Chapter 10
Sarah
On Sunday, Sarah found Carlos in the maintenance office, elbow-deep in a toolbox. His wife Esmeralda sat at his desk, reviewing the housekeeping schedule on her tablet. They both looked up when Sarah walked in and closed the door.
“We need to talk,” Sarah said.
Esmeralda set down the tablet. “That sounds ominous.”
“I kissed Lizzie last night.”
Carlos dropped the wrench he was holding. It clattered against the concrete floor. “You what?”
“Actually, she kissed me first. But I kissed her back. And then I told her I was gay.” Sarah leaned against the wall. “I told her about Billy. About the arrangement. Everything.”
Esmeralda and Carlos exchanged a look.
“Okay,” Esmeralda puckered her lips, then gave one nod of the head. “How drunk were you?”
“Drunk enough to forget why this was a terrible idea. Sober enough to remember every second of it.”
“Was she drunk?” Carlos asked.
“Very. Well, she threw up and that kinda sobered her up. The kissing happened afterwards.”
“Hopefully after a tooth brushing session,” Esmeralda chuckled.
“Yeah, of course. I’m just lucky she isn’t in shared housing.”
“Yes, that’s the problem,” Carlos commented with a laugh.
“It would have been if someone saw us,” Sarah fired back. “I’m such a moron.”
“Ay, Sarah.” Esmeralda shook her head, but she was smiling. “You’re human after all.”
“This isn’t funny. She’s my intern. Peter and his ilk want me out. If they find out I’m sleeping with an employee—”
“Are you sleeping with her?” Carlos interrupted.
“No. But I want to. That’s the problem.”
Esmeralda stood up and came over. “Look at me. When was the last time you wanted someone?”
Sarah thought about it. “I don’t know. I mean there were women I liked over the years and Billy didn’t care. I know he had the occasional one-night stand but this much? I haven’t wanted anyone this much in ages.”
“Then maybe it’s time.” Esmeralda’s voice was gentle. “You’ve been living like a nun. The court case will eventually resolve. You’re allowed to want things.”
“Not things that will destroy my career.”
“Who says it has to destroy anything?” Carlos leaned back in his chair. “You keep it quiet. Enjoy yourself. It’s spring break. Half the island is having flings right now. Come on. When’s the last time you had fun?”
“I have fun.”
“Uploading old spreadsheets to do cloud doesn’t count,” Carlos fired back.
Sarah wanted to argue but couldn’t. When was the last time she’d done something just because she wanted to? Not because it was expected or professional or safe?
“It could be a disaster,” she said.
“Maybe.” Esmeralda shrugged. “Or maybe it could just be a few weeks of something good. As long as you’re both clear about what it is.”
“She’s young. She probably wants romance and feelings and all that.”
“So ask her. Talk to her.” Esmeralda picked up her tablet. “But don’t torture yourself over wanting someone. You’ve done enough of that.”
Sarah knew they were right. Logically, she knew. But the fear was still there, the years of hiding and pretending and making sure every move was calculated.
“I’ll think about it,” she said.
“Don’t think too hard. That’s your problem.” Carlos grabbed his tool belt. “I gotta fix a toilet. But seriously, Sarah. Live a little.” He exited with Esmeralda behind him.
After they left, Sarah went back to her office. She had emails to answer, schedules to review, vendors to call. Normal work. Safe work.
As she walked to her office, her phone rang. Mom flashed on the screen. Sarah sent it to voicemail. By the time she was at her desk, her phone buzzed with a voicemail notification.
She shouldn’t listen to it. Nothing good ever came from her mother’s calls. But she pressed play anyway.
Sarah, honey, it’s Mom. I know you’re busy, but I really need to talk to you. We got an eviction notice. Three months behind on rent and the landlord won’t give us any more time. We need five thousand to catch up and ....
Sarah deleted the message without listening to the rest. How could her mother call her and leave a message like this as if they conversed every week like clockwork?
Sarah had cut her parents off a long time ago, not wanting to fuel their bad habits. She hadn’t known that Billy had secretly given them money. Money they both knew amounted to hush money because he’d wanted to avoid her parent’s revealing things that were best left in the dark.
He’d meant well, but of course, now her parents expected it.
She rubbed her temples.
Sarah checked her schedule. Lizzie would be here already, going over the final details of this evening’s event. They were offering tours of Mallory Square for guests.
Most people liked to explore on their own, but some preferred the comfort of having the hotel van take them and pick them up. Tonight they’d have fifteen guests heading down to Mallory Square.
Usually, the shuttle ran 24/7 but for these special tours, they left the shuttle downtown during the events, to free up the second shuttler for back-and-forth service.
Sarah found them in the employee break room, going over the itinerary. Chrisla had maps pulled up on the computer and pointed out the best spots to park.
“The street performers get aggressive about tips,” Chrisla was saying. “Don’t let the kids feel pressured.”
Lizzie was taking notes on her phone. She looked up when Sarah walked in. The second they focused in on each other Sarah felt it again, that pull. That want. She looked away first.
“Just wanted to check in about tonight,” Sarah said, keeping her voice professional. “You have the van keys?”
“Picked them up this morning.” Chrisla held them up.
“Good.”
“Got it.”
Sarah turned to leave. She made it to the door before Lizzie spoke.
“Sarah?”
She stopped. “Yes?”
“Can I talk to you for a second? Privately?”
Chrisla looked between them, clearly sensing something. “I’ll go check on the vans. Make sure they’re gassed up.”
After she left, Lizzie stood up. “I just wanted to say, about last night. Your secret is safe with me.”
Her ribs suddenly felt two sizes too small. “Lizzie—”
“I mean it. I won’t tell anyone. I know what it would mean for you if people found out.” Lizzie crossed her arms. “I also wanted to say I’m sorry for kissing you. I was drunk and stupid, and I put you in a bad position.”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“I do though. You’re my boss. It was unprofessional.” Lizzie met her eyes. “But for what it’s worth, I don’t regret it.”
The words hung in the air between them. Sarah should say something professional. Something about boundaries and appropriate workplace behavior.
Instead she said, “I don’t regret it either.”
Lizzie’s breath caught. “Oh.”
“But it can’t happen again.”
“Right. Of course.” Lizzie looked down. “Too complicated.”
“Too complicated,” Sarah agreed.
“Okay. Well. I should go help Chrisla.” Lizzie grabbed her bag. “See you tomorrow?”
“See you tomorrow.”
Lizzie left. Sarah stood there, shaking, because she knew she just lied.
Because it was going to happen again. She could feel it. The pull between them was too strong, the want too intense. It was just a question of when.
Sarah went back to her office and closed the door. She pulled up the vendor emails again, tried to focus.
Her phone sat on the desk. No more calls from her mother. Just the usual notifications. Meeting reminders. Staff schedules.
She thought about Esmeralda’s words. You’re allowed to want things.
But wanting things had never been simple for Sarah. Every want came with a cost. Every choice had consequences.
What would wanting Lizzie cost her?
Everything, probably.
This was going to be a disaster.
But god, she wanted it anyway.