Chapter 36
chapter
thirty-six
“Tell me you hate me, lie if you must…but don’t ever tell me you don’t feel this too.” – Cyrus
CYRUS
Taking a drink of water, I glance off stage at Haven. When she is pissed, she can ignore you like it’s her fucking full-time job. Nine hours. Nine hours and she has yet to say a single word to me.
I can play dumb and act like I don’t know how we got here, but I get it. I took something personal and read it without her permission. It’s her stony, emotionless expression that’s too much.
The stomping and clapping of the cheering crowd slowly filters back. When I turn around and smirk, the screams are deafening as the vibrations travel through me.
Fuck this. I march toward Haven, and her eyes go wide as she takes a step back.
“What the hell are you doing?” She whispers as I snatch her wrist.
“Your father wants us to put on a show, right?”
I tug her toward the stage, but she may as well be wearing lead boots.
“You’re out of your mind if you think I’m going out there,” she says.
“You’re coming one way or another,” I warn.
“No, no way. I can’t…ah,” she squeals when I grip her around the waist and haul her up over my shoulder, taking her completely by surprise. “Don’t you dare. Put me down, Cy. I swear to God.”
The guys are all staring like I’ve lost my mind, and maybe I have. But if I’m honest with myself, it happened a long time ago. The crowd goes crazy when I step back out. I stop at the mic while Haven swears a blue streak a mile long.
“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you,” she yells vehemently.
“As you all know by now, unless you live under a rock, Haven and I are…well, we have a complicated relationship,” I say. “Everyone, say hi to Haven.”
I turn around and feel her lift her head as the crowd screams, Hi, Haven.
You cannot wipe the devilish smile off my face.
Facing the mic once more, I continue, “Well, I upset her. More than that, she is pissed.”
“Did you cheat on her?” Someone yells.
“No. But thanks for the vote of confidence,” I tease, and there is a ripple of laughter. “I did something much worse.” The crowd gets quiet, and so does Haven. I’m still not putting her down yet.
“I stole something personal and private of hers and read it.”
There are a lot of winces and boos. I wave my hand at them to calm down.
“I know, I know, I’m an asshole.” They laugh. “Here’s the thing. Once upon a time, she gave me a song she wrote and I told Haven that her songwriting sucked and she couldn’t sing any better than a dying cat.”
The collective gasp is loud.
“I just admitted that I’m an asshole, what do you expect? Point is…I was lying. The truth…I love the song, and she has an incredible voice. So, this is what I want to do with your help. We need to convince Haven to sing this song with me for you.”
The roar is beyond anything that I’ve heard all night, and I slowly lower Haven to her feet.
She glares at me from under her thick red mane.
Haven masks her anger like a fucking pro as she fixes her hair and turns to the crowd.
She waves, and the smile that stretches across her face is genuine.
A guy in the front row takes off his shirt and whips it on stage.
“Hey, she’s mine, back off,” I say, pointing at him.
I grab the mic in one hand and hers in the other.
“Sing. Sing. Sing,” I start the chant, but the audience picks it up and runs with it. Soon, it sounds like a chorus.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Haven says through her teeth as she looks up at me, eyes narrowing. “I haven’t sung in like three years. I may actually kill you,” she mutters, just loud enough for me to hear.
“You’ll be fine. You’re a natural. Let’s do it, Butterfly. Just you, me, and So Wrong but So Right.”
“Do you even remember the words?”
“Of course I do. I’m Cyrus Vale,” I say with a cocky grin.
Haven rolls her eyes and takes a moment to glance between me and the thousands still screaming and chanting. Her shoulders slump in defeat, and I smile.
She nods.
“Okay, I’ll do it.”
I turn to the audience.
“She’s going to do it!”
The cheers shake the walls and floors. I walk over to the stand that holds my acoustic. I never use it, but I take it everywhere with me because it was Patrick’s. It helps me feel like a piece of him is always with me.
“Sit this one out,” I announce to the rest of the band. They nod, but don’t leave the stage even though this is the encore for the night. I run my fingers over the strings like it’s her body and caress every note.
You tell me it’s over
whenever I scream.
I pack a bag,
but neither one of us will ever leave.
I stare into her eyes, not caring how many millions of people see this and finally know how much she means to me. I’m a fuck up, and I ruined things with us five years ago, but I’ll get it right this time.
Haven joins in for the chorus, soft and unsure at first, but my heart swells when her voice marries perfectly with mine.
So wrong every time we lose the light.
Drowning in the sorrow of another fight.
Feels like were dying but so alive
Our love is so wrong but so right.
She sounds like a fucking angel, sent here to destroy me.
What did we get ourselves into
And what the hell do we do?
How can I breathe when you’re the air that is suffocating me, too?
Haven is mine. She can be mad at me about her diary. But in this moment, singing with Haven, I’m fucking happier than I’ve been in years.
So wrong every time we lose the light.
Drowning in the sorrow of another fight.
I can’t look away, the audience fading as her voice blends with mine. I drown without her.
Feels like were dying but so alive
Our love is so wrong but so right.
I’ve never been this open and vulnerable on stage. Stepping in as close as I can, I pray that she can see the love that I carry with me every moment of every day along with all the scars I’ve caused.
