Chapter 39
THIRTY-NINE
CALDER
I hop out of the back seat of Dad’s old pickup and into the ditch by the bridge.
Carlos does the same from the passenger seat.
The buzz of cicadas and the croaking of frogs surrounds us, and the wind rustles through the leaves of the trees.
By the time I’ve circled the front of the pickup, Landry and Bowen are out.
Both are scowling at the crash site like they’re trying to decipher how it all played out.
It’s something we keep doing. Are they coming up short like I am?
How did so much damage occur on the passenger side?
How was Dad going fast enough to roll over twice?
The ditch is wide enough for the car to roll more than once before hitting the tree line, but it isn’t that steep.
Carlos takes his cowboy hat off and holds it in front of his chest, his expression reverent.
“I haven’t been out here since that day,” he says, his voice thick.
“Thanks for coming with me. After seeing the car, I really want to find the camera for that girl. Of all the things her sister left behind, she’ll want the last photos. ”
We’re all out here for the same reason. To help Meredith get some closure, and to get at least one damn answer.
Landry skirts behind us to wander across the mouth of the road leading to the parking area for the trails along the shore.
“Do you think someone wasn’t paying attention and drove out of here, frightening Dad so much that he swerved…
?” He lifts his arm, following an invisible trajectory.
“He would still have had to be going fast.”
“Ram didn’t speed.” Carlos stuffs his hat back on his head. “We’re too old for that shit. The reason why they took their Monday drives was to slow down and get away from the stress of it all.”
I’d have to drive for an hour or two to do that around Denver. With commuters, tourists, and outdoorsy folk, all the prime spots are crowded with people.
Landry paces in front of the road. “It makes more sense than the sheriff’s bullshit story.”
Bowen comes to stand by us, turning left then right like he’s playing the scene again from a different scenario. “Who would’ve done that and not stopped when they saw the car roll?”
“A drunk kid?” It doesn’t feel right.
His brow’s furrowed. “Maybe.”
“Whoever it was,” Carlos says, “it’s highly likely it would be someone he knew.”
“And they just fucking drove away.” Anger flashes through Bowen’s eyes.
“If that’s what happened.” However, it makes more sense than a deer. I cross the road with an angle to my right, beyond where I searched the other day. “Dietz said there was no camera, and Finn came back to check.”
Landry joined me. “How hard did he look?”
“Finn’s a good kid, even if he’s a Sterling.” Carlos stands right behind us, charging his gaze through the grasses and the wildflowers toward the tree line. “Those boys spent the most time with their mom. Don’t hold that against them.”
A chuckle bursts out of me. It’s not what I expected Carlos to say. “They were too much like their dad growing up.”
Carlos flashes a smile. “They can make the same claim about you. Ram was never more unreasonable than when he was dealing with Gil. But that’s what happens when Gil’s wife insulted Julia every time she saw her. That woman loved to show off her oil money, but it sure didn’t buy kindness.”
“The Sterlings’ mom thought she and the precious babies she left were better than everyone.” Bowen positions himself between Carlos and Landry. We didn’t plan to form a search line, but we automatically start walking away from the crash site.
Landry scratches the back of his neck and stops. “It’s just a normal camera? Not, like, a hardcore photographer’s, with a ten-grand telescoping lens?”
I turn, and we keep the same formation, working our way back. Broom grass brushes my boots, and the drone of the cicadas grows louder.
“It’s a black Canon with a decent-sized lens. More than a point-and-shoot, but not like a professional.”
We sweep the ditch to the riverbank, where we stop and soak in the rush of the water. This spot should feel heavy and solemn, but all I can think is about how I’d love to come here with Meredith, tell her stories of when we were younger, and maybe dig out an old dusty fishing rod from the shop.
Does Meredith fish? A vision fills my mind.
A laughing Meredith with a few curls escaping her braid, bent over a little boy with wild dark hair like my brothers and I had when we were kids.
Shock detonates in my chest. Where the hell did that thought come from?
Kids? I’ve never thought about having kids or a family.
That’s not true. That plan was reserved for later, for when I wasn’t chained to my desk, for when I had financial stability, and for when my family wasn’t fractured apart.
I’m not at my desk. I have all the money I want or need.
And I’m with my brothers. I can have a wife and a family, but doing so with Meredith at Crossroads might cause permanent fissures in our reunion.
My gaze sweeps the river. Landry picks his way over the rocks.
“You’re gonna fall in,” Bowen taunts, but he’s right behind Landry, selecting skipping stones from the ground.
My worries are pushed aside for now. The heaviness of what this shore now means to us is momentarily forgotten after bringing the three of us back together to the pastures that formed us. To the riverbank where some of our favorite memories were made.
