Chapter 32
The next two days follow a familiar routine of temple, training, then attempting the Veil, which I continue to be thrown out of, normally as the queen’s desperation grows.
Afterwards, I head to the library to help Caz with her research into Sanrott and the blades.
Or at least that’s what I say I’m doing, but some of the time I’ve also been on a secret side mission of my own: trying to find a way to break Kyor’s vow to his father so he can finally tell us the truth of the situation.
But by day three, I’ve got precisely nowhere. And today was made worse when I saw a line of soldiers hugging their loved ones this morning before marching off to join the fight at the front line. Marching off to fight Kyor’s men. To fight for their lands and for their lives.
Here in the quiet sanctity of hidden Isthyr, it’s easy to forget the impact the war is having, but seeing those soldiers today – watching their weeping children wave them goodbye – it hits hard.
If you look, there are echoes of the war all around Isthyr.
I see them now that I’m looking for them.
Like the man with a vicious burn all down the side of his arm harvesting riverweed or another missing his fingers.
But today, I saw just how young some of the men going off to fight are; they’re little more than boys, some with barely a wisp of lace upon their faces.
And so, with my focus already waning, I set my book down and let my gaze wander.
Benny is over in his normal window seat, but instead of looking through books, he’s looking at Ruben, who is delivering some of the green riverweed cakes to his new friends on the other side of the library.
‘Know what’s going on with them?’ I ask Caz, motioning to the boys. ‘Something’s not right. They’re acting strange.’
‘Strange in what way?’ she questions. ‘Because this morning they were making out in the hallway. I couldn’t even get past them.’
‘Yeah, they were doing that when I went down to breakfast too,’ I admit. ‘But now they’re like this. Hot and cold. I think maybe Ruben’s having doubts.’ The conversation I eavesdropped on isn’t the only reason I feel that way. It’s the pining in Benny’s gaze whenever Ruben isn’t near him.
Magnus wasn’t wrong about the L-word, which is why whatever is happening between them now doesn’t make sense.
‘Why not just ask them?’ she suggests. ‘I could talk to Benny, if you want, but you know he’ll just avoid saying anything to me to stop me spotting lies. You’re better off talking to Ruben directly.’
She’s right. Ruben is my oldest friend, and he’s always there for me, one hundred percent. I need to offer him the same support, even if I am already ridiculously time-poor.
‘You’re right,’ I tell Caz, pushing back my seat. ‘I’ll go and speak to Ruben, as long as you don’t mind me disappearing for a bit?’
She raises an eyebrow. ‘Oh, no, you mean I’d have to continue my research all alone, in complete silence, without you constantly freezing all my glasses of water while you zone out?’
I grin at her sarcasm, yet sure enough, when I glance down, both our drinks are frozen solid. As is the water in the jug. I apparently have a new habit when I’m thinking. Still, letting the power out in small amounts feels like progress.
‘You shouldn’t complain. It tastes better cold,’ I fire back at Caz, making her grin as I stand to leave.
As I approach down the aisle, Ruben catches sight of me. His face falls.
‘You didn’t want a cake, did you? I just gave away the last one.
But I can cook some more, don’t worry. They’re doing so well, although this might be the last batch for a while as we’re almost out of flour.
But Moira in the kitchen is going to see if they can barter for more when the trade partners come, although apparently the riverweed harvests have been low this year, so I don’t know how likely that is. ’
‘They haven’t got much riverweed?’ I question.
‘Apparently not.’
It’s been several days since I used my magic to replenish the tendrils of green that grow in the fresh water, and I only did it because I was fearful of what my freezing outburst had done, but if the situation is as dire as Ruben says, maybe I should give it a little more help.
‘Actually, I wasn’t coming to talk to you about the cake, though I’d love some if you do another batch. I wanted to talk to you about something else.’
His eyes flick tellingly towards Benny. I knew there was an issue! Damn it.
‘Okay.’ He nods slowly. ‘I’ve got to take this back to the kitchen anyway. Why don’t you walk with me?’
We remain in silence until we’re out of the library.
‘So you’re still not getting any closer with the third stage?’ he asks.
‘No, not today. But that’s not what I want to talk about. Spill it. You and Benny. What’s going on?’
‘What do you mean what’s going on?’ His eyes skirt down to the empty plate. ‘We’re good. Really good.’
‘Half the time, that seems true. The rest it’s like you can’t bear to be in the same room as him. What gives? Has he done something to you? Because I love him, but I can still kick his arse if you need me to.’
