Chapter 38 #2
I glance at Ruben, who looks thoroughly confused. It’s strange to think, after everything we’ve been through, that there are still parts of the Retterheld he knows nothing about.
‘Before the trials started, we had to take vows in the Sunken Temple,’ I explain. ‘The High Priestess, Mila, had a blade that looked identical to mine. Anyway, she stabbed all of us Rettlings. Straight through the back of our hands.’
Ruben blinks twice in shock. ‘What? That’s barbaric.’
‘Undoubtedly,’ I agree. ‘But the thing is, with me, it didn’t do anything. Nothing. It healed almost instantly. Not even a scar.’
‘Not that you’re boasting or anything,’ Benny mutters, rubbing the back of his hand where a thin purple scar remains.
I shoot him a look before continuing, ‘But Jai… When the blade struck him, he just … he just kept bleeding out. The wound shouldn’t have killed him, but—’ I’m on my feet now, hands pressed to my temples as thoughts crash together.
‘The push dagger Jai had that day,’ I say, looking pointedly at Benny. ‘Do you remember it?’
Benny frowns. ‘I don’t think so. Why?’
‘I think he stole it. I think it was one that belonged to Korvane. Kyor noticed it was missing from the armoury at the training ground the night before. He described it to me perfectly, even though he was drunk as hell. Anyway, the moment I saw Jai’s blade, I knew it fit the description.
I denied it to myself because I didn’t want to believe anything Kyor said at the time, but if what you’re saying about this other gifting is right – if the blades really can judge people – then it would make sense.
The blade judged Jai to be a thief. Judged him as unworthy of receiving the gifting and so killed him before he even got a chance to start the Retterheld. ’
‘Shit,’ Ruben mutters.
‘Yeah.’ Silence sweeps over us. Silence so dense I find myself scared to breathe. ‘This isn’t me being insane, is it?’ I ask quietly after a moment.
‘I don’t think so,’ Caz replies.
‘I think that would make it easier,’ Benny mutters.
As the unnatural stillness threatens to descend again, another thought drops into my mind, cold and sharp enough to make me sway.
‘The break-in,’ I say. ‘Someone knows what the daggers do. Someone wants to use it.’
As the words spill from me, I look at the others, almost wanting someone to object, to tell me I’m crazy. When they don’t, a fresh shiver runs down my spine.
‘Okay,’ Ruben says slowly, ‘I believe you. But we still have to know one thing.’
‘What?’ I ask.
He looks at the blade in my hand. ‘Which of the daggers have you got?’
‘I’m a fucking idiot,’ Kyor groans that night when I tell him what we discovered. He stands in front of the fire, which is crackling away with even more logs than normal, as I perch on the edge of the bed.
‘There’s a dagger in the court in Galreck. I haven’t thought about it for years, but now that I am … I’m sure it looks just like yours. Positive. I never heard anything about it being one of three, but it definitely belonged to a Galreckian Rettling. It’s kept on display in a glass case.’
My scalp prickles. ‘And it’s still there? You’re sure?’
‘It was the last time I went. They keep it guarded. Galreck hasn’t won the Retterheld anywhere near as much as the other cities, so they like to keep their accomplishments on display.’
‘So we know where all three blades are: Mila has one, I have one, and Galreck has the last. But we don’t know which does what.
’ I’m not sure if I should be relieved by this.
‘Whoever tried to steal mine obviously wants to use it to bind Sanrott, to kill him, or to free him. But where would they even be freeing him from? And how do you bind a God in the first place?’
‘Gah!’ Kyor makes a noise of utter frustration that echoes my own, and peridot clouds roil and bubble above us.
‘This fucking vow! It’s been right under my fucking nose all along.’ As his eyes meet mine, a lightning bolt strikes through the sky outside, big enough to shake the entire building, but he doesn’t break eye contact. ‘I need to break it, Thorn. I have to tell you what I know.’
‘You can’t.’ I remind him. ‘It’s impossible. Korvane won’t release you, you know that.’
He groans. ‘I know that, but—’
‘No buts. I know it’s hard, and I know you’re frustrated – so am I – but we’ll get through this.
’ As he moves in front of me, I reach out a hand and lay it across his chest, feeling the solid, reassuring thump of his heart against my fingertips.
‘Everything is going to be okay, Kyor. We’ll work it out without the information you hold. I promise.’
His nostrils flare as his molars grind together, but he nods.
He draws a long breath. ‘Right now, all we can do is focus on the moment. That dagger needs to stay safe. It can’t fall into the wrong hands, Rose. Time to start sleeping with your blades. It’ll be like the Retterheld all over again.’
‘Lucky me,’ I say drily. ‘Do you think someone else should look after the dagger?’ I ask, worrying.
