Chapter 38
‘It’s official. I hate the fucking Veil,’ I say to Caz later that day, reaching my hand out and effortlessly freezing the jug of water in front of her.
With Ruben standing next to me, I draw the magic out, the ice turning back into water, and pass it straight into him, as subtly as I can so nobody notices.
Nobody but Ruben, who shoots me a wink as he feels his powers bolster.
‘It’s fucking cruel, that’s what it is. There’s nothing I can learn from the memory that I don’t already know. ’
I go to freeze the jug again, only for Caz to move it out of reach.
‘You know glass doesn’t cope too well with frequent changes in temperature,’ she chastises me.
Her drink is still in front of me though, so I go for that instead. The mug can take it.
With a sympathetic smile, she looks me in the eye. ‘Rose, I know it’s hard, and I know you’re frustrated, but there are still plenty of days to go. You’ve got time.’
‘Only I haven’t, have I?’
Maybe it was wrong to hope for two positives in one day.
Or maybe it was just because I went into the Veil full of confidence.
Confidence that was ripped from me the moment I entered the queen’s chambers and heard her shallow, wheezing breaths.
I can’t force myself to listen to her constant pleading as she begs my mother to save her baby.
I can’t force myself to watch my own young, terrified face as the reality of what’s happening dawns upon me.
I can’t cope with being there. Everything in me rears away from it, and I know it’s going to get me killed, but the reaction isn’t conscious – it’s visceral and bone-deep. The need to flee.
‘Look, it might not seem like it, but every time you go in there, you’re learning something,’ Caz tries.
‘You don’t see me in there,’ I respond. ‘This time, when I opened my eyes, I was looking straight at Kyor. Young, terrified Kyor, and I couldn’t go any further.
I don’t want to see his heartbreak any more than I want to see my mother doing everything she possibly can to save the queen’s life, only to be punished for it. ’
Beside me, Ruben produces a small, match-like flame on the end of his forefinger. A clear sign he’s not listening closely.
‘You’re meant to learn something, right?’ Caz says, and the timbre of her voice tells me she’s in full figuring-it-out mode. ‘Have you watched yourself thoroughly? Because it’s something about yourself you have to learn, right?’
‘Is it, though?’ I question with exasperation. ‘I don’t know that for certain. It’s all just guesswork.’
With her attention still on me, Caz licks her fingers and pinches the flame on Ruben’s fingertips, extinguishing it with a hiss.
‘Can you not? We’re trying to concentrate here,’ she huffs.
With a slight grumble, Ruben lowers his hands to his lap, where I’m pretty sure he continues making his little flames.
‘Okay, so you have to learn by observation.’ Caz sounds even more determined than before.
‘And as this is the big lesson, it’s bound to be linked to the other ones you had in the previous doors.
With the priestess. Otherwise, the visions would just start with the queen, right?
So what else do you know of her? Your priestess friend? ’
It’s a good point and one I’ve thought of too, but it hasn’t yet helped me any further.
‘I know that I wouldn’t be here without her,’ I reply honestly, my mind turning over all the kindness Dinah showed Kay and me during our time in the slums. But just as quickly, the visions the Veil showed me crowd in, tainting those memories of her kindness with questions over her motivations.
‘She kept us alive when my parents died. She’s the one who gave me the dagger and told me of my Issen roots.
’ But she’s also been pulling strings my whole life, making me look at that kindness askance, and that …
feels horrible. Dinah is almost family. Isn’t she?
‘Right. Okay.’ Caz nods. ‘So it probably has to do with your heritage.’
As her thoughts whir almost visibly, I absentmindedly start freezing and unfreezing the drink in front of her again.
‘Any chance of you stopping that?’ she mutters, shooting me a flat look as she pulls the mug aside, placing it next to the jug. ‘Not all of us like our water icy cold.’
‘I don’t know,’ I fire back, frustration biting at me. ‘Any chance of this Veil thing making some fucking sense? Because it’s driving me up the wall.’
With a sigh, she drops her head back to her book. She’s tapping out. I don’t blame her.
‘Something on your mind?’ I ask Ruben. It’s clear he’s lost in some deep rumination.
‘Hmm?’ he says.
‘Are you okay?’ I rephrase.
‘Yeah, sort of. Just thinking, that’s—’
‘By the Gods! I found it!’ Caz’s outburst silences us both, and we turn to look at our friend, her long frame bouncing with excitement in the chair. She’s staring at a page in the book with lots of writing and a very clear drawing of three very familiar blades.
The blades of Vindrun.
I jump up and dash around the table to get a clearer view of the page. ‘What does it say?’
‘I don’t know. There are bits I can’t make sense of. We’re going to need Benny.’
