Chapter 19
I know it’s hard for you to show so much of yourself, but freeing a kingdom was never going to be easy.
— ALARIC SARE’S PAPERS FOR EMBERLINE ARKOVA
Icrawled up the ladder and out of the cavern in a haze. Hart’s heat at my back, his careful hand helping my steps as I nearly missed a rung, kept me moving. The trapdoor on this side led into the Oldwood.
I still clutched the adamas pendant. Light emanated from three of the stones, although not all of them glowed.
A solid glow indicated that we had both completed the trial.
A flashing light meant only one had. When we emerged through the wooden door and into the forest, the pendant’s light was still necessary to guide us.
Even though the moon had shone brightly above us as we ran through the castle gardens, now, the Oldwood’s thick canopy blocked most of the natural light.
I rolled onto my back, wanting a moment to rest. The depths of the Oldwood had once terrified me, made me reconsider all my plans of escape. Here in the dirt, with a comforting shadow cast over my face, it didn’t seem so bad.
Nothing about Hart made sense to me. I studied him from my spot on the ground. The sharp lines of his face were somehow more distinct. The stubble he’d shaved while we were in Ciril’s castle was back. His brow arched over his deep green gaze as I raised my hand for him to take the necklace.
“You’re doing well.”
He grunted.
“I thought we were going to save fear for later. So we had access to the nightmare magic.” I worried this whole experience had somehow sent us back multiple steps in our ability to communicate with each other.
Maybe it was too much. Showing me his pain.
Showing me he feared. They weren’t small things for a man like Sebastien Hart.
He shook his head. “You still have it.”
While true, I didn’t appreciate being two trials behind him. I sighed as he accepted the necklace and hung it around his neck. I stared at the dragon’s eye, the seventh stone. Eris’s words presented ideas I could no longer ignore.
“What if the seventh stone could do more than free us from the curse?”
His brow furrowed in thought. “We need to break the curse. Ensuring there is no connection in our magic is the only safe way for you to take the throne.”
I shrugged. “Eris said to challenge what is known.”
Hart studied me. I would guess he knew what I spoke of, but he wouldn’t say it. He’d make me do it. At least this idea had nothing to do with my emotions. “What if we could free you from the game instead of the curse?”
His mouth opened slightly, but no words came out. If I’d learned anything from his story in the cavern, it was that being free of Themis was what he’d always wanted. With so much historical disappointment, he might be unwilling to consider it finally within reach.
“How?”
Wasn’t that the question? “I don’t know, but breaking a curse doesn’t seem quite big enough for how she spoke of our actions, does it?”
“Who knows?” He reached back down toward my still-outstretched hand. His movement slowed as we made contact. Even after encountering a goddess together, he paused to gauge my aversion to his assistance.
My gulp was louder than I liked as I realized I didn’t have any resistance to this offer. Before I accepted his hand, I asked the question I didn’t truly want the answer to but knew was necessary to ask. “Why was fear connected to Eris for you?”
The curl of his lip into that smackable smirk was quick. “Oh, Chaos.” He shook his head slowly and maybe a little sadly. “It wasn’t for me.”
I knew that. I’d known it in the cavern. When I tasted his fear on my tongue, even at Alaric’s workshop, I knew it was for me. I’d known the same when he covered my body with his in the cave.
He’s had bad experiences in this cave … I don’t think he could handle a repeat.
The goddess’s words circled even as I tried to convince myself he was scared of Eris.
He found her unpredictable and wild—which she was, of course—but I couldn’t ignore the way he stood in front of me, the defensive stance.
The way his sword never dropped, even though I was sure it was useless in the face of a goddess.
So, you know the answer, you’re just not willing to say it? That’s always been your challenge, hasn’t it? Eris’s chastisement stung.
“You feared for me.” My hand dropped back to the ground to steady myself as I sat up. I’d played these games with myself since learning his identity. He only feared losing me because I was the source of his power. He only wanted me close so he could access it.
Those theories didn’t hold up to careful examination. But I hadn’t wanted to look closely.
He led the charge to break our curse. He shared when I couldn’t. His actions told a story I couldn’t ignore.
I hadn’t asked a question, nor did he respond.
