Chapter 5. It will only pain you more
Carmen is standing there with that look in his eyes. I turn my gun on him, but he already has his gun pointed at Mya’s head. He’s stroking her cheek.
“You shoot me. I shoot her, and my men that are coming shoot you. And by the looks of Nine, your woman drowns down there. No one wins tonight, Trig.”
I go into shutdown mode. I need every second to count here so I step forward.
“Whoa. One more step and I blow this little girl’s brains all over the wall.”
“I’ll give you me, if you let her go.”
“Give you? Trig, I own you. Do you really think you’re getting out of here alive? None of you are. You do know that, right?”
“You’ll have to catch us first, motherfucker.”
I nod to Mya to give her the go-ahead. She turns and punches him hard in the dick. I quickly motion her my way. Carmen groans out in pain, bends over, and drops one hand to his crotch. I take this vulnerable moment to shoot him. I fire off one bullet into his shoulder and another clips the side of his head. I watch as he falls to the floor. Mya, now at my side, clings to my leg. I can hear the sound of feet shuffling, which means big guns are coming down the distant hallway. I turn and grab Mya, hold her tightly to my chest, and then I run toward the broken window. We jump and pray that the Gods let us survive. I tuck Mya in as we embrace the fall. The water slaps the hell out of my back but we make it. I spring up above the water and take a deep breath, quickly swimming Mya over to the stairs while looking around for Nine. She’s not in the pool. She’s not outside the pool either. In her health, it’s impossible that she could get far. Someone pulled her out and that someone wants her alive.
“Shit!”
“Daddy?”
In frustration, I look at her for one second and then I quickly grab her hand and pull her up the stairs. Our clothes are wet and heavy and make it difficult to move as fast as I want. I pick up Mya, holding her on my hip, walking fast, still scanning for Nine. I start to turn the corner. A masked man has his gun pointed directly at me. I immediately reach behind my back for mine, but it’s not there. Probably in the pool. I’m fucked. All I can do is clutch Mya closer to my chest. I let out a long sigh.
“It’s been a long time, Trig.”
I’m confused and look the man up and down for any evidence of who he may be. My guard is clearly still up.
“Don’t worry. You’re safe with me.”
He removes his mask. My body relaxes and I let out a deep breath of relief. It’s Gabriel, another hitman who works under Carmen. We’ve done a few big projects together in the past, and he’s always hated our boss. I don’t know if I can trust him one hundred percent, but we damn sure have something in common. We both want to kill Carmen and be free.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
He looks up at me from the corner of his eye like I should know.
“I’m the transporter,” he says as he looks down at Mya and back up to me. “I didn’t know she was yours, Trig. Not until I overheard Carmen and Natasha talking. I hate this shit, makes me glad I have no kids of my own.”
I give a brief nod before I scan the area again, looking for Nine.
“You’re looking for the woman. Red hair, injured?”
I quickly look back at him. “She’s with me. She’s mine. Where is she?”
“That information comes with a price. A favor actually.”
I put Mya down and wave my hand as a gesture to hurry the fuck up with whatever it is
“I’ll show you where she’s at, but we all leave here together. That is the deal. There is power in numbers when it comes to these fuckers and anything can happen. Can’t kill us all, right!”
I spend no time thinking about it and just nod quickly to him.
“I pulled her out of the pool and put her behind those bushes. She’s not well,” he says.
I run to where he points and I see Nine on the ground, wet, cold, unresponsive. I fall to her side.
“Baby. Baby. Wake up!” I say, as I shake her.
I lean down and feel for a pulse. I get a faint heartbeat. Relief washes over me. There is still time. I scoop her up in my arms and walk back to Gabriel and Mya.
“We gotta go now. She’s dying,” I insist.
Bullets start firing off all around us and men start yelling in the distance. We duck first and then Gabriel scoops up Mya and we all start running for our lives.
“There’s a black SUV around the corner. If we can get there safely, we have a chance of getting out.”
Two men in black suits, guns drawn, come charging at us from the side of the property. Gabriel, a kid in one hand and a gun in the other, fires shots, killing both of them. We turn the corner and I see a vehicle.
“That’s it!” he yells.