With his eyes still on his plate, Ruben bites down on his bottom lip.
‘You’re crazy about each other, right? I thought you were one hundred percent in,’ I press when he continues to stay silent.
‘I am. It’s just…’ The sigh that leaves his lungs isn’t the dreamy, loved-up one I would have expected. It’s heavy, laden with the type of weight I wouldn’t have expected to come so early in a relationship. And especially not from Ruben.
Wordlessly, he drags a hand through his hair. ‘Fucking hell, I hate him for doing this.’
I stop and twist around to face him.
Ruben isn’t one for outbursts, especially not like that. My stomach drops. This is more than some disagreement on bedroom antics or who gets the last green cake, that’s for sure.
‘What is it? What’s going on?’
His eyes meet mine for the first time since we left the library, but I half wish they hadn’t. There’s so much pain within them.
‘I want to tell you, Rose, I do, but I don’t want to betray his trust. But by not telling you, I’m betraying your trust, and he knows that. It’s my own fault, though. I shouldn’t have pried. I should’ve just stayed out of it.’
Unease prickles beneath my skin. Ruben looks so guilty.
His gaze drifts away from me, but when it returns, the slightest hint of a smile grazes his lips.
‘I get it now,’ he says softly. ‘I get why, with you and Kyor, it was only ever him. Why I didn’t get a look-in.
That’s how I feel about Benny. Nothing else will compare to this.
To him. We’re not even half a moon in, and I know it. He’s … he’s everything.’
‘So what’s the problem?’ I ask. ‘What am I missing? Does he not feel the same?’
‘Oh, no, I think he does, but it’s always the Eastern Isles first, right?’
Caz once told me that the Eastern Isles was Benny’s big love, and I believe it. It’s the whole reason he got into bed with the rebels, and I think it’s fair to say that when it comes to his people, he’ll get in bed with whoever he needs to in order to ensure their safety.
Ruben continues, his expression pained, ‘I get that he’ll do whatever he thinks he has to for them. And I can’t imagine what kind of pressure that is, but I just wish … I just wish he understood there are lines you can’t uncross.’
A cold knot forms in my stomach as I connect the dots. Oh Gods.
The Eastern Isles comes first. Always.
Benny’s history of making alliances with dangerous people for the sake of his homeland.
My pulse stutters.
‘Ranveeg?’ I whisper my shocked conclusion. ‘You’re not serious! He’s planning on getting in bed with Ranveeg and Stefan? Helping them?’
I feel like an idiot, betrayal and hurt sliding through me.
Of course he’s working with the expansionists. They want to end Korvane. He wants to end Korvane. And Benny doesn’t give a shit about who owns Morathkian soil, as long as the Eastern Isles gets its independence back.
The way Ruben’s gaze trails downwards is all the answer I need.
‘Ruben…’ My voice is trembling and my hands are throbbing, aching even more than usual. It feels like something is scraping the inside of my skin, and I’m clenching and unclenching my fists, trying to stop my magic from hurtling out of me. ‘Tell me you’re joking.’
‘He swears he hasn’t made them any promises or told them a single thing about any of the cities or the infrastructure of Morathka. Not yet. But … he’s been listening.’
‘Listening?’ I spit out, feeling faint.
‘Yeah. To their plans, which…’ He bites down on his lip. ‘They say they don’t want everything. They just want more than they’ve got.’
My chest is so tight that I’m struggling to breathe. If Kyor gets wind of this, Benny won’t get a second chance. There’s no hope.
‘More?’ I press Ruben on what he’s just said. ‘What does that mean? More fighting? More deaths? They have a peaceful city with everything they need to survive!’
‘I know that. I know! I’m on your side, I swear. I’m just trying to tell you what Benny has told me. They want to go further south of the border. They’re not planning on touching any of the cities, but they need to destabilise Korvane for it to work.’
Right. And destabilising Korvane is exactly what Benny wants. My breath hisses as I exhale through gritted teeth.
‘I’m sorry. Really sorry, Rose. I should’ve told you as soon as I found out.’
I shake my head. ‘No. I don’t put this on you. I put it on Benny.’
I don’t waste any time before I turn on the spot.
‘Where are you going?’ Ruben calls.
‘Where do you think?’ I call over my shoulder. ‘I’m going to talk to that boyfriend of yours before he gets himself killed.’
Inside the library, I take the stairs two at a time.
When I reach the floor they’re on, I immediately head to the window where Benny is reading.
‘Hey, Rose,’ he says. ‘Just reading about the Veil. Did you know that—’