Chapter 35
The implications had been gnawing at Laurent all day. Someone had killed Drazgus within hours of their confrontation—either to silence him or to send a message. Now he’d never discover who wanted Lily, and knowing she remained in danger from an unknown enemy only made him feel more protective.
Despite his protective instincts screaming against it, he’d allowed her to go out shopping with Zola for the upcoming season. He’d only agreed after sending both Vittorio and Hassan along as escorts, plus Cinna to give the males something to focus on while they waited.
While she was out, he’d been subjected to various social calls around the city, meeting with alliances.
It was tedious work made worse by his distraction, and by the time he returned to the house, his mood was spiraling.
He was desperate for Lily’s attention—desperate to reassure himself she was safe.
He found her in the drawing room at the piano, with Hassan listening nearby.
“Out,” he barked. Hassan complied without question.
“Laurie?” Lily paused, turning to him.
“No need to stop, sweetheart.” He stooped to place a kiss on her cheek. She flushed at the tender nickname, which pleased him.
She went back to playing. A gentle melody that was simple, yet ethereal. He found a place on the sofa and got comfortable. Her eyes darted toward him before returning to the sheet music. Cinna padded over.
“Hi sweet girl,” he cooed. The pup took that as an invitation, jumping up beside him to lay her head in his lap.
He stroked her soft ears. Before Lily, he would have cringed at the thought of a pet on the furniture.
But this was Cinna, and she was Lily’s. “All tuckered out from today’s shopping, I see. ”
Cinna let out a loud sigh then closed her eyes.
He caught Lily’s glance, a small smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. He closed his eyes, letting his head fall against the sofa as he listened to her play. The tension in his muscles began to ease. Long minutes passed. When he felt more himself, his head snapped up.
“Come here, Lily,” he commanded. Her playing cut off. She studied him before abandoning the piano. He pulled her onto his lap, positioning her so she straddled him.
“Everything went all right today?” He already knew it had. Vittorio had sent him updates via text every five minutes at his insistence.
Lily snorted. “Apparently I’m to have an entire wardrobe of fancy evening gowns.”
“Good.”
“Zola repeatedly scolded me for picking the cheapest things, then proceeded to choose fabrics that cost three times as much. We spent more money today than the cost of my entire university education thrice over.”
“Hmm. Sounds positively trying.”
“It’s not funny, Laurie. You have no idea what it was like growing up with nothing. I…” She hesitated, her eyes glittering with hurt. “I’m not used to buying whatever I want and pissing money away like it’s nothing.”
He watched the old pain flicker across her features, the shadow of a childhood spent wanting. It was a reminder of how different their worlds were—and how easily he could hurt her without meaning to.
“I mean, it took me two years just to break my food hoarding habits when I set out on my own. Two years before I realized I wasn’t going to starve if I didn’t save every last leftover like a pack rat.”
His mood darkened. The thought of her suffering, going hungry, left his blood boiling.
He said through gritted teeth, “I’m sorry, little flower, that you went through that.
Never again. I will see to your every need.
I know it is an adjustment, but I intend to spoil you as you deserve to be spoiled. Let me take care of you, hmm?”
She caught her lower lip between her teeth, contemplating.
This was becoming a frequent desire of his, one that both surprised him and concerned him.
He had an entire house of vampires capable of addressing her needs.
Instead, he wanted to be the one taking care of her.
With each act, he found himself more and more ensnared in the web she had woven around his heart.
“It still doesn’t feel real,” she whispered.
“I can understand that.”
“Sometimes I wake up and wonder if today is the day when you change your mind about me.”
“That will never happen.” The words were a fierce growl, one he hoped she believed.
“But…you’re a vampire.” Something flashed in her gaze. He stilled, suddenly fearful of this conversation, the direction it was going. “What will happen when you grow bored of me? Or when you realize you can’t love me? Are… Are you going to break my heart?”
His arms tightened around her. “Never.”
