Chapter 37 #3
I lifted her and placed her on the cabinet near the hallway wall.
With a loud sweep, books and cups fell to the floor.
My face hovered just an inch from hers, holding her gaze like she might vanish at any moment.
My hand traveled up her thigh until my fingers reached her panties.
The fabric was already soaked, and after a few teasing slides through her slickness, I pushed a finger inside her.
“Luke,” she gasped, gripping my hair from the intensity.
I welcomed the pain. The way she said my name made me want to burn the world down.
We both stilled as she adjusted to the invasion, her tight muscles pulsating around me.
Then, without a warning, I angled my finger, and Hazel spasmed.
Her hand flew to her mouth to muffle a scream.
“That’s right.” I did it again, and her head hit the wall, moaning into her palm. Her hips bucked and then began rocking, riding my hand. Finally taking what she wanted. What she needed from me.
“That’s my girl,” I said, one hand buried in her panties, the other gripping her jaw to keep her eyes on me. Her blue eyes were wild and dark, like an ocean during a storm. A version of Hazel I’d never seen. One I might never see again.
“I’m not your girl,” she spat out coldly. I tightened my hold on her jaw.
“You are tonight,” I growled as I stripped away her underwear and freed myself in one motion, lining up at her entrance.
“We may not have a future, Hazel, but tonight you’re mine.
You understand?” She nodded and pulled me to her, but I stopped her.
“Say it,” I murmured, as my thumb grazed her throat, feeling her pulse.
“Tonight I’m yours.” Hazel’s voice changed, as did her gaze, when she spoke the words, and the world stopped.
I pushed deep inside her with one long thrust, clawing my way through her skin as I gripped her tightly. She gasped. A symphony to my ears. My hands locked on her hips while she clung to my shoulders. Hazel bit my shoulder, and I groaned, my body trembling.
When have I ever felt this way?
Tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Hazel,” I whispered, seeing her pain. “I’m—”
“Shut up,” she snapped. “Don’t say it.”
I felt like a monster. Her legs clung to my hips, her hands clawing at my shirt to feel skin.
I pressed my cheek to her chest, arms wrapped tight around her, savagely taking her on the cupboard.
Her hand went flying against the wall, trying to hold on to something.
A mirror crashed to the floor, but she didn’t even flinch.
My thrusts quickened, her insides tightening as a string.
She was close. I had to make her come. I’d never forgive myself if I came first. Her fingers tangled in my hair, pulling hard, gritting yes and more and harder through her teeth over and over again, until finally her mouth opened in a silent cry and she came like an avalanche.
It was enough for me to explode. I pushed into her one last time, gripping her like I’d lose her.
Teary lines painted her face, but her eyes stayed shut. My head dipped into her neck, dragging my lips against her salty skin, trying to catch my breath. Afraid to break this spell, and I wasn’t ready for that yet.
Finally, I pulled back, meeting her gaze.
An utter silence. Realization of what had just happened between us.
We stared at each other for what felt like forever.
Then I took her in my arms again and, as slowly as I could—slow enough for her to stop me if she needed—carried her to our room.
Hazel closed her eyes and rested her forehead against mine, grounding us both.
I lay us down gently and leaned in, lips hovering above hers. Her frown was full of pain, but she welcomed me. Hazel’s fingers traced the hairline at my nape.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered against her, and we sank into a slow, soft kiss.
It was a loaded sorry. Sorry for dragging you into this, sorry for taking and not being able to give. Sorry for the false hope. Sorry I couldn’t be with you. Sorry for my fucked-up mind and your kind soul.
When our bodies began aching for more again, I slid into her slowly, savoring her every movement, every arch and curve. She chased my touch, while I sought refuge in hers. The way her body reacted to mine made me want to stay there forever. To never give this up.
Every time she tightened around me, close to release, I slowed down.
It was too precious to waste. I rested my hand on her inner thigh, gently massaging until Hazel eased into the touch, her legs parting wider in response.
I dragged my thumb close to her clit without touching it, and Hazel writhed beneath me.
Her body pleaded for everything her mind couldn’t ask for.
My tongue trailed up to her neck, finding my camp in her neck.
After everything that had passed between us on the trip, she never had any false expectations from me. Even though I was breaking her heart, after all this time, I knew her a little bit too well. Hazel would never beg for love from someone unwilling to give it.
“In a perfect world, I’d tell you—take it all. Everything you want from me, sweetie,” I said, just as another of her tears slipped onto my cheek, washing away the pain.
“I’m not your swee—”
“Yes, you are,” I breathed, my voice rough as I cradled her cheek and rested my forehead against hers. “You are.” My heart was tearing at the seams. “Take what you want from me.”
She opened her eyes, and I swear to God, she could be the inspiration to all the world’s poets with those blue, crystal-clear pools. Looking into the corners of my soul even I rarely visited.
“I’m sorry I can’t be that person for you,” I said, every word crushing me. Feeling every fucking regret in the world. “I’m so sorry, Hazel.”
She nodded slightly. “I know.” Her arms wrapped around me, soft fingers dragging along my back, memorizing my skin. Then Hazel’s lips found mine, greedy and soft.
As night fell, with the salty air curling around us, we grew softer with each other. There was no anger in our kisses, no rush in our touch.
She didn’t speak, but I listened.
To the way her breath caught when I kissed the soft hollow at the base of her neck.
To the sound she made when my hand curved around her thigh.
To the charged silence that spread between our bodies, as my hands explored the small of her back, pulling her closer.
We made love in the word’s truest form. And while I could deny a lot of things, I couldn’t deny this. Her. I loved her.
I was in love with her.
But as long as I didn’t say it out loud, we could stay in our little bubble. Because right now, I needed her more than I wanted to protect myself.
From pain and reality.
From truth. Consequences.
From loss.
I realized I was here to remind her that she was worthy of being wanted. Worthy in a way that made her shine, even when her soul ached. To let her know every hidden corner of her heart mattered, that those she let close to her should never take her for granted.
And that I had been waiting for her. Somehow, always.
For this brave, kind, fierce woman; the one who gave herself completely, who allowed herself to feel pain and heal, to be open to people and never ask for anything in return.
I was in love. Tonight, I was in love. And the epitome of my existence in that moment was to show her with my body, not my words, how much, in fact, I loved her.
So that’s what I did.