Chapter 15
N ell smiled and chatted with all the plants as she loaded the day’s deliveries into the back of the van. She’d smiled a lot the past few days—real smiles, not fake ones. She couldn’t share the reason why with Amy, and definitely not with Marco, but a secret happiness had bloomed in her chest. He was hers, for two more weeks at least.
A lot could happen in two weeks. It would be smarter not to let her heart get too involved yet. And above all, she had to keep Marco out of this. He couldn’t know she was dating Ben.
But still, she had two weeks. She wouldn’t think beyond that, because the future never worked out the way you planned, anyway. She’d enjoy her time with Ben now, while everything felt magical and new. She couldn’t stop herself smiling again, picturing his backyard at night, the fairy lights, and the way he’d made her feel.
It had been two days since she’d seen him, and she missed him more than she’d have thought possible.
She’d gone home that night and paid the babysitter in a haze of happiness. Marco had already been asleep, and Nell had slipped into bed, still feeling the sensation of Ben’s arms around her and smelling his cologne on her skin.
The next morning, she’d applied for the college scholarship. She sat at her laptop for almost two hours, filling out the online form. It had been surprisingly detailed, with multiple questions about her parents and upbringing.
She’d never known her dad. Mom had worked two jobs, one at a dry cleaners, and the other cleaning houses for wealthy folks in her off hours. Nell’s life wasn’t so different now, scrambling to make ends meet.
Mom should have gotten to meet her grandson. And she’d be proud of Nell, trying to finish college now. Filling out this application was the right choice, even though she wasn’t sure how she’d manage her work schedule and classes, if she did get the scholarship.
She also applied for a dozen more part-time jobs while she was at it, still looking for a third job to boost her income. At the last minute, she filled out the job application for the manager position at the plant nursery with Amy’s friend. It was a long shot, but what was one more application added to the pile?
Maybe she was good enough for a better job. Maybe she just hadn’t let herself try, or hadn’t felt like she stood a chance. But she was trying all kinds of things she’d never let herself imagine in the last six years.
At lunchtime, Ben texted her.
Do you want to go for a run after work?
I’m not in as good shape as you are . But if you go slow, sure.
You do realize this run will only be five to seven minutes long .
She smiled down at her phone.
Well, I can manage five minutes.
Maybe I should keep all my runs to five minutes. So you can always come along.
Someday soon, you’ll be running miles.
She clicked the phone off. She wouldn’t tell Ben about applying for the scholarship and the manager job. Both applications would likely end in rejections, and this way, she wouldn’t have to share the bad news with him later. If good news came, she’d tell him.
When she pulled up to his house, he was already waiting on the porch. A ridiculous surge of happiness exploded in her chest at the sight of him.
She scanned his lean frame as she approached, not bothering to hide the fact that she was staring.
“You’re wearing shorts,” she said. The black nylon running shorts hit him at mid-thigh, showing off legs that were toned, heavy with muscle.
“It’s seventy-five degrees.”
“I’ve never seen you in workout clothes. This might be a problem.”
He frowned in confusion. “A problem?”
“Mmm.” She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him. “You look very nice in your running gear.” Her hands ran up his back, exploring the muscles beneath the thin T-shirt.
His gaze darkened, pupils dilating. “Don’t get me started. I haven’t thought of much else in the last few days.”
“Me neither,” she admitted.
“And we don’t have time for anything else right now, so you should absolutely stop looking at me like that. Stop.” A dull red flush stained his cheeks.
“I can’t help it. You’re too attractive.”
He made a frustrated sound and planted a firm kiss on her mouth before stepping away.
“We’re going running now. Nothing else,” he said, as if convincing himself.
“Running.” She took a deep breath. “All right, let’s go.”
They took off at a moderate jog around his block. She’d worn track pants and sneakers to work, so she was able to keep up with him, but he was obviously going slower for her sake. If he took off sprinting, she’d never catch him.
As they rounded the first corner of his block, he held up a hand. “Wait a second.”
He jogged off the sidewalk, down into a small drainage ditch by the side of the road. A minute later, he was back, holding up a rock.
“It’s a quartz. You can give it to Marco for his collection.”
“Of course.” She swallowed, pocketing the crystal. “He’ll love it.”
He resumed his jog. “We should get him a display case.”
Nell groaned. “Oh my God, I’m not sure I want him to know a display case is a possibility.”
He flashed her a grin. “Welcome to having a rock collector in the family.”
When they got back to Ben’s house, he wasn’t even winded.
“I guess that was pretty easy for you,” she said, bracing her hands on her knees.
“Physically, yes.” He cut his gaze away from her to the side.
