Chapter 46
‘Rose, are you okay?’ Kyor asks. I’m up in the bedroom, lying on the bed, coated in soft furs. ‘You were gone a while.’
‘I was inside the house,’ I explain. ‘My house in the High Hold. They left a window open.’
‘Did you see her?’ he asks. ‘Did you see Kay?’
I nod. ‘Yes. Her magic has come in.’
His eyes widen, fear flashing in his gaze as he leans forward. ‘Which magic?’
‘That’s the question, isn’t it?’ I shake my head in frustration. ‘I don’t know, but she thinks that it may be the reason she lost the baby.’
He drops his head. ‘Thorn, I am so sorry. I am so fucking sorry.’
‘I don’t know what type it is,’ I continue. ‘Kay is worried, but Jonas doesn’t think that she’s in danger.’
Kyor frowns as he looks back at me, his jaw working.
‘I hate to say it, but that doesn’t fill me with much comfort. I know he married your sister to stop her marrying his father, but that still doesn’t make me trust him. He’s a member of the court, and he’ll do whatever is in his best interests, even if that means throwing his wife to the wolves.’
‘He wouldn’t,’ I insist. ‘I trust Jonas. Completely.’
His frown shifts. ‘Why? What’s changed? You didn’t trust him in the Retterheld, not totally.’
The truthful answer to that question is: William. William is the reason I trust him. Because Jonas could have told the king who William really is, and doing so would have elevated his position in court. But he didn’t. He has protected him like a true brother.
But I can’t tell Kyor that, even if I wanted to – not yet. So instead, I give the only other answer that makes sense.
‘He loves her,’ I tell him. ‘I’ve seen them together, alone, when there’s no one else around. It’s real love between them.’
Kyor’s brow remains pinched. ‘People can still betray those they love,’ he replies, as though I need reminding of the way he picked his father over me. But I don’t let the thought settle, don’t let it fracture us again. Not after everything we’ve been through.
‘I can’t understand what her power is though. Jonas said he wouldn’t have known if she hadn’t told him. So if it’s something that we can’t see, what does that mean? How many magics can you not see?’
‘Plenty,’ Kyor replies. ‘Think of Benny’s. You can’t tell what his is. Nor Caz’s or Loch’s.’
‘No, but Kay was worried, meaning it’s probably not something she’s heard of before.’
‘You think it’s Torailian?’ Kyor questions. ‘That she was reading Jonas’s mind without him knowing or something?’
‘It’s not impossible,’ I suggest.
A beat of contemplation fills the air as we both let out a long exhale.
‘Look.’ Kyor takes my hand. ‘I know you’re not with her and that you’d be a lot happier if you were, but you say you can trust Jonas, right? Explicitly?’
‘Yes,’ I confirm.
‘Then Kay is in safe hands, and you can rest easy for a little while.’
I want to agree, but there’s still the issue that William wasn’t there. But that’s not something I can tell Kyor until I’ve spoken to Caz, no matter how much I want to.
And I do. I want to tell him of William, now more than ever.
‘Thorn, are you all right? I mean, as all right as you can be.’
‘I’m fine,’ I say, forcing a smile. ‘Was just thinking that I should probably get to the Veil. It’s getting late. I don’t want to miss another day.’
Kyor’s eyes narrow on me, as if he doesn’t believe what I’m saying, but he doesn’t press me any further. ‘Okay, I’ll walk with you.’
This time, I don’t say no.
I expect Kyor to leave once I’m ensconced at the Veil, but as we reach the caves, he nods in the direction of the vandsang.
‘I’ll wait there for you,’ he tells me.
With a nod, I hand Kyor my dagger, which he takes with a gloved hand. With him and Fen guarding it, it couldn’t be safer. Then, after holding him one last time, I head into the cave and through the flames.
The Veil is its usual frustrating self. Or maybe I’m the one frustrating it. My thoughts can’t settle. Not on the scene in front of me.
All I can think about is my friends and family.
Ruben and Benny, then Kay and William. I’m so lost in worrying about the latter, about the magic that they can’t see, that the scenes change without my notice, and before I realise what’s happening, I’m watching the light fade from the queen’s eyes as she takes her last breath.
I don’t know what that says about me, that I’m now able to ignore the dying screams of a woman.
When I leave and head outside under the star-filled sky, disappointment weighs heavily on me.
Kyor is already there, like he sensed it. But I have no words to share.
You will get there, Little Raven, Fen tells me.
Will I?
I only have five days left until the new moon, and I’m still no closer to completing it. I have but a handful of attempts left, and that is becoming a truly terrifying prospect.