Ruben is on his feet before she’s even finished speaking. ‘I’ll get him. Two minutes.’
It’s more like fifteen minutes before we’re all gathered around the table again, Benny, Ruben, Thessa, Caz, and I standing in silence as the future duke runs his finger under the words. Next to him is an old text he’s using to translate and decipher.
‘Okay,’ he says finally. ‘I think I’ve got it. It says: “One to bind, one to free, one to kill.”’
‘All right, but what does that mean?’ I ask, my patience frayed.
He shakes his head. ‘Sorry, Rose, that’s all I’ve got. One to bind, one to free, and one to kill. That’s the three daggers, right? Apart from that, there are the symbols of the Gods marked on the page, but that’s it.’
‘But all blades kill, right?’ Ruben questions. ‘I mean, you killed with that one, Rose, right? The Rottings and that Rowell bitch?’
Caz taps her lip in thought. ‘So maybe that part refers to something or someone specific.’
There’s one answer that’s obvious and already flitting on the edge of my tongue, but I feel like I can’t be the one to say it. Goosebumps are covering my arms, and I can’t stop looking at the symbols of the Gods and the way one is set apart from the others.
‘The Myrkr?’ Ruben suggests. ‘That would make sense, right? Because Rosey’s dagger killed the Myrkr, and those things are supposed to be all but immortal.’
‘It did, but maybe … maybe they were made for something even stronger than that…’ Caz whispers. She’s looking at the symbols too, and I know she’s landed on the same thought that I have. The same insane thought.
‘What’s stronger than a Myrkr?’ Ruben questions.
‘A God,’ Caz whispers.
Thessa blanches. ‘Sanrott.’
A chill claws at my skin. Thessa said there were rumours as to how the other Gods stopped their sibling. Killing him or binding him would definitely have worked.
I think of Noleen. Of Evelina. Rottings in a cave, when their bodies should be nothing more than ash on the wind, their magic given back to Mortidem.
An icy finger runs down my spine, because obviously that is not what has happened. And surely only a God could overrule death itself?
What if the Rottings are Sanrott’s creation? What if instead of their magic going to Mortidem, it somehow went to Sanrott?
In the silence, I reach to my side, unsheathe the dagger, and hold it in front of me.
‘This blade could kill a God,’ I whisper, unable to draw my eyes away.
‘Or bind one. Or free one,’ Ruben adds, as if we’ve forgotten the rest.
A billowing breath rolls from Caz as she stares at the silver blade in my hand. ‘That has to be the most powerful weapon in the world.’
Benny’s eyes lock on mine, widening slightly.
‘Fuck! It would have to be the most powerful weapon ever made,’ he says.
‘Yeah, that’s what Caz just said,’ I remind him.
‘No, you don’t understand!’ He pushes back his chair and stands.
‘It would be the most powerful weapon ever created.’ He lifts his hands, like we’re meant to know what he’s getting at.
‘There was a Rettling. Two Retterhelds before ours. Maybe more. A man from Galreck who won. He got the gifting, and he asked Etta for the most powerful weapon ever forged. And she … she gave him three daggers.’
‘Wha—?’ I barely make out the word before Caz cuts across me, her voice a razor’s edge.
‘And you’re only just telling us this now, why?’
‘Because it’s not something I read in a library. It was a story my grandfather told me. I just assumed it was made up as he liked to tell tall tales. Like how he used to talk of a Myrkr—’ He cuts himself off and winces. ‘Bad example. Sorry, I should have thought of it earlier.’
‘It’s fine,’ I assure him, laying a hand on Caz’s arm to calm her as my heart races in my chest. We don’t have time to turn on each other. We’re close to something. I can feel it. ‘Go on. What did your grandfather tell you?’
Benny’s eyes dart to Caz, who is seething but silent, before he continues, ‘The Galreckian came out of the gifting wanting to show everyone he’d got the best gift ever from the Goddess. And obviously, being a particular kind of bloodthirsty lunatic, he decided to go on a killing spree.’
‘Great. Gotta love a psycho Rettling,’ Ruben mutters. ‘Though it sounds like he should have come from Rowell, not Galreck. Carry on,’ he adds, realising his rambling isn’t helping us get any closer to Benny’s point.
‘Well, he was pissed because it was like the blades had consciousness. Sometimes he could stab a guy in the shoulder and they’d bleed out right there in front of him. Other times he would plunge one of them into a heart and nothing would happen.’
‘Oh fuck. Just like Mila’s blade,’ I say, turning to Caz. ‘Llin told you about the vow ceremony, right? About what happened there?’
‘Of course she did. We lost Jai then.’