Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Lindsey
By the time visiting hours are over, I have a list-covered napkin—front and back—of tasks. The thing I dreaded the most, though—returning to California to pack—has been decided.
I'm not going. Not just because of the memories but because of how running into the man who wants no part of his baby is a risk I don't want to take. I refuse to feel pressured to do something I don't want to do.
Zoey and I brainstormed ideas, and since I share an apartment with another work colleague, my plan involves asking her to pack my clothing for shipment in exchange for me forfeiting any furniture items I have.
It means giving up a lot—like my recently purchased bed and other things I'll have to replace, but if giving those up means not going back?
Totally worth it. Especially since the expense to move it would be substantial and probably end up costing the same if not more to replace.
So that marks that off my list, if nothing else.
My job is another issue. I'll have to give notice, and I'm sure there will be talk no matter how gracefully I try to extract myself.
I don't have a high position in the company or anything, but I'd like to think I'll be missed.
I do my work, and I do it well, and I'm hoping my graphic-design skills and advertising experience will land me another job quickly.
The only bad mark against me is my sudden departure.
And possibly rumors of why, if anyone else is aware of what happened between me and jerk-face.
I'm pondering the priority of other items on my napkin list when the girls emerge from the elevator. Dani looks sad at having to leave but also tired and sleepy, while Madi looks…angry? Worried? Devastated?
It's such a chaotic mix of emotions that I shove my own concerns to the back of my mind and focus on the teenager. "Everything go okay?"
Zoey left about ten minutes prior to check on a patient, and I kind of wish she was here to scope out the girls' emotions.
"I want Daddy to come home," Dani said, sounding more than a little whiny.
"I know, sweetie. And he will soon. They just have to help him get better first, and you want him to get better, right?" I glance at Madi again but she looks away when she sees me studying her. "Are you guys hungry? We could run through a drive-through on the way back."
"Can we get ice cream?"
I take a moment to test the thought of ice cream for dinner, and my body decides it's not a bad idea. At least at the moment. "Yeah, why not? Everyone needs ice cream for dinner at least once in their life."
Dani grins like I've given her a giant stuffed llama—her current favorite animal—while Madison just turns and moves toward the exit without a word.
Outside, random fireworks explode and remind me that it's a holiday. I navigate thick traffic to the closest ice cream shop, and we grab our treats. The girls eat their cones while I sip a milkshake on the way back to Carolina Cove.
Dani has her headset on, watching cartoons, so I glance across the seat at Madi. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, fine."
Yeah, she sounds about as fine as I am at the moment. "You know, if something's on your mind, it might help to talk about it."
"Nope. I'm okay," she insists.
Okay then. I take another pull from my vanilla shake and roll to a stop at a red light. The car's silence is freaky and more than a little unnerving.
"So what are you going to do? About the baby?" She lowers her voice. "Are you having it?"
The questions emerge right as the light turns green, and I don't take my eyes off the road, despite the girl's blunt question.
"I am. I have a lot to figure out, but Bronwyn is basically my only family, and…
I think I need a fresh start. Carolina Cove seems like the place to do it.
" And since it's literally across the country and as far away from my baby's father as I can get… Winner, winner.
"I can help," Madi says softly. "I mean, if I'm still here, I'll help."
I frown at her words. "What do you mean if you're still here?"
The girl pulls at the hem of her shorts.
"I don't know. My mom could come back or something.
If Kace has rehab and therapy, he might be away for a while.
I'm sure his friends will keep Dani, but…
I'm not a kid. I don't actually need anyone to take care of me," she says, sounding defensive.
"But he might not want me to stay at the house alone. "
"Madi, your uncle isn't going to kick you out."
She huffs. "He might. My own mom didn't want me. She dumped me on Kace and didn't exactly give him a choice. Now he's hurt, and he's got Dani to deal with. He doesn't need to worry about another kid, especially one that's not even his."
The girl's words ring with truth and anger and an aggressive edge of fear.
My heart tugs because I know that soul-sucking hole well.
That awareness of being alone and on the peripheral but not part of the true inner circle of family and friends.
Of wondering what—if any—value you hold to people who have people of their own.
"Look, I don't know your uncle well, but from what I can tell, he's an upstanding guy. "
"Doesn't mean he wants an extra kid though."
"I suppose it doesn't," I admit. "But think of it this way, if nothing else. You are his family, and he seems very protective of his family. Also, you've been a great help in watching Dani."