Hope, determination, and willpower are at work here. I’ve never seen something so close and far away at the same time. We continue running to get to this vehicle and just as we reach it, I hear a shot fire off and feel a sting instantly hit my leg. I collapse in pain and drop Nine in the process. Mya begins to cry in fear as Gabriel holds her tight to his chest. She is now screaming for me. I roll on my side, hold my lower leg, and watch as he throws her into the vehicle. He runs over, picks up Nine, and then carries her to the vehicle, and throws her inside as quickly as he can. I manage to crawl a bit and then pull myself up and limp my way toward them. Gabriel runs to my side, and places my arm around his neck and his arm around my waist to help move me faster. We make it to the door finally and he roughly pushes me up and into the SUV. At this point bullets are flying all over the place, hitting the windows. I watch him outside the vehicle. He shoots back at them and then he runs to get to the driver’s side. Once in, he starts the car and takes off. I pull off my T-shirt and start to tear it into a homemade tourniquet.
“Bulletproof windows, bitch,” Gabriel yells, as he throws up a middle finger at the men shooting.
I pull up one pant leg and blood pours down and pools in my shoe. I tie the fabric tightly around my leg while clenching my teeth.
“Daddy?” Mya says.
“Yes, honey,” I grunt out.
“Is Mommy dead?”
“No. She’s sleeping. She is very sick.”
I look at Gabriel who looks back at me.
“There is a physician about ten minutes from here. He doesn’t work for or even know Carmen. I trust him. He’s an old friend of mine. He isn’t cheap and he won’t be happy, but he can help her.”
I look back at Nine. “Take us, now. Faster the better.”
I reach back and grab Nine’s cold hand. I can feel death lingering around her. Her fingers are limp and the fire that always burns within her is gone. I’m afraid to think about it; afraid to imagine the future without her. How the fuck will I do this?
Gabriel drives as fast as he can until we reach an off-the-road, gray house. This place is not easily seen on the main roads. It sits hidden within miles of trees. It’s a perfect hideaway. Gabriel jumps out of the vehicle, runs to the front porch, and bangs on the door. I slide out of the passenger seat, limp over to open the back door, and let Mya out. I hold on to the vehicle as I make my way around the car to get to the other side.
“Why the hell would you bring them here?” I hear an old man yelling.
“Because that little girl’s mom is dying,” Gabriel yells back, and points our direction. “We’ll pay you. A lot. We gotta stay here for a while though.”
I open up the door to see Nine. Her lips are blue, and bruises and blood mark her body. I feel sick. I slowly pull her out of the vehicle and even though my leg is screaming I start to drag her toward the house. The man is still bickering with Gabriel. He stops and stares at me, Nine, and Mya.
“This is my fiancé, Nine. My daughter, Mya, and my name is Trig. For what it’s worth, we are good people living under really bad circumstances. She’s dying. She was pregnant and some very bad people beat her so much, they killed the baby. I threw her from a two-story window into a pool to save her life. We need you…I mean…I need you to save the woman I love, or so help me, I will take everyone’s life right now, respectfully, sir.”
The man with the bushy white eyebrows looks down at Nine in my arms and then over to Mya. He then nods to Gabriel and then they both rush over to me. They take her from my arms and carry her inside. An older woman with long, gray hair and blue-rimmed eyeglasses comes out just seconds later. She doesn’t say a word. She just holds her hand out waiting for Mya to take it. She looks at me for approval. I nod to her that it’s okay to go with the lady. As soon as I’m by myself, it all sinks in. I let the tears roll down my face. My hands are shaking. Thoughts of Nine dying and Mya losing her mother today make me sick inside.
“You shot, boy?” a woman’s voice says from behind me. I run my hands over my cheeks to hide my pain. “Boy, I said, you shot?”
I turn and nod. She opens the screen door and waves me inside. I stand up and limp in. I can see Nine on the kitchen table. The doctor is quickly working on her. He already has an I.V. in and her dress is up around her hips. He’s examining her and his face is partly disgusted, partly worried.
“Don’t look over there. I promise it will only pain you more,” the woman says.
She leads me to a different room. “Sit right here on the bed,” she commands.
I do as she requests and watch as she takes off the tourniquet and pulls up my pant leg.
“Back of the leg. Hmm. Okay. I’m gonna need you to turn around and lay down flat on your stomach,” she commands.
I do as I’m told. She examines the wound. “Bullet’s still in there. This is gonna hurt,” she says, as she reaches over, pulls a medical bag out from under a table, slides on some gloves, and gets to work.
