Chapter Forty-One
Lilac
I sit outside on the patio, staring at the calm sea in the backyard.
I let Irvin sleep upstairs in our bedroom.
So many emotions stir inside me. I’m confused about my feelings for Irvin.
I’m completely dependent on him. How the hell did that happen?
I don’t know. He’s like a fix I need—a high I want to chase.
I’ve become obsessed with the one thing that could break me.
I always thought Irvin was trying to control me physically, but it seems as if he’s caged me mentally.
I tighten my hand around the mug, squeezing it until my fingers ache.
He terrifies me, but I feel safe with him.
I can’t believe I’ve become dependent on him.
I feel complete and terrified all at once.
Admitting that I’m fully dependent on him is like a burden lifted off my shoulders.
I can’t imagine my life without him. Yet I hate how much I crave and need him.
I inhale the salty air as it burns my lungs.
“What am I going to do?” I whisper aloud.
Waves crash on the shore and birds dance in the overcast sky. The cold air nips at my heated skin. The entire time, I can’t stop thinking he’s obsessed—and I’ve become obsessed with him too. It’s sick.
My pulse accelerates.
I set my mug down on the concrete, then run my fingers through my hair.
I pick up a small rock and toss it into the water.
I realize I’m sinking, like the rock beneath the surface.
I’m sinking under Irvin. He consumes everything about me.
He’s everything I didn’t want in the first place.
He’s everything I never wanted for myself.
And yet, here I am—stuck with my husband, my controlling, manipulative husband, who has found a way to make me dependent on him.
It’s getting harder to accept that he’s the one murdering everyone on campus. I don’t have any hard proof, except for that damn video. It’s harder and harder by the day to trust my own thoughts, to trust myself.
When I learned that Irvin tricked me into our marriage, I wanted out.
Now… now I’m just mentally caged. Irvin is my jailer.
He made me addicted to him. He made me obsessed with him—and I’ve never been obsessed with anyone in my life.
The thought of him even getting up in the middle of the night and leaving sends a shiver of panic down my spine.
I burst into tears. I don’t want to be this way over him.
I don’t want to depend on him. I don’t want to think about him all the time. I don’t want to crave his touch. I don’t want to rely on him.
I place my hands over my face and cry.
Irvin
I stare down at my princess through the window as she buries her face in her palms and cries. I’ve got her exactly where I want her. I smile inwardly. I relish the fact that I’ve made her addicted to me—the same way I’m addicted to her.
Her need for me, her dependency on me, makes my dick hard. I’ve dominated her in a way I’ve always wanted. I need her to be addicted to me so she can never leave me—so she won’t ever leave me.
I saw the look in her eyes when I pulled away. The fear.
I saw the terror when she finally admitted she needs me.
I saw the way she clung to me for dear life.
But it’s still not enough.
I grab my vape, place it between my lips, and inhale deeply. She slowly looks up toward the window. I stare right back. She smiles through her tears, and I love that look on her face. Her cheeks are flushed, her mouth still swollen from sucking my dick.
She turns back toward the sea.
My possession over her doesn’t have limits. I need to turn her emotional dependence into love—but on my terms. She’ll love me when I decide it’s time.
I’ve already made her obsessed with me. Now I want her to associate her safety, her pleasure, and her emotional fulfillment with only me. Once that happens, she’ll fall in love with me, and she’ll never question it.
Love is meant to be controlled.
Love is meant to be owned.
This is my version of loving her—by controlling her emotions.
I want her dependency to become love, and I won’t stop until it is. I know she’s terrified of me but also feels safe with me, but that still isn’t enough. I want her fully consumed by me.
My love for her has grown deeper, but I don’t care. I won’t stop until I hear those three little words: I love you.
That’s when she’ll be mine—mentally, and forever.