52. Colt – “Music is the soundtrack of your life.” — Dick Clark
52
Colt
“Music is the soundtrack of your life.” — Dick Clark
She left me in a daze, trying to process how I could continue to abandon someone I loved, even if she were right, and I wouldn't admit it.
But she loved me back.
I closed my eyes tight. Something had to give. Not only was I going to ruin the Super Bowl that we played in two days because my lack of focus rendered me useless to the team, but more importantly, I didn’t know how to forget about her. But could I betray my brother? That was the only question that needed to be answered. Was I willing to do that? And it’s clear it’s something that I needed to come to peace with; Abigail already has. She told me they were just friends when we first met, but in those songs he created, he mentioned her taste when he kissed her, how his toxic wishes turned into toxic kisses that tasted sweet and airy, like cotton candy. The words ring in my ears along with the melody. It was a catchy tune. But the words haunt me because I know exactly what he meant.
After about ten minutes of talking to myself while a waitress brought me a drink I had yet to finish, I spotted Naomi. Jenna was with her, but it looked like she was already trashed, and Naomi was trying to get her to stay out later, which is understandable. I’m sure Jenna never gets out now with the baby, and Naomi misses having her around. I assumed that Troy was back at the new place he had bought with his precious baby girl. I was happy for him. Now that things have become routine, he’s doing much better handling being a dad and a husband.
I lowered my hoodie so she wouldn’t recognize me as I kept my head down and sipped my drink. I dared not to look up until I knew she had to be gone. I focused on my drink to help pass the time.
“Who’s this guy sitting by himself?”
Fuck!
I wanted to run and hide, but it was too late. I slowly lifted my gaze to meet Naomi’s blue eyes and blonde hair that framed her face. She looked like she had one too many already.
“Hi, handsome.” She says as she sits beside me, forcing me to scoot over.
“May I join you?”
I didn’t even bother to answer.
“For someone about to play a huge game Sunday, you don’t look too happy, and I doubt drinking will help.”
“It’s my first one,” I say tersely.
“Well, I know a better drug to help take the edge off.” She leans in and starts nibbling my ear as she slips her hands down my pants. What’s shocking is my body doesn’t respond like it usually would.
“Naomi,” I say as I take her hand away and place it back in her lap.
“Not here.”
“Let's go back to your place then. The night is still young. We could fuck all night like we used to. That used to always prepare you for an all-star game, baby.” She starts kissing down my neck.
I’m a guy. The memory of all the times we have fucked causes my dick to spring to life. But it’s fleeting. It would be so easy to get lost in her body right now. Because it’s been so long since I’ve been with a woman, but I can’t. For some reason, it would feel like the ultimate betrayal to Abigail.
I move my head a couple of centimeters away from her lips, causing her to stop.
“What's wrong?” She says with more attitude than concern, “Don’t tell me you are like this because of Abigail. Because I’m not dumb, Colt. I saw the way you looked at each other. I know you guys banged, but I’m over it. I forgive you. I know a man has needs.”
My eyebrows furrow as I turn to face her head-on.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes, my mom always said if a man wants to roam, let him roam because he’ll always return to the real owner. Just like a dog.”
“So you want to settle for a man that bangs your cousin, as you put it, and then comes back to you because your mom compared you to an analogy that applies to dogs?”
Naomi looked dumbfounded, as if what I said was imposterous. And I could finally see the person underneath that perfect exterior for the first time. Naomi wasn’t a strong, beautiful woman; she was weak and insecure, and I pitied her.
“For one, if the circumstances were different and you weren’t forced to be in the same household, it wouldn’t have happened. And you know I’m right. There’s no way you're going to go from this to that,” she raises a hand, pointing to the doors.
“And I know I was hard on you after my father's death, and I’m sorry, babe.” She starts to run her fingers in her hand. “But we have been through so much. I know that means something to you, especially after losing the baby.”
Here we go again—the guilt-tripping.
“Here’s your drink, ma’am,” The lady from the bar says as she sets it in front of Naomi.
“But I’m ready for a fresh new start, Colt. We can try again.”
Okay, She has officially lost her mind.
