50. Abigail – “Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.” — Emory Austin
50
Abigail
“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.” — Emory Austin
The next three months flew by. Before I knew it, I was stepping off a plane and checking in at the Four Seasons Hotel near SoFi stadium. Just being in the same city as Colt had me on edge. And I looked over my shoulder every two minutes, even at the check-in desk. Nora flew in yesterday and was waiting in the lobby when I arrived.
“Abigail!” Bodie says as he comes running to me. My heart nearly burst at the sight. He looks like he has grown an inch since I last saw him. The last few months, I haven’t been able to see Bodie as much with work, end-of-school exams, and getting the album Toxic Wishes together. I wanted to have it ready before I came out here with Josh. I wanted to make sure Mel could run it by her dad to give to some music producers while I was out here, hoping to meet with some of them before the Super Bowl. That was one of Blake’s wishes. To have one of his hits be sung at halftime, where his brother would be blown away.
I made a copy of Blake's CD in the back of his journal and asked Josh to send it to him when I gave him the green light. It wasn’t just a CD of songs but more of a live journal. Since you can’t write down songs and hear how they sound in a journal, he played them while he recorded himself. Each track was a dedication to one of us. His brother, his dad, me, or his mental health and the struggles he went through. It was like a song journal, and after hearing it all. I know Colt had to listen to it, but he hasn’t reached out to me or called after Josh gave him the CD, not that I expected him to, but I would be lying if I said I didn't think he would. It was the last tie holding us together, and now that I’ve had a month to be at peace with it, I think I’ll be fine. When Josh proposed the idea of me coming as his plus one, I was opposed, but when he said it would be a great reunion because Mel was driving down here to stay with us, I couldn’t say no.
“Oh my goodness, you have gotten so big,” I say as I wrap my arms around him.
“Yeah, I’m the biggest one in my class now,” he says.
“I believe it.”
“And I’ve been practicing my vibrato ever since our last lesson. I think I'm a master at it now. Maybe you can come to our room, and I’ll show you.”
I chuckle. “Okay, but let me check in and get settled first.”
“Yes, Bodie, I told you you have to calm down. We are here for your daddy. This is a big deal, remember. If we have time for your guitar show, we’ll watch you, but right now, let everyone get settled in before the ceremony dinner tonight.” Nora says.
“Okay, Grammy,” Bodie slumps over his shoulders as he lowers his head slightly.
She walked over and stood next to me as I waited for a room key
“He’s not here right now.”
“Who?”
She smiles at me. “Colt.”
I sighed. “Am I that obvious?”
She bumped her shoulder with mine, “You’re scanning the room better than an FBI agent waiting for your target to walk in.”
I smiled sadly, “Guess I need to work on my poker face. Thank you for telling me.” I relax now, knowing I won’t accidentally walk into him. All I have to do now is wait for Josh to arrive with our rental car.
“He will be at the dinner tonight, though, and I wanted to be the first to tell you, so will Naomi.”
“Naomi?” My heart drops in my stomach.
“From what I heard, Troy’s wife invited her so she wouldn't be bored, and they could go shopping together with the baby.” She rolls her eyes. “Don’t know what he ever saw in that lady.”
“Nora, you don’t have to.”
“No, no, no. I am not just saying that to appease you, I mean it.”
“Thank you, I appreciate that. But I’m not the one you have to convince. Never been much of a peer-pressure-pusher either.”
“I know, dear, that’s what I like about you.” She winks at me, and I’m quickly taken back to the first day we ever met.
Josh told me Cliff and some of Colt’s teammates would be at the ceremony dinner, in addition to Colt’s entire extended family. So tonight, there was a dinner for everyone to meet in a private room before the Super Bowl on Sunday.
“Okay, thank you for the heads up.”
With no chance of running into Colt, I had about three hours to try and relax. Josh is in the room next to me, and Mel is supposed to come into town tomorrow so she can go with us to the Super Bowl. This was a big deal for Colt since this would be his third time participating in the championship. With him retiring soon, I’d say he’s going out with a bang.
I tried not to focus on my nerves, knowing Colt would be in the same room as me. I spent a restless hour flicking through the television when I decided the best thing to do to conquer my nerves would be to shower and get ready. It would give me something to focus on.
