Chapter 14
N ell was fifteen minutes late when she rang Ben’s doorbell on Saturday night, and not just because she’d spent a lot longer than usual getting ready. After a long debate, she’d settled on a mid-thigh length sundress with a halter neck and a black and daisy print, paired with her white sneakers. Ben would be more dressed up than she was, but there was no way to avoid that. The man always looked like he’d just stepped out of a clothing ad.
But now that she knew what he looked like with his hair rumpled and his shirt unbuttoned … She shivered. Messing him up again could be fun.
Marco had been thrilled with his new babysitter, Amy’s niece, who’d brought books and craft supplies along with her. He’d barely waved goodbye as they settled into a slime-making project in the kitchen.
She couldn’t blame her lateness on Marco, or anything else other than nerves. Ben had been so reserved the last time she’d seen him, the afternoon they’d sat on his patio, and she hadn’t seen him since. When he opened the door, she wasn’t sure which version of Ben she’d find—the aloof, formal one, or the one with the soft, kind eyes. The one who’d told her she was beautiful, a memory she’d relived more than once this week.
“Only one way to find out,” she told herself as she checked her makeup one last time in the rearview mirror and climbed out of her car.
Ben opened the door and stared at her for a long minute, long enough that she suddenly doubted everything. This would be worse than awkward, worse than their first meeting.
“You said 6:00, right? I’m sorry I’m a few minutes late.”
Ben cleared his throat. “Yes. Sorry. Come on in.” He stepped back and she followed him inside. He shut the door behind them and turned to face her. Another long moment of silence.
“Your, uh … Your hair is down.” Ben gestured in the direction of her head.
“Oh. Yeah, I leave it down once in a while.” She’d clipped the long waves to one side with a barrette, and the length of it fell down to her mid-back. Impractical hair, most days.
“It’s so long. I didn’t realize.” His eyes continued roaming over her, and warmth flooded her face.
“I like it,” he said, his voice sounding deeper than usual.
“Thank you. You look nice, too.” He wore charcoal dress pants and a black button-down. No vest, tie, or jacket tonight, which was his version of casual. He looked sharp and luxurious, and also nervous.
He opened his mouth as if about to say something else, then shut it.
“I can get you a glass of wine, if you want?” he asked after a beat.
“Sure.”
The word unfroze him, and he went to the counter, where he’d uncorked a bottle of merlot, and poured her a glass. She cradled the glass in the palm of her hand, took a sip, then set it down.
“Is something wrong? We can do this another time, if you’re not feeling—”
“Nothing’s wrong.” He shook his head, shutting his eyes for a moment. “God, I’m sorry. I made all these plans for tonight, and it’s awkward already, isn’t it?”
“The last time I saw you, we had a hard conversation. You seemed like you wanted your privacy afterward. And to be honest, part of me thought you wouldn’t even want to go ahead with this date.”
“That’s not it.” He set down his glass and braced a hand on the counter. “I do want to do this. But I think … I’m still struggling with the contrast between what I could do before, and what I can do now. I had a nice dinner delivered by caterers. I set up the dining table with actual china and cloth napkins. When I planned all this, I thought it would be as good as a restaurant, as good as taking you out on a real date. But the truth is, I feel ridiculous. If I’d met you a year ago, I would have taken you out someplace nice. This is not good enough for you. I mean, look at you.”
“What about me?” She took a step closer to him.
“You’re so beautiful, it hurts my eyes. And I’m—”
“Ben,” she interrupted.
He took a shaky breath. “What.”
“Would you please kiss me hello?”
He stared at her for a moment, then his arm snagged around her waist, pulling her close. His mouth came down on hers, and in an instant, the connection was back, the feeling of rightness and safety. She looped her arms around his neck and poured that feeling into the kiss.
She eased her mouth away from him a minute later, keeping their faces a few inches apart.
“I feel better now. How about you?” she asked.
“Yes. Better.”
She stroked a hand down the side of his face, brushing over the smooth waves at his temple.
“I don’t want a restaurant or a fancy night out. I want to enjoy our time together. I’m happy when I’m with you.”
“Me too,” he said, his voice rough around the edges.
