Chapter Four Purity
When I made it on the street where my mom lived, I began to drive slower because the school age kids should be walking home from the bus stop.
I didn’t want to chance running anyone’s child over.
I hadn’t heard from Dominic since earlier, so I know that meant his day must be very hectic.
I can’t trip about that though. That’s the life of being with a man that’s an attorney.
I know there will be plenty of late nights and early mornings.
I like to think that I’m prepared for it.
Sometimes I miss him like crazy, but I remind myself that’s he’s doing this for us, and it’ll all be worth it in the end.
Upon pulling into my mother’s driveway, I found her and my son sitting in rocking chairs on her porch.
He had his tablet in his lap, and it appeared that she was sipping on some lemonade.
I smiled to myself because they both were so content.
My momma loves Zakai to death. I don’t know what I would do without her support.
Especially with him having a dad that wants to step in and out of his life when he wants to. Everything is all on me.
If it wasn’t for my mom and Dominic, I would have lost my mind a long time ago.
As a mother, we don’t get to pick and choose when we want to be active.
No matter how bad it is, how tired and drained we are, the role of being a mom never shuts off.
I don’t complain, I shed my tears in private and keep pushing.
No one really knows the mental toll it takes to raise a child with his disorder.
That’s why when it comes to his dad, I could give a damn about the nigga.
Facetime calls and twenty-dollar cash apps every couple of weeks don’t make you an active father.
Being present means a whole lot more than money or any materialistic shit could count for.
But that nigga doesn’t know anything about that.
That’s why I stopped putting my energy into his ass a long time ago.
As soon as my son noticed I was in the yard, he put his tablet down and crawled backwards down the steps to get to me.
I made it easier for him but meeting him mid stride.
I picked my baby up and held him close to me as I began to plant kisses all over his chubby cheeks.
He fell into a fit of laughter. Whenever I did it, it always made him laugh and smile.
I loved to do it because seeing that smile is the one thing that keeps me going every day.
“Ma ma”
Those were the only words he could muster up.
Just hearing those two small words always brought light to my day.
I remember a time where my son couldn’t produce any words, so for those two I’m grateful.
Makes my heart gleam even more because he’s acknowledging me with his first words.
It shows how much he loves me and the way the impact of my love affects him.
“Hey baby, how was your first day?”, my mom asked as I ascended the steps.
I took a seat in one of the chairs, with Zakai in my lap.
“Momma today was everything. It just felt so right. When I first made it, I was nervous but in no time I felt right at home. It didn’t feel like my first day at all because everyone was so welcoming. I even saw a few clients today”
“That’s great baby. I’m so proud of you.
You’ve talked about this day since you were a little girl.
You don’t know how much of a blessing it is for me to be here to see you live out your dreams. You’ve worked so hard baby, and you deserve all of this and more.
Your daddy has been going on and, on all day, asking have I heard from you. He can’t wait to hear about your day”
I was so happy to hear my mom speak about me the way that she did.
I’m really living in my wildest dreams right now and it feels amazing.
I knew that my daddy would want to know about my day.
By him being a Correctional Officer for nearly fifty years, I guess you can say I followed in his footsteps in the same career field.
He encouraged me every step of the way and really gave me the push to go for it.
He coached me on how people like to think that women aren’t made for these male dominated fields. Because of him, I never let it deter me. I pushed forward and made it happen for myself. Now, I’m seeing that was the best thing I could have ever done.
When my daddy heard me outside talking to my mom, he came out to join us. I filled him on my day just as I did with my mom.
“Let me see what kind of firearm they have you carrying. Got to make sure they gave you something that can knock a motherfucker to their knees or give them a dirt nap if necessary”
“Walt!”, my mom said, slapping him on his arm.
“What Pam?! I’m serious”
I couldn’t help but laugh because if I know my daddy the way I think I do, I know that he’s serious as a heart attack.
I went to the car to retrieve my gun to show him.
He took it out of the holster and began to examine it.
My momma and I watched on in pure amusement.
I couldn’t wait to see what the verdict would be.
It wasn’t long before he began to nod his head in approval, with his lips turned up.
I cackled to myself. My dad taught me as a teenager how to properly handle a gun and how to shoot one.
The night at the club I was caught slipping.
I don’t claim to be a shooter or anything, but I know how to handle myself in situations if need be.
I wasn’t packing that night and the way the shots were ringing out, all I could do was try to take cover.
Being separated from my friends didn’t make the situation any better.
Just thinking about that night made my mind go to Trill.
I was being an asshole to him that day and I guess today was sort of my payback.
He’s one sarcastic motherfucker if I ever saw one.
From our first interaction he has been that way, I don’t know why I would expect anything else.
A month later and the nigga is one of my clients. I can see now that I’m going to have hell on my hands the duration of me being his probation officer.
“Pure, how’s Dominic and how’s the wedding planning going? Is it going to take all my retirement to pay for this ceremony?” my daddy asked.
“Dominic is good, he just made senior partner recently so now he’s even more busy.
More elite clients and bigger cases. It’s a good thing because with that it’s more money.
We really haven’t done any planning yet.
Most of it is in my head. Dominic doesn’t really have the time to plan with his chaotic schedule”.
“He had time to propose, he’ll have time to plan this thing with you. You didn’t get engaged to do it all by yourself. Though, it’s mostly about what the woman wants, he should still have an input, so you know you’re not in it by yourself”.
“You’re right daddy. I will start bringing it up a little more. We don’t even have a date in mind yet, so you’re right”.
“And another thing, don’t ever get comfortable with a man being busy all of the time.
People make time for who and what they want.
Career or no career. Don’t let that nigga get complacent.
You deserve a man that’ll respect you, love you, and give you time.
Money and materialistic things would never equate to love”.
My mama gave him a knowing look. She then turned and gave me a look that said my daddy was right.
I was hearing everything that he was saying.
One thing about my parents, when I visit them, I know I’m going to receive a lecture about something.
I know they mean well. Me being their only child, I know they only want what’s best for me.
I can’t argue with that because I’ll be the same way with my son when he becomes my age.
So, I was taking heed and jotting it down in my mental notebook.
Zakai and I sat with my parents to watch one episode of Paternity court before we headed out to the grocery store.
I made a promise to myself that I will start cooking at home more to keep my son from eating fast food so much.
With him being on the spectrum he’s very picky about the foods he eats.
He’s really a chicken nugget connoisseur but I want to expand his pallet some.
When he goes to school, I want him to be able to eat whatever the school provides.
Tonight, I want to keep it simple with homemade spaghetti, green beans, corn on the cob, and garlic bread sticks.
Spaghetti is one homemade meal that baby boy doesn’t mind eating.
Plus, it’s one of Dominic’s favorites as well.
Today has been a great day overall and I can’t wait to end it in my man’s arms.
We stopped at Publix and picked up the few missing items that I needed to complete the meal.
I also grabbed a couple containers of fruit because theirs is always so fresh.
After getting everything we needed we left the store and headed home.
Determined not to make multiple trips, I held Zakai’s hand and filled my arms with the grocery bags.
When I go up, I don’t want to come back down until it’s time to go to work in the morning.
I placed the grocery bags on the kitchen counter before I got Zakai settled in the living room with his favorite comfort cartoon and a few grapes and water for a snack.
Once he was good to go, I went in my room to freshen up so that I could start dinner.
Music always gives me the motivation to get to moving around the house.
I shuffled Donell Jones on my Apple Music before I began.
“It’s Alright” began to play on my speaker and I began to dance and sing around my kitchen.