Chapter 20 #2
For some reason, I never realized just how delicious he smelled. How mouth watering. How badly I wanted to—
I reeled backwards, scooting my chair out to stand. The sudden, gnawing desire made absolutely no sense. Laurent jerked, frowning at me. “Sorry,” I squeaked, my cheeks flushing. “I need to visit the ladies room.”
“Oh! Actually, can I join you?” Eleanor also came to her feet. “With this baby, I have to pee like every five minutes.”
My shoulders sagged with relief.
Bastian stood too, but Laurent growled with irritation. “Your mate will not be harmed in this house, Bas. I gave you my word.”
It clearly took some effort on Bastian’s part as he gritted out, “Go. We’ll wait.”
I led Eleanor from the room. If she noticed anything weird about my abrupt behavior, she didn’t let on. She merely groused about how challenging certain aspects of her pregnancy were. I let her use the nearest bathroom first, then slipped inside when she was finished.
I braced my hands on the sink, gazing into the mirror, trying to calm my heartbeat. Instead, one of Laurent’s memories surged up and swept me away—
The dimly lit castle chamber—my father’s study—felt like a cage. I hated this room, hated when Ivano Sarkas summoned me. My blood turned to ice as I considered his command. “You wish for me to do what?” I asked, ears ringing.
“It is not your place to question me,” Ivano snapped, his jaw twitching.
“There are children in that family, sire. Innocents.”
“Yes,” he said. “And those children will be dead in sixty years. You and I will continue, as we always do.”
“Sire,” I hissed.
“Let me make one thing clear, boy. I have chosen you as my heir, and I will train you as such. But mark my words, the moment you are no longer useful, I’ll remove your heart from your body and you will be nothing, just as you were nothing before I rescued you from that cesspool you once wallowed in. ”
I swallowed against the sandpaper feeling in my throat.
How easily Ivano reminded me. How easily he illustrated my purpose—his tool, nothing more.
How easily he could dispose of me if he no longer needed me.
He hadn’t created me for any reason other than need.
He didn’t want me, could easily choose someone else. If I wasn’t careful, he would.
“Do not make me repeat myself, boy—“
I hissed, wrenching myself from Laurent’s memory, only to tumble backwards into another. My reflection in the mirror was there one moment, reminding me of who I was, and gone the next—
“What have you done?” I looked at Rebecca’s desiccated body on the floor. We were in the fortress entryway. Ivano had found her, stolen her from my chambers. Bile churned, lifting into my throat. “What have you done?!” I repeated, the words laced with emotion.
“Your firstborn is always the hardest to lose.” Ivano’s voice was flat.
“What?!” The cry was a broken croak from my mouth.
My sire stared at me with a hard, emotionless face. A face hewn from granite. “Attachments are a weakness, boy. We do not form them.”
Just that morning I’d had my lips on hers, my cock buried deep, taking pleasure from the companion I’d created.
Now she looked as if she’d been dead for decades.
I swallowed against the burn in my throat, trying to bury my growing hatred.
Ivano Sarkas was twisted. I had somehow become his heir.
“You killed her simply to teach me a lesson?”
“You have many to learn, but this is the most important,” he snapped. “You disobeyed me. It was her death or yours. Be glad I didn’t rip your heart from your chest.”
I gasped, burying the memory. My fingers were bloodless, clenched around the sink.
It was my face in the mirror’s reflection, not Laurent’s.
I suppressed a sob as I turned the faucet’s knob, splashing water over my face.
I didn’t allow myself to think about what I’d seen.
About how awful Laurent’s sire was. What he’d done to teach Laurent a lesson.
The things he made Laurent do to innocent people.
I didn’t want to draw parallels about Laurent’s early life and mine, how he’d come from nothing. Didn’t want to be reminded that there was a time he was almost…human. A time he felt things like loss. That he had a conscience.
His memories came more frequently these days and it was getting harder to ignore them. Some cropped up more than once, like the one about Rebecca—his first born. He hadn’t loved her. I would have felt it when I was him, reliving the memory. But he had cared deeply. I didn’t like knowing that.
