Chapter 37
Allie stood there in the living room looking around. Carson didn’t know if it was because some things weren’t in their rightful place or if she was remembering the attack.
“We cleaned up as best we could. I’ll have to find a new picture frame for your one picture,” he explained, filling in the silence.
Allie had been quiet the whole way back.
He didn’t know if that was a good thing or bad.
She had held up so well through the whole ordeal.
He knew her adrenaline had worn off by now.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“You don’t need to thank me.” Carson licked his lips as he tried to think of something else to say. They hadn’t spoken to each other since he’d told her that Sandy was at Juan’s house. “Do you want me to stay or go?”
Allie turned and faced him. He noted a bright red spot on her cheek. Yurgio or someone else hit must have her at some point. He wanted to go back and kill them all again or beat Yurgio for harming her. “Stay. I don’t want to be alone right now.”
Carson felt his shoulders drop because he hadn’t wanted to leave her, but he would have given her anything she wanted. “Whatever you want.” He would do anything for her.
Allie looked down at herself before back to him. “I’m going to go shower.”
He thought about offering to go with her, but he didn’t want to push her. Allie might need a few minutes alone to process what had happened.
She disappeared down the hallway, and he busied himself pacing it, listening for any signs of distress. After several minutes and the water didn’t turn on, he went and checked on her.
The bathroom door was still open, and he saw Allie standing in front of the mirror still dressed and looking at her reflection.
“Allie,” he said gently, standing in the doorway.
Allie didn’t turn her head, but her eyes shifted in the mirror to look at him. Her hand was on her face, touching the bruise.
“You want to talk about it?” He was more than willing to listen if she did. Sometimes talking about a trauma could be therapeutic and purge it from the system, but it could also be too soon for that.
Allie shook her head. “Not yet.”
Eventually, she would need to talk to someone, but he wouldn’t rush her. “I’m here whenever you need me. Shay went through her own kidnapping. Two actually. I’m sure she’d be happy to talk to you as well. Or we can always get you professional help.”
“Thanks.” She gave him a wan smile. “I’d like to talk to Shay, just not right now.”
“I’m sorry, but I have to do this.” He closed the distance and took her in his arms, needing to hold her and reassure himself that she was well as much as to give her comfort.
Allie didn’t cry like he’d expected her to. Everyone responded to trauma in different ways. She could have a delayed response, and it could take days for it all to catch up with her. He’d be by her side for all of it.
“Alright, let’s get your shower going.” Carson stepped away to start the water.
He checked the temperature to make sure it wasn’t too hot.
“You’re all set,” he said, turning around to see her standing there completely naked.
His eyes drank her in. There were other bruises on her body, but none as bad as the one on her face.
It didn’t diminish how beautiful she was.
He could never tire of looking at her body.
Her high, firm breasts, her trim waist, rounded hips, and sleek muscular legs.
His cock started to lengthen, and he was disgusted with himself for checking her out after what she had just gone through.
There was a possibility she’d been sexually harmed.
He hadn’t had the guts to ask, not that it would matter to him other than to be very careful with her.
“I’ll leave you to it.” He started to step past her.
He’d go wait in the living room until she was done.
Allie reached out to him before he could pass her. “Don’t go.”
“I’m here in the house; I’m not going far,” he assured her. He wouldn’t leave until she kicked him out.
“I want you to make love to me.”
“Allie,” he groaned, closing his eyes as if it could erase what he’d just heard. She was making it too damn difficult to give her space when she stood naked, looking at him imploringly as she asked him to make love to her.
“You said you loved me, is that no longer true?” Her voice cracked, fear clogging her throat.
His eyes snapped open. “Of course, it’s true.” He would never tell a woman he loved her unless he meant it.
“Do you still find me attractive?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
Had she hit her head? “Of course. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”
“Then what’s the problem?” She cocked her head to the side, studying him.
“You were just kidnapped and almost killed. Making love should be the last thing on your mind.”
Allie smiled wickedly. There was no hint of trauma in her eyes.
No shadows. Just pure love and a naughty grin.
“All the more reason to make love. Reaffirm I’m still alive.
That we love each other. I also want to forget.
Just for a while.” She stepped closer, her hands smoothing over his chest to his shoulders before wrapping around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.
Carson paused before their lips met. “Did anyone...did they?” He paused, not knowing how to ask, but somehow Allie knew what he’d been trying to say.
She shook her head. “No one touched me. But I really want you to. Make me forget everything. Show me how much you love me.”
He was a goner after that. Carson pulled her flush to his body and took over the kiss. Allie groaned against his mouth.
Then she pulled away, tilting her head back. “We should get in the shower before the water turns cold.”
He had completely forgotten about the water. Carson stepped back and stripped before her. It was easier doing it this time than the first. Allie’s eyes drank him in as he shed more and more clothing until he stood before her bare. She saw all of the ugliness, all the way down to his feet.