If possible, his brow raised even higher, and the piercing green of his gaze demanded its due.
His finger brushed across the gemstone around his neck.
“If showing you my greatest fear was good enough for the necklace, I’m not sure we need to discuss it further. ”
This time, I took his hand when he offered it. “I don’t understand.” My words were quiet, like I wasn’t sure I wanted him to hear them.
He heard, of course. His laugh was soft, a lover’s caress against my skin. His pull on my hand brought our bodies flush as I rose from the ground, our faces close enough to share breaths. “Yes, you do, Chaos. It’s just inconvenient information, so you choose to ignore it.”
My spine straightened, and I stepped back. That he would call me on it shouldn’t surprise me at this point in our relationship.
We aren’t in a relationship, I reminded myself. And it was directly because of Hart’s actions—his lies.
The way his gaze searched my features told me he understood my internal struggle all too well. “I’m here for you.” He repeated words he’d said to me when I asked about his motives, back when I thought he was one of the Blessed and a member of the Feared.
“So you’ve said. But what about you?”
He grazed a finger over the gem that flashed blue on the pendant, and I understood what he’d tried to tell me in the cave. “You were willing to die the first time. That was your path to exit the game. But Eris … wouldn’t let you.”
I still wasn’t sure I understood that particular piece of information.
He nodded. “That made my one goal finding my curse—finding the one to free me from what I couldn’t free myself from.
” He paused, raking his gaze over me as if searching for some signal.
Whatever it was, I must not have provided it, because he turned on his heel and called over his shoulder, “We might as well find Charon and give him an update. We won’t be able to return to the city tonight. ”
“Hart?”
He turned fully, and I didn’t think I could ask the question I wanted to.
Promise me you mean it this time. Promise me there will be no more lies.
His gaze was patient, but something in my face must have given me away. His brow lowered, expression shifting from careful intrigue to something damn near disappointment. His lips flattened into a thin line. “Let’s go, Chaos. We’ve got a hike ahead of us.”
With no way to force the words free, I followed.
“She did what?!” Charon’s growl was more intimidating than ever when I told him about Eris’s visit to the cavern.
“She didn’t hurt us. She … warned us.” I’d pondered that the rest of our hike to where Charon hid in the mountains.
The valley beyond the first mountain pass had taken hours to get to, but as soon as Charon’s black scales were in sight, I felt better.
Trees still dotted the landscape, and striking mountain peaks surrounded us on all sides.
The scenery was so different from the foothills, where the Oldwood met the gentle slope of the Pinnacle Range.
Being here, I could pretend for a moment that the horrors on the other side of the ridge didn’t exist.
The thought reminded me of Charon’s words in Ciril.
You allow yourself to ignore it. His words had the ring of truth, but they ignored one fact.
I could never truly ignore my fate, because Hart was still shackled to my side.
His every emotion evoked my senses. If there was one thing I wanted to ignore, it was his words earlier in the forest. It’s inconvenient information, so you choose to ignore it.
Avoidance had covered all manner of sins in my childhood. But Rodric’s crimes against humans in Kavios demanded recognition. His actions required change, and I had seized the power to shape it.
Or, at least, I had the power now. Eris had been so cryptic when I asked her about Kavios. At least our initial plan still stood. If we broke the curse, I could use adamas to challenge Rodric.
Even if the thought made my skin crawl.
Hart grumbled behind me. I didn’t hear what he said.
“What was that, Cursed?” The bite in Charon’s words toward Hart had softened since we’d returned to Kavios. I hated to think it had to do with how much Charon relied on Hart to protect me when I entered the city.
One of us needed to remember why we didn’t trust Hart. My list was failing fast.
“She warned us of something Themis herself already warned us of.” His use of air quotes around the word warned told me everything I needed to know about his opinion.
He rubbed his hand across his brow. “Sending the assassin to Ciril seemed to indicate her position on the matter. She is determined to motivate me.”
And Hart, despite his trespasses against both Charon and me, seemed unwilling to be motivated by a goddess.
“That just means we have to move faster—”
Charon snorted … or, at least, that’s what I thought the smoke spilling from his nostrils was. “And how are you doing with your side of the trials, Champion? From what you’ve said, the Cursed seems to be pulling his weight for once.”