It was easier to think of him as a monster.
I finished up and emerged to find Eleanor halfway down the hall, interestedly studying the artwork on the walls. But of course, she was into art and history. “Do you think they’d come looking for me if I got lost in here?” she teased.
There was something about her that made me want to wrap my arms around her and cling.
“You’re the first human I’ve seen in weeks,” I breathed, only realizing the admission had broken free after I’d said it.
I wanted to tell her everything—this woman I’d only met a little while ago.
I wanted to spill every detail of what had happened since I’d been captured.
Perhaps it was because she was a human, or because she looked like someone who would understand.
Zola was the only female I’d had for company.
An ache formed in my chest. I missed Ania so damn much. It didn’t matter that I’d talked to her just this morning. I couldn’t tell her what was going on.
Eleanor’s brows pulled together. “Is… Is everything all right?” Her eyes darted up and down the hallway before landing on my throat, as if searching for bite marks. “Are you… Are they mistreating you? Keeping you captive or something?”
“It’s…complicated.”
She took a step toward me, reaching for me before letting her hand drop. “Are you allowed to leave?” There was no mistaking the hard edge of concern in her voice.
I bit the inside of my cheek. I wanted to tell her so badly. But we’d already been gone for five minutes. Any longer would appear suspicious.
I kept my voice low as I said, “I’m allowed to leave. I just…can’t. I’m trapped here because of what I am.”
“I thought you were human?”
“I’m an amplifier.”
Her brow furrowed. “What’s—?”
“Ladies?” Bastian Croft’s head popped into the hallway. Even at this distance, I saw the way his features relaxed as he caught sight of his mate.
“We’ll be along shortly, Bas. Give us a moment.”
He hesitated, then nodded.
“If you need to leave, just say the word and my mate will get you out of here.”
I hesitated, then shook my head. “No. No, it’s… No. I’ll stay.”
I was trapped. I wanted to blame Laurent, but he was not the reason I’d been born an amplifier. That was all me.
All. Me.
I nearly choked as I forced myself to turn, to lead Eleanor back to the library. I felt Laurent’s gaze as I sat. I risked a glance, only to find a strange expression on his face. As if I’d caught him off guard.
My stomach swooped. Had he heard my conversation?
Eleanor said a few things to Bastian, her voice a low murmur. Then she helped herself to a few of the refreshments on the table. A couple of the vampires were also speaking, the low cadence of their voices filling the room.
“Are you all right, Lily?” Laurent’s words were barely above a whisper. And yet, there was something there in the way he spoke, the way he used my name. He almost never used my name.
I swallowed, forcing myself to meet his gaze. I took note of the weird, unreadable emotion lurking there. I almost preferred the emptiness. At least that made sense.
“I’m… I don’t know.”
“Perhaps something to eat? Did you have lunch earlier?”
“Yes.”
“Here—“
He grabbed one of the small tea cups and poured.
It looked comically tiny in his large hands.
I half expected him to shatter it. He began adding cream and sugar, giving it a quick stir.
Then he reached for one of the serving plates, piling it with pastries.
I watched him, lips parted with unguarded surprise. He was fussing. Over me.
I blinked as everything was set before me. When I glanced up again, I caught Zola’s eye from across the table. She watched, her brows lifted with something that looked like satisfaction. I gave her a what the fuck?! expression and that brought a twitch to her lips before she lifted a shoulder.
“There,” Laurent said, returning his arm to the back of my chair. I tensed, but tried to ignore his proximity. “Eat something and you’ll feel better. It’s your favorite,” he added, nudging the plate closer.
My stomach did a weird flipping thing.
Sparing him one more glance, I reached for the teacup. After a few sips, I began nibbling on one of the mini cinnamon rolls. I was vaguely aware of Eleanor praising Vittorio’s baking as she inhaled her own plate of pastries.
Laurent didn’t take his eyes off me and a flush rose to my skin. After my third pastry, he said, “Any better?”
Like he actually cared.
