Chapter 18
SADIE
Leander launched forward at the sound of my cry, a whimper leaving him in answer. Before I could scurry away from the tree, he was beside me.
He brushed the entire length of his wolf body against mine, and I should’ve been terrified, my fear should have vibrated through every cell in my body, but the opposite happened.
My shaking calmed, and the panic that gripped my chest in its tight fist began to loosen.
And then: the strangest feeling in my chest, a feeling I’d barely known and hardly recognised.
A feeling like coming home. Not to a gran who would sell me.
Like coming home to a place I knew I was safe, and wanted, and welcome.
That was bizarre enough that I forgot I wasn’t supposed to look down.
And there was the evidence, the final proof that I would never be able to out run.
No shoes, no human legs, no shapely calves.
Instead, there were matchsticks covered in fur the colour of blackened wood. A wolf’s legs, not human legs.
I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t pull air into my lungs quick enough.
But the drags I managed to sip were sharp with details and so much clarity that it should’ve been obvious from the moment I woke up that I was no longer human.
I could taste the trees in the air, their roots in the earth.
I could taste the rain that hadn’t arrived yet but hung in clouds above the tree line.
I could taste blood, clinging to something not too far away. The place where I died?
I thought the open space would help, the Alpha said almost apologetically as he came closer, with slow, careful steps.
The pale, blue eyed wolf didn’t approach, I noticed.
He stayed a safe distance away, watching with narrowed eyes.
And it hit me again like an axe to the chest. He wished I was dead.
He wished I’d died before he could meet me, and for some reason that gouged into my heart like a fistful of thorns and ripped open a dozen different wounds all at once.
I was well accustomed to being unwanted, but this pain was beyond anything I’d felt before.
Why does it hurt? I asked, and didn’t recognise my voice. Not because it sounded wolfish, but because it was hurt and quiet and aching. Had I even sounded like this when Gran betrayed me?
It was the alpha who spoke, and as he did, he slid the length of his body against my side.
The comfort that hit me was so severe that my eyes rolled back.
I’d never known this level of hurt, but I’d never felt anything like this reassurance, this physical comfort that seemed to go beyond the physical and touch something I’ve never sensed before.
It hurts, he said with remarkable softness. Because he is your mate. As we are all your mates.
My voice shook when I said, Just because you saved my life doesn’t make us friends.
I tried not to think about the fact my mouth didn’t part as I spoke, and no audible words came out.
Psychic links. Pack bonds. Rebirth. What else would I be forced to accept as truth when there was no chance in hell this could be real?
Maybe I was dreaming; maybe my nightmare of Suri had never ended, and I just had to slap myself in the face to wake up. 1
Not mates in that way, the alpha said, so unflappable that it was starting to piss me off. But then he rubbed his head against my neck, and air flooded my tight lungs, my muscles relaxed, and I decided I could endure his annoying composure if his touch felt as good as this.
Soulmates, Leander said in a rush, as if the word had been desperate to escape him. It rang around my head, as incriminating as it was insane. We’re your soulmates, Starlight. When your transformation was complete, we felt it instantly. You’re not just pack; you’re our mate.
The wonder in his voice made it clear he thought the sun shone out of my ass.
And why wouldn’t he? Three men alone in the forest, and a woman just happened to fall into their lap…
2 I’d been thinking of this all wrong, fixated on the wolf part, thinking the animal side of them would shred me to pieces, confused that I was left alive.
I shoved both wolves off me and peeled my way out from the wolf sandwich, angry and hurt and bitter enough that I managed to take a few steps without wobbling.
It was a shame wolves didn’t have fingers; there was a particular one I wanted to show to the sharp wolf when he laughed.
Lainsz, the alpha had called him. Prick, I mentally corrected.
I’m not your soulmate, I snapped, a growl pouring from my chest, at odds with the cold voice that filled my mind.
I’m certainly not going to thank you for saving me—and ruining my life—by opening my legs, so you can kiss goodbye to any idea of me being your sex slave.
I’ll end you before you lay a single hand on me.
That’s not what— The alpha’s voice cut off with a growl I heard even inside my head. That is the absolute last thing we’re expecting.
