Chapter 15
Trove
There was a precariousness here. This situation felt strange. Almost unreal. He knew that Chee was aware that they were from Rik-Vane, that because of that, they wouldn’t be good people. But she knew specifics now, and that put him in a dangerous situation.
He had gone to her room, wanting to talk to her, but she hadn’t been there. It was good fortune that he ran into her coming back. But he didn’t want to talk anymore. He was scared. Worried about how she was going to react to him. To his past. To what he had done.
Crimes he couldn’t deny. Crimes he didn’t deny.
The females of his ship, his sisters, his mate, were all from such different worlds. They couldn’t really understand what they had gone through. And now he was hanging from a precipice, hoping that she could find it in her to forgive him because that’s all they had.
“Will you tell me what happened?” She asked.
Trove’s tongue immediately went still. Froze in his mouth.
Died completely. The idea of talking about his youth, to disclosing the truth of his family’s murders, was enough to nearly stop his heart.
He couldn’t tell her. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, he had no way of speaking the words.
They were rocks in his chest, refusing to even migrate to his throat.
Chee was staring at him. What expression was on his face? What must she be thinking? He couldn’t read her expression. He couldn’t make a guess.
She blinked at him once, tilting her head, before suddenly saying, “Want to go practice on that simulated shooting range you bought?”
“What?” He blurted out dumbly. That one word able to escape, because it wasn’t his past. It wasn’t the truth he couldn’t speak.
“The shooting range,” she said again, pointing back. “The new one in the gym room? Want to have a contest?”
“A contest…”
“Yeah. If I win, you answer my question. And if you win, I’ll do whatever you want. Within reason.”
Trove didn’t answer for a long moment. Not sure what he wanted to say. He’d given Tanin the broad strokes of his past, but only because their captain demanded absolute honesty. He hadn’t been able to really convey the details.
But maybe he didn’t have to with her either. And maybe losing the bet, like swearing his allegiance to Tanin, would be enough to loosen whatever lock snapped in his throat whenever he tried. Just enough that he might be able to explain.
“Deal,” he said, his guts already twisting up in unease.
But if he won…
He hated that he’d hurt her. He hated that Chee had given him such a look of disgust and sadness and pain. Like he’d stabbed her in the back. Like he’d disappointed her so greatly, she might never look at him the same again.
And when he came upon her now in the hall, she was looking at him differently, but it was guilt. And he was grateful she’d pried into his past, because it meant that she’d come to him softened. More open to speaking with him. He had a chance to…
To be her friend.
Right. That’s all he wanted. That’s all he could want.
The new shooting range that Trove bought on Tsik-Voll was similar to their last one.
Unlike the range on the station, it wasn’t real.
It still used his pistol, but instead of firing down a long path at a target, it was deactivated with a little button seal so it would shoot artificial bullets into the range that was just a simple box in the corner.
It kept track of scores of the individual people and which weapons they used and included games as well so you could do more than just practice on a target.
It was fun and lit up brightly and played happy sounds.
It was more like a game than target practice.
Once again, Trove produced his pistol, and after attaching the silver disc to the side that at once deactivated it and synced it to the game, he offered it to Chee to let her go first.
And now that she wasn’t trying to outwit him, now that he knew she had skill at handheld weapons, he could appreciate her.
The ease with which she handled the pistol, though it must still be foreign to her.
The confidence with which she adopted her stance.
The control she had as she took aim. It was beautiful.
Trove set up one of the game courses, one of the easier ones, and let the run go.
And then just enjoyed watching Chee. He didn’t even pay attention to whatever score she was racking up.
What did that matter in comparison to that tight look in her eyes?
The concentration etched on her face. The stability with which she held up the gun, gaze and aim darting between one target and the next as the range brought them up and moved them over the screen.
All the while, she was wearing a pair of soft, baggy, gray clothes that had no right looking as good on her as they did.
It honestly just made him want to pull them off to get to the prize hidden underneath.
