Chapter 41
41
Aidan
C haos is the only way to describe it. My niece and nephews are running around the house. My mum and sisters are waiting to pounce the minute Lisbeth comes down the stairs. And I just want to have her alone. I hate every minute that we have to put off talking. Clearing this mess up.
Good or bad, our day has been taken over by my family. Just as Lis comes down the stairs, Henry rounds the corner at full two-year-old speed. I catch him as he slips, falling on his arse. This is the best age, when they fall and can’t quite decide whether they should cry or not. Eyes wide, he looks to me for a hint at what he should do.
Lis claps her hands and smiles huge. “Good job, Henry—look at you!”
It’s exaggerated and so over the top, but does the trick and the little monster giggles and reaches for her.
I’m jealous, and horribly in love, as he wraps his chubby little arms around her neck. I want this. Christ, how I want to have this with her. Babies, and little monsters and all the love in the world.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
“Of course. He’s darling, two-ish?”
“He is. My oldest brother, Sean’s, son. They’ll be by later.” I take a deep breath and blow it out between pursed lips. “Actually, they’ll all be by for dinner. I’m sorry. I tried to get them to hold off a day, but?—”
“Everyone? What does that mean?” I’ve not seen her face this hard, tense, not ever. She narrows her eyes at me, her voice cold. “ She won’t be here, will she?” Lis is practically vibrating, she’s so tense.
“No. Of course not, they wouldn’t do that to you—I wouldn’t do that.”
The air is thick with tension. I’m ready to grab her hand and pull her out the door. Take her out of here so we can sort this.
My mum’s voice rises above the clamoring in the kitchen. “Aidan, bring Lisbeth in here and let us have her a bit. You’ll have plenty of time tomorrow.” Any hope I had of talking to Lis today dissipates immediately.
I shake my head, afraid to meet Lis’ gaze. Her frustration is written all over her face.
Lis slips into the kitchen pasting a polite smile on and sits at the table. Mum and Bridget start asking about her trip and school and how we met while my youngest sister, Kathleen, splashes a little whiskey in each of their coffee mugs.
“Uncle Aidan, will ye take us to the baker for a treat? Mum and Granny said ye would while they talk to yer pretty friend.” Eagan’s big blue eyes are joined by his big sister’s and Henry scrambles down out of Lis’ lap.
“Me, too. Wanna go too.”
I throw Bridget a look and am met with a bright evil smile and a five-pound note.
“Here’s a list for me as well, love. Pick this up while you’re out.” Mum hands me a scrap of paper and waves me off.
I end up trotting the kids down the lane and back. The baker, the grocer—Mum’s planning is impeccable. She’s kept me out with the kids until they’re all starving and it’s Henry’s much needed naptime.
“Erin, take this for me.” I hand the baker’s satchel to my niece and scoop a whining Henry into my arms where his thumb goes straight to his mouth and his blond curls tickle my neck as he nestles in. It takes about four steps for his breathing to even out and he relaxes into me, his bum resting in the crook of my arm and his little legs tucked up between us.
“You gonna marry her? Can we call her Aunt Lis?” Erin lisps over Lisbeth’s name, not quite used to the gap in her smile. Ever since she lost her first tooth, Eagan’s been working on his.
It’s not that I haven’t given this question a ton of thought over the past few weeks—longer, if I’m being honest.
“Erm…well…” We’ve been talking about school, and the zoo, and her friends and dance class. She’s hardly spent any time with Lis. “I’d like to, but I’m not sure she feels the same.”
“Why?” And here we go, Eagan’s favorite game.
Sighing, I try to figure out how to put the quickest end to his questions. “I might’ve hurt her feelings, made her mad at me.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize my answer is far too open ended for a five-year-old boy.
“Why?”
I stop outside the house and wait for Erin and Eagan to look at me.
“Because I’m but a simple man, and while my love is big and strong and my intentions are good,” their attention is fleeting and both kids are looking up toward the door, “I made a mistake and now I need to beg forgiveness.”
Erin scowls at me. “You should buy her flowers and chocolates. That’s what Da does when he messes up.” And with that bit of advice, she skips up the steps and into the house.
Eagan, however, is very serious in his response. “You should share something very special with her. That’s what I did in school when I hurt Josi’s feelings.” This must be his little friend that Bridget was telling me about. “I shared my most favorite crayons with her, the ones I don’t let anyone use because they’re my favoritest. Girls have to feel special sometimes, Uncle Aidan.” He nods like he imparted the world’s greatest secrets on me. And maybe he has.
The rest of the day is filled with my family occupying Lis in every way. We eat and talk and the kids fawn over her, wanting every bit of attention they can get.
Lisbeth is polite and engaging. I’m sure no one can see how hard she’s working to keep it together. I see it. I don’t miss a thing. Each time she looks at me, I feel her stress, her frustration straight through to my soul.
And at dinner it starts all over again. The introductions as my brother Declan and Bridget’s husband, Cian, follow my dad in from work, chatting Lis up. Sean and Aileene waltz in a half hour later beaming with happy news of another baby on the way.
Dinner winds down and Mum shoos us out to the lounge while she and Kathleen clean up, and Lis grows quiet. She’s settled in at the corner of the couch with Henry on her lap and his sturdy book in her hand.
I take in the way she cradles my nephew to her, not just reading him the little book, but asking him about the animals on the pages. Both have heavy eyes, and I watch as they slip into sleep, his head on her chest and her check nestled against his curls. And my heart squeezes. I hope it’s not too late.
“Aidan, why don’t you get Lisbeth settled, you’ve a big day tomorrow.” Mum rests her hand on my shoulder, drawing my attention. “She’s lovely, I’m glad we had today with her.” She pins me with her mum look. “Be honest, but don’t let her go. She’s one worth fighting for.”
