Chapter 20
Chee
A beautiful planet comparable to paradise, the type of place she’d only seen in artistic renditions of space and the sky. So lovely it couldn’t be real, but it was, and all five of her senses longed to bask in the wonder and majesty.
But she couldn’t enjoy any of it.
After sitting, angry and unsettled, in her room for a few pointless hours, she’d then left the inn and gone wandering around in the city.
She wasn’t sure what she wanted, but she knew she couldn’t stay cooped up in there any longer.
The anxious, restless, unhappy energy would shred her apart if she kept trying to contain it in that little room.
Though walking around wasn’t much better.
Why was everything and everyone so damn happy? It was disgusting and annoying. The couples smiling and dancing and laughing. The tinkling music floating through the air. The scent of delicious food. The happy chirps of the animals and insects.
She hated all of them for how carefree and joyful they were.
Then, she hated herself for having that thought. She was letting all this turn her into a bitter, nasty person and she was so disappointed in herself for that. Her parents would have told her to stop letting self-pity make her mean and to accept what was happening so she could move past it.
But damn, it was hard.
She’d managed to wander her way all the way down to the waterfront by the time the sun had set.
And, of course, that was beautiful too. The golden sand, under the light of a golden moon, had an ethereal glow that matched beautifully with the way the dark water lit up with each wave.
She knew that the bright blue lights must be from algae or some kind of water creature or something, Earth had those too, but damn it was lovely in real life.
And she hated all of it.
Chee sat down on a rocky part of the beach, just a short way from a group of friends that were all laughing and playing around a fire they’d set up in the sand. They were cooking something sweet; she could smell it from here.
And she tried her very hardest not to resent those strangers as she picked up rocks and tossed them into the water. Each time she did, it disturbed those glowing creatures, and they lit up brightly around where the rocks hit the surface and sank down.
The bright city at her back, the twinkling stars overhead, the laughter and music floating distantly in the air.
It was incredible. Her parents would love it here.
She wished they were here. They’d tell her to stop being pitiful and force her up to play in the surf or give her some food and tell her there was no emotion carbs couldn’t improve.
She missed them so much. She missed home. She missed back when things were simple and she didn't have any of this to deal with and the idea of her soulmate was a wonderful dream that she could imagine and fantasize over.
The crunch of boots on sand coming her way caught her ear. But didn't stop her pebble tossing. She knew who it was before he ever moved into her periphery. It was like she had sensed Trove approaching, every cell in her body simultaneously repulsed by and attracted to him.
Trove sat down beside her. He was quiet though. Just a warm presence by her side, watching as she tossed pebbles without comment.
Chee was the one who broke the silence first-
“I thought you’d already be with Rinnicks enjoying your vacation.”
“You really think I would do that?”
“I have no reason to think otherwise,” she hissed, tossing one last rock. She watched the glow flare then fade as the rock sank to the bottom. It felt like all her hopes and dreams were sinking with it.
Trove didn't respond for so long, she didn't think he would.
“I… never imagined I would meet my mate,” he finally said, whispering the words so softly that they were nearly swept away by the ocean breeze.
“Never?”
He shook his head. “No. Not once. Odds were that she would be a domini like me, and I never intended on going back to Turv. My home planet. There’s nothing for me there, and I’m a wanted criminal anyway.
It just doesn’t make sense to ever go back.
Sure, I could meet a domini female wandering around the universe, but even then, I didn't think it would ever be for me. Not everyone gets a mate, you know? It’s common but not guaranteed.
I was so sure I’d be one of those without one. ”
“Sorry to ruin your fun,” she muttered, hugging her knees to her chest.
“No, Chee,” Trove turned to her, trying to look her in her face, but she couldn’t lift her head. “That’s not what I meant. I didn't expect you, but that doesn’t mean… I never wanted to hurt you.”
Chee sighed. “I always dreamed of my soulmate. My one true love. My fairy tale. My happily ever after. I always knew it was going to happen for me. I saw it in my parents, so I just knew that I would get the same.”
“Sorry to ruin your fun,” he mimicked her with a weak smile.
But she couldn’t bring herself to protest it the way he had. The silence that strung between them made him flinch as he looked down at his lap.
“I guess I deserve that.’
