Chapter 38
THIRTY-EIGHT
The next morning, I woke with a groan. Even my bones felt heavy.
My bleary eyes blinked open, my spine stiffening at the steady stream of sunlight pouring into the room.
I only had vague recollections of stumbling into my room last night, Jace carrying me to bed and tucking me in for the night.
There were no words said between us—there didn’t have to be.
He held me for hours, letting me grieve my loss two years too late.
Reaching out, his side of the bed was cold, and Anna’s crib sat empty.
I shoved up and rushed out of the room, my feet stopping when I crossed into the living room.
Jace’s back was to me as he worked at the stove, Anna propped on his hip.
He speared a piece of egg onto a fork, blowing on it before passing it over to her.
She beamed as she took it from him, most of the yellow yolk crumbling as she tried to shove it into her mouth.
“You got it, little one. Just take it slow.”
That was it. There was no grand gesture, no sudden alignment of the planets pointing me toward what I wanted.
It was just the simple act of Jace holding Anna in his arms, looking far too tempting as he swayed.
For so long, I’d been content to be alone, so worried about losing someone, I’d given no one a chance.
But Jace had gotten past all my defenses from the night we met, and he continued to prove time and time again that he’d catch me if I fell.
Anna spotted me first, pointing at me, her sweet voice calling out, “Mama!”
Jace turned over his shoulder, scanning me from head to toe. “Yeah, baby. That’s your mama. She’s pretty amazing, right?”
“I love you.” Jace’s eyes widened, but now that the words were out, I had much more to say.
“When we met, God, I was so broken, Jace. So angry. I never thought anyone would break through my grief, would ever want to try. But you did. You saw past that, pushed me to live again. I want that—want everything and more with you.” Tears pooled in my eyes, and I tried to blink them away.
“I can’t promise I’ll always be okay. There are going to be days…
days when I can’t see through the fog. And honestly, I’ll probably never be who I was before my mom died.
But if you’re willing to stick by me—” I cleared my throat.
“I love you, and I will love you more than anyone else ever could. Because this—” I motioned between the three of us. “It’s everything, Jace.”
It took a moment for my words to sink in, and then Jace was there, clutching my cheek with his spare hand. “I’m not going anywhere, Kins. Never was. From the moment you insulted me years ago, you were it for me. And on the days you feel broken, I’ll be there to pick up the pieces.”
“Same for you.” My hands found his shirt, clutching it in my fist. “On the days when those voices get too loud—”
“You’ll be there to silence them,” Jace said. “You already have been. When everything gets to be too much, you and Anna center me, made me realize I have everything I need in life. The rest of it, it’s just extra. As long as I have you two, I’m going to be okay.”
Anna grabbed at me, trying to get me to hold her, and I obliged, pulling her into the space between us, kissing the top of her head, Jace’s eyes never dropped mine, dragging me into the depths of that sparkling dark blue.
I cleared my throat. “Also, I think I decided something last night, but I want to know what you think.”
“Anything.”
“I want to sell this place. I’ve been staying here because it meant something to my mom, but it’s also been a tether. Now that we’re all together, I’d like to find something. Something for all three of us.”
Jace’s jaw tightened. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” As surprising as it felt, I was sure. Holding on to this place had been just another crutch, another way to keep myself safe if everything around me failed. “It’s time to live for us.”
He paused, glancing around the space. “What if I have another idea?”
“Please.”
“What if we rent it out? Keep it as an investment property? There’s so much character in the bones of this place, and I’d hate to see it torn down for another quick build. And with this neighborhood starting to shift, we could get a decent price every month.”
Oh, I’d never thought of that. “Would I have to be the landlord?”
“Nah,” Jace answered. “We’d hire someone with more experience to manage the property. I could ask some of the guys on the team. There are a bunch with investment properties around the city. See who they use.”
“I-I’d like that.” It was the best of both worlds—we’d move on, but I could still hold on to a place that meant the world to my mom. I chewed on my lower lip as I turned back to him. “And you’re okay with this? Living with us? It hasn’t been that long—”
Jace silenced my doubts with an all-consuming kiss, pouring every ounce of his devotion into it. His thumb caressed my cheek. “Never been more sure about anything, mama. Tell me when and where, and I’ll be ready.”
I groaned. “That means we need to look for another place. I don’t know if you’ve seen the real estate prices around here, but they’re pretty insane.”
“Actually…I might have an idea for that as well.”
Less than an hour later, Jace’s car ambled down a familiar road, one I hadn’t driven on in years but knew by heart.
His hand tensed in mine, searching my expression as he pulled into the driveway.
The ride over had been silent after we dropped Anna off with Chelsea and Mark, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.
We rolled the windows down, letting the warm breeze off the lake wash over us as we drove out of town.
But once we’d reached Jace’s neighborhood, it had become too humid.
God, please tell me Jace had installed air conditioning.
There were a lot of upgrades I could live without, but with the stifling New York summer heat, I’d rather not risk that one.
Jace turned off the engine, but made no move to exit the car, continuing to grip my hand. “Is this too much?”
“What do you mean?”
He scrubbed his free hand over his face. “Last time I brought something like this up…”
I’d freaked out and put up walls between us. The memory sliced through the peaceful silence, and guilt made my hands clench in my lap. “I’m sorry, Jace. It was never about us. I’ve been by myself for a long time, and sometimes, help seems a lot like pity.”
“Never.” Jace brought my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles.
“I realize that now.” I sighed, taking in the siding of the two-story home.
He must have hired someone to maintain the grounds, because the grass was lush despite the heatwave.
It wasn’t a small home, but it lacked the extravagance some of the other players favored.
Comfortable, perfect for a growing family.
“We’re in this together, Jace, and I just want to make sure I’m pulling my weight. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
He shook his head. “We’re both learning how to be a team.
I might overstep sometimes, but it’s only because I love you, Kins.
It kills me that there are parts of your life making you unhappy.
But yeah, we’re always going to be in this together, and if you want to stay at the firm, I support you.
Every step of the way. And if there’s a day when you decide you want to go back to school, I’ll make sure that happens too. ”
I smiled tightly at him, unable to voice the right words. “One step at a time. That’s all I can promise right now. And if the time comes…you’ll be the first one to know.” I squeezed his hand before moving toward the car door. “Now, show me the house.”
Jace laughed as he followed me down the path to the front door. He’d replaced it since my last visit, now a glass-paneled, antique wood that stood out against the slate gray of the siding. I ran my hand along the grooves. “This is beautiful.”
“Salvaged it from this place downtown. There’s a great guy who salvages from some of the more historic homes before they tear them down. I’d like to get some more pieces for the inside, if you like it.”
“Me?”
“Yeah.” Jace smirked as he fit the key into the handle. “There’s a lot to be done on the inside, but I hoped…” He cleared his throat. “I hoped that when I moved in here, it would be all three of us, so I wanted it to be your call on the final design.”
God, I did not deserve this man. When I’d been wavering, letting the doubts fill me to the point of self-destruction, he’d been making strides to secure our future. After Jace opened the door, we stepped inside the entryway, and my cheeks heated. “The last time we were here…”
“I pressed you up against the door and almost took you right here.” He leaned in and kissed my temple. “Going to do that many, many more times.”
“Not right now.”
“Not yet,” he answered, taking my hand and tugging me down the hall. “There’s still too much to see.”