Chapter 36 #3
“I wasn’t going to let you die. Not again.
” My chest heaved. “Rhyan, the fact that you’re here now, with me, alive, and healed, and you—you—Gods!
You’re all I wanted. All I thought about for every fucking second of every day and night since I lost you.
I missed you so much I thought I’d die from it. ”
“I know,” he said quietly. “I saw … saw it through his eyes.” He shook his head, his neck red, and his nostrils flaring. “So you don’t blame me? Don’t fear me now?” he asked. “Truly?”
“Truly,” I said. “I’m not confused. I’m not afraid of you. The demon in the cave, that wasn’t you, not even close.”
He pulled me to him and his hand smoothed down my spine, slowly rubbing up and down, before he pressed his lips to my forehead.
“Well, good,” he cried, letting out a shaky laugh and shook his head. “You know, considering how traumatized we are, I’d say this reunion is going rather well.”
I sniffled. “There isn’t exactly a guidebook for this sort of thing.”
“No?” he asked. “You mean, no one wrote a scroll about how to move on when your lover turned akadim, tried to kill you, and then came back to life?”
I laughed. “Someone really needs to get on that.” I shrugged.
“They do.” Rhyan sighed, his face now solemn.
“The truth is, I don’t know what I’m doing.
Or what I’m supposed to do, or feel, or even what I want to do next.
I’m scared. I … I remember the last night we were together.
And I was—Fuck, Lyr, I was so happy. Because I was with you. ” He pressed his forehead back to mine.
I had a flash of that night. We’d just had sex again after a month of being unable to touch. Rhyan and I had finished, but he was still inside of me, looking down and smiling. Happy.
“I was with you,” he said. “And then I wasn’t.
That life I wanted for us—it was stolen from me.
” His eyes searched mine. “There’s only one thing I do know.
And it’s that I love you.” He gripped the nape of my neck.
“I love you. And I want to touch you. I want to kiss you. Gods, I want to plunge deep inside you, claim you, mark you. I need to—” He shook.
“I need to undo the cave. I need to touch you everywhere the akadim did—kiss every hurt. Replace every memory, reclaim every moment. And then, then we’ll figure the rest out.
” He blinked. “That is—if you—if you still want me.”
“Rhyan. Of course I want you.”
We both stared at each other then, his eyes hooded with desire, our chests heaving with grief, and love, and fear and …
something else. Something that tied our souls together, something primal that needed to be acted upon—proof we were alive.
That we’d done the impossible. Found our way back to each other.
And now, though there were no more obstacles in our way, and we were together and alone, it felt like a chasm had opened between us.
Because as much as we loved and understood each other, and understood the horrors we’d both been through, it didn’t change the fact that they were very much real.
Very much affecting us. And would be for quite some time.
That first kiss between us, the one that made it feel as if no time had passed now seemed like a distant memory— and instead, the space between us felt oceanic. Like all the distance and horror we’d been through had suddenly manifested itself as a wall.
“Partner,” Rhyan said. “Why don’t we get cleaned up, and relax. I could—I could really use a shower.”
I nodded, relieved. “Me, too.”
“Then,” he said. “Then we’ll figure the rest out.”
We headed for a closet where we removed our weapons and armor. The green shard, Rhyan’s golden armor, my sword, and the red shard were set down carefully. I used my stave to create an additional ward, and then Rhyan took my hand, leading us into the bathing room and turning on the shower faucet.
I stared at him, half naked in the firelight.
His skin looked soft and inviting, the muscles on his chest and abs somehow sharper and more defined.
My mouth went dry as my gaze lowered down to his exposed waist and hips.
His pants were hanging dangerously low, exposing the V that vanished beneath his waistband.
“You’re not hurt,” I said, unable to stop myself from reaching for his chest, flattening my palm against his heart. I needed to feel his warmth, feel his heart beating. “I stabbed you.”
He flinched. “I remember.”
I placed my other hand on him, sliding them down slowly to his hips.
“You have no marks at all.” Not even from the stripping whip.
I remembered those—every single hateful stripe that had been branded onto his body, every place where he’d been invaded by Kunda, where the whip had scoured inside him, tearing out his magic.
“Nothing,” I said, still in awe. Was this an effect of turning back from being akadim?
