incredibly soft as I explore her stomach and then down to her hip.
“Cy…”
“That’s it, Butterfly, say my fucking name like a good girl.”
“You have to stop.”
“You don’t mean that. The tremor in your voice and how your ass is pushing into my cock, tells another story.” She is panting hard but refuses to let go. “I want you.”
“Yes, until you have me, and then you’ll move on.”
A growl rips from my chest as I turn her to face me and glare down into her eyes.
“No. I keep telling you that it’s not like that.”
“And I keep telling you that I don’t believe you.”
I’m close enough that our noses softly touch.
“You know that I haven’t been with anyone since you arrived. You’re the only one I want. The only one I’ve ever loved.”
Before I can contemplate if this is a good idea, my mouth crashes down on hers.
She whimpers and tenses. I lick at her lower lip, and they part slightly.
That’s all I need. I kiss her harder, devouring her as if she is my last meal.
Haven finally gives in and opens for me. Excitement washes over me.
My tongue invades her mouth, and for the first time in five years, I taste what I’ve been craving. It’s better than even my memory can muster. Once more, I have her pushed up against the wall, my hands splayed on either side of her head.
I force myself to stop, or I’m going to throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she’s not there yet.
Panting, I rest my forehead on hers and lose myself in the dark look she’s giving me.
She sways a little when I release her. Fuck I don’t feel human. It’s like an out-of-body experience as I watch her step away from the wall. She keeps her eyes on me, and it takes all my willpower not to move.
Haven snatches the underwear I used off the bed and pulls them on without looking away. She is so distracted and noticeably trembling that my gift in her underwear goes unnoticed.
“Is this what you wanted to talk about,” she asks, and then looks down as she pulls her jeans into place.
I take a step toward her and her eyes dart up to mine. “Yes. Sort of. We need to finish our discussion about us,” I quickly say, distracting her.
As she pulls the zipper up, I almost make a mess in my jeans at the thought of her wearing the come-soaked underwear for the rest of the day. I run my bottom lip through my teeth.
“Stop looking at me like that,” she orders, managing to pull a tank top on without giving me a show. Disappointing, but I’ll survive as long as she keeps those panties on, marking herself with me.
“Like what?”
“Like you want to eat me.”
“But I do.”
I can’t keep myself from touching her again. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her into my body. Dropping my lips to the side of her neck, I breathe in her scent.
“You smell so fucking good. Sweet blueberries and defiance, with a rich layer of temptation. You’ve always smelled the same. How is that fucking possible?”
“Cyrus, don’t start this again,” Haven orders weakly, her voice breathy. “This is so wrong.”
“Then do it, push me away. It won’t change the truth.”
Sliding my hands down and over the curve of her ass, I squeeze.
Haven moans, the first real break in her determination to keep me shut out.
“Oh yeah? And what truth is that?”
“That you want me as badly as I want you. That you’re soaking wet right now. I bet your panties are drenched. Your body is begging for me to fuck you. Go ahead and check, tell me that your pussy isn’t dripping.”
Haven doesn’t move, her chest heaving against mine.
“Do it, slip your hand into your pants, and I bet you won’t be able to resist fingering your tight little hole, because your body is on fire. You want to come, right now, in my arms.”
She licks her lips. I flex my hips and rub my hard shaft up against her.
“Feel that? That’s what you do to me. I don’t want anyone else. We were made for each other.”
“You keep saying that, but I don’t know how to trust what comes out of your mouth.”
I tip her chin up and gaze into her eyes.
“Hear me, Haven. I want to devour every inch of your body. You may not believe it yet, but you have ruined me for anyone else. I’ve craved you, Butterfly, since the day you left, and that kind of craving does something dark to a man’s soul.
If anyone makes the mistake of thinking you’re theirs…
I’ll fuck you in front of them to prove them wrong. ”
Haven’s eyes go wide. Stepping back, I wrap my hand around her throat and feel her swallow.
“I’ve never killed a man before, but I promise that I’m on the edge of losing my sanity, Butterfly. I will do what I say.”
I squeeze a little tighter, and surprisingly, she doesn’t grab my arm.
“We’re going to revisit this conversation in a few days once you’ve had time to think.”
I get close to her ear and groan, the sound is deep and rough, and she trembles in my grasp.
“And while you’re thinking…I want you to picture my cock buried deep inside you as you come screaming my name. The only name you’ll ever scream again.”
Haven sways slightly, making the corner of my mouth turn up. My hand falls away from her throat. She straightens and smooths out her damp hair. Her cheeks are flushed, and she presses her legs together like doing so will stop the ache that I know is throbbing there.
“For the record, I love the idea of your pussy soaking wet when you’re watching me on stage. It makes me hard,” I growl, and then walk out.
Fuck, I hope she fingers herself right now with the same underwear on that I just came in. I shiver at the thought.
Wandering past Eren, who has fallen asleep, I drop down at the kitchenette table, heart jackknifing in my chest.
Haven is mine.
I just need to find a way to get her to admit the truth.