Chapter 13 #2
Well, damn. I take a minute to think about what she’s said. “I believe him when he tells me that he loves me. I felt it. What I’m not sure about is him leaving me again. I wouldn’t survive that,” I confess quietly.
“You would,” Baylor says, assertively. “You would survive it because we’d make sure of it.”
“What she said.” Courtlynn points at the phone.
“The girl in me who fell in love with him wants to jump back in with my eyes closed and hope for the best. The woman that I am now, the one who remembers the heartache, who still feels that pain, is more cautious.”
“Take things at your pace,” Leighton tells me.
Kinzie shakes her phone. “The man who texted me tonight, he’s determined to win his girl back.”
“I say you make him work for it,” Courtlynn pipes up. “Have him show you with his actions.”
“Oh, and don’t tell him that’s what you’re doing,” Baylor adds.
“I’m not going to play games with him,” I tell them.
“That’s not what they’re saying,” Kinzie joins in. “I think what they’re trying to say—correct me if I’m wrong, ladies—is to see how things go. Let his actions speak for themselves. Sure, he can wax all the pretty things from his lips, but does he show up? That’s what we’re looking for.”
“He’s going to show up. That’s who he is. But will he stay?”
“Where else is he going to go, Ellie?” Leighton asks. “His family is here, the woman he loves is here. His mom is sick. He’s not going to leave her. That’s what brought him home.”
“I hate the thought of Mary being sick as the reason we had a chance to reconnect, if that’s what happens.”
“I can see that,” Kinzie says, “but I’d also hedge a bet that Mary James would be tickled pink if she could say she had a hand in getting the two of you stubborn souls back together.”
“So, let’s recap,” Courtlynn says. “You’re not going to run or push him away. You’re going to see how this pans out.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Don’t go all in,” Leighton tells me. “Protect yourself if you must, but you have to throw the guy a bone. Give him the chance to show you.”
“Think of this as something new. You’re both different people now. Take the time to get to know him, and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel when you’re with him,” Kinzie says softly.
“Okay.” I nod. “I can do that.”
“Is this what you want? We support you no matter what,” Leighton tells me.
“It’s only ever been Copeland for me. If I could get past this worry that I’ll somehow not be enough for him, then yes, I want him. I’ve always wanted him.”
“You were enough then, and you still are. He left to provide for you. Did he go about it the wrong way? Hell, yes, he did. Were you both young? Also, yes. He didn’t cheat on you or lie to you.
He just lost his way. My guess is the man was beside himself with missing you, and when he saw you all smiles with his friends, it crushed his already-broken heart,” Kinzie declares.
“I think she’s right,” Leighton agrees.
“The letters…” I say.
“Who knows what happened to the letters?” Courtlynn says. “Regardless, we all believe that he wrote them, right?”
“I do.” I nod.
“Then, we have to move on from that. That’s the past, and we’re looking toward your future.”
“This is all great and whatnot, but I need to make one more suggestion,” Baylor says.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“Birth control. You must get on birth control. I mean, or not.” She smirks. “I’m all in on being an aunt. You and Cope would make beautiful babies.” She grins.
“She can’t yet. She has to wait and see,” Kinzie tells us.
“She’s right,” Leighton agrees. “You might already be carrying our niece or nephew.”
“Auntie Court is ready,” Courtlynn says, rubbing her hands together.
“It was one time, and we’re not there yet.”
“No, you’re not, but you will be.” Leighton’s words ring with such conviction that even I believe them to be true. Is it possible? Can we work our way through all of this and finally find our happily ever after?
“Thank you. I love you all.” We hug, say our goodbyes to Baylor, and go our separate ways.
Kinzie heads back to her place, and my sisters and I each head to our rooms for the night.
Just as I’m placing my phone on the charger before sliding into bed, it rings.
I see Copeland’s name. Exhaling, I pick up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Are you okay?” His voice is gruff.
“I’m okay,” I assure him. “Thank you for texting Kinzie.”
“I wanted it to be me. I wanted to be the one to hold you and calm the fears in your heart, but I didn’t think you’d let me back in,” he confesses.
The silence rings between us, but I can still hear him breathing on the other end.
I think about what my sisters and Kinzie said, and they’re right.
Nothing he did was unforgivable, but I need to know he’s in this.
I also know that communication is essential.
We could have spared one another so much pain if we had just communicated.
“I’m scared, Cope.”
“What are you afraid of, Ells?” he asks softly.
“I won’t survive you leaving me a second time.” I don’t bother playing games or beating around the bush. That’s where my heart is at.
“Earlier, you told me you were trying not to love me.” He pauses, and I bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep quiet. “Will you do me a favor?”
“Depends on the favor.”
“Stop trying, or at least, don’t try too hard. Let me show you that you own my heart and soul, Ellison Moran. Let me fight for us, without fighting with you.”
My heart squeezes painfully. “I don’t know how. I’ve spent the last seventeen years trying not to love you, Copeland.”
“Leave it all up to me.”
“We were reckless tonight.”
“I hope so,” he says, and my mouth falls open. “Then, at least I’ll know you’ll always be in my life.”
“Cope,” I breathe.
“I love you, Ellison Moran. I’ve always loved you, and I need you to let me. Can you do that, baby? Can you let me prove to you I was young and dumb and regret every single day I’ve spent away from you?”
“Can we not do that? Can we not dwell on the past? I need to—keep moving on, you know? I don’t want to keep going backward.” We’ve had enough of the heartbreak. If this is going to work, we have to let that go. At least, we have to try to let it go.
“I’ll do whatever it takes for you to be mine again.”
“What does that look like? Me being yours?”
“Every plan we ever made is still my dream. A home, a family, growing old with you. I’ve never wanted anything more than you and the plans we made.”
“I want to believe you.”
“Time, Ells. Just give me some time.”
“Okay.” The agreement slips free before I can think better of it, but come on, I was always going to agree. This is Copeland, my heart. Of course, I’m going to try, even if it kills me and shatters my heart into so many pieces it will never be put back together.
“Yeah?” he asks, his breath hitching.
“Yeah,” I agree.
“You should get some sleep. It’s been an emotional day.”
“And you?” I can tell he’s driving.
“I’m heading back to the Manor now. I’ve been driving backroads since I left your place earlier. Now that I know you’re okay, I can rest.”
There’s the Copeland I know. He’s still in there. “Be safe.”
“I’m almost there,” he tells me. “Sweet dreams, Ells.”
“Sweet dreams, Cope.”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Right. Tomorrow.”
“I’m here,” he tells me. “I’m safe.”
I exhale, not caring that he can hear me. The thought of losing him kills me. “Goodnight.”
“Night, baby.”
I force myself to end the call. When I go to plug the phone in for a second time, I get a text message.
Copeland: I love you.
I don’t reply, even though I want to. He knows I love him. Everyone knows I love him. Instead, I plug in my phone, lie back, close my eyes, and let every hope, every dream tied to Copeland James filter through my mind before I drift off to sleep.