‘No, not a chance. The dagger has very specifically bonded to you and feels like a furnace to anyone else. Plus, Etta’s priestess gave it to you for a reason.’
‘Even though I don’t have total mastery over my magic?’
‘You have more control over it than you think. If I remember, I actually tested that.’ The smirk on his lips doesn’t last long, but it’s enough to make his point.
‘No, Thorn, the blade is safest with you. When push comes to shove, you do everything in your power to protect the people you love. This won’t be any different. Keep it.’
‘And if I can’t complete the third stage of the Veil?’ I ask in a small voice.
We both know what I’m specifically not saying.
He shakes his head fiercely. ‘That won’t happen. You’ve got this. I know you, Rose Kultavaris. You don’t give up. Not ever. So don’t you dare start now.’
‘I’m not, but we have to consider … have to talk about this.’
‘No, we don’t. I can’t, Rose. I just can’t. I can’t envisage it for one fucking moment, or I’ll burn this whole Godsdamn place down.’
As if he needs to reassure himself that the dark words we’re speaking around haven’t actually come about, Kyor pulls me firmly into his chest and wraps his arms around me. His warmth, mingled with the heat of the fire, should be stifling, but it’s not. It’s exactly what I need.
‘Does it ever feel to you like it’s one fucking thing after another?’ he asks, pressing his lips into my hair.
‘Always,’ I laugh before pulling away and kissing him lightly. ‘Come on. Let’s go to dinner.’
I grab his hand and together we head to the small dining hall.
‘Hey, you’re late,’ Ruben says as we enter the hall. ‘Still plenty of riverweed left for you though.’ He winks.
I sigh. ‘My favourite.’
Ruben’s right though – we are late. Both he and Benny are on their feet, and there are three other empty plates on the table, which I assume means Loch ate here too.
Still, Kyor sits down and places a hearty scoop onto his plate. ‘What?’ He shrugs, having seen my side-eye. ‘It grows on you.’
As Ruben moves to the door, Benny lingers where he is.
‘Actually, Ru, do you want to go ahead?’ he asks. ‘I just need to talk to Rose and Kyor about the dagger.’
‘I can wait for you if you want?’
‘No, no, it’s fine.’ Benny grins easily. ‘I won’t be long.’
‘Sure thing.’
The pair share a parting kiss that starts lightly, then deepens and deepens, and for a moment I worry it’s going to end up with them stripping each other right in front of us. Thankfully, Benny steps back and breaks the moment. ‘I won’t be long,’ he repeats.
Benny’s eyes remain on Ruben the entire time he’s walking out. Only when the door is closed does he look back at us.
‘So what is it?’ I ask. ‘What did you find out about the dagger?’
‘It’s not to do with the dagger. I need to talk to you about Ruben.’
‘Of course you do,’ Kyor mutters. ‘Why, oh why, do you two insist on dragging me into your relationship drama? Have either of you considered simply talking to each other?’
Benny just rolls his eyes and focuses on me. ‘Rose, you have to make Ru see sense,’ Benny pleads.
‘About what?’ I ask, taking a bite of riverweed and telling myself it’s one of Summer’s pastries.
‘I’ve spoken to him about coming to the Isles after all of this. Because I have to go back—’
‘I know. I’m so grateful for—’
He shakes his head. ‘This isn’t about that. It’s not. I’m glad I’m here. Gods, I am so glad that I came with you, because if I hadn’t… If I hadn’t, I never would have got to know the love of my life.’
‘I’m happy for you, Benny. Really, really happy. For both of you.’
‘Yeah,’ he sighs. ‘He’s just so obscenely perfect.
I mean, how the hell he’s still single and someone hasn’t snapped him up before now is beyond me and—’ He shakes his head when he catches Kyor’s glare.
‘Sorry. It’s just … I want him to live with me in Brandish, but he says he can’t.
That people will be able to tell he’s low born, and he’s worried it’ll affect me adversely, politically speaking.
You know, other nobles looking down their noses at me.
’ He makes a noise of frustration. ‘What the fuck do I care about that? I love him. I want to marry him. I’m not keeping him hidden in the shadows like a sordid fucktoy. ’
I think of the conversation Ruben and I had on the way to the caves yesterday.
‘I’d get it if he just saw us as a bit of fun and didn’t want the commitment,’ Benny complains, ‘but then he says he’s all in, that he loves me. But he won’t come to the Isles. It’s driving me insane. If he’s all in, then he’s all in, right? You two get that, right? All in or bust?’
For the first time since Benny started talking, I look at Kyor. His fork is hanging above his plate, food forgotten.
‘Yeah,’ he says quietly. ‘All in or bust.’