“She is.” I squeeze my mum’s hand and stand. “What was this about today? We could have had this sorted by now, if you’d have just let us be.”
I need to know why she bombarded Lis like this.
“I want her to know your family, the good in us. If Lorna’s the only one she’s met, after the mess she’s made, Lis would have no problem telling you to piss off.” She wraps her arm around my waist and nods toward the faces staring at me from around the room. “The way you’ve talked about her since you got home, it’s obvious you love her and that she has your heart. I love Lorna, but she had no right to do what she did and I won’t let her be the reason you lose the woman you love.”
Sighing, I scoop Henry up and deposit him still asleep into Sean’s arms. “Thank you, Mum. I hope it works.”
I shake Lisbeth gently, waking her. “Lis, let’s get you to bed.”
Her eyes go wide and dance nervously around the room. Much as I would love to take her to bed, we’re in my parents’ home and we have a lot to sort before we’re ready for that. I smile and shake my head slightly, ruefully.
She says her goodnights and heads up the stairs.
“I’ll be back down as soon as I’ve got her settled.”
Sean stands, adjusting his son’s sleepy body. “I think we’re away, then. See you tomorrow.” Aileene gathers up Henry’s things and they file out. But not before she has her say. “I like her, Aidan. Make things right.”
It’s late morning when I finally give in, I can’t stay away any longer. I lie on the bed, watching her. Every cell in my body drawn to her. Wanting to take her pursed lips, kiss her senseless.
I slide a lock of hair off her cheek and through my fingers causing her to stir awake.
“Morning,” she mumbles.
“Not for much longer.” I tuck the hair behind her ear, caressing her cheek. “Are you up for a drive, or d’ya want to stay in? Everyone’s gone for the day.”
I don’t want to do anything to pop this bubble of time where there’s no stress, no fuckups and nothing but sleep-rumpled Lis.
“Yeah. Let’s go out. Just give me thirty minutes to clean up?” She doesn’t make any move to get up.
“Lis, I’m sorry. I didn’t know she was coming to visit. I—” She rolls away from me, throwing her arm over her face.
“Stop. Just forget it, this was a stupid idea.” Her words are muffled, but she sounds defeated. Like she’s giving up.
Christ, I don’t want to lose her.
“She’s my sister-in-law. Was my best friend growing up. But none of that excuses me leaving you when you needed me. I should never have walked out of that wedding without you. I broke my promise, and you have every right to be mad, but…”
Her arm flies off her face, and she sits up clutching the duvet to her chest.
“You don’t get it, do you? I’m not mad, Aidan. I’m hurt. You discarded me, threw me away like everyone else has. You made me trust you—fall in love with you. I gave you my whole heart and you went running without a word.”
I sit up facing her. “Lisbeth, I?—”
“No. I came here for me. So I could have my say.” She blinks away the tears glistening in her eyes. “You didn’t say a word to me about what that emergency was. Did you think that I wouldn’t understand? That I’d hold you back from a friend? All of this could have been avoided, if you’d just talked to me.
“Instead, you left me clueless. Guessing at what I was seeing in McBride’s with you bent over her, crying. Why? Why would I have thought it was anything other than what it looked like? You hadn’t even told me Lorna was pregnant. Have you asked yourself why? Why you didn’t share that really important tidbit with me?
“Because it’s just about all I’ve thought about. All that’s been going through my head. That and why I’m not enough. Never enough.” Tears gather, threatening to spill.
“Lisbeth. My God, I love you. I was thinking of all the things I need to do to create our life together. Lorna and Michael’s baby never crossed my mind aside from a few phone calls with my mum. I was so focused on us—you and me. Getting work to support us. Sorting my visa. Finding a way to make me irresistible to you—so that you’d have no other option but to choose me.”
I want to touch her, need the connection with her. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, I push on. “I wasn’t hiding anything from you. Not intentionally. It just wasn’t relevant. I’m so sorry. I fucked this up with us. I made you feel less than the most important thing in the world to me.” I run my hands down her arms, taking her hands in mine, rubbing circles on her wrist. “You are my world. I failed miserably, but please, please give me a chance.”
She tugs at her hands, trying to pull them away from me. I hold on for dear life, not wanting to let her go.
“Sh-she said you were going to raise the baby together. She?—”
“Yeah. I found out what she said to you halfway across the ocean, stuck in a seat next to her for another three hours. I was livid, tried to get right back on the next flight out. She had no right to try and play us like that. The shite she told me you said?—”
I shake my head, shoving the anger back down. It won’t do us any good now.
“Lis, I don’t know why she thought she needed to do that, be manipulative. That’s not how she was growing up, that’s not anything I would have ever expected from her. I think…I think the grief, the loss of Michael—maybe the raging hormones?—made her act irrationally. I don’t want to make excuses for her, but it’s just not who she is.
“This whole thing is a mess and you’re absolutely right. If I’d told you, if I’d stayed with you…” I lift her chin so she’s looking at me, so she can see my sincerity. “You’re my world. Lisbeth. My bloody world, and I will do anything to prove that to you. Please tell me it’s not too late. Please tell me we’ve a chance—that I’ve a chance to share your life with you.”
Her gaze bounces back and forth between my eyes for far longer than I’m comfortable with. My heart forces the blood through my veins.
That’s it.
I close my eyes and nod slowly, sure that this is the worst day of my life. Far worse than burying my brother, my best friend. He was taken from me by an awful disease, one that has no cure. I’ve lost Lis through no fault but my own.
“It’s not.” My head whips up, searching her face. “It’s not too late. I-I want to try, I want to be with you, Aidan. I love you.” She leans in, brushing her lips across mine.