And at the end, when she hit the last target, the range dinged and lit up and happily flashed her score, her picture and name right next to it.
She was the first one to use it, so naturally she was in first place for the record.
Though there was an option to let it connect to the subnet to get the total records across the cosmos as well – he hadn’t enabled that feature, not wanting to have that connection.
Only once she had her score did Chee’s face soften. She smiled, clearly proud, and he finally glanced over. The number was good. She was good.
No, she was great. She really was.
“Your turn,” she said, offering him the weapon.
Trove’s enjoyment, just in watching her, faded, and he hesitated before picking up the pistol. It seemed heavier in his hands than it did before.
But he stepped into the range’s starting position and started up the same course. As he raised his weapon, he had the brief realization that this wasn’t actually a contest. This was a choice. If he wanted to tell her, he could purposefully lose. If he didn’t want to, he could win…
He took the first shot. Then the next. Then the next.
Behind him, Chee made a soft sound of surprise as he ran the same course she did. And it wasn’t so much a choice as cowardice.
Trove absolutely dominated her score. He was faster, he hit the targets better, and on many of them, he actually hit them twice.
The range lit up, exactly as it had for her, and this time, it was his face, his name, and his higher score that set him above her. He looked at it and felt disappointed in himself. He had the chance to talk, and he hadn’t taken it. Even after all this time, he still couldn’t…
“You hustled me,” Chee breathed and he turned, looking at her with a hint of a smile. She actually looked surprised. “You weren’t giving it your best at the other range. You could have beaten me easily.”
“Where would the fun be in that?” He asked. “And you seemed happier having beaten me.”
Chee opened her mouth, but no words came out. She closed her lips, bit them briefly, then shook her head and tried again.
“You win, then. So, what did you want to do?”
Trove thought about it for a moment before answering. “You would have had me answer your question if you won. So, answer mine.”
“Okay. What’s your question?”
“Why were you angry at me?”
“Huh?”
“Before. Back on the station. You were angry at me. Will you tell me why?”
Her whole face pinched, brows drawing together, jaw clenching tight. Her body stiffened and she looked away from him.
“You really have to ask?”
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to understand.”
“I feel like there’s nothing to understand.”
“Is this outside of the bounds of reason?”
“What?” She looked back at him, confused.
“You said you would do what I want within reason if I won. Is answering this question outside of the bounds of reason?”
Chee’s jaw tightened again, and he could practically see her hackles raising. Like she was keying up for a fight.
And he honestly felt relief. Her anger was so much better than her disappointment, that hurt, he’d put on her face before. He’d much rather she yell at him, curse him, condemn him, then be the source of her tears.
“Okay, let me ask you a question first,” she started.
“Of course,” he agreed immediately.
“Do you go to brothels often?”
“Define often.”
“Trove!”
He hesitated only a moment before answering. Not because he felt shame for it, but because he knew, for whatever reason, the truth would make her unhappy.
“I stop by such places whenever we have station leave.”
“Every time?” she pressed.
“Well, not every time. Sometimes, we don’t have time for recreation. Other times, the station might not have such establishments. I can find individuals working on their own in that case though.”
Chee winced like he’d hurt her, turning her eyes to the side.
“Why do you do that?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, why is sex so meaningless to you?”
“I don’t understand the question,” Trove admitted, genuinely not understanding. “Sex is just sex. Why does it matter?”
Chee’s mouth dropped open, and she again looked like she was about to cry. Trove hated himself for putting that look on her face and, without thinking, just blurted-
“I’m sorry.”
She pulled back from him, wrapping her arms around herself. Like she needed the comfort of a hug. He wanted desperately to be the one who gave her that comfort, but he knew he couldn’t. Not when he was the one who caused her pain in the first place.
“How can you say that?” She asked, barely breathing the words. “Sex is… Sex is so important. It’s meaningful. It’s special.”
“It’s hot and messy and disgusting.”
She whipped her head up, eyes wide, horrified. But Trove couldn’t take the words back. He just shook his head, denying her viewpoint.