I bought a green casual silk dress, yet showed off a little cleavage and leg. And since I had time to spare, I put on more makeup than usual, displaying a smokey eye effect and contouring my cheekbones. Now that I know Naomi and Jenna will be here, I need all the confidence boost I can get, and the thought of blowing Colt’s mind when he sees me encouraged the motivation I had behind the makeup brush.
I’ve been working out like crazy and eating healthy for a month. I know I lost weight, so I needed to put on some muscle to look good for tonight, and so Colt wouldn’t worry about me.
When I was done, I looked in the full-length mirror and was happy with what I saw. It’s been a while since I got all done up, Jenna’s wedding, to be exact. And this gave me the confidence I needed to get through tonight.
Just as I’m putting on my silver strap-on shoes, I hear a knock at the door.
“Yo, I-” Josh eyed me up and down, practically letting his mouth drop to the floor. “Wow, you look fucking hot, Asher. You didn’t have to go all out for me like that.”
I swat at his shoulder. “Oh, stop.” I walk back over to the bed, and he follows, closing the door behind him.
“I figured we could have a drink before we head out. I know you may need something to calm your nerves.”
“Why would you say that?” I ask.
He narrows his eyes over his shoulders as he places the brown bag on the little bar counter in the corner of the room.
“Yeah, well, he’s not the only reason. How come you didn’t tell me Naomi would be here?” I asked.
“Because I know you wouldn’t have come. Besides, I wouldn’t sweat it, and it’s not like Colt invited her. She wanted to tag along since she knew Troy couldn’t tell his wife no. Naomi is his favorite cousin. Oh my gah.” He says in his best Valley girl imitation.
Even though it shouldn’t have, hearing Naomi was Jenna’s favorite hurt. I knew it was true, and it came as no surprise, but it never stopped hurting, especially now that I understand why they all treated me so differently throughout the years.
“Yeah,” I say as I buckle my heel on the bed. I was taking longer than usual because I didn’t want him to see the sadness in my face.
“Abigail, don’t worry about them. Let’s have fun.”
“Why would I worry?” I say as I stand, smoothing my dress over.
He narrows his gaze on me. “Really? Something happened between you and Colt over the summer, but it’s not my place to pry.” He holds up his hands in surrender.
“But just know, Colt’s been back home almost every other week to see Bodie. Other than that, I haven’t heard much about what he’s been doing. But I’m not saying this to give you hope.”
My stomach feels like he’s twisting it in a knot and pulling it tighter as he continues. “I know how-” he pauses, ensuring his word choices will not trigger me. “Restricted you can get when it comes to yourself, so I’m only telling you so you don’t think Namoi is even a factor. I think Colt is just trying to move on or cope, the same as you are.”
The knot broke, bursting open every emotion I had packed away for months. I slowly nod as Josh comes closer to place a hand on my shoulder. “It will be okay. Just relax, and let's have a nice dinner and focus on having a good time. And remind yourself Mel will be here tomorrow. The three amigos reunited just like the old college days.”
I force a smile and walk over to the bar area where he stood. He right, might as well have a drink to help take the edge off before we head down to the dining area.
“Dad!”
My heart nearly stopped when I heard Bodies’ voice. I’ve been watching the door ever since we were seated. But when the waitress started making her rounds to take orders, I became distracted looking at the menu. Bodie wanted to sit as close to me as possible. Josh was sitting a few seats down next to his dad, Troy, and some other NFL players he wanted to chat it up with. Bodie was on my right, with Nora next to him. And we all sat across from Naomi. She had a seat open the whole time, and I knew why she wanted to sit right across from me, front row and center. Bodie pushed back his chair, scrapping the tile, and bolted for the door. He jumped in Colt’s arms as Colt spun him around. They exchanged words as he held Bodie up to him, eye level. Then Bodie points my way, and immediately, my heart races. I look down at the menu.
Shit, shit, shit.
I have no idea where Colt will sit since Bodie and his grandma are already sitting next to me. I’ve been so wrapped up in how I’d feel when seeing Colt, but I forgot how attached I got to Bodie over the summer. I look up at them over my menu, savoring the moments I used to witness all the time at the lakehouse.