“Then let’s be happy.” She laced her fingers with his. “Come on, show me this gourmet dinner you had delivered.”
He had silver chafing dishes set up in the dining room, keeping the food hot. He’d arranged white china place settings on opposite sides of the square table. A pair of long tapered candles and a bouquet of roses completed the romantic setup.
“This is beautiful,” she said. “But there’s one problem.”
“What’s wrong?” Ben scanned the table as if something offensive might be lurking underneath it.
“I don’t want to sit across from you. Can we move my place so I’m sitting next to you?”
“Of course.”
They moved the place settings, and Ben uncovered the dishes to reveal braised short ribs and stuffed chicken, mashed potatoes and roasted vegetables. A mixed fruit tart and a basket of bread sat in the center of the table, along with a pitcher of ice water and another bottle of wine, a chilled white.
“You thought of everything,” she said.
“I wasn’t sure what you liked. I hope this is close.”
“This is the nicest meal I’ve had in a long time, and I haven’t even tried it yet.”
Seated at the table, Nell hooked her ankle around Ben’s and ran a foot up the side of his calf. His eyes jerked up to meet hers and she gave him a wide smile. He was so reserved, it was fun to play around with him, to do things that shocked him a little bit.
They started eating, and he relaxed, telling her about his past few days at the clinic, and his recent outdoor running adventures. She told him about Amy finding out she’d been taking plants home to doctor them up, and he threw back his head and laughed.
He always listened to her so carefully, his dark eyes never leaving her face, which was probably why she found herself telling him about the job opportunity with Amy’s friend.
“I’m not qualified, but Amy said she’d give me a recommendation letter.”
“You should apply. You never know if they’d call you in for an interview.”
She chewed on her lip. “Maybe. But maybe it’s just one more thing I wouldn’t get, you know?”
“I know you’ve had a lot of disappointments. It takes courage to keep trying, after all that.”
“I might do it. I’m not sure.” She cleared her throat, eager for a subject change. “So. It’s the end of week one. Of the three-week period.”
“It is.”
“Do you want to keep going for week two?”
His expression turned serious. “You know I do. If you can put up with me for another week.”
“I think I can manage it, after this amazing dinner.” She patted her stomach. “I can’t do dessert yet.”
“Do you want to see my patio at night? It’s got lights. We could sit out there.”
“That would be okay with you?”
“Yes, for a while. The dark is easier to deal with than daylight.”
She grinned at him. “I knew you were part vampire.”
Ben led her to the patio door, and a gasp of surprise escaped her when he opened it.
“It’s like a fairy garden.” Strings of tiny white lights lined the patio, the rock path illuminated by sconces on either side. Submerged lamps lit the fountain on the back wall too, the water falling in bright streams down the rocks.
“I thought you’d like it. You like fairy gardens, if I remember right.”
Her eyes flew to his. “I do. I always imagined how I’d landscape my own someday. Of course, I live in a rental house, so I can’t do that yet. But one day …”
Ben’s hand was warm on the small of her back, guiding her to the patio bench. They sat together, looking out over the darkened yard. Out here, time stood still, with no worries about money or parenting to deal with.
Contentment warmed her from the inside, and on impulse, she leaned and put her head on Ben’s shoulder. So what if this was all only temporary. It felt good, and she would let herself have more of that feeling.
Ben turned his face toward her, his dark eyes glinting in the glow from the fairy lights. “Do you want to walk down the path? See the fountain?”
She nodded, the movement in slow motion, dreamy. “Let’s go.”
He took her hand and led her down the curving path through the center of the yard. The path lights caught on the crystal flecks in the rocks, making them glitter. The hum of running water increased as they approached the high brick wall at the back of the yard, where the fountain overflowed, cascading down three tiers of stones.
Nell reached out a hand, trailing her fingers through the falling water. “I love it. It’s so peaceful.”
“I’ve come out here the past few evenings. But it’s better with you here.” Ben’s voice was low and close to her ear. He wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her from behind.
He was so solid, and she let herself lean back into him. The crisp cotton of his dress shirt pressed against the bare skin of her upper back. She was achingly conscious of the man beneath, strong and warm.