“Oh. For a minute, I almost forgot about—”
“It’s fine. I increased my time by two minutes. So I call it a win.”
“I agree.” She cleared her throat. “So, not to change the subject. But if you want to come over again sometime. Maybe after Marco goes to bed? He takes a while to fall asleep, but then he sleeps like the dead.”
“Does he.” The hot gleam returned to Ben’s eyes.
“Yes. He doesn’t, um, wake up very easily once he’s out.”
“I’ll be over tonight. If that works for you.”
He sent her back to her car with another too-brief kiss and a soft pat on her hip, which she somehow managed to feel throughout her whole body.
* * *
At 8:30 that night, a quiet knock had her jumping up off the couch and running to open the door. She flung herself into Ben’s arms, kissing him mindlessly as they stumbled inside. She kicked the door shut with her foot and sank deeper into his embrace. Nothing could touch this feeling, that when he was close, everything was right.
Upstairs, behind her locked door, she pressed a forearm over her mouth to muffle her cries as he made love to her, bringing her over the edge again and again. He touched her a hundred different ways, pulling out more responses she hadn’t known lived inside her. And she got braver, exploring his body, tasting and touching while he watched her with glittering eyes.
Afterward, she curled on her side and he spooned her from behind. His arm wrapped securely around her middle and his face rested in the hollow of her neck. He placed a gentle kiss there, then one on her ear, then her temple.
She shivered and relaxed further into him, absorbing his warmth.
“Talk to me so I stay awake,” she told him after her third yawn. “I want to be with you a little longer.”
“What should I talk about? How beautiful you are?” Ben’s voice was sleepy, satisfied and relaxed in a way no one got to hear but her.
She ducked her head. “Not that.”
“But it’s a good subject. For example, have you seen your eyes?”
“Stop.”
“They’re extraordinary. They contain at least five different shades of gray and blue.”
She turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. “They do not.”
“They do. I’ve studied them a lot. I couldn’t stop looking at them, since the first day we met. I looked down at you, kneeling on my porch in the broken glass, and my thoughts stopped. Your eyes have an effect on me. They hypnotize me. I can’t resist them.” His hands roamed down her body again, with increasing purpose.
“Ben. That’s ridiculous.” She shut her eyes and looked away, embarrassed and turned on despite herself.
“And then there’s your hair. Did you know, I could smell your shampoo every time we were in the van together? It drove me crazy. Hundreds of flowers in that van with us, and all I could smell was you.”
“Please … Let’s talk about something else.”
He turned her face toward him again with a finger on her chin. “Why?”
With his face this close, she had nowhere to hide. “Because I don’t like compliments.”
“You don’t believe them. Right?”
“I guess so.”
“Well, this is my perception. You can’t argue with my perception. And maybe you don’t believe it, but I do.”
“Okay,” she whispered. Ben believed a lot of things about her that might not be true. But maybe it wasn’t so bad, having someone see the good in you.
He squeezed her gently, settling her back into his arms. “Good. And … you probably don’t want me to spend the night?”
She tensed in his arms. “I can’t. Not yet. Marco will wake up in the morning, and—”
“I understand. It’s too soon.”
“Exactly. I don’t want him thinking we’re dating. It would be too hard for him if it doesn’t work out.”
A long pause. “I’m hoping for a more positive outcome.”
She hugged his arm. A part of her—a big part—wanted that positive outcome, too. But wanting things didn’t mean they’d happen.
“It’s too early to know, though. That’s why we’re trying it out, right?” She kept her voice as light as possible.
“You’re right. Of course.” His arm tightened around her.
After a few minutes, she drifted, growing more relaxed in his embrace. It would be so nice to curl up and sleep, wrapped up like this.
“Did you know, falling asleep was the hardest part for me, after I got divorced?” she asked after another yawn.
“Why was that?”
“I think I felt unsafe. All alone in the house with a two year-old. I’d lie there thinking I heard noises, imagining the worst. Sometimes I went and slept on the floor in Marco’s room.”
“I’m sorry. I wish I could have been there.” His hand stroked over her hair, as if he couldn’t help touching it some more.
“I got used to it. I’m glad you’re here, though.” Her eyes drifted shut again.
She was jostled awake by Ben climbing out of the bed. A glance at her phone told her it was after 11:00. She sat up in a rush, pulling a T-shirt over her head.
“I can let myself out. I didn’t want to wake you up,” he said.
“It’s fine. I have to lock up anyway.” She followed him downstairs, enjoying all over again the sight of his broad shoulders and tousled hair. He looked better, a little bit messed up.
At her front door, he kissed her softly. “I hope you have good dreams.”
“You too.”
“And I’ll see you soon. Maybe tomorrow?”
“Same time, same place.”