Chapter 14
Fourteen
Copeland
“All right, it’s been three days, now four, counting today, that you’ve been grinning like your face might crack. Care to fill me in?” Mom asks.
“I’m just glad to be home,” I tell her with a wink. We both know there’s more to it than that.
“Really? And why, all of a sudden, are you so happy to be home?” She’s sitting on the couch, legs covered with a blanket.
She’s been sick as hell this week from her first round of chemo on Monday, and I feel a twinge of guilt to be so happy while she’s fighting so hard as they pump poison into her body.
“Just happy.” I lean down and kiss her cheek before handing her the cup of hot tea I just made for her.
“Didn’t I teach you not to lie to me?” she asks.
I smirk. “I don’t know, Momma. I thought so, but then that means that you must have gotten a burst of energy to clean out my old bedroom. You know, since it was too full for me to stay there, and it’s suddenly clean.”
She mock gasps, placing her hand against her heart. “There must have been a cleaning fairy.” She smiles. Her face is pale, her eyes rimmed with dark circles, but her spirits are high.
“Maybe. Or could it be that you lied?” I ask her.
She takes a sip of her tea. “I did no such thing.”
“Right….” I draw out the word, laughing. I settle on the recliner and take a long pull from my glass of lemonade as I stare her down. It takes her three seconds tops for her to cave.
“Fine.” She rolls her eyes dramatically. “I might have stretched the truth a teensy bit.” She holds up her thumb and forefinger to show me a very small amount of space.
“Uh-huh.” I grin behind my glass.
“So is our Ellison the reason for the smiles?”
“She’s my Ellison, and maybe.” I wink, and the smile that she gifts me lights up the room.
“Really?”
I nod. “Yeah, we talked over the weekend. There were many things left unsaid and a lot of miscommunication, but we’re working through it. I’ve been going to see her every day.”
“What do you mean, going to see her?”
“Sunday morning, I dropped off breakfast for her and her sisters.” I also dropped off a bag for Kinzie, but I don’t tell my mom.
“Monday, after your treatment, while you were sleeping, I dropped off a large bag of peanut M&Ms. Tuesday, I took her a small bouquet and had one of the staff members deliver them to her.”
“What about yesterday?” Mom asks, fully invested.
“Yesterday, I spent the day with you, so I sent her a few messages throughout the day to let her know I was thinking about her.”
“And today?”
“Today, I’m going to head over to the Manor and walk her home from work. I saw her walking up the path from the house to the Manor as I was leaving this morning.”
“Aww, I raised you right. You need to take her out on a proper date.”
“I know.” I nod. “I’m working on it. I need to convince her to go out with me first.”
“After all that? Pfft.” Mom waves her hands in the air. “You’ve got this. She won’t be able to say no.”
I chuckle. “I hope so. There’s so much I would do differently if I knew then what I know now,” I confess.
“Cope, you can’t dwell on that. In life, we all have regrets, wishes for things that could be different. All we can do is keep looking forward and taking each curve in the road as it appears.”
“How’d you get so smart?” I ask her.
She leans her head against the back of the couch and closes her eyes. “Not any smarter than you, my son. Just traveled those roads a little more than you have,” she says, her voice growing weaker.
“Can I get you anything?”
“No. I’m just going to rest. Go see Ellie.”
“I’m good right here for now. Macie and the kids are going to come by after school,” I tell her.
“It will be good to see them. Next week is their last week before summer break, right?” she asks, her voice growing softer.
“Yeah, they’ll be home for the summer.” The answer is barely out of my mouth, and she’s sound asleep.
Quietly, I stand and make my way outside, softly closing the door behind me. I take a seat on the top step, lean my head against the porch railing, and close my eyes. I hate to see Mom suffering like this. What I hate even more is that I spent so much time away.
I fucked up the day I came home and ran away with my tail between my legs, all because Ellison wasn’t crying over me.
I was young and stupid, and I let my wounded pride get in the way of the plans.
I said four years, just like Chandler, and then I’d be home.
I’ve wasted so much time, and now, here I am, finally home, and my mom is sick.
I don’t know if this disease is going to take her from us, and fuck, I regret every moment I should have been here.