His mouth brushed over the bare skin at the base of her neck and she shivered, tilting her head to the side to give him more access. His arms tightened around her waist, mouth moving up her neck to the spot under her ear. He inhaled there, then placed an open-mouthed kiss on the spot.
Her breath left her on a puff and her knees went weak, just like they’d done the first time he’d kissed her. She had no choice but to lean into him, and he held her up easily. One arm stayed wrapped around her middle, but his other hand trailed upward, coming to rest on the tie at the neck of her sundress.
“Can I open this?” His voice was sandpaper rough. His fingers hesitated on the edge of the fabric, toying with the string. “I’ve been dying to touch you. It’s all I thought about this week.”
“Yes.” She’d die if he stopped. Her heart thundered close to his fingers, rushing in her ears.
He tugged the knot open and let the top half of the dress drop, baring her breasts as the fabric fell away.
A rough sound came out of him. “So beautiful.”
His hands stroked over her, soft and light, his thumbs grazing over her nipples. Her breath accelerated, skin pebbling into goosebumps.
“Ever since I opened the door tonight, all I could think about was doing this.” His voice was a deep rumble in her ear. “Your hair. This dress. It’s too much. I couldn’t think, looking at you.”
He nipped her earlobe between his teeth and another gasp escaped her. A vicious throb built at her center. It had been fun to tease him at dinner, shock him out of his usual reserve, but now, with him touching her like this, she was in way over her head. She pushed against his hands, needing more, needing something.
She turned her head sideways, and his mouth was right there, meeting hers in a messy kiss. Not careful or gentle. She threaded her fingers into his sleek, soft hair and arched back into him. His hot arousal pressed against her lower back, and she wanted it, whatever they could have, as much as he’d give her.
He would take good care of her. She could let herself have this.
She pulled her mouth away from his, out of breath. “Ben. Take me inside.”
His eyes glittered down at her. “And what will I do with you inside?”
She turned in his arms, facing him. “Have me. If you want me.”
He set his jaw, grabbed her hand, and led her back up the path toward the house. She didn’t bother to retie the neck of her dress, and the cool night air stirred against her bare torso, transforming her into a fairy, another creature of the garden at night.
Once they were inside, Ben went straight up the staircase, still holding her hand. He led her down the hallway to his bedroom, where a king-size bed with a heavy oak frame dominated the space, piled high with navy and cream bedding.
He flicked on the bedside lamp and sat on the end of the bed, pulling her so she stood between his knees. He shoved a hand through his hair, gaze hot as it raked over her form, naked to the waist.
“I could look at you all day.” His voice was mostly gravel. “I’m halfway convinced you’ll disappear as soon as I touch you again. Maybe I’m imagining this.”
She brushed a thumb over his mouth, loving the way his breath hitched in response.
“You’re not imagining it. Please, touch me again.”
He swallowed. “Birth control?”
“I haven’t been with anyone in six years, and I’ve been tested. And I can’t get pregnant. So we don’t have to use a condom, if you don’t want to.”
His eyes darkened. “It’s been a while for me, too. And I was tested a year ago.”
“Good.” She crushed her mouth down on his. His hands came up to her waist, tugging at the dress until it dropped to the floor. She stepped out of it, now wearing only her tiniest pair of black silk underwear.
His mouth roamed over her stomach, pressing kisses in a line from one hipbone to the other. He palmed her hips, pulling her closer. The movement pulled her off balance, and she braced her arms on his shoulders.
He gave another tug, pulling her down onto his lap until she straddled him, and she kissed him some more, urgency taking over her body.
She worked open the buttons of his shirt with frantic fingers, not recognizing herself. In the past, sex had been a series of motions to go through to please her partner, and she could follow the routine almost without paying attention. But this was different. She was fully present, and she needed more, and now.
She tried to push his shirt off, but the fabric got stuck on his wrists at the cuffs, and she abandoned the garment, her hands too eager to explore. His torso was hot and smooth, leanly muscled, broad at the shoulders, and dusted with lots of dark hair that narrowed to a trail at his waist. The muscles under her palms jumped at her touch. He watched her touching him for a moment, his chest heaving, before stopping her with a hand on her wrist.