“Naomi, we aren’t together. Why would we try and have a kid?”
“Because we are meant to be together. Think about it. We’ll always be in each other's lives. I’m Jenna’s cousin. You see me all the time anyway because you and Troy are friends, and that’s her husband, it just makes sense. So eventually, once you realize I'm the one who got away, we’ll try again for kids and have what Troy and Jenna have. A perfect happy family.”
I was too emotionally exhausted for this. I needed to get the hell out of here. When I reached for my wallet, I realized I didn’t bring it.
“Hey, I was going to tab out. Do you have these?”
“What do you mean?” She scrunched her face in confusion.
Everything Naomi said reminded me how wrong we were for each other. We didn’t keep running into each other by chance.That was Abigail and me. It was written in the stars, according to Abigail’s zodiac book, her and I did get put together by fate. All Naomi was doing was forcing her fate on me.
“I mean, can you pay for the drinks? Do you got this?”
She chuckles lightly. “Oh c’mon, you can’t pay for them?”
“I don’t have my wallet.” I gritted my teeth.
I’m glad this is happening right now. It’s another reminder of how Abigail is like no other woman I've encountered. I still remember when she passed my personal test and muttered the words, I got i t. When she argued with me about insisting on paying bills back when she lived at the lakehouse, She didn’t care that I made millions. She still wanted to give back and make it fair because that’s the type of girl she was. Caring, strong with a heart of gold.
“Do you got it or not?” I ask again.
She scoffs. “My purse is up in my room, s-”
“Can’t you charge it to your room?”
“Really? You’re an NFL player, so can’t you work your magic?”
“It’s two drinks?” Heat radiated off me.
She gives me a look that says. ‘So.’
I swear I’d shove her to the side as if Naomi weren't a girl. But instead, I made my way to the opposite end of the booth.
“Hey, where are you going? You didn’t even finish your drink?” She says.
I lean over and grab my drink, tossing it down my throat.
“Goodnight, Naomi.”
“Wha—what the fuck?” She gets up and starts to follow me. I’m already at the bar telling the bartender to charge it to room 711 when she comes behind me, on my heels.
11 . My dad’s room had the number 11 in it, and Abigail will be the only one I think of when I see that number now besides Blake.
“Sure thang, Mr. Killian.” The bartender snapped me out of my thoughts.
“Thanks,” I clap my hand on the bar's edge before walking away. I’ll pay him tomorrow or when I see him.
“Have a good night and good luck on the game,” she winks. I smile at her briefly and leave before someone else notices me.
“Hey, where are you going?” Naomi grabs my arm as I exit the bar.
“I’m going home. Naomi. Good night.”
“So that’s it, you’re just going to ignore everything I said?
“I’m not ignoring it. I have been there for you and comforted you after both your losses.”
My losses?”
“Yes, yours, including the baby. I don’t owe you anything, Naomi. I’ve tried to be nice, but I've been nice to the wrong girl.” I yank my arm free.
“Good night.”
“I can’t believe you.” Tears started to fall, and that was always my weakness with Naomi. “So it all meant nothing. I mean, nothing? You’re letting a fucking troll get in the way of what we have?”
I look around, hoping no one is near to hear. She’s starting to cause a scene. I brush the small of her back, guiding her to the other end of the hallway.
“What we had wasn’t real Naomi. I’m sorry, but you only want to be with me because I’m an NFL player. Let’s be honest. You never even wanted to get close to Bodie, so what we have is ending because of you, not her.”
Anger settles in between her eyes. “You’ll regret this. Once you’re tired of fucking her in every position, I know you’ll want me back. It’s what you always do, Colt. And it’s not fair. I mean, I should be pissed. My cousin, of all people? How could you?”
“Funny, you were okay with it five minutes ago, even forgave me. Now you're not?”
“Ya, when I-.”
“When you thought your manipulation would work. Plus, it wasn’t planned, it just happened. It’s not like I premeditated this. And you want to know something? I’m not sorry because-” I hesitated, realizing the words that were about to come out of my mouth.
“What? You loved her?” She asked with a condescending tone. When I don’t answer, her eyes go wide.