“Son of a bitch,” I yell. “You sure you know what you’re doing?”
“I suppose you need something for the pain, dear?”
“I need a lot of shit right now. My life back. My wife back. My fucking leg. My freedom. My mom. My sister. My brother. My fucking father. Or if that’s not enough, maybe you can conjure up a fucking time machine for me to go back and make different choices. Got that in the tool bag of yours, dear?”
“Pain is our biggest enemy. It does a lot of damage to the mind. You need a break. I can see that. Let me help you.”
I look back to see a big needle inches from my arm.
“Wait a minute. Don’t touch me with that!”
Whatever was in that needle knocked me out in seconds. At some point, I wake up. The morning light hits my face as the sound of birds are chirping. A little bit of panic sets in as it takes a few minutes to become aware of my surroundings. Slowly I recall what happened and how we got here and how I was drugged. I look down and notice I’m lying on the couch. Gabriel probably moved me from the bed after my trip to la la land. The first thing I notice is how quiet the house is. I stand up and quickly limp my way to the kitchen. The table is clean. No blood. No devices. Not one piece of evidence that Nine was lying here last night, fighting for her life. I limp over to the kitchen knives and grab the biggest one. Right then, I hear the creaky sound of a screen door opening and then slamming shut. Gabriel and the older man from last night walk in with sacks of groceries in their arms. I stand there, knife in hand, ready to cut anyone who comes too close. They both stop in their tracks but their faces remain unbothered.
“Where is Nine and where is my daughter?”
“Put the knife down, Trig,” Gabriel asks politely.
“I will burn this bitch to the ground. Where the fuck are they?”
The older woman from last night comes into the kitchen. She stares at me unbothered and then motions to me with one finger. “Come with me, boy.”
I keep the knife pointed at both guys and then I turn it to the woman as I follow her.
“You don’t trust me. I understand. I was trying to help your mind, not hurt you last night. Sometimes the mind is overstimulated and needs to be shut down to rewire itself and you were spinning out. My apologies if I overstepped my place by deciding what was best for you,” she says, as she walks me to a room and opens the door, waving for me to go inside.
I stand in the hallway as she backs up. I cautiously inch closer to the room and peek in. I see Mya asleep next to Nine.
“She’s gonna be okay. She had a septic miscarriage.Remnants of her pregnancy lingered in the uterus and served as a breeding place for infection. He gave her lots of antibiotics. We basically turned our kitchen into a surgery center with the help of another doctor friend of ours who came to help last night. It was not easy as this is a home, not a hospital, but we did it. So, maybe as a thank you, you can put that damn knife down.”
“Thank you!” I say, as I nod, flip the knife handle her way and let her take it.
“None of my business, but I need to ask, I noticed that your wife and that baby have the same tattoo on their neck. Who would do that to a baby?”
“Demons. Demons would do that,” I say, pained.
I approach the bed and look down at Nine. She’s regained some color in her cheeks and lips. I smile, start to tear up, run my hand over my mouth, push down, and quickly pack the feelings away. I then turn my attention to Mya. I run my hand down her cheek before looking back to Nine. I sit down in a chair next to her, grab her hand, and take a deep breath.
“Baby, when we get out of here. I’m going to give us the life we both want, away from all this shit. I’ll give you a hundred kids if you want it. I promise you that.”
The woman clears her throat from behind me which startles me a bit. I thought she left the room.
“There is no easy way to say this. They had to do a hysterectomy to save her life. I’m sorry she won’t be able to have kids ever again.”
I close my eyes tightly and let my head hang low. The hits just keep coming. How do I tell her that she can never bear children? How do I look her in the eye after they beat her, killed our baby, and they did it all to hurt me as a punishment, because no one questions, stands up to, or defies Carmen. No one escapes his grip. At least no one lives to talk about it. Here I am swimming in deep fucking scars myself, but how do I tell her there can be no replacements ever. The very moment she opens her eyes and remembers all the shit she went through will be the moment I also have to add insult to injury, and I don’t want to hurt her anymore. I kiss her hand, stand up, and limp past the woman who has her head down. My mind is racing with thoughts and all I want is Carmen’s head. He will pay.
I attempt to limp toward the front door. Gabriel stops me by blocking my path.