Sure, alphahole, I agreed, putting more distance between us, casting a look around the dark forest, using the faint bit of moonlight to try and place myself.
Of course I failed, and not just because I’d barely figured out how to process the overwhelming detail I could see—drops of moisture cupped between the folds of leaves; individual grains of dirt on the ground, whorls in the bark around me, the shape of wind rustling the leaves.
I didn’t even know where I was. I’d never been in the forest before; finding my bearings wasn’t just difficult.
It was impossible. How far from the academy was I?
It was a sign of how fucked up my life was that I would be glad to see those halls of killers—
A rough laugh filled my mind, a growl expelled into the forest. Told you, Lainsz snapped. I fucking told you. She can’t wait to crawl back to the leeches.
I went still, a charge running through my muscles when he prowled closer. Powerful—more dangerous than I was. I was aware of it with every part of my body, and my heart stumbled into a faster beat.
They’ll kill you. His cruel voice sliced into my mind and my chest at the same time, an echo of his rejection. You know that, don’t you? You go back to them like this, and they’ll slaughter you. They’ll cut you into so many pieces there’ll be no hope of putting you back together.
Lainsz, Leander hissed, coming closer.
My head turned of its own accord, and I snapped my teeth at him in warning, my emotions blending into wolf behaviours.
That’s what they do to wolves, Lainsz went on, ruthless eyes holding mine, pure hatred within them.
They cut us into pieces and burn them so there’s no hope of us ever reaching the afterlife.
That’s your fate if you go back to them.
So go on, he challenged. Go back to your precious killer academy if—
My precious killer academy? I demanded, a snarl pouring up my throat. I never asked to be dragged into this world against my will. I never asked for my own grandmother to sell me to these psychopaths, and to wake up in a prison cart.
Leander whined, but I forged on, full of it. Rage and hatred and the deep, emotional wound of Gran betraying me.
I never asked to be held captive in this world, either get shocked with electricity or ripped to shreds by you if I ever attempted it.
That was the threat; if I ran, you’d slaughter me, and I can’t say you’re proving those bastards wrong.
You’re right, if I go back there, they’ll kill me, but I know nothing in this world.
I’ve been here mere fucking days and that killer academy, I sneered, is all I know.
So yeah, I’d rather be back there, in the only place that’s even remotely familiar, than stay here with three fucking predators.
I turned away, then whipped back around. And I don’t mean predator in the wolf sense, just so we’re clear. I mean it in the saving me so I’ll be your little wifey sense.
I have no interest in you for anything, he replied coldly.
Perfect. I turned my back on him, and waited for my instincts to scream at me that I was in danger. They didn’t. Then you won’t mind if I leave.
You can’t leave like this. It was the alpha who blurted the words, desperation colouring his voice until he smoothed it back to calm. Let us show you how to shift, at least. You can’t go anywhere as a wolf; it’s not safe. This specific part of the forest is warded by our runes, but outside it—
Great, more fucking boundaries, I muttered. But the idea of being in my own skin again was appealing. I can change back? I asked.
You can, he confirmed, flowing closer, back to his composed self. Intense brown eyes were the only hint that I hadn’t imagined his blip of desperation. I can show you.
My hackles raised at his proximity, even as my inner wolf’s head perked up, a rush going through my gut—her glee. Fine, you can show me.
And strangely, Verne and Leander acted like I’d done them a favour, instead of offering to let them do me a favour. As if it mattered that much that I didn’t leave.
Why? I was no one to them, and I didn’t give a shit what they said about bonds and us being pack.
Family was supposed to mean something back home, but that didn’t always work out.
As proven by my traitorous family. Pack would be no different.
I was a stranger to them. But I hadn’t imagined the desperation in the Alpha’s voice.
And there was something like panic in Leander’s eyes.
Why do you care so much? I asked, unable to keep the question trapped.
I had a feeling they’d hear it anyway, the way they seemed to sense the rest of my thoughts.
I had no privacy, not with this supposed pack bond.
I didn’t like that loss of privacy, but what I disliked even more was how it made me feel. Included. Wanted. Less alone.
And I hated that, because I craved it so badly, and I couldn’t trust a single one of these people. No, not people. wolves.