"So you're saying if I make myself useful, maybe Kace won't ditch me like my mom?"
"I'm saying," I stress, "that just because your arrival wasn't planned, you aren't going to be forgotten. Kace loves you, and Bronwyn adores you and so do I," I add, despite having known the teenager for such a short time.
Madison doesn't need any signs of hesitation right now.
She needs reassurance. Just like I do. And since Zoey gave me that reassurance, the least I can do for Madi is offer the same.
"We all have a lot to figure out at the moment, but we will figure it out.
No one's going to be left out in the cold—or in this case the heat. Okay? I mean it."
Madison turns her head and stares out the passenger window while I tell myself I've said all the right things—I just need to believe them for myself.
And maybe her too.
Two hours later, I'm on Bronwyn's second-floor balcony, watching random fireworks explode around the area when I hear the sliding doors behind me open.
I’d dropped the girls off at Kace's house where Pierce waited on the porch and then returned to the bookstore through gobs of traffic and pedestrians making their way to the boardwalk for Carolina Cove's fireworks show.
"Hey, how'd it go at the hospital?"
I shift on the lounger to peer up at her and see Gabriel Wolfe emerging from the door behind her.
I sit up because I'm no longer alone, taking note that Bronwyn looks relaxed, even though today's bookstore grand opening was such a big deal.
"It went fine, but—I'm going to be blunt since Gabe is here. "
"Okay," Bronwyn says with a glance at her love. "What's going on?"
"I don't know what Kace has worked out for the kids long-term, but Madi is more than a little freaked out she won't be included in it."
Maybe I should feel bad that I'm sharing the girl's fears, but now's not the time for such a thing to be ignored.
Her presence and inclusion needs to be addressed so she's at ease.
As an adult, I'm expected to handle things on my own but as a kid?
Madison needs—deserves—help and reassurance.
"I think a conversation or two letting her know she won't be forgotten might be in order. "
Bronwyn's surprise registers, and she shares another glance with Gabe before looking back at me.
"She told you that?"
"We're both outsiders here," I conclude aloud. "And she considers herself the spare kid dumped on Kace. With him now hurt…yeah. She's worried and trying to figure out what to do if she's kicked out soon."
"That poor girl," Bronwyn says. "She's been through so much. No kid should ever worry about being left behind."
"I'll make sure Kace talks to her," Gabe adds. "We don't abandon family. Whatever the plan, she's a factor in it."
I nod, relieved to hear it. I mean, I didn't think Madison would actually be left to fend for herself, but given all that Kace has to deal with, who knows if he's even aware that the girl has doubts as to her welcome? The fire chief's words help reassure me that the teenager will be considered.
"Are you doing okay?" Bronwyn asks me. "I was…surprised you volunteered to take the girls today."
I wave my napkin list like a flag. "I needed some thinking space. I'm trying to prioritize what needs doing. And though we've only vaguely discussed it, I've…officially decided to move to Carolina Cove."
"Oh, that's great!" Bronwyn grins. "I can't wait to be the favorite aunty."
"You're also the only aunty. But I don't expect you to over commit," I add hastily.
Bronwyn scoffs "Oh, please. I can't wait to spoil the baby rotten. I'm so happy you're doing this, Linds. I'm so glad you'll be close to me."
"Me, too. I mean, I know you'll be busy with the store and…everything. Still, it'll be nice to live close by." I glance at Gabe and back at Bronwyn and sigh. "I, um, don't want to interfere with your life."
"You won't. You aren't," Bronwyn stresses.
I shake my head, identifying with Madi way more than I even realized. "That's nice of you to say, but I am. I'm grateful for the place to crash-land, but I'll find my own place as soon as possible."
"Lindsey, there's no need to worry about that," Bronwyn says.
"There is. You two are new and in love, and I don't want to be a third wheel while you're figuring things out. Besides, I'll need my own space. So will the baby. And it'll be easier to find something now rather than later when I can't see my feet."
Bronwyn looks uneasy but shrugs. "Fine. But please don't feel rushed. You've got plenty of time to find a place and a job. It'll work out. These things always do."
Yeah, maybe. But starting over from scratch? New town, new job, new living space—new baby on the way? Getting out of Bronwyn's way so she can live her own life?
I struggle to breathe and fist my list like it can somehow solve my problems.
New town. New baby. New life. The issue isn't so much making a plan.
It's figuring out which fire to put out first.