“Wait.” He drew back and eased her off his lap, onto the bed, and she leaned back on her elbows, watching him. He stood and peeled his shirt the rest of the way off with unsteady hands. His fingers stilled when they got to the button of his pants. He stared down at her for a long moment, eyes glittering hot.
“I wish you could see yourself.” He discarded his pants and stood facing her in his black boxer briefs, which strained with an impressive erection. “You’re amazing.”
“Come here.” She held out an arm to him and he lowered himself onto the bed beside her. His face was inches from hers, and he reached up a hand to cup the side of her face. The look in his eyes held enough tenderness to drown in. She was dying for him to kiss her again, but he didn’t.
“Tell me what you like. So I can give it to you.” His whispered words made her shiver.
No one had ever asked her that, and no answer came to mind. She liked everything they’d done so far, and that was as much as she knew.
“I don’t know. But don’t stop.” She made a little sound of frustration as she reached for him.
“Hmm. Let’s see if we can figure it out.” He bypassed her mouth and went back to kissing her neck and stroking her breasts, his torso still resting between her legs. When she was squirming and pushing up against him, wordlessly begging for more, his hand slid to the apex of her thighs, rubbing her through the silk, back and forth.
His touch was gentle, exploring at first. He followed her responses, figuring out what made her gasp and shiver. Then his fingers grew more confident, touching her in a way that felt exactly right and brand new at the same time, until her fingers curled into his shoulders and tension coiled inside her, unbearably tight and hot.
Ben didn’t let her mentally check out. He kept her with him, taking her apart piece by piece, pulling more and deeper sensations out of her. She was dissolving from the inside out, and she needed more, just the smallest push to go over the edge.
His fingers slid under the silk and stroked her once, twice with perfect pressure. Her body arched back, and the first wave of pleasure detonated. It went on and on, leaving her wrecked. She stared up at him, flushed and dazed.
“That’s one thing you like.” He lowered his mouth to hers for a lazy, soft kiss. Beneath the gentleness of his mouth, she could feel the tension in him, the fine shaking in the muscles of his shoulders. After a minute, he was breathing harder, kissing her with more urgency.
She reached down and slid her underwear down her legs, and he tracked the movement hotly. He stood and pushed down his boxer briefs, and she only had a moment to admire his naked form before he was back over her, sliding a hand under her hips to tilt her up for him.
“Tell me if it’s too much. Or if you want to stop. But I have to—”
He pushed inside her in a slow movement. His eyes slammed shut and he held himself still for a minute above her, bracing his free hand on the bed. He shifted back, a small movement, then pushed in deeper.
“All right?” he ground out.
“Yes. I’m good. It’s good.” The intense feeling of fullness, the heat of his skin against her, all of it was good.
“God, Nell.” He tested a couple of movements, frowning in concentration as he tried one angle, then another, until he found one that forced a startled cry of pleasure from her.
“There.” Satisfaction laced his voice and he started to move in earnest, each stroke building up the hot pressure again inside her.
Her hands roamed up his sides and back, feeling the muscles bunch and shift. She’d cracked open, and all her empty spaces were filled with him, his heat and breath and closeness.
She’d given herself a chance to feel something again, and it was worth it. He was worth falling apart for. A broken moan escaped as the tension shattered her from the inside, and she yanked his torso closer, trying to get him deeper inside her where he’d never leave.
He groaned and came with her, abdomen tensing, arms rigid on either side of her body. As his breathing slowed, his hand came up to cup the side of her face. The gesture was becoming a habit.
“That was …”
“It was perfect,” she told him, even though the word wasn’t right, or enough.
“Good.” He dropped his head into her neck and inhaled. “It was … perfect for me, too. Give me thirty minutes, and I’ll find out what else you like.”
He rolled to his side and pulled her in close to his chest, wrapping an arm around her back as she tucked her head under his chin. He was silent for a few minutes, his hand rubbing up and down her back. She placed her hand in the center of his chest, feeling the slowing heartbeat there, contentment warming her from the inside.
“I’m glad I dropped those flowers on your porch,” she said a minute later, already drifting off. He’d keep her safe while she slept, and then he’d wake her for more.
A soft laugh huffed out of him. “Not as glad as I am.”