“Where are you headed, Trig?”
“I think you know.”
I start to move around him, but he leans to the side and blocks me again.
“Move, Gabriel. You don’t want this smoke. Trust me.”
“You’re injured, brother. Not good timing.”
“Not good timing? This shit needs to end. As long as he’s alive it’ll never be over.”
“I know.”
“No. You don’t know. I was this close to losing Nine.” I pinch my thumb and pointer finger together. “I tossed her out of a two-story window into a pool knowing she was too weak to swim in a desperate attempt to save her from a bullet party while retrieving my daughter. You ever have to make a decision like that? Have you?”
“Tensions are high. Emotions are high. I get it but—.”
“No! You have no idea what we have been through,” I shout.
“Oh really! Carmen killed my wife. I know exactly what you’re going through. Shit, Trig. You think yours is the only life he’s destroyed.”
My anger settles down. I stare at him in silence. He takes a few seconds before speaking.
“We were planning to leave Vegas. She was pregnant. I needed to get her away from all the danger. Carmen found out we were going to run and…he came and…” Gabriel drew a long breath before finishing. “He set her on fire, baby and all. He called me so I could listen to her screams in the background. He told me if I ever accomplished running off, I better never fall in love, because he would find her, fuck her, and then burn her like he did with Jayleen.”
We both just stood there by the door, staring a hole into the carpet.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” I say. “I had no idea.”
“Noted. Now go sit down, asshole. You need to heal. You ain’t shit with your leg all fucked up.” He pauses. “Oh hey! When those neck tats heal soon, hit up my boy Z, he’ll hook you up, get that shit removed off your girls. He used to work in the game, but owns a laser tat removal company now. His wife runs it. Very discreet couple. Just send him a pic of that tat. He’ll know exactly who you are.”
Gabe hands me a card. I nod in respect, as I limp back to the couch and sit down. Mya runs over not even five seconds later and jumps into my lap. I groan in pain.
“Daddy. Daddy.”
I squeeze her tightly into my chest. She squeezes back.
“Last night when you and Mommy were sleeping, Uncle Gabriel made me pancakes and we watched cartoons. He’s really funny.”
“That’s very nice of him,” I say, as I look up at Gabriel who looks away. God forbid hitmen show any tenderness.
“Hey, Mya. I’m going to ask you some questions and if you don’t feel good about answering them, just put your right hand up and I’ll stop asking them, but Daddy needs to know everything that happened to you at Carmen’s house.” I pause, as Mya looks down. “Did he hit you?” Mya shakes her head. “Did he touch you in private areas?” Mya shakes her head again. Did he do anything that made you feel icky?”
“He…yelled at me. He said bad words. He smelled my hair and kissed my cheek.”
“Anything else, Mya?” I softly ask, worried that she’ll shut down.
“Three men held me down, and poked my neck a bunch of times. They said they were going to kill you and Mom and then sell me, and if I didn’t listen, they’d…umm…they’d drown me in a big fish tank.”
I look up at Gabriel. He leans down into my ear. “We’re going to filet that motherfucker.”
Right then a loud crashing sound comes from Nine’s room. Mya jumps off my lap.
“What the hell was that?” The doctor says.
“Mommy was waking up, but she was acting funny. She has owies everywhere.”
I jump up and try to limp as fast as I can, but Gabriel and the doctor get there first.
“Back the fuck up,” I hear Nine yell.
I attempt to push through them as they stand there gathered, blocking the doorway.
She stands there, skin battered in the sunlight. My heart breaks, looking at her. She has the same damn knife I had earlier. The doctor’s wife must have set it down in there. Nine is holding her stomach in pain with one hand and the weapon in the other. Her left eye is bruised and completely swollen shut. I’m going to eat Carmen’s soul for breakfast. Fuck him!
“What is it with this family and knives?” I hear the doctor’s wife say.
“Nine, is that your name? My name is Doctor Finn and this is my wife. You’re in my house and we are here to help you. It’s okay. Don’t be afraid. You’re experiencing escalated emotions which is normal for what you’ve been through. How do you feel?” the doctor asks.
“How do I feel? You wanna know how I feel?” She waves the knife around.
I finally push through everyone. “Move!”
“Trig!” she shouts.
