Chapter 16
ALEX
The thing about having a crush on someone when things with that person aren’t really going anywhere is that wherever you go, you’re just a little crushed when you don’t find them there.
It’s better than not having anyone to look for, I guess.
There’s still a sense of longing, only it’s attached to someone specific now.
But it makes every beautiful October day that passes all the more poignant because Emilia Stiles isn’t with me to experience it.
Even here, in the happiest fucking place on earth, with some of my favorite people in the world, thousands of strangers, and one old lady who will forever scare the ever-loving shit out of me every time she looks at me.
I am fully aware that Nico’s grandmother is a nice, good person, but that doesn’t stop the Jaws theme from playing in my head whenever she’s around.
We’ve been at Disneyland for about two hours now.
Nico, Shane, and I have our kids with us.
Grammie's in town to help out with the twins because Willa is in her final trimester, and since Nico's wife is newly pregnant and finishing up a documentary film, she's also helping with his stepson, Tate. Shanico sent their wives to a spa for the day, and Grammie Todd is here so that there’s one kid per adult. And I’m pretty sure she’s also here to practice her side-eye on me.
She’s really good at it. Still, I’m glad she’s here.
All the Halloween decorations and activities have the kids even more amped up than usual.
Shane’s got a lifetime VIP Gold pass for the parks, but he doesn’t like to do the VIP guided tour, so we’re all standing in the very long line for Pirates of the Caribbean like everyone else.
We aren’t even through the entrance to the courtyard queue yet.
I pull out my phone—to check the time but also to check to see if Emilia happened to text me.
I did tell her that I don’t want to see her unless I can kiss her, but I do still like it when her name pops up on my screen.
It’s been a few days since I’ve heard from her.
And it looks like it may be another few days. I could always go by the school to see Ryder in the Halloween parade, but I’ve got a meeting and it’s not like we’d really get to talk then anyway. It’s not like it wouldn’t hurt just a little to see her and not touch her.
While I’m staring at my phone, I see a notification on the iMessages app and immediately open it.
But it’s from Nova. Again. She’s in China now, so it’s been difficult scheduling a good time for us to call each other.
I’ve gotten three messages and two missed FaceTime calls from her since we got here.
She must be up really early there, which is never a good sign.
I send off a quick text to let her know we’re going on a ride and can’t talk now.
And then check for a message from Emilia yet again.
“Did she text? Did she call?” Nico makes a pouty face at me.
Asshole.
I told them about Emilia.
Nico thinks I should push the envelope.
Shane thinks I should wait until Ryder’s out of her class.
I don’t even talk about her with anyone else because I already know that any other guy would tell me to screw around with other women so I’m not hung up on her anymore—and they aren’t wrong.
But neither is Nico.
Or Shane.
So I’m more fucked than usual, even though I’m only fucking my hand.
Yo ho, yo ho, a single dad’s life for me.
Shane asks Summer how many packets of gummi bears she has hidden on her person and then pats my back, grinning. “I’m sure she’ll text. I’m sure she’ll call,” he says, like every female best friend of every woman on the planet. “She probably just lost her phone.”
“Yeah, man.” Nico strokes my head. “I’m sure she’s just really super busy in someplace that doesn’t have cell phone reception, but she’s thinking about you all the time.”
Suck my balls, I mouth to them.
“My contract with Disney forbids me from doing that in public, unfortunately,” Shane quips. “Otherwise, you know I would.”
“What do you think, Shane?” Nico raises one of his annoyingly perfect eyebrows. “Lazy wingmen?”
Shane nods at him and scans the crowd. He has his sights set on a group of very young women who look like they’re on a gymnastics team.
“Hey, ladies,” he mumbles while pulling out a water bottle from his fifty-pound backpack.
“My boy Alex over here is single.” He hands the water to Lucky before his son even has to ask for it.
Nico raises his chin at a frazzled middle-aged woman who is trying to wrangle three kids, about ten feet from us. “Hey,” he mutters. “This guy’s pretty nice. You want his number?” And then he pulls a baggie full of Cocoa Puffs out from the inside of his jacket and gives it to Tate.
Not to be outdone, I offer my son his Trader Joe’s trail mix.
Summer is all good with her pocket snacks.
And Grammie Todd is calmly snacking on prunes while looking at no one, and yet I have a feeling she’s aware of everything that everyone is saying and doing. Very Yoda-like. She twitches and glances over at me all of a sudden, narrowing her eyes, and I’m certain that she just heard my thoughts.
I stare at my kid, pretending not to notice.
Ryder has been so happy to be with Tate, who’s the same age as him, and with Shane’s son Lucky, who’s a year older.
Lucky’s twin, Summer, has been moping because she’s the only girl.
She’s also been flirting with me, Nico, and every male costumed Disney character we’ve passed by since Main Street.
Right now, she’s heckling the boys’ fart jokes.
Ryder is in the middle of telling one now: “What do you call it when someone farts in an elevator? … Nothing, because you’re holding your breath! ”
“Nice one, buddy.” I hold up my hand for a high-five.
Instead, he wraps his hand around my index finger and pulls on it.
So I make a fart sound with my mouth.
“What do you call the bean burrito I ate for lunch fifty years ago?” Grammie asks. “An old fart. Like me.”
She looks so serious that the kids don’t realize she’s being funny.
Nobody does.
Until we all do, and everyone bursts out laughing.
Grammie Todd for the win.
I guess I can have fun without Emilia.
But now I just want to get her naked and tell her about the fart jokes.
When my phone vibrates in my pocket, I get a little excited, until I see that it’s my ex-wife FaceTiming me again. I accept the video call because I know she’ll just keep calling and texting if I don’t. She’s beautiful as always, but I can tell she hasn’t had enough sleep.
