Chapter 5
Karissa
Sitting in the waiting room in this OB-GYN has me a little nervous.
I don’t like doctors or hospitals or dentists or anything of the sort.
Ella’s with me, which makes me feel a little better, I guess.
She is a nurse and I think I can trust her.
Cody had nothing bad to say about her. She’s got a four-month-old baby, so even if we don’t have much in common, at least we’ve got that. The baby thing. That’s something.
She stood at the reception desk for a solid minute telling them to flag my account for security. I’m glad. That’s not even something I thought to ask for.
“When did they tell you your due date was back home again?” she asks, watching me fill out the brick of paperwork.
“June 12th…I think”
“You think?”
“Yeah.” I stare down at the pen and paper.
“Did you want to have a baby?” she asks, not unkindly.
It still lands heavy, though. Makes me want to shrink back. Hide. Because the truth is complicated and I’m not sure I even know how to answer that.
“Not really,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “It was an accident. We were drunk and…well, you know how it goes.”
The waiting room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
“Oh, trust me, I know exactly how that goes.” She laughs.
“I’m guessing Cora was planned?”
“She was. But if it makes you feel any better, we had a scare when we were dating.”
“Oh. Really?” I raise my eyebrows. This family seems too pure for that, too wholesome and God-fearing.
“Mm-hmm. We were in high school. So, we’re talking over ten years ago now, but it was scary. I couldn’t imagine going through all that, knowing what I know now. You know?”
“Yeah. I’m sure. Was Jesse scared? He seems like he’d be so calm.”
“He was calm on the outside but inside I think he was nervous. That’s exactly why he’s my person…I need that.”
“I love that.”
“Yeah, so don’t be scared—you’re not in high school,” she says with a playful nudge.
I try to laugh, but it doesn’t quite land. “I just don’t know anything. It’s overwhelming.”
“You’ll figure it out,” she says softly. “It comes naturally, especially when it’s your own flesh and blood.”
I just nod while Ella’s hand pats my leg.
“Come over tonight. Hang out with Cora. She’s obviously bigger than a newborn, but it’ll give you a feel for it.”
“I don’t know…” I hesitate, stomach already flipping.
“You’re coming,” she says again, gentle but firm. The kind of tone that makes it sound like I don’t have a choice.
“Will Jesse think that’s weird?”
“No. Not at all.”
Before I can respond, the door clicks open.
“Karissa?” the nurse calls out.
Ella stands to follow—I’d told her I wanted her to come with me.
I step onto the scale. No surprise there.
I feel like a whale, so of course the number reflects it.
Fifty pounds. I’ve gained fifty pounds this pregnancy.
And I hate it. Weren’t you only supposed to gain, like, the baby’s weight plus some fluid, placenta, blood…
like, twenty pounds? Yeah…that’s the last time I trust Google.
The nurse asks me a boatload of questions. Including a ton of mental health ones, which I answer honestly. I was hesitant at first, but Ella sat behind her, nodding like I shouldn’t be afraid to be honest. So that’s what I did.
The blood pressure cuff deflates and the nurse gives me a curious look. “Your blood pressure’s a little high, 142 over 91. Has that happened before?”
I shake my head. “Not that I know of.”
She nods. “Okay. That’s something we’ll want to keep an eye on.
It’s not too alarming right now, but at this stage of pregnancy, we always take it seriously.
The doctor will talk with you more, but you’ll want to watch for signs of preeclampsia.
Swelling, headaches that won’t go away, blurry vision, pain under your ribs, especially on the right. ”
I swallow hard, that’s a lot of information. “Okay.”
The nurse jots something down in my chart and promises the doctor will be in soon.
Sitting in the silence has me exhaling deeply, and my chest feels tight.
“I’m sure you’re just nervous. Try and relax,” Ella says, pulling all her long blonde hair to the side and out of her face.
“I know.” I inhale and try to stay steady.
I glance down at my belly. The baby quickly shifts, her knee or elbow running across the top of my stomach.
Ella leans forward a little. “If something ever feels off, you come in. Tell Cody or call me and I’ll take you myself. Seriously.”
I look at her, this woman who barely knows me but didn’t hesitate to show up. I feel the sting of tears pressing behind my eyes. I blink them back.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
She nods like it’s nothing. But to me, it’s everything.
There’s a knock before the door opens and a woman in a white coat steps in with a confident smile. “Karissa?” she asks, then her eyes shift to Ella. “Well, hey there.”
Ella smiles. “Hi, Dr. Patel.”
“Didn’t expect to see you back here so soon. How old is Cora by now?” she asks her.
Ella laughs. “Definitely not yet…she’s only four months.”
“Oh yeah, you’ve got time. Let her soak up being the only child for a little while longer,” she says as she dries her freshly washed hands on a paper towel before pulling up a stool and skimming my chart.
“Back to you now. Let’s see… Looks like you’re thirty-four weeks and your blood pressure was a little high—142 over 91. Has that happened before?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Alright. It’s not dangerously high, but we wanna watch for preeclampsia,” she says, just like the nurse did. “Watch for headaches, blurry vision, pain under your ribs, swelling in your hands or face. If anything like that happens, I want you to call.”
“Okay,” I say.
