Chapter 53 #2
“Sure, me and the three hundred other girls he parades under my nose.” I run my hand down my face, trying to clear my head somehow.
“This is ridiculous, I don’t even know what to say to that.
” I look down at the red marks on my arms. “I’m literally covered in his piss and look like I’ve been whipped with an electrical wire, and you say he loves me.
If this is his love, then I never want to see his hate. ”
“You’re right, I’m an ass. Let’s get you cleaned up and in clothes.”
“I’m not going back into that house. I’ll clean up at home.”
“You can’t drive home like that. You’ll get pulled over and arrested for indecent exposure. The cop will have a heart attack, and then your father will when he finds out.”
“I don’t think my father cares what happens to me anymore.”
“That’s not true.”
“Patrick, you haven’t been around to see. He’s distant, always busy, and all he cares about is the great Cyrus Vale. It’s disgusting, and I want to vomit.”
Patrick gives me a sad smile.
“Come on, I’ll go inside and get your stuff so you can at least put on some clothes. We can burn them later.”
I nod, and Patrick walks me over to the cars lining the driveway. I’m not sure what else we have to say, but then a question pops into my head.
“When did you know?”
“That I was into guys, or that I loved Cyrus?”
“Both, I guess,” I say with a shrug.
“I questioned it when we were thirteen and I thought Ryan Shaffer was kissable.”
“Ryan Shaffer? Really? Man…we have the same terrible taste in guys, I liked him too. Wasn’t he expelled?”
“Yes. Definitely shit taste in men.”
Patrick smiles widely, and we actually feel normal again. It’s nice to have everything that was hanging between us finally out in the open.
“But he’s no Cy,” I say.
“No, he is not,” Patrick answers as we reach my car. “Look…I really am sorry for everything. What I feel for Cyrus should never have come between our friendship.”
“He has that power. I don’t understand it, but I do the same thing. I see the damaged boy that he hides under the snarky comments and bravado. I keep thinking I can fix him or something. Dumb. So dumb.”
“Lord knows Cyrus needs someone to keep trying to fix him, but I can’t do it. Not at the risk of losing you.”
“He needs to fix himself,” I say, with a sigh.
Patrick grabs me and pulls me into a hug.
“You’re going to get covered in pee.”
“I don’t care. I love you, Haven. You’re truly an incredible person, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for not being the same in return.
” He pulls back and smiles. “I’m going to bet you right now that one of these days, Cyrus wakes up and realizes what a mistake he’s made and admits how much he loves you. ”
“Yeah…I won’t hold my breath.”
“He will…” He smiles as he steps back. “I know it, and I want to be in the wedding party.”
“You’ve had way too much to drink tonight. You’re not even making sense anymore,” I grumble and look away. “That’s never happening.”
“I may have had a few too many, but I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching. Trust me, I know cause it’s the way I look at him.”
My cheeks warm, and yet my heart aches for my best friend at the same time. I hate that I understand the pull Cyrus has and how it feels like you're basking in a ray of forbidden sunlight from just a look.
“Cyrus needs some sense knocked into him but he will come around.”
“If you say so.”
“I know I don’t have the right to ask when I haven’t been a good friend to you. But please don’t tell anyone about me, okay?”
“I won’t. I promise. It’s not for me to tell anyone, and I’ll be here whenever you are ready to take that leap.”
“I know. I’ll make things right with you, Haven. I promise,” Patrick says and then jogs off to the house.
I stay hidden behind my car, thinking about everything that just happened, and I can’t wrap my head around any of it.
I’m in love with Cyrus, and he treats me like crap.
Patrick is in love with Cyrus, who doesn’t even notice his feelings.
And Cyrus…well, he can’t even admit he has feelings. We’re all a mess.
Tears trail down my cheek.
I’ve held so much guilt for so long, but now I realize no one is blameless in Patrick’s death, including Patrick for getting behind the wheel.
I’ve tried to let that part of me go. But how do you release the dreams of our future?
A future we’ll never know. I think I’ve clung to the guilt because holding it means I haven’t let Patrick go.
“I kept your secret…I always will. I just wish we had more time together,” I say as the wind picks up and my hair whips around my face. “Is that you? Are you here with me?”
Of course, there is no response, and yet, as crazy as it sounds, I can feel him standing beside me.
“You were right. It’s a good thing I didn’t take that bet. Cy finally admitted that he loves me, but I’m scared to let him in all the way. I’m terrified to trust him, Patrick,” I whisper. “I don’t know if I’m being a fool or if we were always destined to end up here.”
Bright orange and black colors catch my attention as a Monarch butterfly flutters closer. Holding out my hand, it lands on my finger, and its wings catch the light. I choke back a sob and lift my face to the warm sun.
“Thank you, Patrick.”