“Hey. It’s really not the best time, Nova.”
“Alex, I miss him so much. I need to see his face.”
“Yeah. Okay.” Sighing, I flip my phone around and aim it at Ryder so she can see him.
He and Tate and Lucky are doubled over laughing.
“Hey buddy, turn around. Look who’s on FaceTime for you. Hey! Ryder. Turn around.”
He finally turns around once he’s able to stand up straight again. As soon as he focuses on the phone and sees Nova, his face lights up. “Mom! Look—I’m with my friends at Disneyland!”
“Hey, baby! Alex, hold the phone still,” she snaps. “Baby, I’m so happy to see you. I miss you so much.”
“We’re at Pirates of the Caribbean! We’ve already been to the Haunted Mansion, um, and I was only a little scared this time, and we saw the Halloween Carvinal—”
“Carnival,” I correct him.
“—and we did the Goofy’s Sky School one twice, and I wasn’t even scared at all this time! Well, maybe just a little, but not like last time, and I haven’t thrown up once yet!”
“I’m so proud of you,” she coos. “I wish I could be there with you. Do you miss me? I really miss you this morning.”
“Yeah. I do.” He scratches his head. “Are you having fun?” he asks her.
“Sometimes.”
“I am! We haven’t even been to Auto-pee-ah yet, and that’s my favorite!”
“Autopia,” I remind him, but he knows this and also, he’s not paying attention because the kids are freaking out about a nearby duck like they’ve never seen a duck before.
“Okay, well, I guess it’s hard for you to focus,” Nova says, disappointed. “I’ll try you again tomorrow.”
I turn the phone to face myself again and find that she’s already ended the call.
Ryder finally looks back at my phone. “Hey Mom, there’s a duck waiting in line for the ride!”
“She had to go, buddy. We hung up.”
“Oh. Is she mad?”
“No, not at all. She’s just tired.”
Ryder looks concerned for another half a second before remembering something really important. “Hey! I got one!” He pats Lucky and Tate on their shoulders. “Why did the duck cross the road? Because Summer farted.”
“Hey! I did not!” Summer looks exactly like Swearing Emoji Face, but Shane manages to grab on to her before she lunges for my son, who, let’s face it, probably has a crush on her.
Grammie isn’t giving me the side-eye. Instead, she’s muttering out of the side of her mouth while standing next to me and staring straight ahead. “Bit of a piece of work, your ex, eh?”
“Nova? She’s not so bad.”
She rolls her eyes. This lady has had many decades to perfect her eye roll and her sarcastic tone. “Oh well, that’s a relief. Is your tongue seeing anyone special nowadays?”
“My tongue is technically available right now, Mrs. Todd. And yours?”
She scoffs and practically lays me out with a hard stare. “Don’t even try to flirt with me, kid. You couldn’t handle me if you tried.”
“You’re absolutely right, ma’am. Had to take my shot, though.”
She winks at me before barking at the kids to settle down.
She scares me on so many levels.
I take a step back and look around. Usually when I’m among the masses, I wonder to myself: How can I reach these people? What stories do they want to be told? How can I tell them in a way that will appeal to them but also make them think a little differently?
But right now, I’m wondering if there’s even one person here that I could be attracted to the way I am to Emilia.
Disneyland is basically the opposite of that nightclub, but it doesn’t change the fact that no other woman appeals to me now.
Other women keep texting and leaving voice messages, friends and agents keep trying to hook me up with their friends or clients, and I keep telling them I’m too busy to hang out.
I’m busy with work and Ryder and fucking my hand while thinking about Emilia.
I’m just wondering how much longer I can wait to be with her, and I know for sure the answer isn’t until June.
And then all of a sudden, like a mirage, she appears.
Exiting the Pirates of the Caribbean, with two exceptionally good-looking guys who are more into each other than her, but one of them is holding her hand and pulling her along.
She looks a little unhappy and pouty. And so fucking pretty.
Just in a T-shirt and jeans and no makeup.
And a Nightmare Before Christmas fanny pack. But she still looks hot.
It’s the weirdest feeling, seeing her. Probably the way I’d feel if I see her at a school event, except that right now I could—I could pull her aside and just…something. But I can’t leave Ryder. And she wouldn’t want me to.
“Who is that young lady you’re staring at with such conflicted longing, Tongue?”
“Huh?” I glance over at Grammie Todd, and I’m so shocked to see that she’s looking at me with genuine concern that I forget about Emilia for a second.
When I look back, I see that she and her companions have stopped to discuss where to go next. Emilia is pointing at a piece of paper and then at her phone, and I would bet all my money that she had planned out their day to the minute and her friends aren’t adhering to her plan.
“Someone. It’s complicated.”
“Doesn’t look very complicated to me, Daddy-o. Maybe Ryder should sit beside me on this next ride. If you want to go use the restroom or make a phone call…”
I don’t know.
Does this count as abandoning my son for a woman?
But I mean—he’s having so much fun with the kids, and I trust these guys and Grammie to look after him.
And I mean—Pirates of the Caribbean is barely even a ride.
It’s just a bunch of people sitting in a boat.
Sure, it’s a little creepy, but it’s not dangerous.
He probably won’t fall into the fake swamp water.
If Grammie Todd can’t keep him in line, then no one can.
He’s having such a good time, he won’t even notice if I’m gone for a little while.
And Emilia looked like she could use some cheering up.
And what are the chances we’d both be at Disneyland today?
Or that I’d see her at all, among all these people?
Fuck it.
I’m going in.