A few other people I didn’t know got up from the table and went to say hello, along with Troy and Jenna. Naomi returned her attention to me, “Oh look, Colt’s here,” she smirked as she picked up her glass of wine and sipped.
I tore my gaze away from her. I had two shots in the room, so by no means did I need any more to drink. I picked up my water casually and took a sip.
After a few minutes, the crowd surrounding Colt started to dwindle, and my heart raced as I stole glances at him. He looked beautiful. His hair has grown slightly longer. With the ends curled up in a messy sort of way, but I found it incredibly sexy. He wore a French blue shirt, revealing the color in his eyes. The shirt was tucked into navy dress pants, showcasing his masculine silhouette. Broad shoulders created the mouth of a V and led down to a narrow waist. God, he is even more fucking handsome than I remember. Fawning over him caught me off guard that I hadn't thought about his appearance lately. I missed the man inside that body, the one that let me see beneath that rock-hard shell. Even though he wasn’t a cancer, sometimes he acted like one.
When Colt finally shook the last person's hand, he scanned the room, and his eyes landed on me. I felt his gaze all over. My heart jumped into my throat. My body tingled, and my eyes watered. Luckily, Bodie tugged on his hand, which caused him to look away, but at the same time, I saw Naomi get up and walk towards him. She was wearing a super tight light pink dress. That was low cut and showed off the fake boobs she got. Her long blonde hair was curled at the ends, and she was flawless as usual. She kissed him on the cheek before she turned around and guided him towards the dinner table. Colt went around the table, greeting everyone he hadn’t said hello to yet as Bodie and Naomi took their seats.
“He still knows how to make a grand entrance,” Noami says to Jenna and Troy, sitting beside her.
“Just like he will inside me tonight.” She flutters her eyes to mine, and I want to pull her stupid clip out of the side of her head and throw it at her, knocking her eyeball out. But I remained calm as if her words didn’t phase me. Once he was done greeting everyone, he came to sit at the only seat that made sense since it was across from his mom and son. I knew that was the only reason he was sitting next to Naomi. Sitting down, he tipped his chin and said, “Abigail, good to see you.”
I force a smile. “You too, Colt.”
Naomi ran a hand down his arm, and that tiny gesture alone made me want to get out of there and get another drink, but I focused my attention back on my hands.
“Dad, You have to sit next to me,” Bodie says across the table.
“There aren’t any open seats next to you, bud.”
“I got it.” Bodie gets up, grabs an empty seat almost the size he was, and puts it between my seat and his, looking pretty pleased with himself. “Now there’s a chair. Abigail can move over a little, and so can I. There’s plenty of room.”
There wasn’t, but I wasn’t going to open my mouth and discourage this idea because this may be the only chance I would get to be close to him this weekend and maybe at all. And I longed for his touch. When my eyes caught Colt’s, I could see he was hesitant as I felt, but Colt’s eyes glanced around and saw everyone looking at him. Rather than making a scene, he smiled.
Colt was a large man, so even though Bodie managed to squeeze into a chair, his shoulders and legs barely fit when he sat down. His muscular leg was less than an inch from mine, and I could feel its heat. And it seemed to travel up my leg and warm all my body parts below the waist. I had the strongest urge to shift my thigh against his. Even leg against leg, as desperate as that was. Instead, I took a deep breath and looked up, exhaling to see Naomi sending daggers my way. I smiled, a genuine smile for the first time tonight.
Bodie kept up the majority of the conversation, which I was grateful for because it kept Colt looking the opposite way as me. Conversations flowed, and the entire time, I had to pretend I wasn’t completely consumed with the man next to me. There were points Bodie brought me into the conversation, and a few times, our eyes met, and so many unspoken words passed between us. All under the watchful eye of Naomi. Who was now draining her third or fourth cocktail.
“Where’s the freakin 'waitress?” Naomi snaps.
“She’s busy bringing out the desserts,” Colt says.
“I’m drinking my dessert tonight,” Naomi says, looking around again. With the waitress nowhere in sight, she pushes her chair back. “Anyone want a drink?” Naomi looks at me, then at Colt. And before we could respond, she was walking off, presumably to the bar. With her hawk eyes not on me, I take this chance to use the restroom, taking my time. When I return, I nearly stumble at the sight.