Or had the light of the Valalumir healed more than that?
“No,” he said, his voice growing hoarse, and looking down. His throat bobbed as he followed the path of my hands, my fingers sinking into his flesh, my palms moving lower. “But if you keep touching me like that,” he said, “this is going to be a very short shower.”
My breath hitched. “You’re so beautiful.”
“So are you,” he said, and reached for my tunic. “Can I take this off?”
I nodded. “If I can take these,” I said, my fingers already unlacing his pants.
He reached for the hem of my tunic, hauling it over my head and throwing it on the floor, and immediately, he started tearing at the bindings over my breasts as I shoved his pants down.
His cock sprang free, already thick, and hard. I gasped, and felt his gaze on mine as I took all of him in with hungry eyes.
“Did you miss this?” he hissed, pushing his pelvis forward.
“Yes,” I said, and wrapped my fingers around him, stroking him from base to tip.
He closed his eyes, a small noise of pleasure escaping his lips, before his eyes snapped open, watching me stroke him again and again, reveling in how silky he felt. He quickly stepped out of the rest of his pants, his eyes on my bare breasts.
Suddenly, his lips were on mine again, his tongue pushing into my mouth as steam from the shower billowed around us, the reflection in the mirror over the sink basin distorting as it filled with fog.
I started to pulse between my legs, my inner walls already clamping down in anticipation of him as molten heat pooled between my thighs.
He cupped my breasts with both hands, his thumbs sliding over my already sensitive nipples.
“Gods, I missed these,” he said. “And you. All of you.” His chest heaved, his hips suddenly bucking beneath my ministrations.
I had both hands on him now, twisting the head of his cock as I cupped his balls.
I couldn’t get enough of him. The way he felt, the way he looked.
The sounds he was making, the way his hips were moving with urgency, as he fucked himself into my hands.
Cursing under his breath, he stilled, and gently pulled my hands away. “I need to see you. I need to see all of you,” he said, his accent now thick and guttural.
My bottom half was still completely covered, and now he was the one kneeling before me, unlacing my boots, and pulling them off my feet, before rolling down the socks beneath and tossing them into the corner.
He looked up at me, his emerald eyes blazing with fire as his hands reached for my waist, his fingers tangling in the laces. One swift tug and they’d come untied. He hungrily reached for my pants as well as my underclothes, shoving them down in one move.
I shuddered, startled at being completely naked again before him. My skin was heated and my arousal started to slide down my leg.
The look Rhyan was giving me though—it was everything, full of awe and wonder, and lust, and devotion.
And love.
He blinked rapidly, his eyes darting over every inch of my skin, like he didn’t know where to look first—like he couldn’t take enough of me in.
I was doing the same to him, drowning in the sight of his body. His body was so beautiful to me, even more magnificent than I remembered. Because it was his. Because his soul was inside it. Even without an aura, he seemed to glow, lit up with his own kindness and goodness and passion and love.
He was kneeling now before me, and pulled my foot onto his lap. He kissed my knee, his hands sliding up my thigh, pulling my leg closer as his lips followed the path, moving higher and higher.
His kisses were searing against my sensitive skin until he reached the apex.
One gaze up at me and my blood heated. His fingers slid over my folds, parting me, before closing over the bundle of nerves at my center.
He moved his thumb over me, circling again and again.
My hips bucked just as he replaced his thumb with his lips and sucked, his tongue flicking against me.
“Gods,” I gasped, nearly falling forward.
My knees buckled and I grabbed blindly for his head.
My fingers tightened in the curls at the nape of his neck while he reached one hand behind my ass, pulling me closer, locking me in.
I was immobile against him, and all I could do was try to hold onto him as ripples of pleasure raced through my body, coiling tighter and tighter between my legs.
One finger slipped inside me and I clenched around him, feeling like I was going to tip over the edge.
And in truth, it wasn’t going to take much.
Despite the pain, despite the uncertainty and the long road of healing I knew lay ahead of us, there was an unbridled joy racing through me—pulsing through my heart, bringing it back to life.
Because Rhyan was here, he was back, and that alone was going to make me come. He added another finger, pumping them in and out, as his tongue laved at my center. He groaned, his fingers curling inside me.