I couldn’t help but frown. It didn’t make sense. He wasn’t supposed to act like this. Was it because we had company? Perhaps it was an act for the sake of appearances.
Except, something in the way he looked at me spoke otherwise.
“I’m fine,” I whispered, wishing he’d focus on something else.
There was a long hesitation. I thought I felt his thumb brush against the back of my sleeve. “All right. Shall we continue?”
The remainder of the meeting was painful.
Each minute felt like it dragged for an eternity.
I was acutely aware of Laurent’s every movement, of the way he smelled, the way his pulse fluttered at his throat.
He didn’t touch me again, but his decision to sit beside me, which forced him to lean around me every time he addressed Bastian and Eleanor, was not coincidental.
My fear of him had somewhat diminished, only to be replaced by the strange itching sensation. Like I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
I spent most of the time fighting the urge to flee.
Whenever I caught the thread of conversation—the discussion of different artifact magic, how it worked, what the ruby might be capable of—I lost it almost as quickly.
I nearly sagged with relief when Laurent suggested we adjourn. He invited Bastian and Eleanor to stay the night, but Bastian forcefully declined. “Elle will work better from her office at the university. We’ll call you when she comes across anything.”
Laurent didn’t argue.
Everyone stood and I slowly followed. “You really have to go back tonight?” I asked Eleanor, keeping my voice down.
She sighed. “Mates are overprotective creatures. No matter how much your Laurent reassures him, Bastian wouldn’t dare let me sleep here. He wants me home behind the safety of his wards.”
I couldn’t help the way my stomach sank.
“Here,” she handed me a business card. “My cell is there. Text me. Call me. Whatever you need. We can talk more.” It didn’t sound like a suggestion.
“Thank you, Eleanor.” The unexpected warmth that bloomed in my chest was a welcome surprise. For a moment, I felt almost normal.
“Please, just Elle. And, you’re welcome.”
We made our way through the manor. I could see Elle’s hungry gaze taking everything in, Bastian at her side. The protective male kept a hand on her at all times.
Laurent walked beside me. I tried not to fidget in his presence. Soon enough, I would retreat to my room and disappear, be gone from his presence so that I might breathe again.
Once outside, Elle gave me a tight hug. “Don’t forget to reach out,” she said. “And remember what I said, okay?”
I wouldn’t forget it—ever. That she’d offered me such kindness, to whisk me away from this place without even knowing me. How many times had I dreamed of someone doing exactly that when I was a child? It made my throat close up.
Vittorio opened the door of Laurent’s town car. Bastian guided Elle in, then followed after. I felt her disappearance like a prick to my chest. But I had her phone number and I intended to use it.
A familiar, friendly arm slipped through mine. “Shall we go inside and indulge in a bottle of wine, darling?”
I offered Zola a wide smile. She always knew exactly how to—
“Zola, you haven’t forgotten your assignment tonight, I hope.” Laurent’s voice made us pause.
Zola rolled her eyes, bringing a smirk to my lips. “There he goes, ruining all our fun.”
“I’m quite certain Miss Shaw will manage in your absence.”
She rolled her eyes again. “Yes, all right, sire. I will go prepare. Until next time, darling.” She dropped my arm and disappeared. Once more, I felt a little prick of loss in my chest.
“Miss Shaw?” Hassan’s calm voice pulled my attention to him, appearing at exactly the right moment, as if he’d sensed my need for rescue. “May I escort you inside?”
I dared not let my relief show as I slipped my arm though his. “That would be perfect, thank you.”
Laurent’s gaze lingered on us as Hassan led me back up the steps and into the manor. I looked over my shoulder and caught sight of the town car disappearing down the manor’s drive, taking the only human who could perhaps relate to my predicament, far away from me.
Just before I turned forward, I caught sight of Laurent.
He was still watching me, hands in his pockets, something unreadable but determined in his expression—like he’d made some kind of decision about me.
When our eyes met, he held mine for just a second, then looked away.
I didn’t question it. Didn’t wonder why so much had changed between us.
I simply allowed Hassan to lead me back into the vampire manor, all but certain I would be seeing those eyes again soon enough.