Chapter 35
Aweek later, the morning sun has long since clipped the mountain peaks when I roll over, nestling deeper into Kyor’s side. The fire has been lit all night, and combined with the warmth of our bodies beneath the furs, I can’t imagine ever being more comfortable.
Little Raven, Fen prods. Do you plan on rising today at all?
No. I leave no room for uncertainty in my response. I’ve had seven days of solid training with Stefan looking at me like a fucking idiot every morning, and trying to get to the end of that damn Veil vision. I need a break. I deserve a break.
The last two times I’ve been yanked out just before the queen’s last breath. That’s what I can’t bear to see. Of course, ‘see’ is a loose term, considering I mostly just grit my teeth and stare at the ground, willing it to be over, which clearly isn’t the Veil’s intention.
In the brief moments of spare time I’ve snatched, I’ve been trying to use my Raven Sight to see Wrohelm and check on my siblings. Check that they’re all right, but I’ve got nothing.
Mostly, I just fall asleep trying, and it’s not like the dreams that follow are pleasant ones. Rottings. Myrkr. Me with a crown of blood on my head. Yup, it’s all pretty shit.
However, lying here, covered in soft blankets with my skin melded into Kyor’s, is damn near perfect.
Time is growing short. I know it is, and I need to face it. There’s a real possibility I might not complete the Veil. Might not make it. Which is all the more reason to enjoy life to the fullest, however few days I have left. And what I want to enjoy is Kyor.
You do not feel that today may be the day of a breakthrough? Fen persists.
I feel like today might be the day I break something if you don’t let me get my rest, I fire back.
I feel his amusement. In that case, I will leave you to it. And with that, he cuts the bond.
‘Fen nagging you too?’ Kyor groans, stretching his arms out above his head.
‘Yeah, but I told him I wasn’t getting up. I have no intention of leaving this bed today. Not unless there is something substantially nicer than riverweed on offer. Meaning I’m all yours.’
I lean in, ready to kiss Kyor and start the day in my favourite possible way, only to notice the way his lips twist.
‘What? What is it?’ I ask him as I sit up.
His eyes bore into mine with deep apology.
‘Sorry, Thorn. I asked Uzra to show me some of the city today. Places we haven’t been to. Shops and markets, that type of thing.’
‘You did?’
‘I didn’t know you were going to take a day off.’ He pulls me back down towards the bed, burying his head against my neck. ‘It’s fine. I’m sure he’s got plenty of other things he’d rather be doing. He’ll probably be glad if I cancel.’
‘No, no, you need to go.’ I sigh. ‘You’ve arranged it, and you don’t want to let him down. Besides, I should help the others in the library.’ And make sure Benny isn’t talking to anyone he shouldn’t be.
‘Is that because Benny’s busy working his grip on Ruben when he should be reading?’
‘Kyor!’ I pick up my pillow and swipe it at his head, only for him to catch it before it strikes.
He snickers. ‘What? It’s true, isn’t it?’
I don’t give him the satisfaction of replying, mostly because the only thing I can do is agree with him. Instead, I let out a long sigh and grab my dagger from the bedside table. ‘Come on. Let’s go deal with the world.’
As I braid my stripped-white hair, I pause.
Instead of letting it fall down my back, I wind the plait around itself and secure it with pins, shaping it into a braided bun …
just as my mother used to wear hers. It’s a small thing, little more than a twist of hair and memory, yet as I catch my reflection, I feel her presence a little more keenly. And somehow, that helps.
I dress, shove the blade onto my hip, and now I am truly ready to face the day.
Now and again, a chaperone tries to tag along with us, but today is not one of those days.
The abuse on the streets is little more than an occasional shout these days anyway.
I’m no longer spat at, at least not openly, and I see more smiles than I did in the beginning.
I wonder if they’re truly warming to me or if rumours of my uncontrollable powers have spread and they fear an ice spear through the heart.
Still, even now, moving around alone feels like I’m doing something naughty, something clandestine.
And as I head out of the palace, I’m struck with the sudden urge to explore.
After all, I’ve only seen a tiny fraction of what the city has to offer, and given how I’m officially the princess, I feel like I should learn it a little better.
You know, in case I do actually survive.
For a moment, I consider asking Kyor if I can tag along with him and Uzra, but I want to check in with Benny first. As Kyor and I turn towards the library, we see Ruben wandering about, almost aimlessly.
‘If you’re planning on speaking to Benny, you’re not going to get a word out of him,’ Ruben groans when we reach him.
‘He’s flying through those books like a machine.