She flips through my chart. “We’ll take some labs today and listen to baby’s heartbeat.” She stands. “Do you know what you’re having?”
“A girl.”
“Aww, that’s exciting. I have three,” she tells me.
“Oh wow.” I laugh as I lie back and lift my shirt for her to squirt the gel over my stomach.
She presses the Doppler against my skin and glides it over the gel, then the sound of a heartbeat fills the room.
“There she is,” Dr. Patel says, listening for a few more seconds.
Even though I’ve felt her move—those tiny kicks and rolls—the sound of her heartbeat is assuring to hear. She’s steady, strong, safe, and very real.
It’s the kind of reminder I didn’t know I needed.
* * *
“So…Cody,” I say, breaking the quiet in the car as we head home. “He told me about his ex, but not much. Didn’t really go into detail.”
“Did he?” Ella asks. She seems surprised.
“Yeah, I just wanted to ask you about it more before I say something I shouldn’t? I don’t know.”
“Honestly, I have no idea what happened there. I wasn’t with Jesse then. I never knew her. I—”
“Wait, what? I thought you guys were high school sweethearts?”
She laughs. “Oh, girl, it wasn’t that simple.” She shakes her head.
Then she launches into the whole story—how she moved to Texas for college without even telling him she’d applied.
How they had a gut-wrenching breakup, stayed apart, lived separate lives.
She graduated, dated…even got engaged. Then she broke it off and moved back here ten years later, just to see if Jesse still wanted her.
I don’t know who sings that song, but I’m pretty sure there’s a country hit with that exact storyline.
* * *
Jesse and Ella’s cabin smells like laundry detergent. It’s lived-in but clean. Pillows on the couches, blankets tossed over the backs. A few toys scattered across the living room floor and a coffee table with an empty baby bottle.
Jesse’s standing in the kitchen when we walk in, holding Cora in one arm.
“Hey.” He smiles at me.
“Hi,” I reply, suddenly unsure of how to act in front of other humans.
His baby-blue eyes are stupid bright. The kind that catch you off guard when he actually looks at you. Add in the rest of him…and yeah, I’m a little tongue-tied.
Ella’s a lucky woman. Hell, all these boys are ridiculously attractive. Any woman would be lucky to have any of them. How Jesse is the only one married is beyond me.
Jesse turns Cora outward so she sees Ella, and her smile is the sweetest thing ever.
“She’s been looking for you,” he says, handing her over.
“I bet.” She presses a kiss to Cora’s cheek and Jesse looks back to me.
“How was everything? The appointment?”
“Good! Baby looks good.”
“Good.” He looks back to Ella, who’s blowing raspberries on Cora’s cheeks. Her laugh is adorable.
“She slept good; just got up.”
“That means she’ll be in a good mood then,” Ella says, walking toward me with her.
“Say hi to Karissa,” she tells her.
Cora, of course, does absolutely nothing. She just blinks at me like I’m the least interesting thing in the room.
We leave Jesse in the kitchen, and I follow Ella into the living room. She sinks onto the floor, and I do the same, sitting across from her.
Cora’s laid out in the middle of us, completely fixated on a wooden rattle like it’s magical.
Ella starts talking about how old Cora is now, what stage she just grew out of, and what she’s probably about to start doing next.
She sounds so sure, like she’s read every baby book there is, and she enjoyed doing the research.
I don’t know anything. We had to take those robot babies home in high school one time… It sucked, sure, but I don’t think it’s probably very accurate compared to the real thing.
“El, your phone,” Jesse calls from the kitchen.
“Oh crap,” she mutters as she stands and leaves the area.
Cora’s now looking up at me. She doesn’t look so sure. I pick up the play piano and press a few of the keys. She watches me and then reaches for it herself.
“There you go. Good job.” I smile and she smiles. Maybe I won’t be so bad.
“Work needs me.” Ella sighs. “Would you…want to stay? Jesse will be here, obviously.”
My heart kicks up a little. “I mean, sure. If he doesn’t mind.”
“He doesn’t. I promise.”
Ten minutes later, Ella’s changed into scrubs and heading out the door with a quick kiss to Cora’s cheek and then Jesse’s lips.
As she walks away, he smacks her butt—playful, quick. They don’t know I saw, and they don’t really seem like the type to care if I did. It reminds me of me and Devon. Back when his touch was only ever loving.
Jesse walks over and sits on the couch,
“She doesn’t get called in that often, but when she does, you know it’s bad. Probably a big accident or something.”
“Oh yeah, that’s scary,” I say.
He drops onto the floor next to Cora as she tries to roll and reach another toy beside her.
We sit in silence for a minute, the TV humming softly in the background. It’s some hunting show that I’m not paying attention to.
“Did Ella tell you I’ve never even held a baby?”
“She mentioned it.” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal. “You’ll figure it out. You’ve been carrying her all these months already.”
I look down at my stomach. “Yeah, that’s true.”
“You’ll be fine. God gives you a mother’s instinct for a reason, you know?”
“Yeah. I guess.”
The conversation ends there when Cora lets out a sudden screech that quickly builds into a full-blown cry.
Jesse doesn’t miss a beat; he scoops her up and pops a binky in her mouth, and when she settles, he hands her carefully to me. It makes me a little nervous, but when she stays content, I relax.