“You should go to Rinnicks.”
“No.”
“It’s fine.”
“No.”
“I don’t care, Trove.”
“No.”
He reached for her. She closed her eyes, flinching, though he wasn’t moving fast. He also barely touched her. His finger stroked over her cheek. Softly. Ever so gently. Wiping away the tear she had tried so hard to keep from falling.
“You do care, Chee,” he whispered, covering the tear with his thumb and bringing his hand to his chest, like he was going to hold her sorrow close.
“We mean nothing to each other,” she insisted, voice rough.
He let out a single, humorless bark of laughter. “We both know that’s not true. Nor do I want it to be true. I don’t want to be meaningless to you, Chee. And you certainly aren’t meaningless to me.”
Chee said nothing. Her arms tightened around her legs as her lower lip trembled. “Not enough though. Or you would want me.”
“That’s not….” He hesitated before shaking his head. “It’s not that simple, Chee.”
“You don’t want me. I don’t want you the way you are.”
“The way I am?”
“I never expected my soulmate to save himself for me. Not the way I was saving myself for him. You. But I can’t live sharing you, Trove.
I can’t be one of those people. More power to them, I guess, but I’m just not capable of that.
I want my One! I want us to be against the world.
I want the ideal. The two people in love. The perfect fairy tale love story.”
“And you can’t have that with me.”
“I would never be enough for you,” she whispered, voice broken. “Not when you’re used to… everything. All at the same time. Every night. What if I have a headache one night? What if I’m not good at sex and I can’t please you? I’m competing with literal pros here!”
“Chee, there’s no competition.”
“But there is, and I’ve already lost!”
“Chee…”
“Just go. Do what Rinnicks wants.”
“I already told you that I won’t.”
“Why? She’s not good enough for you?” She asked mockingly. Because that female was absolutely gorgeous and powerful and wealthy. She had everything and she was offering to treat Trove like a king in return for sex. That was the kind of deal a male could only dream of.
“If you must know: No, she’s not enough for me,” Trove said, shrugging as he leaned back on his hands, stretching out one leg behind her. Almost like he was sitting her between his legs. All without touching her or having her move at all.
Chee’s arms and legs relaxed, and she sat with her legs folded, hands on her ankles, staring at the glowing sand as she debated moving away from or closer to Trove.
She hated that she genuinely wanted to do both.
If she could just decide to hate him, if she could just ignore him, this wouldn’t be a problem anymore.
“Why won’t you accept her offer?” She asked numbly.
“I don’t want to.”
“Because of me?”
“I’m not going to say you have nothing to do with it.” He shook his head. “But I genuinely don’t want her.”
“Why not.”
“Too complicated.”
Chee finally turned, frowning at him with pursed brows. “Really? That’s your reason. Too complicated?”
“She’ll expect things from me I can’t give her.”
“She expects meaningless sex. Good meaningless sex, but meaningless sex nonetheless. How is that any different from what the brothel ladies expect?” She grimaced. “I guess the brothel ladies don’t expect the good part.”
“The females from the brothels don’t ask for anything,” Trove corrected. “I ask them. I set the expectations and services. They respond accordingly. That’s the difference.”
Chee let out a short, annoyed breath. “I don’t get it, Trove.”
He didn't respond immediately. Then, just a soft, simple, “I’m sorry.”
No explanation. No reassurance. Nothing. Just the soft beating of waves against the sandy shore and the distant laughter of people who weren’t sharing in their problems tonight.
For a moment, it seemed like Trove was going to talk. He took in a breath and she saw the tension in his jaw, like he was about to form words.
But then it was like his face just glitched. His muscles twitched, he grimaced, then all the breath he had gathered blew out again in a long, slow sigh of defeat.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, this time with despair.
There were many reasons for someone to become hypersexual. That’s what Hyde said. And it wasn’t always that someone was just a horndog with no self-control who put physical pleasure above everything else.
The look on Trove’s face wasn’t one of guilt or sorrow. It was almost like frustration. Which didn't really make any sense. What was he frustrated about? Her? Himself? Maybe this situation? Maybe he was mad that she wasn’t giving in and becoming a mate that would let him do anything.
And while the pessimistic part of her brain screamed that must be it-
-the more realistic part took notice and got curious.