Chapter 20
Luke
When I was in high school, my PE teacher used to say that I could achieve anything I could imagine.
I just had to know what I wanted. Equally important was knowing what I didn’t want.
Same with food. Giving in to cravings brought only short-term gratification, pushing me further away from bigger goals.
That mindset kept me motivated through my teenage years, university, my career.
Understanding what I wanted and acting on it became my guiding force.
I was leaning against the kitchen counter upstairs, a hot cup of coffee in hand, staring at the bedroom door. Yesterday’s events flooded my mind, and I closed my eyes to let the memories walk me through once more.
Hazel’s soft body pressed against mine, her chest rising, her flushed cheeks, the dress I wanted to tear off of her. And the sounds she made.
Oh my fucking God. The sounds.
Last night I tried to forget them, to regain control, but now they were back. The feelings were back. Bright as the morning itself.
I recalled my teacher’s words from years ago. The problem was that Hazel was like the unhealthiest snack I’d seen in my life. But for once, I didn’t care about the future, about my long-term goals. Right at that moment, all my logic, promises, principles vanished. I just wanted her.
I exhaled, still staring at the door. Frustrated.
Conflicted. I wasn’t sure if I regretted not kissing her last night or letting it go that far in the first place.
Unfortunately, Alex insisted on recreating last year’s prank by throwing Logan into the pool on an inflatable mattress.
At least this time, we covered him with a blanket.
When I returned to our room, Hazel was completely passed out. It was obvious she’d smoked way too much last night. Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t kiss her. She was intoxicated after all. That was my obvious reasoning, but deep down, I knew I didn’t want her to regret it in the morning.
I had allowed myself to glance at the beautiful lines of her face, the wet strands of hair tangled on her pillow, her white T-shirt covering her body in places where I had touched her.
That’s where I was. Jealous of a blanket.
I’d slowly caressed her clavicle and silently sighed, wishing on Alex all the diarrhea in the world for interrupting us in the pool.
Then I’d tucked her in and put a glass of water on her nightstand.
And now I was standing in our small kitchen corner, wondering how to clean up this mess. I should apologize, because I also knew the truth that if I’d kept her pressed against that pool wall, I’d have devoured her. And her scent still was driving me fucking insane.
Damn it. It made everything so complicated, knowing she would be willing to... That she wanted this. Me. Us together.
I shook my head, forcing out the thoughts creeping back in.
Focus.
I couldn’t have her as a one-night stand. Even if we both couldn’t deny the sexual tension between us, Hazel deserved more than I could give her.
I drank the last drops of my coffee and placed the cup in the sink.
Hazel was still sleeping right where I left her.
She probably would be for a few more hours, so I headed downstairs.
The first floor was empty except for Logan, still floating in the pool.
I grabbed my book and stretched out on the patio couch.
An hour passed before I heard footsteps, and of course, it was the beautiful, stoned angel who had gotten us all high last night. Hazel wore a white T-shirt with navy blue shorts. Half of her hair was up in a bun, the rest falling over her shoulders.
“Hey,” she said warmly, hands in her pockets, hiding tiredness. Or guilt, perhaps.
“Hey,” I said, setting the book down. She noticed and gave a faint smile. “How are you feeling?”
“A little tired. Less thirsty, though.” Just returned the favor, I thought. I would have done it anyway. “You?” she asked, her smile warming my heart like the first day of spring.
“I’m okay. University gave me some resistance to this stuff,” I laughed. “Although I think I pulled a muscle.” Hazel gave me a confused look.
“Alex and I put Logan on a mattress yesterday. He’s floating in a pool now,” I explained. “That’s why he...”
I trailed off. Yesterday came rushing back. The memory of her soft skin hit me, making me draw a deep breath. She remembered, too. Her eyes couldn’t hide anything from me. She froze, then opened her mouth, but there was only silence. We held each other’s gaze.
“Listen, about that, I’m—”
“It’s okay,” she rushed out. “Weshouldjustforgetaboutit.” Her eyes dropped, and she nervously rubbed her palms. She was trying to escape me.
The worst part? I had to let her.
“I smoked way too much. We were both clearly intoxicated. Probably me more than you and I...I didn’t think clearly. So I’m sorry, too.” Her words stung. I wanted to fight for her. With her. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Whenever I felt something close to genuine affection for a girl, there was this strangling feeling in my chest. Like I couldn’t breathe.
Childhood memories would flood in, and with them, a sudden urge to escape, to be anywhere but there.
