Chapter 37 #2
A fresh wave of disbelief crossed her face. Tears now spilled down her cheeks. I wanted to go to her, hold her. Make it all right. But I was the reason she felt like this.
“You had no right.”
“It was an accident.”
“Yeah, right.” I tried to excuse my behavior, but there was no point. I wouldn’t believe myself either. Not after everything she’d found out tonight.
Silence stretched between us, thick and loaded, humming instead of settling.
Then she stepped closer with a look that made me want to breathe in her fire.
She was strong un uncontained, standing in her own space without apology.
Free in a way she hadn’t allowed herself to be in a long time.
Part of me felt proud of her, the other part, guilty that I was the reason.
When Hazel finally spoke, her voice was low and sharp—no kindness in it. Then again, perhaps an unapologetic truth was the kindest thing she could have given me.
“I may read and breathe romance books because I enjoy them. It’s comforting to believe love conquers all,” she said with a hollow laugh. “That doesn’t mean I’m delusional about real life.” She closed the distance between us.
“Do you know how humiliating it is?” she said, her voice raw, barely holding. “How disgusting... how utterly ashamed I felt to keep asking for help? For love. From people who should give it freely. To ask for something that they weren’t willing to give. Something that you—”
She stopped. The words wouldn’t come, but they didn’t need to. I heard them anyway. Something that you weren’t willing to give me either.
“So no, I don’t need fucking money, or a job, or fancy trips. I don’t want to owe people and fake being fine.”
Hazel wiped her cheeks.
“You got yours. You wanted to sleep with me. That’s all this was.” Her voice dropped, gaze falling to the floor. The pain in her eyes gutted me. “But hey, I have no right to be angry, right? We had a deal. I was a willing participant.”
My resolve eased, all the so-called truth I thought she needed to hear suddenly didn’t matter anymore.
“Hazel, please look at me.” I reached for her, cupping her cheek, catching tears with my palm. She flinched, pulling away. After a pause that stretched forever, she looked at me. There was no life in her eyes anymore. Just defeat.
“You used me... for fun,” she breathed out and turned, walking straight to the door. Regretting that she had ever allowed me to touch her.
No! I yelled back at her in my mind. At her, at myself. Don’t go.
I had to rectify it somehow. I didn’t use her. At least I didn’t want to. She had to know that.
“Hazel,” I called after her, but she was running away. She was running away from me.
She was by the door when I rushed after her, slamming the door shut in front of her, hand braced against it.
“I didn’t use you,” I yelled. Too loud, too desperate.
As if the volume of my words would make it more true.
The faint mark on her collarbone from two nights ago was still there.
The one I had to stop myself from giving while buried deep inside her.
Her breath was still intoxicating from the wine we had been drinking tonight.
“I never... I never used you,” I whispered, trying to reach her. The kind soul who made me feel things. Want things. Want more.
“Oh, please, I was just next in line,” she said bitterly. My whole jaw clenched at how wrong she was.
“You want honesty? Here’s some honesty.” I gritted my teeth. “Since that moment in the pool, every thought, every plan, every stupid choice has been made with you in my mind. What would Hazel think? What would she want? What would Hazel like to do instead?
“You have infiltrated every part of me, and I hate myself for it. I could crush your small body with my grip, but it’s you who has all the power.”
Now I was the angry one. I leaned, and her breath caught, chest rising and falling sharply.
“Your fucking scent drives me crazy everywhere I go. I will probably never be able to touch another girl, let alone fuck her, without thinking of you.” My angry rant turned into a soft confession. A silent surrender.
“Your smile. The way you blush aggressively when I call you sweetie. The way your body responds to my touches.” My eyes slid down to her neck and the cleavage. Her gaze dropped to my lips, and her pupils dilated.
“How you read books and how you live your life. You! You have turned me into this... this monster who wants to protect you not just from the world, but from myself.”
Her gaze locked onto mine, burning with pain, but her breath laced with want. We were both breathing hard, anger and longing tangled in every inhale. My chest ached with the urge to kiss her. God, it was unbearable.
“And your eyes... they never lie,” I whispered, stepping closer, just an inch.
I brushed my knuckles across her soft cheek, and a single tear slipped down.
I could almost taste the sweetness of her tongue on mine, but reality snapped me back.