“Don’t—“ She exhaled. “Don’t say that without thinking it through. Like it’s an off the cuff response. Zola told me to be careful with my feelings. That you wouldn’t fall in love. Is that true?”
A flash of irritation stole over him. “What else did Zola say?” he hissed.
“Nothing.”
He calmed himself, closing his eyes, letting his head fall back against the sofa. “Zola spoke true.”
Lily stiffened against him. He didn’t open his eyes, didn’t dare witness her disappointment.
Throughout his long years, he’d felt a range of emotions, hate and anger being chief among them. But love? Certainly not. Longing and desire were perhaps the closest, and those had been fleeting. What was it, then, that he felt for Lily?
“So… I should protect my heart?” She pulled against him, attempting to get free.
His first instinct was to tighten his hold, but the scent that hit him kept him from it.
She needed space for this discussion and he wouldn’t confine her.
Especially if it risked undoing much of the progress between them.
So he let her go.
When he finally opened his eyes, it was to see her standing several paces away, staring at him with flushed, angry cheeks. “I told you before, Lily, that I would see to your every need. I intend to make good on my word.”
“Yes, how could I forget. I’m to come to you for whatever pleasure I crave.
” He didn’t appreciate her cutting tone, but he held himself in check.
“Maybe you can unfeelingly enjoy what I offer between my legs, but I’m human, Laurent.
Which means that I’m going to feel. I’m going to feel deeply.
And it scares the shit out of me to think that whatever deep rooted feelings I develop will never be returned.
I get it. You’re a vampire, and—we’re getting off track.
I stand by what I said moments ago. Sometimes I wake up and wonder if today is the day you will tire of me, grow bored, whatever.
So don’t give me some half-baked answer like ‘never’, when you can’t claim to possesses the emotional range to back it up. ”
She stormed from the room. He watched her go. Once she was gone he slammed his head back against the sofa. “Fuck,” he hissed, scrubbing a hand over his face.
His thoughts were spinning. Was he lying to himself?
After what they’d shared this past week, he was inclined to think so.
The hollow ache in his chest when she looked at him with disappointment, the way his entire being seemed to orient toward her—this was unlike anything he’d experienced before.
Even now, he felt it there, an emptiness that had fled with her when she stormed out, leaving him hollow and aching.
In all his long years, he’d never felt love for another creature. Why should this—she—be any different? Better to save her from heartbreak. Then he would never have to disappoint her.
Lily avoided him for the remainder of the day.
His bad mood, which had been so easily cured when she’d played for him, was now worse than before.
Dinner had been torture. She’d sat across from him, laughing at Zola’s stories and asking Hassan about his book, speaking to everyone except him.
Each smile she gave another vampire felt like a blade between his ribs.
Every word uttered left irritation and jealousy coursing through his veins.
He stood in the kitchen like a lovesick fool, waiting for a batch of cinnamon rolls to come out of the oven—clinging to the gesture that had brought them together.
Catina had been shocked when he’d appeared, while Vittorio only smirked at his sister.
She’d tried to shoo Laurent away, insisting that she would make the cinnamon rolls, only for him to explain that it had to be him.
With a tray in hand, he paused outside the door to their bedroom.
The silence from within felt ominous. He was inclined to knock, but when had he ever needed permission to enter his own room?
He moved slowly, opening the door and striding in.
Lily stood near the small table beside the balcony doors.
Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot. She’d been crying.
Because of him. The knowledge twisted something sharp in his gut. A low growl rose in his chest.
She heard it and her jaw tightened, eyes fixing on the wall instead of him. “I don’t want to do this tonight, Laurent.”
“Laurie,” he automatically corrected.
“Laurent,” she emphasized.
He exhaled. “Lily, I’m—“
“No. I don’t need an apology. This is my fault. All of it. I knew what you were from the beginning. It’s my fault for getting attached. I’ll get over it. I’ll get over you, I mean.”
His stomach dropped and he felt sick. He never felt sick. That was a human malady. “No.”