“We should’ve brought the horses out here.” Landry catches a rock from Bowen on the rock he’s balanced on. “Bowen could’ve broken his wrist again.”
“Not funny.” Bowen sticks his hand in the air. “These hands are worth millions of dollars.”
“You can dictate,” Landry retorts. “Then you’d actually say something worthwhile.”
“Ha ha, fucker.”
Chuckling, I take in the space, dangerously close to imagining what it’d be like to stay longer, or to return to another time so we could ride here and spend the day. Would the guys go for it?
My phone vibrates. I’m hesitant to dig it out, but I do, since I’ve been unplugged most of the day. The corner of my mouth tips up. Meredith sent an image of Winnie curled up with four kittens surrounding her. They’re all tucked in together on our bed—her bed.
Meredith: Cuddle puddle.
I shoot her a picture of my brother trying to skip stones on the relatively calm river.
Calder: Not as cuddly and just as frustrating.
Calder: No camera. Sorry.
Meredith: Thanks for checking again. It means a lot. How many skips did you get?
Calder: Didn’t want to show them up.
Meredith: Of course. Always watching out for them.
My brother’s laughter floats on the breeze. The only thing that would make this better is having Meredith tucked into my side.
I catch Carlos out of the corner of my eye. His hat is off again, and he’s considering the area where the crash was located. Crunching through the grass, I make my way toward him.
He clears his throat and tucks his hat back in place. “Nice to see you boys acting like brothers again.”
“We’ve always acted like brothers.”
Carlos harrumphs like he doesn’t believe me.
“Maybe not those first years.” For a long time after we left, I was more like Dad, checking on them and asking if they needed money.
As the years passed, they began discussing their financials and investments with me.
We didn’t talk much outside of that. “We got busy with our own lives. Then Dad started calling.”
“If you’d hung up on Ram, those boys would’ve too.”
They follow my lead, but is there a limit? They’re both set on returning to their lives. If I don’t… will I see them again?
The drone of an engine sounds in the distance. A pickup truck is heading toward us and starting to slow, the sun glinting off its windshield and silver body.
“Ah, hell,” Carlos mutters. “Gil.”
“When’d he get a ninety-thousand-dollar truck?” I’ve never bought a pickup, but I might’ve priced them since I’ve been home.
“More like an even hundred with all the add-ons.”
I narrow my eyes as Gil coasts to a stop in the middle of the highway. He used to flaunt his steady stream of oil money and the success of his ranch when I was growing up. Looks like nothing’s changed.
Gil rolls his window down and drapes an elbow out.
I bite my tongue to keep from reacting to the change in him.
His once brassy hair is thin and white and pressed around his head from a cowboy hat.
Deep creases wing out from his eyes, crinkling liver spots that weren’t there the last time I saw him.
That was when he was ordering Dad to pay him three grand for one of his bulls we found dead in our pasture.
I half-suspected he’d put the damn thing there after finding the carcass to scam some money out of us.
He squints at us, scowling. “What’s going on?”
“Paying our respects,” Carlos answers.
His lips flatten as his gaze sweeps over me. One cheek is puffed out. “The Cross boys are still within city limits. Hard to believe you didn’t throw a shovel full of dirt in the hole and speed out of town.”
“Jesus,” Carlos says under his breath.
Fury is a brush fire along my skin. “I see you’re stooping lower than normal, Gil.”
Chagrin loosens Gil’s jaw as he spits a sunflower seed shell out the window. His gaze skates away. “Hell of a thing.”
“Yup. Know anyone who saw something?”
Gil tips his head, and his shrewd gaze rakes over me. “Why?”
“Just asking.”
He works his jaw. “Finn was the first one on the scene. You’ll have to ask him.”
Irritation scratches at the back of my neck. Finn and I used to play baseball together. I might’ve gotten along with him if our parents didn’t despise each other.
“Keep an eye out,” Gil warns. “There’s been some guys snooping around property, getting into unlocked buildings.”
Surprise lurches in my chest. “You know who it is?”
“Kids, probably. School’s out, and they’re bored.”
It makes sense. Old friends from school used to party in empty shops. Security cameras weren’t prevalent in those days. Since Gil’s been shockingly helpful for once, I stop him just as he’s rolling away.
“Happen to see a camera lying around anywhere around here?”
It’s a long shot.
Gil sniffs and spits out a sunflower shell. He stares out the windshield. “Nope. No camera. Talk to Finn about that, too, while you’re at it.”
“I’ll do that.” I didn’t think I would seek out a Sterling until now, but I can’t leave town without tying up a few strings. I just hope I don’t sever them entirely.