The lies I’d told, how she would never have agreed to this trip if she’d known I was paying, how she would’ve said no to me. I was selfish.
“I just want you to be brave enough to ask for what you want. What you deserve.”
My body ached for her, but she didn’t deserve me confusing her again, touching her. This is wrong. I shut my eyes and stepped back, running a hand through my hair, giving her space.
“For what I want?” Hazel echoed, laughing dryly. As if I’d said it to humor her. “You know what?” she finally said. I sighed in defeat. Waiting for her to hate me. To leave me.
I exhaled, bracing for the fall. I couldn’t even look into her eyes.
“YOU KNOW WHAT?” she yelled, her voice crackling with fury, her eyes blazing. I thought she might hit me. But instead...
It happened in half a second, but it felt like a car crash in slow motion.
One moment, she was ready to incinerate me, the next—her mouth was on mine.
I froze, completely convinced it was my imagination playing cruel tricks on me.
But her lips crushed into mine with such force it couldn’t have been anything else.
Her sweet scent, embracing me from all sides, was the one thing I could never mistake for anything else. Not after I had tasted her.
My body responded as if out of instinct. My hands found her face, and my lips took over. I backed her into the door, her gasp cutting through me like fire. I kissed her deeper, catching her tongue.
Tears, hot against my palms, slid down her beautiful face. I opened my eyes, mentally not prepared to see what was in front of me.
“That’s what you wanted, right?” she said, her voice trembling, tears streaming down her face. “Then take it. Take me. For the last time.” I was breaking her heart, and she was breaking mine in return.
“Haze...” I hesitated, all my good intentions fighting the urge to take her for myself. She was so deep in my bones, under my skin. I needed her. Desperately.
For the last time.
I crushed my lips to her again. A pathetic addict with his drug of choice. I grunted low in my throat, tasting cherry wine on her tongue. Her hardened nipples pressed through her shirt against my chest, and I pulled her closer with both hands, unable to keep the distance between us.
“This is bad. I’m bad for you,” I breathed, shaking my head.
“I don’t care,” she shot back, biting my lip like a challenge. Every ounce of blood left my hazy brain and went downstairs. My guilt was fusing with my desire for her. I should have stopped. She was hurt and angry.
“You can say whatever you want.” Her hand went to my belt. “If you make me come. If you fuck me like you have every day this week. That... is what I want.”
My mind exploded, her words searing into my brain. I grabbed her again and kissed her hard, pushing my tongue into her mouth. She moaned, and everything in me burned. My hand slid into her soft hair, the other one dropping lower as I lifted her against the door, tightening my grip.
Her legs wrapped around me as I pressed into her.
A sweet whimper escaped her lips, and I dropped my mouth to her neck.
I wanted to mark her, so she’d never forget who made her feel like this.
We were both breathless, her moans only pushing me deeper.
I couldn’t think straight. Not with her hips grinding into me in sweet torture.
“I will. I’ll fuck you,” I growled into her neck. “Until the only thing you can spell is my name.”
I’d never talked to a woman like that, and if you’d told me I would ever say something like that to Hazel, I would’ve laughed in your face. She was both wild and soft, chasing my touch, her body moving against me. The bulge in my pants throbbed.
I tore open her white cotton blouse, buttons scattering across the floor. I didn’t dare to waste the time given to me, because I didn’t actually have it. She could change her mind any second, and I’d stop instantly. But not a second sooner.
With one swift motion, I yanked her bra aside and cupped her breast, my fingers pressing into her like fresh dough.
I grunted, trying to pace myself, but it was too much to bear.
I was racing the clock, chasing something that was slipping through my fingers, slowly losing something I’d never really had.
I caught her nipple in my mouth and she gasped. Too loudly. I covered her mouth with my hand as she moaned into my skin, my tongue swirling over her.
My free hand grabbed her ass, and I angled myself so I could press into her more. Her every sound was fuel to my fired-up barbecue. I was no longer master of my own feelings.
“You’re gonna ruin me,” she said, voice tight with hunger, fingers fisting in my shirt.
“Do you want me to stop?” I hated this question, but I had to ask. With Hazel, even silence meant more than words. But there was none.
“Never.” Her mouth crashed into mine again, opening for me like it was the only thing she knew how to do. But it still wasn’t enough.