She continued staring at the wall as she said, “You have no right to make that demand.”
He strode across the room, slamming the tray on the table harder than necessary. Then he moved toward her. She backed up, trying to escape him until there was nowhere to escape to. Her back hit the wall.
He drew his shoulders back, taking a deep, unnecessary breath. “I feel something for you, Lily. Surely you know that. What of our conversation this morning? Hmm?”
Her expression wiped clean. “You said I was irresistible. That things were happening between us, and that we are still new. That doesn’t mean things will ever be deep and meaningful, or that you will give me your heart. So, why should I give you mine?”
“Fuck,” he muttered, dragging a hand through the loose strands of his hair.
The thought of holding her heart for safekeeping did something to him, made him euphoric.
It was an honor she’d never given to anyone else.
“I want your heart,” he blurted before stopping himself.
“I’m selfish, you know this. I want all that you are. ”
“And I get nothing in return? Just your worship and possession? But not the deepest parts of you?”
“I am a vampire,” he snapped. “It is physically impossible for me to give you my heart. I cannot be that which I am not.”
She regarded him, a gleam in her eyes. “I want to believe that. I am inclined to. But…” He waited, his body seeming to tilt toward her.
“I stand by what I said this morning. You appear remade. You said I ruined you. Those words count for something. You claim that you cannot love me. Perhaps you even believe it. Maybe someday we’ll find out that you’re right.
I’m no expert on love—far from it. But I do like reading about it.
And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from books, it’s that you won’t know unless you try.
Standing here and telling me it’s not possible is bullshit. ”
Before he could form a coherent response, she walked away and settled down on the couch, snatching up a cinnamon roll.
“Oh, and one more thing, Laurent. Until you decide to actually try, I’m not letting you between my legs.
I have a heart to protect, after all. Make your decision so I can move on with my feelings, if necessary. ”
He gaped at her. This wouldn’t do. He was not someone to be refused.
“We’ll see about that, little flower.” His voice was a lethal challenge.
“You think I’m lying?”
“I think you’re trying to convince yourself as much as me. But when I get my hands on you and you’re melting beneath my touch, squirming and wanton and needy, you’ll be begging for my cock.”
Her chin lifted, and he recognized the stubborn set of her jaw, the same determination she’d shown when insisting she accompany him to the night market. “Feel free to test that theory at your earliest convenience.”
Then she dismissed him, turning her attention to her pastry. He could only stand there and watch as she licked a droplet of frosting off her finger, her tongue sensually flicking out.
His nostrils flared. A sudden desperate desire to have her mouth around his cock overtook him.
His muscles tightened. He sprang into motion, stalking toward the couch.
He took a seat overly close to her, their bodies touching.
She ignored his proximity and continued to enjoy her pastry.
There was no possible way she ever ate them this sinfully, slowly licking frosting from her fingers between bites.
“You’re playing a dangerous game, Lily,” he growled.
“I don’t play games, Laurent—“
“Laurie.”
“—but I will do what I must to protect myself and my heart. I’ve lived too many unhappy days throughout my life. I don’t intend to be miserable if I can avoid it. I’ve been hurt by too many people—you included.”
That made him freeze. “You knew what I was when you let me between your legs,” he breathed, growing angered.
“Yes. And then I stupidly let my feelings get involved. That was my mistake. So make your decision. If you don’t want to give love a try, then like I said, I’ll readjust my expectations and move on.”
“And what of our blood sharing?”
“We can still share blood.” She shrugged.
“And how do you expect to keep sex out of it?”
“We don’t have to. Sex doesn’t have to mean anything—just a way to scratch the itch.”
Her words left him reeling. That was the last thing he wanted.
What he did want was all of her. He wanted her desperate for him.
He wanted her completely. The only problem was the obvious one.
Could he love her the way she deserved to be loved?
The question left him feeling strangely uncertain—a sensation he wasn’t accustomed to.