Naomi is in Colt’s lap while another blonde is in my seat. I hesitated, wondering if I should go to my room, but I didn’t want to do that without saying goodnight to Bodie, Josh, and Nora. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m curious to know why the fuck Naomi is sitting on his lap. I watch, mesmerized for a moment, and I see Naomi whisper something into Colt’s ears, and he smiles. He looks slightly uncomfortable, but not enough to tell her to get off his lap. Taking in a deep breath, I force my feet to move forward. When Noami and the other blonde see me approaching, Naomi says,
“Hey, sorry, we didn’t mean to take your seat, but Amanda is a huge fan of Colt’s. I met her at the bar. Go ahead, Amanda, tell him his passer rate last year.” Naomi says with a glossy smile as she stares right at me.
“69.7 percent. Highest in the NFL. Amanda says with a wide smile, looking at Colt. “Sixty-nine is my favorite number, by the way.”
Naomi and her snicker, and it dawned on me that Naomi and Colt have had threesomes. She is doing this to get under my skin and let me know I can’t one-up her. Not when it comes to my looks or my willingness to compete with her in the bedroom to keep a man like Colt interested.
“And how many yards did he throw for?” Naomi asks Amanda, but she’s not looking at Amanda anymore. She's only looking at me.
“Four thousand seven hundred and eighty.”
“How about the year before that?”
Amanda beams with excitement.“Four thousand four hundred and seventy.”
Noami tilted her glass to Colt. “See, babe, she is a huge fan. And I’d bet she would be willing to learn more about you, too.” She leans closer to Colt, and I feel goosebumps form as a shiver runs down my spine. “You’re welcome,” Naomi says with a whisper, turning her gaze towards me as I sit across from them.
“Abigail, I wanted you to sit by me and Dad,” Bodie asks.
“It’s okay, bud. I can talk to you from here, no worries.”
“You want me to move so you can sit next to Abigail?” Colt asks Bodie, and I can see the fume mistying out of Naomi’s gaze as she glares at Colt. His focus is on Bodie, so he has no clue. “No, because I wanted to sit by both of you.”
“I can move,” Nora says as she gets up. “Really Grammy!” Bodie says with excitement in his tone.
“Anything for my sugar plum.” she ruffles his hair just a bit, not enough to mess it up. Nora gets up, and Naomi says nothing. I’ve done my best to remain calm, but I had enough when I noticed Naomi’s hands slip into Colt’s pants.
“It's okay, Nora.” I quickly stand, holding a hand up so she doesn’t walk further. I snatch my purse on the table.
“Are you sure?” Nora tilted her head to the side as she frowned at me.
“Yeah, it’s getting late, and it’s been a long day, so I think I’m just going to head back to my hotel room.”
“The night is barely getting started,” Naomi says with a light laugh as she holds her hands out, looking to her left and right down the long table.
“I think this night has gone on long enough.”
“Abigail, you don’t-”
“Goodnight, Colt. Enjoy your evening.” I cut him off, turned around, and walked off.
An hour later, I was back in my hotel room. And I still hadn’t calmed down. Since Josh left the bottle of vodka in my room, I took a shot, hoping that would help. It did in the moment as I focused on the burning sensation that traveled down my throat and coated my stomach. The warm sensation instantly made me feel better since I barely ate anything at dinner.
I heard a knock at the door, and the thought of Colt on the other side made my heart leap through my chest. Swinging the door open, my excitement drops to my stomach as disappointment sinks in.
“Hey, Asher,” Josh says as I walk away from the door, leaving it open. He closes it behind him.
Even though I wasn’t in the mood to talk, I told myself I would get one for him. He was my friend, a real friend, after all.
“The vodka’s on the bar counter,” I said as I sat on the bed, wrapping a blanket around me.
“That’s not why I’m here, even though I think we all could use one after this evening.”
I raise an eyebrow at him.
“After you left, Bodie got so upset, so Colt comforted him, which only made Naomi more pissed because it’s obvious Bodie favors you over her, even though they dated for almost two years. Then Bodie said some mean things to her, which I thought were hilarious, but Nora and Colt told him to apologize. So I’m here because my man wanted me to check on you and see if you were okay, and he wanted to talk to you.”
“Josh, can’t I just see Bodie in the morning? It’s late, and I’m-”
“No, not my little man, my big man. Colt.”