Allie took slow steps as she approached him as if he were a wild animal and could pounce on her at any second. Her hands were outstretched wanting to touch him. She looked up at him, seeking permission. Carson nodded.
Her hands touched his tarnished flesh, and he hissed out a breath. Allie pulled away as if she were afraid, as if she had hurt him. “No,” he denied, pulling her hands back to him. “Touch me.”
He loved her touch; it healed something in him. Not just physically, but mentally. With her, he didn’t want to hide anymore. She still saw him as whole.
Allie leaned forward and kissed across his right shoulder, then down his arm to his wrist and back up to his pectoral. Her hands stroked up and down his chest and down to his waist.
His cock was hard as iron. His balls were hot and heavy, ready to spill like a teenager at his first time. “Shower,” Carson husked, wrapping his arms around Allie’s waist and carrying her into the shower tub.
Allie squealed in delight, trusting him not to drop her.
He set her under the spray as he grabbed the sponge and soap and created a lather.
He soaped the front of her body before the back in quick efficient motions, making sure to kiss all the bruises he found along the way and kissing his favorite tattoo.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, and he’d say it a hundred more times if he had to. “It’s my fault you were involved.”
“It’s nobody’s fault.”
She was trying to make him feel better and appease his guilt, but it wouldn’t work.
“It is.” “Then you can blame your boss for sending you to wherever it was you went and killed Jurgen. You can blame Jurgen and Yurgio for being bad guys. You can blame their parents for raising them the way they did. The list goes on for blame of things beyond our control. It’s no one person’s fault. ”
“How can you not blame me?” How could she always see the good in everything? He didn’t get it. He always thought it had to do with her job and making people happy, but she genuinely saw the good in every situation, no matter how bad.
“Because you saved me. You were always just trying to protect me. Even by keeping the truth from me.” Allie looked down at his chest, but her focus wasn’t on his scars.
“I didn’t see it at the time, but now I do.
I know you’ll never be able to tell me about the jobs you do, and frankly, I don’t want to know.
Just knowing you risk your life like that scares me, that I might lose you when I just got you, but this is your life.
” She took a deep breath and raised her gaze to meet his, unflinching.
“I love you, Carson, and I’ll take you any way I can have you. ”
“If you asked me to quit tomorrow, I would.” He meant it. As much as he loved his job and serving his country still, he would give it all up for her. He didn’t know what he’d do instead, but he’d figure it out. He wasn’t the first veteran that had had to, and he wouldn’t be the last.
“No,” she shook her head, stroking her hand over his chest, “This is who you are, and what you do is important. I’ve always told you that.”
How did he get so lucky to find someone like Allie? So understanding. He was an idiot for ever thinking he could walk away from her. “I love you.”
Allie’s smile was so bright and radiant, he was almost blinded by it. “I love you too. Now it’s my turn.”
Allie took the sponge from him, reapplying soap before scrubbing his front. She was much more torturous than he had been. He had explored her body several times. This was the first time she’d been able to explore his and obviously, she was not missing this opportunity to make it memorable.
She dropped to her knees and paid extra attention to his cock. Carson fell back against the shower wall as she explored him. Allie ditched the sponge and used her hands to clean his balls. She pulled him forward under the spray to rinse him off before lowering her mouth over him.
Carson could already see stars. He wasn’t going to last long. Her hands braced on his thighs, touching and caressing his scars as she bobbed up and down on his cock. He couldn’t stand it any longer.
Carson bent over to lift Allie up to her feet.
He pressed her against the shower wall and lifted one of her legs as his cock probed her hole before plunging in without any resistance.
Carson rocked into her, keeping one hand braced against her back to press her pelvis forward.
Allie raised and lowered herself on one leg.
Carson cupped her bruised cheek as he looked into her eyes as he made love to her.
Allie’s hands were braced on his chest, her mouth hanging open and her eyes locked on his.
It was the most erotic moment of his life. Watching his lover as they made love to each other. Reconnecting their hearts and bodies. Carson widened his stance as he took her harder, his balls slapping her ass. Allie reached between them and started rubbing her clit.
“That’s it, baby, come all over my dick.” He knew she liked hearing his dirty talk.
Allie’s eyes closed as she leaned back against the tiles. Her hips moved frantically as her fingers ground against her clit. Carson looked down and watched her fuck herself while he slipped in and out of her, trying to match her rhythm.
Her thigh flexed under his hand; he felt her body shake against him. Her breathing hitched. She was getting close. Carson released his grip on her thigh and tweaked her nipple.
Allie shouted her climax as she convulsed around his cock. He followed right after, staying buried inside of her until he felt his heartrate return to normal.
Then Carson turned off the shower and dried them before climbing into bed. They just laid together. Allie had her head on his chest as her fingers stroked his arm and shoulder. He had never felt so much at peace. And he owed it all to her and her trust.