Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Lindsey
Later that Friday, I'm in birthday-party mode for Dani and Madi and thinking about how much easier it is to breathe with Kace near. Bad timing or not, that's the truth of it.
He's a friend, yes. But I refuse to lie to myself and say my feelings for him aren't becoming more. I've had to keep myself from reaching out to brush his hair into place. From turning a situation where I help him maneuver into a hug.
A kiss. What would it be like to kiss him?
Stop it, stop it, stop it, I order, forcing my wandering thoughts back to the task at hand.
Today's birthday party for the girls will be followed by Bronwyn's surprise bridal shower tomorrow evening—and then Dani's Bald Head Island trip on Sunday. I have a packed weekend ahead of me with Kace involved in nearly all of it, and I have to get my act together and nix the fantasies about Kace.
I spy the bookish wedding invitation posted on the fridge with a magnet and pause.
The happy couple plans to get married the last weekend in August, due to Gabe's work schedule.
While Bronwyn expedites the wedding details with the help of a local wedding planner, Madi and I quietly got the word out to the Boardwalk Babes, Bronwyn's friend, Amelia, and a few others regarding a bridal shower.
Despite the last-minute notice, the response has been wonderful, and I imagine a full house.
I had planned to host the gathering at the bookstore after hours due to its size and convenience, but the Babes protested.
Mary Elizabeth insisted on having the shower at her home because of the care and concern Bronwyn showed when Mary Elizabeth had a medical issue while visiting the bookstore a while back. I couldn't say no to the sweet woman.
So venue handled. But within a few seconds, I'd lost nearly all control over the location and the food, with the older ladies going into mama mode and each claiming Bronwyn as one of their own, leaving me to handle decorations and games.
"Llama cake, llama cake, llama cake!" Dani says, running into the kitchen.
I laugh as I uncover the llama cake Dani had requested for her birthday.
I can't believe it's even a cake. The llama's face is adorable, with ringlets of icing for hair.
Lucy the Llama, named by Dani on the car ride home, wears a wreath of brightly colored flowers dusted with sparkling glitter and green leaves tipped with gold.
"Looks like Mak outdid herself," Kace says, referring to Makayla Blackwell and her Itty-Bitty Bakery.
I look up, only then realizing how close he's standing. So near I can smell his cologne and soap and the scent that's just him. But instead of causing the typical nausea, I feel…comfort. And I catch myself taking a deeper inhalation and reveling in him.
Oh, Linds. Seriously?
I snap out of it and swallow hard. "Yeah, she, um, did a great job."
I move back from the table where Dani is kneeling on a chair admiring her unboxed birthday cake in all its glory and go to the counter to rid myself of the Kace-fogged warmth engulfing me. The kind that makes me once again think of being held in his arms and kissed and—
"What did Mads order again?"
I froze, mind blank and then say, "A book cake."
I barely have time to take a breath before he's back. Right there beside me and so close, I'm distracted yet again. "Here," I say, plucking up and handing him a package of napkins to try to get some distance. "Table, please."
Kace takes the package and literally tosses the napkins toward the table. I sigh. So much for gaining some breathing room.
But what had I expected when he couldn't hold the napkins and the crutches?
Anything that could be tossed, was. It's a pattern he picked up the moment he was able to tolerate the crutches under his burned arm.
But thankfully he has good aim, and his physical therapist says it's a good way to stretch the abused muscles and skin and help with his range of motion.
Dani gets down with a scrape of the chair legs and runs into the other room.
"I'm going to help Madi with the balloons! We have to blow up all of them!"
We've bought several packages of balloons in various sizes, and if all blown up? "That's about a hundred balloons," I murmur. "Should I put a limit on those? Don't forget you'll be wading through balloons on those crutches."
"I'll be fine. Let them have their fun."
Madi chose rose-gold-glitter and matte black balloons for herself, and after Dani had taken a long look at Madi's cool balloon colors, she'd chosen brightly colored glitter-confetti balloons to match the flowers on the head of her llama cake and gold to match the llama's ears.
"The guys will be here soon. What can I do to help?"
Madi shrugged when asked what she wanted for her birthday.
Turning seventeen didn't seem to excite the girl, and it made me wonder what she received for her sweet sixteen.
