Chapter 34 #3
‘It’s not her fault. My mother. It’s the stress of what she does. Her role is so important. She just wants what’s best for the people.’
‘Do you believe that?’ I try to ask the question evenly, without malice. ‘Because I don’t believe somebody who could hurt their own child could ever want anything good for anyone but themselves. Not really.’
Her laugh is cold. ‘I don’t know anymore, truly. I thought I had it all. Stefan. The crown. My mother’s approval. And now look at me.’
‘I am,’ I tell her. ‘And I’m looking at a brave fucking Issen.’
She chews her lip slightly but doesn’t respond. Which is good, because I’m not even close to being done.
She’s a young girl who suddenly had her future wrenched away from her, and once upon a time I was the same. I was her. And it wasn’t just my powers stolen from me, but also the future I thought I would have.
And I entered the Retterheld to get it back. Risked everything to get it back. I can’t really blame her for doing the same.
‘Brida, it’s time you took control of your own life. Please. For everyone’s sake, but especially yours. Stop trying to please your mother,’ I say. ‘Think for yourself. Think about what you want to achieve in your life.’
‘And Stefan? What do I do about him?’ Her eyes are full of pleading. It’s not a hollow question. It’s one she desperately wants to be given the answer to.
‘That’s between you and him. Listen, I understand how kingdoms work. I get what it’s like when you can’t be with the person you want because of stupid fucking politics. Trust me, I do.’
My voice wobbles with more of a tremor than I’d like.
It doesn’t matter how Kyor and I have been pushing the reality of the situation aside – namely, locking it in a box, shoving it in the corner, and refusing to accept that it’s even there.
The fact is that there is no chance Korvane will ever give us his blessing.
‘But I also know that if you are going through all of this on your own, if he knows what your mother is doing to you and he doesn’t even have the fucking decency to talk to you about it, then he doesn’t love you. He doesn’t.’
I think of the pain I felt when Kyor walked away from me.
When he chose his father over me. But I also think of the peridot clouds that followed.
The rain that lashed at the High Hold day and night in the days that followed.
He tried to tell me in his own way that he wished he had been able to pick me.
‘You know, if that’s the way Stefan has treated you, then I think the Veil made a mistake in accepting him in the first place.’
Brida’s hand flies to her mouth. ‘The Veil doesn’t make mistakes!’
‘Well, right now I’m not so sure about that, but it’s irrelevant. If he could ditch you that quickly, that heartlessly, then you deserve better. And if your mother only made you feel like you were worth something if you were on the arm of a king, then fuck her too.’
Am I really offering moral support to the woman who tried to kill me? It very much seems that way.
I soften my voice slightly as I step towards her.
‘Look, it’s safe to say neither of our futures turned out exactly how we thought they would,’ I say.
‘I’m not going to let anyone else – not the Veil, not my mother, not the psychotic father of the man I love – define who I am.
And you shouldn’t either. You get that?’
Finally, she nods. ‘Perhaps I’m starting to,’ she says quietly. ‘Will you tell anyone what I did? The king?’
I sigh and shake my head. ‘No.’
Her young frame sags. ‘Thank you. Truly. I swear I won’t harm you again.’ She glances at the staircase behind me. ‘I should leave you to the cave. To your peace, Princess.’ She says the last word without a hint of animosity.
‘Actually, before you go, could I ask you a question, about what you did? The way you pulled the air from me.’
‘I’m sorry, truly. I should never—’
‘No, you shouldn’t have, but that’s not what I was going to say. I’ve done it before, to a friend of mine but accidentally. I don’t want that to happen again. So how do you stop it?’
‘You want my help?’ she says in disbelief.
‘It looks like it,’ I reply, flashing her a smile.
She doesn’t reciprocate it, already working out how best to answer me.
‘You have to focus on your target,’ she says eventually. ‘One hundred percent. And want to hurt them. Really want it. You can’t let anything distract you. It needs to feel as though the rest of the world is blocked out. You stop it by letting the world back in.’
I mull her explanation over. It makes sense. When I nearly killed Jonas, I wanted him to suffer. Suffer the way we had when we lost our brother, and it was Summer bursting into the room with a saucepan that made me stop. A moment that very much let the rest of the world in.
‘Thank you,’ I tell her. ‘I appreciate it.’
With the conversation over, she begins to leave, but as she starts to ascend the steps, she stops and turns back to me.
‘Just to check … your wolf isn’t really waiting at the top of the stairs, is he?’
‘Oh, he absolutely is,’ I tell her. ‘But I’ll tell him to leave your limbs in one piece. For today, anyway.’