Chapter 9 #2
“Don’t apologize.” Sarah was beside her, pulling Lizzie’s hair back. “Just breathe.”
Lizzie threw up again. Her whole body shook.
“Okay. We’re getting you home.” Sarah pulled out her phone. “I’m calling a car.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.” Sarah’s voice was firm but gentle. “The car will be here in three minutes.”
Lizzie let herself be guided to the curb. She sat down heavily, her head spinning. Sarah sat next to her, one hand on Lizzie’s back, rubbing slow circles.
“I don’t usually drink this much,” Lizzie mumbled.
“Then that’s my fault. I assumed college kids all drank this much.”
“Did you when you went to college?”
Sarah looked at her, then away but didn’t answer. Lizzie would have followed up if she weren’t feeling so terrible. As it stood, she let it go.
When the car arrived, Sarah helped Lizzie into the back seat. Lizzie tried to sit up straight, but the world kept tilting. She ended up lying down across the seat, her head landing in Sarah’s lap.
“Sorry,” Lizzie said again.
“Stop apologizing.” Sarah’s hand found Lizzie’s hair, fingers threading through it gently. “Just close your eyes.”
Lizzie did. Sarah’s fingers kept moving, stroking her hair in a soothing rhythm. It felt incredible. Lizzie wanted to lean into the touch, wanted to turn her head and press her face against Sarah’s stomach.
She could smell Sarah’s perfume. Clean, subtle. Minty. Could feel the warmth of her thigh under Lizzie’s cheek. Sarah’s fingers traced patterns on Lizzie’s scalp. Down to her temple, behind her ear, back up again. The touch was careful, almost reverent. And so soothing.
“You have really soft hair,” Sarah said quietly.
Lizzie didn’t trust herself to respond. Her whole body was aware of every point of contact. Sarah’s hand in her hair. Her head in Sarah’s lap. The way Sarah’s breathing had changed.
The car ride felt like forever. When they pulled up to employee housing, Sarah helped Lizzie out and up the stairs. Lizzie fumbled with her keys.
“Let me.” Sarah took them and unlocked the door.
Inside, the apartment was dark. Sarah guided Lizzie to her bed and sat her down.
“Where’s your bathroom?”
Lizzie pointed. Sarah disappeared and came back with water and a damp washcloth.
“Drink this. All of it.”
Lizzie drank. The water helped. Her head was still spinning but her stomach had settled.
Sarah wiped Lizzie’s face with the washcloth, gentle and thorough. “Better?”
“Yeah. Thank you.”
“You should brush your teeth. Change into pajamas. I’ll wait here.”
Lizzie made it to the bathroom and brushed her teeth three times. She changed into sleep shorts and a tank top, washed her face, stared at herself in the mirror.
Her eyes were too bright. Her cheeks flushed. She looked drunk and messy.
When she walked back into her room, Sarah was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking worried. She cared for Lizzie, it was clear now. Those soft touches in the car, that kiss at the party that had felt like more.
It had felt that way because it was.
It was.
It had to be.
Lizzie wasn’t sure what it was, the alcohol, the island spirit, or something else entirely, but whatever it was, it propelled her forward toward Sarah.
And then, she kissed her.
It wasn’t like the kiss at the party. This was deep and hungry, all the tension from the past week breaking. Lizzie’s hands found Sarah’s hair. Sarah’s hands gripped her hips, pulling her closer.
They stumbled backward onto the bed, Lizzie on top of Sarah. Sarah’s hands slid under Lizzie’s tank top, warm against her skin. Lizzie gasped into her mouth. Sarah took advantage, deepening the kiss, her tongue sliding against Lizzie’s.
This was everything. The taste of her, the feel of her body, the way she kissed like she was starving for it.
Sarah’s hands moved higher, thumbs brushing the underside of Lizzie’s breasts. Lizzie whimpered against her mouth.
Then Sarah pulled back, rolled Lizzie of off her and got up.
“We can’t.” Her voice was rough, breathless. “Lizzie, we can’t do this.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re drunk. Because you’re my intern.” Sarah ran a hand through her hair. “Because I don’t do this. I never do this. It’s been years since I kissed a woman.”
So she had kissed a woman. This wasn’t the first time. Lizzie’s brain tried to process that through the alcohol. “Years?”
“Since before I married Billy.”
“So you’re bisexual?”
“No.” Sarah looked at her, something vulnerable in her expression. “I’m not bisexual. I’m gay. I’ve always been gay.”
The words hung in the air.
“Billy knew,” Sarah continued. “We had an arrangement. He needed a pretty woman on his side so people would stop trying to set him up with women after his wife died. He wasn’t opposed to an occasional hook up with a woman, but he didn’t’ want to date or marry.
He… He loved his wife and…He knew I wasn’t into guys and so it was a perfect arrangement. ”
Lizzie frowned, leading her to explain further. “Sarah—”
“You can’t tell anyone this.” Sarah’s voice was urgent. “Please. Jonathan’s lawyers would destroy me. The board would use it as ammunition. Nobody can know.”
“I won’t tell anyone.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise.” Lizzie stepped closer. “But why did you tell me?”
“I don’t know. The alcohol. The fact that you’re standing here and I’m tired of pretending.” Sarah moved toward the door. “I need to go.”
“Stay.”
“I can’t.” Sarah paused. “Get some sleep. Drink more water. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Then she was gone.
Lizzie sat there, her lips still tingling. Sarah was gay. Had always been gay.
Sarah wanted her.
And yet, she’d walked away.