It was like a messed-up timer, telling me I shouldn’t get too involved.
Before it was more complicated than it needed to be.
“Hazel, I—” I was interrupted again. Norah, Ethan, Ava, and Alex came downstairs.
“Good morning, rays of sunshine,” Norah said and sat down across from me. I tried to hold Hazel’s gaze, but she was already gone. Mentally, at least. I should’ve been happy. Everything was resolving just like I wanted to. Right?!
“Does anybody know where my husband is?” she asked, looking around.
“In the pool,” Alex yelled from the kitchen.
“You mean by the pool?” Norah clarified, but we just shared a look and grinned. “I don’t like the sound of that.”
“Nothing he hadn’t experienced before,” I added.
Twenty minutes later, Summer joined us, and Ava was already serving us breakfast from yesterday’s leftovers while Ethan refused any sandwich that looked like his dare from last night. I kept trying to catch Hazel’s eyes, but she was purposefully looking at everyone else but me. Avoiding me.
“For our criminal hero,” Ava said, handing her a plate of sliced watermelon. Hazel blushed, her smile warming me instantly.
“It’s been a while since I smoked that much,” Alex said. “That was a good night.”
“Yeah, it was interesting,” Hazel chuckled.
Our eyes met, just for a second, but it was enough to send me back to the pool with her body pressed to mine.
Then she was swept into conversation with the others while I kept counting how many ways her legs could ruin my life.
There was something deeply wrong with me.
“I can’t believe I did it,” Hazel exhaled, laughing. I froze, but my heart rate sped up. She regretted it. Of course, she did. I shouldn’t have touched her. I should’ve been more in control. I never meant to make her uncomfortable.
“I actually put a needle through Logan’s ear. Is he even alive?” Oh.
“He just needs to cool down,” Alex said. Hazel made a skeptical look.
“So, what’s the plan for today?” Ethan asked.
“Well, we could do some museum tours or, OR...” Norah got all excited and loud. “An open-air theater play!”
“I’d rather rub glass in my eyes than go watch that,” I deadpanned.
“Let’s just go to the ocean and relax?” a deep voice mumbled behind us. Logan, rubbing his eyes and yawning. His hair and shorts were all wet, indicating that he had fallen into the pool sometime during the night.
“He’s alive,” Ethan declared dramatically.
“You need more water!?” Alex added in disbelief, laughing his ass off. We high-fived.
“Yeah, about that—I’m suing all of you,” he said, walking to Norah and giving her a kiss. “Except you. I’m legally obligated to love you instead.”
“The wet man has a point,” I agreed. “Let’s chill today. No long walks.”
“Yesterday, some local guys mentioned a beach festival. We could go there,” Hazel said, and I immediately pictured the guys she was talking to and felt irrational anger bubbling up inside me.
Suddenly, Alex elbowed me in the ribs, and I cleared my throat.
“And how about dinner out tonight?” I suggested. “Ava deserves a break.” Ava looked at me, and I winked at her.
“I do deserve a break,” she agreed proudly. Without any objection whatsoever, everybody agreed, and Alex gave me a fist bump behind my back.
* * *
Two hours later, we had loaded the trunk with beach gear and made a quick stop at the store for snacks. As I walked through the aisles, my hands full of potato chips and sodas, my phone rang in my pocket. I awkwardly fished it out, trying not to drop anything.
“Hi, honey,” my mother’s voice filled my ear.
“Hi, Mom.”
“How’s the vacation?” she asked, but I knew that wasn’t the reason for this call. I didn’t want to prolong this more than necessary.
“It’s great. What’s up?”
She sighed. “Have you talked to your father?”
“Not recently, no,” I said.
“I think you should talk to your father.”
“Mom,—” I started, but she cut me off.
“Luke, you know how he is. How hard it is to communicate with him. He doesn’t want to listen to me. You have to talk to him.” She made it sound like my duty. Like a responsibility I wasn’t fulfilling on my end.
“About what?”
“You know how much I love that house. It’s unfair.”
I clenched my jaw. “What’s unfair is that I have to hear about it when I haven’t been there in ten years.
” My voice rose. “For the love of God, let me not think about your marital problems for one second while I’m on vacation.
” Shoppers glanced at me. A small figure flickered in the corner of my eye, then disappeared, leaving behind a mango-scented trace. Great!
“Luke!” Mom’s shocked voice brought me back. I exhaled, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“I’m sorry,” I said, not feeling sorry in the slightest. “I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you soon,” I added quickly.