Mastering my power, at least, is a different matter.
I’ve not wanted to think about it, but the truth is that when we fought the jotnar, I had more control than ever before. Sure, it wasn’t perfect – my skill with the shards varied dramatically, and my shield shattered – but I still made the sword for Benny, and I didn’t lose control.
My hands throb with power alongside the ever-increasing pain, but I don’t feel as if I’m going to release it.
Not now. My whole purpose here has been to get to this point.
To reach the place where I didn’t fear a surge would expose me.
Yet even though I’ve learned that skill, I feel further away from returning to my family than ever.
We reach the edge of the river, ready to cross the bridge that Magnus made for me, but I can’t help but stop.
I know the whole point in people building bridges is to come from the other way. To make that connection from Isthyr to the sacred lands. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try this way, does it?
Little Raven, what are you doing? Why have you stopped?
Just trying something, I tell Fen.
I’ve made exactly one bridge in my life. One I wish I could have sent my friend running over. But such rumination is pointless. If we had fled, then it’s possible that more would have died. Possible … but we’ll never know for certain.
After a moment of staring at the thick reeds that billow and roll beneath the water, I do as I’ve done time and time again now. I imagine white light filling me. I feel the sensation, just as Ruben said, then expel the magic from me, imagining an ice bridge forming before me.
‘Holy shit!’ Kyor barks.
I open my eyes … and gape.
Hoping for something, visualising it, then actually seeing it in front of you is a truly stunning experience.
Pride and disbelief rush through me as I stare at the sight.
A bridge. I have made a bridge. It’s not the prettiest – there are no carved details on the parapet, no cobble-like pattern etched into the deck – but it goes from one side of the river to the other, the ice transparent in parts, opaque in others, but whole.
Whole and made by me.
With the first flickering of hope I’ve felt since Ruben … I break off the thought and step towards it. Only for a rumble of uncertainty to hit me. But it’s not my own.
What? I say to my wolf.
You’re not expecting me to use it too, are you? Fen asks.
You can do this. If I can make a bridge, you can cross it.
His uncertainty hitches a notch to outright fear.
Really, you’re not helping my confidence here, I huff. It’s fine. Use someone else’s bridge. I get it. I do.
No, you’re right, Little Raven. My hesitation is inconsiderate of me. I should cross your bridge. I should step on your freshly made ice bridge of limited structural integrity if it helps bolster your ego, even if it means plummeting to my death.
A laugh bubbles up. For an instant, I consider swallowing it down. After all, Ruben’s funeral was only a few short hours ago. But I know my friend, and laughter is exactly the sound he would wish to hear from me.
Look, I’ll go first. You can wait until I reach the other side before you follow. Will that make you feel better?
Not really, he replies. If you plummet to your death, I will follow you, one way or another.
Hoping he can see the eye roll that I throw him, I offer the wolf one last reassuring glance before I walk up to the gentle slope of my bridge.
‘Um,’ Kyor says, ‘should you walk over it? It looks great,’ he adds when I level a glare at him, ‘but maybe we should let someone else test it first. A child, perhaps? An incredibly light child.’
Kyor and Fen exchange glances that say they’re on the same page here.
I ignore them and step onto the bridge.
See? It’s fine, I tell Fen, taking a second step, then a third. My confidence is blooming as I place my foot on the ice directly above the bank, only for a loud creak to rumble out beneath me.
My reflexes kick straight in. Before I can consider what I’m doing, I’m throwing myself backward onto solid ground, my heart pounding as I land only feet away from my boyfriend and my wolf, both of whom are trying to suppress matching smirks.
‘You know what,’ I say aloud, ‘maybe it’s not the best idea to use a new bridge when there’s no one else around. We can try again tomorrow.’
My thinking exactly, Little Raven.
Apparently, my newfound control only extends to waking hours. Sleeping is an entirely different matter.
I dream of Ruben. Of his last moments, of us fighting the jotunn with everything we had. And I wake with a choking sob to discover I didn’t just exercise those powers in my dreams.
‘Hey,’ Kyor says, pulling me to him as I bolt upright with tears streaming down my face.
He doesn’t say that it’s okay, because we both know that it isn’t.
There will forever be a Ruben-shaped hole in my life.
He believed in me utterly, bet every penny he owned on me winning the Retterheld.
Showed up with his Godsdamn warm hugs and eyes that always loved me, even when that look shifted from romantic love back to deep, abiding friendship.
Kyor’s arms around me are warm, exceptionally so against the biting cold of the blizzard I seem to have accidentally created in our room.
‘I miss him,’ I admit.