Nine sees me, and her stance relaxes. Tears fall from her face as her chest heaves and we reach for one another. I’m scared to touch her and hurt her. She drops the knife on the carpet and she lets me gently embrace her as she wraps her arms around my waist. I hold her in my arms and kiss her cheek. Her hair smells of chlorine and her skin smells of medicine. She tastes like a mixture of sweat, salt, and dirt. I release her and step back, limping in the process. She stares down and points at my leg.
“Is that a gunshot wound? You got shot?”
“Yeah. I’m fine, though. You need to get back in bed.”
“You are not fine! You’re limping. I don’t want to be back in bed. I want to be with my family.”
I turn and nod to Gabriel to come over. He grabs her by the arm but she pulls away.
“Who is this asshole?” she barks.
Gabriel smirks and looks at me.
“This asshole saved your life from drowning. There was a pool incident.”
“Oh shit! Did I fall out of a window? I remember broken glass.”
“Ummm. No. Baby, I threw you out from an upper window. I had to,” I correct her, while staring down at the floor in shame.
“I fell. End of story,” she insists. “Where is Mya, and who are these people staring at me and where are we exactly?”
“Mya is safe. She slept with you all night. She’s out there on the couch. Do you want to see her?” I pause, as she nods. “As this gentleman said earlier, this is the doctor who saved your life and his lovely wife who saved my leg and this is their home. Honey. Nine, um, you had an infection after you lost the—”
“Don’t fucking say it. Not a word.” She pauses and looks around. “I don’t owe any of you anything. Not you. Not you, and especially not you. Got that, Bob?”
“It’s Gabriel,” he’s quick to correct as he picks her up and puts her back in bed.
“Whatever,” she replies.
He walks past me, and says, “Sassy. I like it.”
“Me too,” I mumble. “Most of the time.”
The room clears out and now it’s just me and her. She drops her guard and I can see how much pain she is in. She groans as she lays her head on the pillow.
“Everything hurts. There isn’t one inch of my body unaffected.”
I want to tell her, but I’m gathering the right words in my head. I rub her hand while I build up the bravery to crush her. She sadly stares down at her hand and then back up to me.
“They took the ring you gave me. I loved that ring.”
“That’s whatever. I’ll buy you another.” I pause. “Look, I know you said not one word, but, Nine—”
“It’s not whatever. That ring was our love; Those fucking animals took and they took and they took from me. I thought I was going to die in that place, by myself with just my thoughts haunting me. Stripped down, humiliated, and marked like property. Beat to death for nothing more than a game. Our unborn child was just collateral damage. I felt fucking looney tunes in there staring at a wall. Some quack trying to convince me I was crazy. Not knowing what time or day it was, how many hours had passed, or if you and Mya were alive. That ring is a memory of the day I told you I was pregnant. That ring is mine. I want that fucking ring back.”
She looks at me in frustration. I nod to calm her down.
“We’ll get it back,” I painfully lie.
“I can’t imagine what they put you through years ago,” she says, as she places her hand on my cheek.
I slide her hand off my face, kiss it, and place it in my lap. I’m about to tell her. Now or never.
“Nine—-”
“Fuck! This pain. Does Doc have any stronger pain meds?” She pulls her hand away and touches her stomach. Her face is confused as she runs her fingers over her lower belly. “What is that?”
“I was going to tell you. I have been trying to for a few minutes now.”
She squints her eyes at me. I look away, too pained to tell her now. She pulls her shirt up to examine her skin.
“Why the hell are there staples in me? This looks like a fucked-up c-section.”
She looks panicked and attempts to stand up. I stop her. “What is this?” she cries out.
“You had an infection and the doc had to do a hysterectomy to save your life,” I blurt out.
She first looks at me, shocked, and then she stares off into the corner of the room. I can see her eyes watering up but not one tear drops. The cold blank look on her face tells me she understands what that means. There will absolutely not be any more children in our future. I go to speak but she stops me.
“I think I need some rest now. Please leave the room.”
I’m a little hurt but I don’t dare show it. I want to console her but I do as she wishes.
“Yeah. Of course. I’ll be out there if you need me.”
“I just want Mya, please,” she mutters.
I respectfully nod and allow her this space as I stand and limp toward the door. I glance back at her once. She’s frozen there in that bed and I don’t know what else to do or say. As hard as it is, I just walk out of that room, leaving her to deal with her pain alone while I push down mine.