“Are you fucking serious? You can’t be serious.”
“I am in love with her. Not loved.”
Her mouth falls open, and shock is written all over her face.
“If anything, I don’t deserve her. And that’s the truth.” I turn around and walk off as she lets the reality set in of what I just said.
“You’ll regret this!” She yells behind me, but I continue to walk out of there as fast as I can, putting my sunglasses back on my face.
As I leave the hotel, I run into my dad, and the force causes me to bounce back. When I turned to face him, he had a woman on his arm. As recognition sets in, he says, “Colt? What are you doing here?”
“Hey, Dad, I was-” I look behind where he stood, processing how this night went nothing like I planned. “I was just leaving.”
“Is everything okay?” He says with a hint of concern behind his tone.
“Yeah. But will you do me a favor and make sure Naomi doesn’t try to go to Abigail’s room tonight? I told her it was over, for real this time, since she can’t get it in her head, we are never getting back together.”
“Maybe you need to play her the Taylor Swift song.” He says through a chuckle, looking at the woman on his arm and then reverting his gaze to me. I give him a stoic look, unamused.
He clears his throat. “ I was wondering what was happening with you two, but why would I need to?” He pauses. “Ooohhh, gotcha, yeah, Josh is right across from her room. We are on the same floor, too, so I’ll make sure he keeps an eye on her.”
I was so worried Naomi would try and do something stupid or say things to hurt her, and Abigail has been through enough shit, especially from her own family. I didn’t want to see her hurt anymore. I needed to get my head out of my ass and start living again. Abigail was right. The only way out was through. It was time to face it.
Dad’s lady friend walks towards the elevator doors. “I’ll catch up with you in a minute, babe.” He says to her, then faces me.
“I was hoping to get you alone so that I could ask. Did you ever listen to the album?”
“How did you know about that?” I take my sunglasses off.
“We’ve been working on it. Together.”
“You and Abigail?”
He nods.
“What does she have on you that you don’t want to go to the press?” I ask, narrowing my eyes on him.
“Is it that hard to believe I’m doing it out of the goodness of my heart?”
“Yeah. Impossible, actually, on the account that your heart only appears if there’s some fulfillment in it for you.” I grimaced.
He waves me off with his hand. “Sometimes Bodie joins in. He loves music just like—-Well, you know.”
“What did she give you to do this? You know she’s strapped for money just like you, so she’s not like your rich women who give you handouts. Abigail is struggling to get by herself. And she’s too stubborn to ask for help, unlike some people.” I insinuate.
My dad’s shoulder deflates a little, scrunching over, and for the first time, a sliver of guilt sets in from my remark only because I can see he is trying.
“Nothing. Absolutely Nothing.”
“I don’t believe you.” I deadpan.
“Is it hard to think, maybe I’ve changed?” He retorts.
“People like you don’t change dad.” I look at the woman he had on his arm who’s now sitting in one of the chairs by the elevator doors, taking selfies on her phone as she shows off her fake boobs in her low-cut dress.
“Maybe you don’t know everything, son.”
I clenched my teeth as the words son came out of his mouth. I wanted to correct him and tell him we both knew I was just the product of him donating his sperm, but I was already tired of this conversation.
I raked a hand through my hair. “Apparently not, since I had no idea about your generous heart and Bodie. Thanks for telling me now. Does everyone forget how I’m the father? Just because I’m on the road doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know what is happening with my son.”
“I know, I know. Bodie loves the guitar, but I wanted you to know that those words Blake wrote were true to his words in the album. I didn't want to change anything, and neither did Abigail. We wanted to keep the lyrics as close to the original as possible.”
The truth was that I did listen to the album, and it was tough enough to hear the song he wrote about Brothers from Other Mothers. At first, I thought it would be a funny song. It was full of witty lines and sarcastic remarks, but it turned out to be a song about us. How he wished we could be brothers in another life since we weren’t that great of ones in real life, on earth. But I hadn’t listened to the whole journal CD. That’s what Abigail called it anyway, and something was telling me I needed to before I lost Abigail for good.