Don’t even try. I couldn’t break his attention, so I don’t see how anybody else is going to.
’ He pauses, realising what he’s just said, then shakes his head.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that he wouldn’t want to talk to you. I just meant—’
‘I know,’ I say gently. ‘You okay? You look stressed.’
Ruben sighs heavily. ‘No.’
I fold my arms across my chest. ‘I refuse to accept there’s trouble in paradise. Unless…’ My spine turns rigid, but I’m hyperaware of Kyor still by my side and try to relax it. ‘Erm, Benny’s not…?’
‘No, absolutely not.’ Ruben’s certainty is all the assurance I need.
‘Then what? You two have been inseparable.’
Ruben tugs at the hem of his shirt. ‘I know. Everything’s great. Really great. Only—’
‘You know what?’ Kyor places his hands on my shoulders, interrupting Ruben before he’s even fully started. ‘Something tells me this is a you-two talk, so I’m going to leave you to it. See you later?’
‘Always.’
He leans down, and I rise onto my tiptoes and kiss him. ‘Love you, Thorn.’ He says it as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. As if this is how we always speak when we leave one another.
‘Love you, too,’ I reply, trying not to think grim, defeatist thoughts as the black lace on my hands pulses.
‘Don’t have too much fun without me.’ Kyor grins before he looks at Ruben. ‘Good luck with sorting out your boy drama, Ru. Then again, maybe you two should call it quits? That way Rose and I could actually get some sleep rather than having to listen to your fucking bed creaking all night!’
‘Very funny.’ Ruben scowls as Kyor walks away. ‘Sometimes I think I preferred it when he hated me.’
‘No, you didn’t,’ I respond, then shift the conversation back. ‘So you and Benny? Everything seemed good last night. At dinner,’ I add hastily, just in case he thinks I was continuing on from Kyor’s remark. ‘You two seem completely loved up.’
‘Don’t use that word,’ Ruben responds, only to offer another deep sigh.
‘So it’s not headed that way?’ I question.
The laugh he offers me is tinged with sadness. ‘I think it’s way too late to say we’re headed for it. For me, anyway.’
I’m not surprised. Ruben has always been a guy who loves easily – that was our main problem – and the way the men look at one another … even Magnus saw it.
‘So what’s the issue? If he’s not talking to Stefan and Ranveeg again…?’
‘He’s not!’ Ruben promises. ‘Even if he wanted to, I’m keeping him busy.’ He lets out a lusty sigh. ‘The problem is, Rosey, he’s perfect.’ Ruben groans. ‘Gods, Rose, he is so perfect. He’s funny and caring and… The things he does to me… There’s this thing he does with his tongue—’
‘So, what’s the problem?’ I repeat, not quite ready for more details.
We’re walking away from the library, but I’m not exactly sure where we’re headed.
‘You’re head over heels, Ruben, but miserable. Help me out here. I still don’t know what the issue is?’
‘You don’t?’
‘No.’
Ruben scoffs as he shakes his head. ‘I’m a slum rat, Rosey. He’s a future duke. There is no situation in which this ends the way I want it to.’ He ambles forward, his shoulders unusually slumped.
‘Ruben, love, you are so much more than just a slum rat!’
‘I know, and I know you’ve said it before, but it’s not like I can just forget about it.
We’re born to different stations in life, Rosey.
While we’re here, we’re living in this little bubble where everything is perfect – no slums, no dirt, no starvation, no Rottings trying to crawl out of the trees and murder us – and it makes us believe anything is possible.
But it’s not. At some point, reality is going to hit, and I’m going to be the one left heartbroken.
You might remember I’ve been there once before. It’s not a lot of fun.’
His words are hitting me harder than he intends, because … same. ‘Sorry about that,’ I manage.
‘No, and it’s honestly fine because if you hadn’t done that, I’d never have taken a chance with Ben. Never known what it was meant to feel like having someone love you that much.’
My heart swells to hear him say this, but the sensation quickly turns into a throb when I see the sadness that still clouds his expression.
‘Ruben, where you come from is not what defines you. You are smart, kind, funny, loyal, and really hot.’
He scoffs, nudging me lightly.
‘Look, I know you think my situation with Kyor was completely different,’ I say, trying a different approach in the hope it might get through to him. ‘But it’s not. All logic says we should not be together.’
Ruben shakes his head. ‘You’re wrong. You’re an Issen princess now. A marriage between you and Kyor is a chance to try to heal the rift between the Morathkians and the Issen. Even Korvane has to be sick of the fighting. I bet he’d welcome a marriage between you two now.’