I hear a truck pull into the driveway, and I know it’s Chandler.
He was supposed to stop by today so he and I could talk about me starting back with the family business.
James Farrier Services is the company my dad started with his dad years and years ago.
When our dad passed away from a tragic horse accident, Mom kept the business going.
She hired a local man, Greg, to work for us until Chandler came home and took over.
Greg retired about four years later, and my big brother has been carrying the business on his own.
I want to help.
I don’t open my eyes until I hear his boot hit the top step. My brother takes a seat next to me. “How’s she doing?”
“Tired, but hanging in there.”
“Fuck, Cope, it’s hard to see her like this,” he rasps.
“I know, Chan. I know.” We both stare off into the distance, letting the silence settle around us.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say.
He turns to look at me, and I meet his gaze. “Sorry for what?”
“Running.” I shrug. I go on to tell him how I came home and that I left right after, without saying anything to anyone, making up an excuse to him and Mom for why I wasn’t coming home to visit, and instead they came to me. “I haven’t told Mom yet.”
“We knew,” he tells me.
“What?” I ask, my mouth falling open.
He grins. “Mom knew you were home. She saw you, then Ellison and the guys having a good time. She knew you were hurting. We both did. We were already planning to head to see you before you called her that day.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything? Yell at me for being selfish? Kick my ass and make me come home and face it?”
“You asked us not to, Cope. Besides, we knew that you were hurting, and we didn’t want to make it worse for you.
” He pauses. “You know, you told us not to talk about her, and we respected that. That day, she was laughing, but there were so many days before and after that she wasn’t.
Then, they lost their parents, and I thought that might bring you home, but I was wrong. ”
“I wrote to her,” I tell him. “So many damn letters, Chan. She never answered a single one. She and I sat down and talked last weekend, and she claims to have never gotten them.”
“Do you believe her?”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “I do. I don’t know how, because you and Mom got every letter I wrote to you.
How could hers not make it? She even asked her sisters, and no one remembers letters.
So much fucking wasted time. I wish like hell I’d stayed that day.
She could be my wife. Our kids would be cousins,” I say, my voice cracking.
I fucking hate all the time I wasted, running over hurt feelings and a few letters with no replies.
“And now, Mom is sick, and I should have been here, Chandler. I should have fucking been here. I said four years, just like you, and I ended up being gone for almost two damn decades.” I shake my head in disgust.
Chandler’s hand lands on my shoulder. “You can’t do that, Copeland. You can’t dwell on the past. You’re here now. You’re home to stay, and you said you met with Ellison. How’s that going?”
I nod. “I know, but damn, I wasted so much time away from everyone I love.” Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my knees.
“We talked, we fought, and I made the decision to show her every damn day what she still means to me, what she will always mean to me. I can only hope that one day, I’ll be where you are.
Ellison as my wife, a couple of kids running around the yard, and Mom sitting on this porch, taking it all in,” I say, feeling my throat getting tight, thinking about missing out on the dream I’ve always had but let slip through my fingers.
“She didn’t fight either. She could have made an effort to reach you.”
“I know, but dammit, I was here,” I say, feeling the disgust wash over me again.
“You were young. You both were. It happens. Relationships are hard. Mace and I have had our fair share of ups and downs. It’s learning and loving through those mistakes that’s important.”
“Sounds like sage advice, big brother.”
He laughs. “All right, enough of the heavy. When are you getting your ass to work? James Farrier Services has been missing its second owner for far too long.”
“I’m ready when you are. I’m a little rusty, I’m sure, but I imagine it’s like riding a bike, and I’ll be back in the swing of things in no time. You tell me when you need me.”
“I was thinking we could take shifts. I don’t want you to be the one always taking Mom to her appointments and dealing with the hard shit. Mace and I want to help, too.”
I nod. “I can do it. You’ve been taking care of her for the last seventeen years.”
Chandler tosses his head back in laughter. “Come on now, little brother. We both know our mom has been taking care of herself just fine.”
“Right. Did you know she lied about the room?”
“What room?”
“My room. She said it was full of junk, or crafting, or whatever, and that she had no room for me. She said that you and Macie were full, as well, and insisted I stay close at the Manor.”