Had her mother done anything to celebrate the big day?
Is Madi's lack of excitement indicative of past birthdays and having learned to not get her hopes up?
Or is it because what she really wants is for her mom to reappear? "Nothing. I think I've got it covered. Can I ask a question, though?"
"Yeah, sure. What is it?"
I glance toward the living room, glad the television is going and Dani's animated chatter leaves no room to be overheard. I lower my voice to a whisper anyway. "I'm just wondering how often you got to see Madi before her mom left her here."
I watch as Kace shakes his head, a solemn expression stealing over his handsome face.
"A couple times when she was younger, but I hadn't seen her since she was about ten."
So Madi's mother basically dumped her daughter off with a stranger, uncle or not.
"Pam's always been a wild card. Taking stupid risks as a teenager. A serial dater but never any long-term relationships. I'm not sure Mads has ever met her father or that my sister even knows who he is. I never thought she'd dump Mads and take off like she did, though. That was a surprise."
My heart breaks for Madi. And for Kace. I can't imagine the stress and emotional toll it's taken on him. "What are you going to do?"
He stares at me blankly.
"Kace, school's starting soon. She needs to be enrolled."
He runs a hand over his face and rubs hard.
"Ah, you're right. I'd kind of… I don't know. Lost track of time and tried to ignore it, hoping Pam would come back."
"And if she doesn't?"
"Court and…petitioning for guardianship, I guess."
So he's thought about it. Some, at least. "Look, I'm sorry to bring up a touchy subject. I just spotted the back-to-school supplies when we picked up the balloons, and it…made me wonder. Getting through the paperwork will take time, so you might need to get started?"
Kace looked sad and torn and more than a little angry.
"Yeah, I know. I'm afraid getting guardianship might make Madi's moods worse, though."
"Because it'll be proof, to her at least, that you don't think her mom's coming back," I whisper.
"Yeah."
"Oh, Kace."
A low rumble sounds outside.
"I hear Gabe rolling in," he says. "Looks like things are about to start."
"Pain scale?" I ask as I peek out the window and see Gabe's Wrangler turning into the driveway.
"Four. Nausea scale," he shoots back.
"One," I say as I swing round to survey my work. The little ritual had started during our hospital visits and kept on once Kace had come home. Now it's a thing we do fairly regularly, if only to get a quick update or grin out of the other.
As for the party… I'd picked up pizzas and chips and drinks along with the cakes. Easy and simple. One of Dani's little friends is expected to attend, but Madi only asked if she could invite Bronwyn.
I feel for the teenager, and I wonder how well she will make friends once school begins.
Madi is a hard worker, loves books, but she isn't outgoing or overly friendly.
She's so guarded; she makes it difficult to get close to her.
Not that I blame her. I can only imagine what she's been through, and after being abandoned by her mom, she's probably afraid of opening herself up to anyone again. I know I am.
I take a last look at the table set up and whirl round, remembering I need to grab the ice bucket from the freezer and bump nose to chest into Kace.
I suck in a breath and jerk my head up when he wobbles unsteadily on the crutches and winds up quickly releasing them to catch himself by bracing his hands on either side of my hips against the counter to get his balance.
I grab his upper arms, remember his burns, and quickly shift them toward his rock-hard abs instead.
"Oh, my gosh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? "
My question is forgotten when I see the way he's looking at me. Not like a man in pain but one suddenly face-to-face with something he seems as torn up about as I feel.
Time stops. I vaguely hear Dani opening the door and ordering Madi to come with her to greet the first guests, but I pay them no mind due to the rush of blood past my ears.
The house goes quiet, like we've been sucked into a void and our own world once the door shuts behind them.
All I can do is stare up at Kace. The warmth of his body seeps through the T-shirt to my fingertips, and my heart pounds against my chest.
I watch, mesmerized, as his gaze lowers, and then his head moves toward mine, and I lift up on my toes, holding my breath, raising my face, even as I order myself to end the insanity before it can begin.
To walk away.
To run from this. Him, with his big, strong body, protectiveness and his heart of gold.
From wanting more than I'm allowed to want. Allowed to have.
I've screwed up my life so much already. I can't mess up his. How can I—