Chapter 14 #4
And how did a kid survive in a place like Rik-Vane?
What had he done to live there? To eat? To sleep safely?
Rik-Vane was an evil, lawless, hopeless place.
Chee didn’t know that personally, of course, she only had the reports that Hyde had given her of that hellhole.
She needed to know how a kid was able to live there and how that kid grew up and ended up changing his name, joining a delivery crew, and escaping a place that was considered unescapable.
But, of course, the host of this true crime show didn’t have that information. As far as anyone knew, the story of Kirvan ended there, at the death of his mother and aunt, and only a few reports spoke of what might have happened to him afterwards.
“That wasn’t as… cool as I thought it would be.”
Garnet’s voice, filled with regret, made Chee jump, looking around. She had somehow managed to forget that the girls were all sitting around her, watching the same show. And all of them had uncomfortable looks on their faces.
“Yeah,” Goldie agreed. “I don’t think we should have watched that. Not without Trove being here. Or without his permission.”
“Right,” Garnet nodded, frowning.
Oh, Chee realized dimly. They felt bad not because of the two deaths involved in this story, but because it felt like they had infringed on Trove’s privacy.
“Have you not looked up the others like that?” She asked, looking between them.
Haven was shaking her head, but it was Grace who answered-
“No. The guys tell us that we don’t need to know the details of their lives. They say it’s enough that we know the broad strokes. I kind of… I think I kind of agree now. This didn’t feel fun like I thought it would be.”
The others agreed, and that was how their girl’s night ended. Just kind of fizzling out awkwardly with a sour taste in their mouths. For them, because they had invaded Trove’s past without permission and didn’t realize it was wrong until the last minute.
But Chee couldn’t say that’s why she was unhappy. She understood why they felt guilty, but that wasn’t her reaction. She was just… unsatisfied. Unresolved, like the hostess of the show had said. There was so much she still didn’t know. So many questions she still wanted to ask.
Chee was the last to leave the rec room. The others went first, taking the winding halls to their own rooms. Chee very quickly found herself alone. Shuffling slowly down the hall. A bitter taste in her mouth that wasn’t related to shame.
Trove was so completely centered in her mind, the sight of that young boy stepping out of a fire covered in blood burned into her retinas so deeply, that when she looked up and saw the male himself standing there, she wasn’t at all surprised.
But it did seem strange, for just a moment, like the past and present were blurring together in his figure.
Kirvan and Trove blending for just a moment so that she could swear she saw both of them there.
Trove with his high ponytail, his big belt with the pistol on his hip, the long jacket that turned his skin into a suede-like shade of brown.
Kirvan with thin and dirty hair, stained with soot and blood, draped in a shirt that was way too big for his thin form.
Both of them clawless, she realized.
Kirvan’s hand had been hard to see, especially the one gripping his gun so tightly, but she had already learned to look for his claws.
She even did it now, glancing down at his hands and taking in the blunted digits.
And she’d done it to the younger version of him too, but she hadn’t thought about it.
Not until right now when they blended together in her mind.
Kirvan hadn’t had claws either. Trove had lost his claws before the crime that branded him as Unclean, before he lived on Rik-Vane, and that just struck her hard.
Because why had he lost his claws?
If things were so normal and happy with his family, why had they not been fixed before?
Why were they still like this now?
“Chee,” he spoke her name softly and her gaze snapped back to his gleaming violet eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted.
He cocked his head.
“We watched a documentary about you.”
He blinked, surprised. “A documentary? What do you… Oh. You watched something about my crimes.”
She nodded. “We didn’t… We thought it would be fun. You guys are so cavalier about your past but… I realize… We realized too late that it’s not because you don’t care. It’s not because it’s not some big deal. I’m sorry for doing it without your permission.”
Trove straightened his head and looked her over carefully for a long minute before saying, “It’s okay. I don’t mind. But are you okay? It’s not a pretty story, I know.”
Chee frowned. “Not a pretty story?”
He shrugged, like it really did mean nothing, but he looked away. “Well, I did kill my mother and aunt. I imagine that’s not an easy thing for a normal person to hear.”
“So, you really did it?”
“I did it.” He looked back, and there was no smile on his face this time. “I shot them both. I beat them to death. I don’t regret it. I’m a monster, Chee. We all are. We’re not good people; we’re controlled people. There’s a difference.”