Maybe we’re a bad idea
I keep tattooing on my skin.
But every time we reach the end
We reach for each other again.
The final verse is so emotional that my voice cracks as if my heart is bleeding on stage for her. Tears glisten in Haven’s eyes, and I don’t fucking care if it sounds insane. I’m never letting her go.
My fingers strum the final haunting chords in the quiet stadium. As soon as the last word is sung, I grip the back of Haven’s neck and draw her in for a kiss.
She smiles against my lips as the crowd goes wild.
“Do you forgive me?”
“For everything or for the diary?”
“Hmm, I think everything is pushing it. So, the diary,” I say, pulling back and waving at our audience.
Haven gives me a saucy look that has me picturing her naked all over again.
“Yes, for the diary, but you have a hell of a long way to go for everything else.”
“You’re fucking incredible, Colorado! Goodnight.”
With a bow, we head offstage.
“Oh my god! I can’t believe I just sang for all those people,” Haven says, and hits my arm, making me laugh.
“Admit it, you loved it.”
I cross my arms as she blushes.
Haven’s cheeks are flushed, but her eyes are bright and happy. If possible, I want to keep that look on her face every single day.
“Yeah, okay, I did,” she admits.
“So, you two are really a thing,” Eren asks, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Not just for publicity? Cause if not, you sold that really fucking well. I mean, I believe.”
“I am all in, but Haven still needs some convincing,” I answer, glancing at her.
“I still can’t believe you made me do that.” Haven covers her face and groans.
Ash bumps her shoulder. “You two were fucking awesome. Do you hear them out there? It’s a madhouse. That’s how we should end every night.”
“Nooo.” Haven points at him, but I fucking love the idea.
Declan walks by, all smiles, while on a call. I’m not sure why he doesn’t just have a Bluetooth surgically implanted at this point.
Ledger already has his phone out checking videos.
“Damn, you two are like ship status. This is crazy. We haven’t had numbers like this in like two years.”
“Congrats, Haven,” Vex says and keeps on walking.
“Thanks,” she calls after him, and guilt bites my ass.
“Shit, I need to fix that. I’ll be back.” Despite the exhaustion clawing at every part of me, I jog after Vex. Grabbing him, he stops and looks at me with a flat, emotionless stare as he crosses his arms.
“You going to hit me for saying congrats?”
Rubbing the back of my neck, I look down.
“Naw, man. Just want to apologize for last night. I was out of line.”
“Accepted.” Vex exhales and shakes his head slowly. “But, your reaction was out of control. You know I wouldn’t try to steal Haven from you.”
“But, would you try to steal me from her?”
His brows pull together as the joke lands.
“Fuck you,” he mumbles, but smirks.
Fifteen minutes later, we are in the VIP room, my joints are screaming, and my head is pounding. The bright fluorescent lights and the squeals coming from the girls surrounding me do nothing to help my situation.
I glance around and find Haven at the door, a dark scowl on her face, her fingers tapping along her leg. A habit she uses to keep calm.
Our eyes lock just as one of the girls leans in and takes a selfie while kissing my cheek.
That’s when Haven walks out.
Shit.
It takes me five more minutes to get untangled from the mob of fans who want everything from pictures to shirts and tits signed. I’ve never understood the appeal of having my name tattooed on their bodies, but whatever. To each their own.
“Where the hell are you going? The VIP area is open for another half hour,” Declan says, grabbing my arm as I try to make my escape.
I look at his hand, then his face, and he quickly releases me.
“I’m tired, so I’m out.”
“You can’t keep doing this shit,” Declan calls after me, but I keep moving and don’t look back. Two guards follow in my wake, making sure the coast is clear for me to get on the bus without being accosted.
When I was eighteen, the only thing I desired was thousands of women wanting to get in my pants. Now I only want one, and as I reach the top of the bus stairs, she is sitting at the table writing.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Haven responds.
“Why did you leave?”
“Didn’t want to stay.”
Sliding in across from her, I smile and ignore the new vibrating sensation under my skin. I don’t fucking want to know what this is, and I need a distraction.
“Were you jealous?”
Haven doesn’t bother to look up from what she is doing.
“Nope.”
“Are you lying?”
“Nope.”
“I think you are.”
“You’re entitled to your opinion,” she says, and my nostrils flare.
Why do I have to love the most stubborn fucking girl in the world? Why can’t she just admit that she wants me?
“Are you angry about me bringing you on stage?”
With a heavy sigh, she finally looks up.
“No, that was sweet in its own fucked up way.”
“I am sorry.”
Her eyes soften ever so slightly.
“I know.”
“But you aren’t jealous, and you don’t want me?”
“Correct. We need to remain…professional if we have any hope of making it through this tour without killing one another.”
Haven goes back to writing notes.
Professional? Fuck that.
I drum my fingers on the table as I stare at Haven, willing her to look up. She doesn’t, and each minute that passes, it annoys me more.
The guys join us, and I have an idea.
“Hey, Ash, tell the driver to take us to the closest strippers.”
The bus goes silent as Haven lifts her head and looks at me.
“Does that bother you?”
Her eyes flare with jealousy, but she casually shrugs.
“Nope, why would it?”
Oh, Haven…you asked for it.